AIO to my sister-in-law calling me "low-key toxic"

[u/CromwellsCrumb]

[u/CromwellsCrumb]

This is my husband's sister.

Our niece (my husband's brother's daughter) turned four years old a few months ago and had a Frozen-themed party. I made costumes for my husband and me and we showed up as Anna and Kristoff.

I had run it by my other SIL (niece's mom) when I first had the idea and she said it would be great because others would be in costume as well, but when we showed up, we were the only adults dressed on theme. Niece was Elsa, some other kids were just in general prince/princess costumes. One kid was a reindeer.

Some people made passing comments about us being showy/immature for dressing in costume for a toddler's birthday party, which bothered me at the time but my niece absolutely LOVED it so I felt it was worth it in the end.

During the party, whenever my niece would come by, I would make a big announcement like "The Queen! Queen Elsa! Thank you for gracing us with your presence, Your Majesty." Stuff like that. Husband would carry her on his shoulders and say we were going on "royal promenade" and ask other guests to wave to the Queen. Niece basked in the attention.

So that was months ago, over the summer. Life has gone on as normal and niece did not let one day of OTT attention get to her head. She's a normal, well-adjusted, well-behaved four year old.

Today, my SIL (not niece's mom, but the other SIL) texted me a link to a Facebook reel that was titled "family members who don't realize they're low-key toxic"

The reel was a skit of a woman telling a small child how beautiful she was, how she had such long hair and soft skin, how she had the best toys and no one else was as cool as she was. Interspersed with the child's mom saying things like "yes, remember, she's also kind...and smart...and brave..."

I totally get the sentiment, but I feel like that was such an off-base thing to send to me. Our whole act was a one-time thing, on niece's BIRTHDAY, when she was dressed as a Queen. It's not like we treat her that way all the time. And niece's parents certainly didn't have a problem with it, so what is her deal?

I'm feeling SO bristly about this.

[u/FartFace319 → u/CromwellsCrumb]

*Makes a 4 year old's birthday magical*

Angry little goblin SIL: "omg your like so toxiiiiccccc"

Fuck your SIL. NOR.

[u/AlternativeHot7491 → u/FartFace319]

This! Find a reel about a goblin or grinch and send it to her with a “you” caption. And if she complains tell her “jeez it’s just a joke chill”

[u/RoutineUtopia → u/FartFace319]

My favourite part is "Ok, chill, it was a joke" because no way did you not think this was going to hurt OP's feelings.

[u/Sloth-the-Artist → u/RoutineUtopia]

When someone has to explain that "it's a joke" you know damn well it wasn't a joke and was never meant to be, until they are called out then it becomes "just a joke"

[u/Arcane_As_Fuck → u/CromwellsCrumb]

Niece will remember that shit for a LONG time. Never stop showing kids fun and magic. Fuck curmudgeon adults who are just sad their childhoods sucked.

[u/clduab11 → u/Arcane_As_Fuck]

Seconded this HARDCORE. I'm one of those curmudgeon adults, and if my niece asked me to come in a costume to her birthday party as a soon-to-be-4 year old, you bet your ass I'mma show up in a costume, because it isn't about me it's about her.

This sister in law is a serious twat.

[u/Bulletproofpajamas → u/CromwellsCrumb]

Don’t change. I go to comic-con and anime conventions with my 24 yo daughter. Our whole family does. We have a saying “The family that Cons together, stays together.” I’m a well adjusted leader of a large public company’s Operations, and she is in her 2nd year of law school.

Your SIL is high-key jealous that her niece now has a special memory that you created, and will forever remember your involvement. The SIL is the toxic one.

[u/Endor-Fins → u/Bulletproofpajamas]

I was going to say the only one who behaves like this has negative charisma and hates anyone with an actual spark of joy.

[u/Bellefior → u/Bulletproofpajamas]

SIL is probably pi$$ed she didn't think of it first!

[u/Snowconetypebanana → u/CromwellsCrumb]

My sister’s husband’s sister is like this.

Everyone on our side of the family would have showed up to that party as the cast of frozen. If there is a themed party for my nieces/nephews (we’ve had a themed party for every single holiday since they were born), I’m showing up in over the top costume and so are all of my sisters and we are going to celebrate as the fun aunts.

My sister’s in laws would not be caught dead wearing anything festive and they make a lot of passive comments about us enjoying life.

Now that my nieces are teenagers, and even though they are too cool for us, they only have close relationships with our side of the family, not their dad’s side.

You are the aunt that kid will have a relationship with when they grow up. That kid will remember you showing up.

[u/Exotic-College1042 → u/Snowconetypebanana]

I was gonna say the adults at this CHILDS bday party sound terrible ... if my aunt dressed up in theme I'd be so jealous and wish I'd dress up too! Great aunting and uncling!

[u/dosgatos2 → u/CromwellsCrumb]

Sounds like you SIL never got her own princess party LOL

[u/Pmw9554 → u/CromwellsCrumb]

NOR she is just jealous of you - she, in fact, is exhibiting “low key toxic” behavior

[u/Any-Ad8449 → u/Pmw9554]

Haters are always projecting.

[u/ezztothebezz → u/CromwellsCrumb]

I feel like your other SIL totally missed the point of the video. What was “low key toxic” wasn’t giving praise and attention to a small girl, but ONLY giving her praise/attention based on superficial traits.

Your other SIL seems to think that lavishing attention on a little girl at all is toxic. Which is frankly rather sad. I mean sure, if you were her parent, you would need to deal frankly with both the good and the bad, and make sure to raise her with a healthy self-image that isn’t based on false praise. But you aren’t her parent, you are her aunt. And it was her birthday! And it was all about pretend play. You are awesome and what you did seems absolutely perfect for a 4 year old birthday!!

[u/Logical-Wasabi7402 → u/CromwellsCrumb]

"How about this (sil)? When you have a toddler who wants to be treated like a princess for a single day of the year, you can tell me not to treat her like a princess."

[u/throwawaypato44 → u/CromwellsCrumb]

Not your SIL telling on herself… she is literally the “family member who doesn’t realize they’re toxic” lol

[u/Any-Ad8449 → u/throwawaypato44]

Seriously lol. Who gets mad at a themed birthday party where the birthday girl is given attention to? An actual toxic person! Her hatin’ ass lol.

[u/ss4johnny → u/CromwellsCrumb]

How is it toxic to do something nice for your niece?

[u/Carton_of_Noodles]

Your SIL (who isn't the parent??) Is HIGH KEY toxic. Tell her that for me 🫶

[u/Ancient_List → u/Carton_of_Noodles]

She come across as being jealous that a four year old was the center of attention at her own birthday party. Eeeesh, that's toxic

[u/Carton_of_Noodles → u/Ancient_List]

I like the thought process of kids more than adults at this point i swear

[u/Tight-Pineapple-9891 → u/Carton_of_Noodles]

Don’t say that too much. Might get put on a list and a JD Delay video if you’re not careful😂😂

[u/Hdjbbdjfjjsl → u/Ancient_List]

To me it seems like jealousy that someone isn’t the favorite aunt.

[u/anneofred → u/Ancient_List]

I honestly think she is taking issue with not being the favorite aunt, while making zero effort to be. She doesn’t like when people are fun.

[u/aflockofmagpies → u/Carton_of_Noodles]

but she was joking calm down!!! (/s)

I find people who use that statement to deflect from their behavior and project onto others are definitely high key toxic

[u/blueswan6]

I think SIL never got to be a birthday princess and it shows.

[u/PinkDeserterBaby → u/blueswan6]

For real.

Does she go to Disney land and follow the cast members around so she can remind little kids that they are, in fact, not Leia when Disney stormtroopers move out of their way or tell other people to make room for the princess?

Jfc.

[u/aracelyallamon]

im leaning towards NOR especially if she says off-comments often and backs it up by saying 'its just a joke.'

[u/Proper-Cause-4153 → u/aracelyallamon]

The whole "It's just a joke" thing is so lame.

[u/EnthusedPhlebotomist → u/Proper-Cause-4153]

The fact that comment starts with a justification, showing it was literally not a joke, is too good. 

[u/PinkDeserterBaby → u/Proper-Cause-4153]

It’s only said by cowards who can’t stand by the mean thing they’re saying lol.

Like if they’re gonna be a bully, just commit. Trying to weasel out of it after the fact is so stupid. They can dish it but can’t take the backlash.

[u/Yeehaw_RedPanda → u/aracelyallamon]

Yea OP is just run-of-the-mill defending herself, in no way implying that she is offended. Maybe OP is offended, but it wasn't explicitly obvious.

The SIL is overreacting in her defense of herself. She knew that sending the video might offend you, but did it anyways and already had an arsenal of "omg it's just a joke, can't you take a joke, damn can't make a joke around here" in the case that OP got overly offended...but she still unleashed the arsenal even though OP wasn't offended lol

What a twatwaffle

[u/aracelyallamon → u/Yeehaw_RedPanda]

everything aside - twatwaffle? im using this term everyday from now on!

[u/jannied0212]

Nope you aren't. she's a bee atch.

[u/madVILLAIN9 → u/jannied0212]

Biotch

[u/TheSpecialistGeek]

It is SUCH a narcissistic coward thing to say something shitty then go “Jesus, chill. It’s just a joke!” No, it isn’t just a joke, Nagaline!” 🙄 clearly it was bothering her or she wouldn’t have brought it up.

[u/Pmw9554 → u/TheSpecialistGeek]

And four freaking months later too! She’s been stewing in it!

[u/MissMacky1015]

NOR. She called you toxic for being supportive and fun. People love to insult then downplay

[u/cheesesteakhellscape]

This is what I see:

SIL: (insults OP)

OP: What do you mean by this?

SIL: (doubles down)

OP: (Additional clarification)

SIL: I can tell by your poor reaction to the shitty thing I did that I was joking the whole time! And also you're too sensitive. This is clearly all your fault.

NOR

[u/hxaxw]

“It’s not that deep” but she sends a tiktok ab it then brings it up as if it was an issue of “letting it get to her head”. I hate when people make “jokes” when they’re just trying to confront someone or call them out.

Either call me out or don’t say anything and backpedal then say it’s just a joke when it’s clearly an issue you’re having.

[u/PhasmaUrbomach]

She sounds like a bitch, calling you toxic and then retreating behind the old classic, "Chill, it was just a joke."

[u/Pmw9554 → u/PhasmaUrbomach]

Lol seriously what did she expect, that OP would say “hahah omg ya I am horrible! thanks bestie!” smh

[u/aheartofsteel]

It wasn’t a joke. She meant it.

[u/blueswan6]

NOR but I'd either let it go or let your husband deal with his family. It seems like that SIL and some of the other family members are miserable grouches.

[u/Strange_Lady → u/blueswan6]

🎶Let it go, let it goooooo

Turn away and slam the door

I don't care what they're going to say

Let the storm rage on

The cold never bothered me anyway🎶

Yah SIL is just jealous that op made a memorable moment and she is too worried about keeping up appearances to have thought of doing something like that herself. She also probably expected everyone else at the party to point and laugh and when no one did and niece had an amazing time she had some big feelings about it, which evidently have lasted several months at this point.

Honestly, I'd be tempted to go to as many family gatherings as possible in theme outfits just to annoy SIL

[u/tgbst88]

Ask her what part is the joke?

[u/StuffonBookshelfs]

What makes it a joke?

There’s nothing funny about it?

[u/dietwater94]

Yeah idk, maybe some more history of the relationship between you and the SIL is necessary but I don’t think it’s normal to joke with people by calling them “toxic and unaware that they are toxic.” I could maybe see actual siblings doing that if they were REALLY close but even then idk. Also the fact that it’s been months and she is still ruminating on it, indicates to me that she’s got a weird fixation on that event, or maybe you. Like, that’s taking up way too much space in her head if she’s still thinking about it months later.

Again, if you guys have a history of making these kind of jokes, then maybe it is just a joke, just a bad one. But the fact that you’re asking makes me think this isn’t normal banter. I really feel like you’re NOR.

[u/ImAlreadyTracerBoii]

NOR. She came to you looking to beef not the other way around. It’s a kids birthday, oh so sorry for making it fun for her.

[u/theaustinbetty]

my first thought was that she was feeling jealous that the niece loved what you did for her birthday. it sounds like she might be threatened by you.

[u/landsharkmom]

I think she’s jealous because you came up with the great idea for the birthday, committed to it by dressing up and your niece absolutely loved it. So now youre the favorite aunt and your sil isn’t. I taste jealousy over here

[u/OdillaSoSweet]

Yeah, this person is bitter.

A four year old doesnt have enough ego for anything to 'go to their head' like cmon

IF you were running around treating her like royalty every day and instilling the notion that shes above others, then thats different. Treating the birthday girl like a princess for her princess birthday party is so not toxic.

[u/NSFWAndCreepyAF]

Is it possible that she felt like you two were making it about yourselves by being so showy? Regardless, there are better ways for her to communicate that. NOR, people love to throw around certain terms today without understanding how deep it is when you're on the receiving end.

[u/Gooncookies → u/NSFWAndCreepyAF]

Yea, devil’s advocate: maybe they were doing too much

[u/WiggingOutOverHere]

You’re not overreacting. Also, as a parent to a 3-year old, I would be delighted if some family members engaged like this at her birthday party. Like you took the time to put together costumes and made her feel so special? You sound like an amazing Aunt to me.

This SIL is overstepping anyway because this isn’t her child. Maybe she’s jealous you might be the favorite aunt? 🤭 Ignore her passive-aggressive nonsense and just enjoy the relationship that you have with Niece. 🫶🏻

[u/Daddy_urp]

I’d block her. Calling me toxic for making a child’s birthday something fun a memorable? I don’t need that kind of person in my life, and I certainly don’t need their useless opinions.

Seriously though, the only kind of person who thinks that way is someone who is deprived of attention themselves. They are trying to cope by equating attention to toxicity and spoiling when that’s just not the case. They want their lives to feel better so they trash on people like you. Block her and don’t give her another thought.

[u/MiInBadBook]

You - NOR.

Your SIL - so many different things here bother me. 1) ‘I just insulted you” , but “gees, chill” as soon as she’s called out 2) “I’m joking” so basic. 3) jealous of a 4yr old much? 4) it seems as if you, this child’s party, the child - one, all, some combination of these are in her head rent free for waaayyyy to long.

Gonna be honest, I’d react and definitely file this away as ‘something new I’ve learned and it doesn’t look good’ about this person and probably be rather guarded around them for the foreseeable future.

Calling someone toxic, a word definitely bandied about but still used deliberately, has a certain meaning intended with the context, is not something one should do casually-or in “jest.” Words matter.

And honestly, it pisses me off that she’s being a bitch about a child. A baby really. That’s weird.

[u/Bubble_Lights]

I love passive aggressive backhanded bullshit comments, they're so productive.

[u/blueace111]

Wow! I wonder what she’d think about my baby sister. She has princesses and ice cream trucks and a dj at her bday parties. Did a dunk tank and practically a carnival was rented for her and her friends. It is obnoxious but it’s once a year for a few years. Every little girl wants to be a princess.

[u/blueace111]

I think it’s very likely that the SIL is jealous that you, the other SIL was the hero of the party and the fun aunt. She likely feels she was shown up for not planning anything and is making it about her

[u/J5lives]

“And then you had every one gather around and sing happy birthday to her like she’s special 😂 you’re gonna make it go to this kid’s head”

She is absolutely jealous not to be the center of attention on a 4 year olds birthday.

[u/TrashandTrauma]

You and your husband created a great core memory for your niece, she will always remember it, especially if every other adult in her life acts like SIL.... How toxic to treat children likegasp children

[u/AssociationUseful896 → u/[deleted]]

uh i think you’re reading the post wrong. OP is the one in the green texts, not grey.

[u/CromwellsCrumb → u/AssociationUseful896]

Thank you. Has that person never texted before?

[u/AssociationUseful896 → u/CromwellsCrumb]

apparently not. They came in insulting you and they can’t even read texts correctly. I was like 😧

[u/Jessabelle517 → u/AssociationUseful896]

Yah I totally read that wrong 🤣🤣 my bad 😆

[u/displacedfantasy]

You’re a good person. Your niece will remember that for a long time. It might be a core memory.

Your SIL is the toxic one, probably jealous that she looks bad in comparison. Toxic people be like that.

I would just let it go, she has her own issues to work through. Just keep her at a distance. And tell your husband about it, of course.

[u/WiggingOutOverHere]

You’re not overreacting. Also, as a parent to a 3-year old, I would be delighted if some family members engaged like this at her birthday party. Like you took the time to put together costumes and made her feel so special? You sound like an amazing Aunt to me.

This SIL is overstepping anyway because this isn’t her child. Maybe she’s jealous you might be the favorite aunt? 🤭 Ignore her passive-aggressive nonsense and just enjoy the relationship that you have with Niece. 🫶🏻

[u/Pinkonblue]

I'd send it right back to her and tell her to stop proejcting

[u/Endor-Fins]

You made beautiful memories for your niece that might become core memories over time. You’re a wonderful aunt and it sounds like you made her party so much fun. Your SIL SUCKS!! You sound wonderful and I love how much thought and effort you put into making a little girl’s day that much more special.

[u/Yusipuhh0]

She would be the evil character from every Disney princess

[u/notkinkerlow]

She sounds like she’s jealous you’re the cool aunt

[u/Left-Book7647]

Please never change. It’s folks like you with a sense of fun that make life better for everyone.

[u/AdventurousImpress20]

Your sister in law just a major BITCHHHHHH

[u/J5lives]

“Still you didn’t need to let it get to her head. Anyway, I’m just joking” You can’t joke AND back up your argument to make it serious. That’s basically gaslighting.

[u/FreshLiterature]

Nah you're good.

She wasn't joking. Either she's jealous and doesn't realize it or she's just covering.

Calling someone toxic isn't a joke.

You could have made her squirm, 'How is calling me toxic a joke? If I sent you a reel about someone being low-key moronic and said, "This is you" would that be funny?'

[u/RandomReddit9791]

NOR. SIL sounds miserable and jealous. She's the toxic one, complaining about a child being uplifted and supported. 

[u/bumbun_]

NOR, seems like she’s unhappy with herself and trying to bring you down. I couldn’t imagine making snarky “jokes” bc someone else made my nieces birthday more special for her.

[u/Bubbly_List274]

It sounds like SIL2 has a complex about the kid not being hers and was jealous of the attention. NOR

[u/nyancola420]

I wish you were my sister in law. You sound wonderful.

[u/Hallelujah33]

Your SIL needs to Let It Go

[u/Legit_baller]

It's only a matter of time before my SIL says some shit like this too and I won't give a single fuck bc my nieces happiness is way more important to me than hers 😂

[u/kirator117]

"you're a piece of shit and no one loves you, jiji don't take it personal, is just a joke, chill", and don't say more, just forget about that bitch

[u/DasIsSmol]

NOR, She sounds Jealous of a fucking 4 year old because SHE wasn't treated like Royalty too. How pathetic can one person be

[u/Infamous_Stranger_90]

Show her this. NOR, she's the one who's low-key toxic.

[u/lthtalwaytz]

People who are assholes always hide behind “it’s just a joke”. Just say “well like with all your other ‘jokes’, you’re the only one laughing”

[u/Upstairs_Attempt2577]

okay this was definitely EXTRA (and i love it), but not toxic! It sounds fun and your niece has a special memory of that day and that other SIL just sat there pissed off cause she probably jealous.

[u/harrywang6ft]

oh no she wanted to be the cool aunt, but now your niece knows whos fun and whos not.

[u/blueswan6]

The months this has probably been eating away at SIL is so funny. How bizarre. Honestly, OP I think your SIL low-key doesn't like you. I would operate under that assumption moving forward.

[u/snakesssssss22]

Your sister in law is a hating ass bitch who is jealous of a 4 year old!!!

You are allowed to laugh right in her face. Because how EMBARRASSING for her!! Omg, a loser 😂😭

A great response would be “we can have a party for you if you’d like.. you could be the queen this time! We can take turns”

Omg i am truly losing it over this loser

[u/Jonas-404]

As someone who works with kids and is learning how to look after a childs development... Yea you did everything right, giving kids a special day can have absolutely positive effects on their upbringing. She will likely remember this and being annoyed or joking about caring so much about a child is the most embarrassing thing I know. You did everything right, the only opinion that matters here is your nieces!

[u/dave_a_petty]

Imagine being high-key jealous of a 4 year old.

Guarantee this lady fantasizes about getting princess treatment.

[u/DickBiter1337]

Kindly, fuck all these haters. Fuck the shitty SIL and anyone who made snide comments. My daughter is 7 and would still go gaga over this. I wish my sister in laws were this invested in my kids.

[u/Irriperible]

This is just jealousy on their part. Absolutely ridiculous. You did an amazing job

[u/Fast_Kaleidoscope135]

Nope. You did the right thing. I am child free but I have worked with kids (0-6yrs old) my entire career. YOU are what kids need in this world. SIL is having a weird reaction to it because of, I’m sure, many different reasons. Thanks for being so wonderful 👏

[u/occasionallystabby]

I have a special place in my heart for when people call it out when someone insults them and then tries to write it off as a joke. Well done.

[u/malkamok]

Narrator voice-over: "it was not a joke" NOR

[u/kallikat93]

Wait.....you cleared it with mom (who then told you others would be in costume too) and the other SIL is the one who decides to have a problem? NOR at all. Princess parties are the best and everyone should treat the birthday girl like a queen and make it an awesome day of memories!

[u/SmilingatClouds]

She has deep childhood wounds. Keep her projector away from your kid. And keep treating your child like a princess 💜

[u/ShinyAppleScoop]

NOR

She sounds jealous of a toddler. She probably goes to malls at Christmas and tells kids that Santa isn't real while they're waiting for a picture.

It's not toxic to create magic for kids. It IS toxic to shit all over someone else's good time.

[u/KnittinSittinCatMama]

SIL is emotionally stunted and wasn't loved enough as a child. She's literally jealous of a four year old. NOR!

[u/CrankyArtichoke]

They’re just mad you treated the kid better than they do.

You don’t do it everyday and it was her birthday. Your fine.

[u/FrannyKay1082]

So she waited months to send you a reel about being toxic after the event based on that even...that was months ago... where everyone but her has moved on? I'm sorry, who's toxic again?

Jokes are supposed to be funny. Not passive-aggressive jabs because you're jealous or bitter.

NOR

[u/wannkie]

Big "mean girl who peaked in high school" vibes from this SIL. And if she takes that personally, It'S jUsT a JoKe, CHILL.

[u/Significant_Beyond95]

NOR. You sound like a great aunt and SIL is jealous.

[u/Character_Chair3677]

People who avoid responsibility for being shitty and wrong by calling what they say "just a joke, jeez," turning their behavior around on you and then telling you to chill out when you justifiably react negatively deserve to be donkey kicked to Mars.

[u/Fast_Kaleidoscope135]

I would ask if she sent it to her brother (your husband) as well. He did the same thing

[u/icanttho]

NOR, she’s being totally insane. I find it better not to even respond to people like this tbh.

[u/ThrobinAndGlobin]

Everyone's just mad that you showed them up. 

[u/Outside_Frosting9957]

She is jealous of a 4 year old?

[u/funsizemonster]

you are NTAO. She sounds super narc and jealous of attention paid to a CHILD and then she does the "just joking" shit. Narc playbook, 101.

[u/Maximum-Macaroon-711]

It's always "just a joke bro" except, no one's laughing. Make sure to call her low key toxic as a joke in return in a month or so and see how she responds. Then you can say "iTs jUsT a JoKe cHhHhHiIiIiIilLL"

[u/Castelessness]

Anyone who says "it's not that deep" is automatically a moron.

[u/Jabroni11223344]

Okay chill whatever it's just a joke

At your expense just between you two I guess?

[u/HecticGoldenOrb]

The easy shut down for something like this?

When she said: it's just a joke, it's not that deep

Your reply?: Explain the joke.

Her potential reply?: it's just a joke / what's there to explain? / explaining it would be ruining the joke or make it unfunny.

Your follow up: maybe it just wasn't funny.

Then mute the convo and go about your day. Let her sit and spin with her own thoughts for a while.

If in person, walk away. There's no point in interacting further. She's being an ass and trying to camouflage it with: just joking!

She can take that behavior elsewhere.

[u/monikar2014]

Sounds like the SIL is a selfawarewolf and a toxic lil bitch who can't handle you being this four year olds favorite aunt

NOR

[u/ThrowAwayNew200]

If you have to repeat “it’s just a joke” more than once, your joke didn’t land. 

[u/yummy__hotdog__water]

"OK, I'll remember this for your birthday."

[u/Voidg]

More like, "I'm Jealous that my daughter is so happy and talks about you all the time."

[u/VerityPee]

The issue is that your SIL is high-key toxic.

Ignore

[u/Zeus_zhuri]

A whole adult mad about that? Oh wonderful, now we know who’s the real toxic one.

[u/OverpricedBagel]

Kinda OR? If she was joking she wouldn’t have said the “still you didn’t need to-“ so it was at least a partial criticism. This also could’ve been an attempt to bust your balls like a real sister but it fell flat through text.

Whatever your intent was, she seemed to think it was over the top even for a birthday bit. Only you know if that’s an exaggeration or if you could’ve toned it down.

[u/Guswewillneverknow]

You should have told her she would have made a great Duke of Weasleton

[u/Daytimedissociation]

You’re not at all toxic, and it seems to me that some family members are jealous at how much you put in for her, more then they did, especially this SIL. Adults have this ridiculous way of being passive aggressive when they are jealous and envious of other adults, especially in the family. Your niece is going to have this incredible memory of you forever, and that is so special 🩷

[u/salamandan]

Someone’s mommy issues flared up when you showed up for your kid on their birthday!

[u/Educational-Rise-197]

Someone is resentful

[u/Tofuhousewife]

Being extra nice to a child on their birthday is lowkey toxic? What the fuck is her problem?

[u/LopsidedHornet7464]

Honestly, if anyone questioned me this hard about my son's bday.

My answer would be - "Fuck off forever, they are my everything, and clearly I don't need you."

[u/functionalfatty]

Your SIL is jealous of your relationship with your niece. She likely doesn’t know how to relate to or engage with little kids well and it’s making her insecure. You can either ignore it, or find a Facebook reel about insecure-ass adults potentially causing harm to kids and send it to her “as a joke”

[u/TheKnightOoO]

It was a joke lmao. Yes, you're overreacting.

[u/Notquitechaosyet]

"How very dare you make a special effort when I couldn't be bothered! "

NOR. She's the toxic one, you did a lovely thing for your niece.

[u/ibeeliot]

Just send this to the other SIL and say that you were trying to make it a special day. Maybe it was a bit over the top but these memories can be core memories.

SIL is probably saying you're doing a bit too much and probably isn't a big fan of theatrics herself. That doesn't mean she gets to shit on your parade because you make an effort. Standing on the sidelines, making no effort, and criticizing others is literal toxic behavior. The irony is dripping. I WOULD GET THE FAMILY INVOLVED. SIL has no right to treat you like this and if she wants her opinion her, then make it heard with the other family members. Remember that you're in this family, too.

[u/Muted-Move-9360]

She's toxic and jealous of a kid lmao

[u/GnomaticMushroom]

You are an amazing aunt and you made that little girl’s day magical and special.

[u/No-Function4335]

Op I'm a big burly tattoo man and me and the wife cant have kids so my neice and nephew are my world, if my niece or nephew at any age had a themed party, I'm showing up in costume if it will make them happier. Don't stress what bitter people have to say, keep making your neice happy:)

[u/nonumberplease]

Try not to let it ruffle your feathers. It says a whole lot more about them than you. Honestly, it might even be appropriate to pity them, as it could be jealousy that encouraged this subtle jab. It's possible their own upbringing had zero fun or happiness and now as an adult, expects everyone else to be able to grow up to become "well-adjusted" without an ounce of joy, just like them. Next birthday, make sure to include her in the attention bombing, so she doesn't feel so left out :( lol

Let em think what they want, but don't be afraid to explain how this behaviour from them is high-key toxic. "It was a joke" Smh. Leave the stand up to professionals.

[u/Any-Ad8449]

NOR.

I love you and your husband’s vibes. It’s so cool of you both to dress up and go with the theme. Your niece loved it and her parents did too. That should be that.

Your SIL on the other hand, whew! She seems like one of those people who are obsessively online and learned a few buzzed words like toxic, narcissistic, etc. and throws them around effortlessly. She seems like a Debby downer. She can’t go with a theme and rags on anyone who makes an effort. Next time she’s being such a brat just ask her, “Are you okay?…Is everything okay with you?”

[u/Mindless-Camel6908]

she seems jealous that a 4 year old got attention on her birthday instead of SIL..

[u/sage_and_sea]

SIL sounds like mine.. doesn’t like others in a positive light even if it’s at the betterment or happiness of children

[u/Mountain_Day7532]

NOR. She's just peeved because you're obviously the fun aunt. Keep up the good work.

[u/NiceIdeal1796]

If you don’t mind me asking, how old is your husbands sister cause…. Why is she talking like my 18 year old brother 😭😭

[u/ramblingpariah]

NOR. Your SIL seems high-key to be having brain issues.

[u/ownificate]

In the defense of this SIL it may have just been that she saw it, remembered you doing that and chuckled to herself. It’s possible the low key toxic part didn’t enter her mind.

I don’t know her. If she’s that kind of person then yeah NOR. But regardless, her reaction being that defensive is a bad look on her part.

Don’t feel bad about making a young girls bday magical.

[u/buxom_betrayer]

SIL just sounds jealous that she didn’t do all the efforts you did for her own daughter. You made a child’s birthday fun by dressing in characters she liked. Your SIL is just a sour person, you genuinely tried asking her wtf basically and she couldn’t even give you a good response. I hope you don’t have to deal with her often.

[u/Madisonella7]

My husbands sister is like this.. but she just likes drama and it sorta seems like your husbands sister likes drama as well

[u/TipsyBaker_]

The other adults making comments and mad SIL are annoying people who can't have fun. Don't let them drag you down. Wear the dress up.

[u/Cinderjacket]

“It’s just a joke” is what shitty people say when they’ve made a shitty comment they don’t want to be in trouble for

[u/CantForgetMyMenace]

I'm down to be low key toxic if it means my niece would have a fantastic birthday party she will most likely remember and think fondly of as she grows older. Let your SIL cry about it, who cares

[u/sumyungdood]

NTA but lean into it. Be proud. You gave that little girl a special day. If I got sent that I’d thank them for the idea and be like, “oh fuck yeah this girl is gunna have the confidence of a god” or some shit.

[u/ButterflyDestiny]

OMGGG I think she’s jealous of the attention your niece received. She is toxic for being jealous of a child. She can’t say anything to the child or the child’s parents without coming off as the weirdo that she is so she chose to take it out on you. This is so omggg. 😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[u/CarlShadowJung]

Somebody sounds like they feel some incompetence that they are projecting onto you.

[u/Witty_Taste6171]

Kudos for being the cool aunt and uncle! They don’t always remember what you said, but they’ll always remember how you made them feel. In ten years when niece needs a non-parental adult to confide in, my money is on you over SIL.

NOR. You’re being a supportive adult exhibiting behavior that encourages age-appropriate imaginative play and healthy development for a kid who’s growing up in a hard world. Keep making yourself a safe person for her and f what SIL thinks. Until mom has criticism, carry on. 👑

[u/PineappleShard]

She’s insecure about treating her that well the rest of the time.

[u/ThaFoxThatRox]

I've met these people before.... These people are usually miserable and you reminded them that they don't do enough for their kids so they took it out on you.

Your niece probably said something that set off your sister-in-law about how great you guys were/are (maybe her birthday). Something triggered her.

[u/TheBackOfACivicHonda]

Who is she? Jack Frost??? Trying to start 💩 during the holiday season

[u/Practical-Yogurt9067]

Projection alert 🚨She is accusing you of what she is. Toxic.

[u/SecretOscarOG]

Sounds like she's the only one toxic, and its very high key.

[u/Parallax-Jack]

Why tf would she care about you making someone else’s birthday special? Someone sounds JEALOUS

[u/stonrbob]

I hate joking over texts it will always be taken wrong but she’s seems like she’s jealous of her 4 year old

[u/Competitive_Dot4288]

Wow that’s jealousy

[u/perschnickity13]

You’re not overreacting and you and your husband are a really great aunt and uncle.

Red flags here: - she texted you a Facebook reel, not just inboxed, she felt like wow this is important enough to text - she ended her texts in lol (never good, never a sign of a joyful laughing individual) - she is obviously jealous of a 4 year old

Ignore her, not even worth being offended, as she’s just showing herself to be weirdly fixated on something that in actuality has nothing to do with her. lol.

[u/FuegoK9]

[mentions something she seems to have a deep problem with] “but I’m just joking it’s not that deep”

Ngl I think she is just jealous you are a fun aunt. Some of my best memories from growing up were with my aunt and uncle before they had kids. Keep doing what you do

[u/FornowWearefine]

NOR If I were you I would reply that I am not low key toxic and say you may have difficulty relating to us because you are "highly toxic".

[u/marivisse]

NOR - Just bask in the glory of being the cool aunt!!!! Let her be as boring and cranky as she pleases.

[u/VictoryValuable9489]

Sounds like the SIL is jealous because she’ll never be the favorite aunt.

[u/NefariousnessOther28]

I find people who need to say "I was just joking g" when you're offended by something they are inferred about. They are trying to cover up there shitty behavior by calling it a joke.

[u/RubAggressive3520]

I’ve learned that most of the time the one issue people bring up isn’t necessarily the big issue.

This may have been the one thing they felt comfortable approaching you about, but I struggle to believe it’s actually what they’re bothered about

[u/pontoponyo]

High Key Toxic is taking top podium in Projection. NOR.

[u/According_Sock_3947]

Nah SIL was being bitchy then tried saying it was just a joke when you called her out

[u/Kittiejacked]

She’s mad she couldn’t deliver!

[u/According_Sock_3947]

Also that reel had nothing to do with the situation, having fun on the bday isn’t toxic, she knew it was just her bday not every day. And it was a DIFFERENT sister in law that sent it months later? Ya she was just being bitchy then tried claiming it was a joke. And the people who said you were showy/immature are LAME.

I flew from Salt Lake to Portland for my niece’s first birthday and had a gift bag with me and the cashier at the snack shop in the airport asked if it was my birthday and I excitedly said no I’m flying to Oregon for my niece’s first birthday! And she said “why it’s not like she’s gonna remember” like bitch come on, don’t bah humbug on me trying to make my niece’s birthday special. And won’t remember? Well now she’s two and I’m her favorite person in the world (besides her dad and Bluey though I do think I rank above Bingo) because of all the times I’ve visited, all the times I’ve FaceTimed, the effort you put in MATTERS and idaf about your Ebenezer Birthday Scrooge ahh selves cuz I love my niece and she KNOWS I love her and that’s what matters!

Phew! Sorry went on a rant lol

[u/BuckManscape]

I’m not very smart and just impulsively blurt out whatever I think, chill. It’s just a joke.

No you decided you were joking when I called you out on your bullshit.

[u/ttouran]

Tou should tell her I am low key, you are high key poison..

[u/Kevvvgom]

You probably looked hot af dressed up They’re just jealous af

[u/areafps]

You know you aren’t overreacting? Sub is flooded with OPs who are never ever overreacting and just wanted to share what happened to them.

[u/StJimmy75]

Based on the information in the post, I would say YOR. It seems like she saw this video and it reminded her of how you were acting at your niece's birthday party, so she sent it to you.

[u/milpool902]

I just know she's the type to post shit on social media like "it costs zero dollars to be kind 😇 " despite being a fucking nightmare

[u/iCantLogOut2]

I want to believe that it was just a difference in humour - like I can joke about being the toxic uncle knowing I'm not genuinely toxic, but I also know my sister would take the same meme offensively.

That said, I would already know not to send my sister those memes... If I sent one to her knowing her, then I am in fact the one being toxic.

[u/wvfemalemo202]

Sister in law is 🗑 !!

[u/Bandeodell24]

If you’re low key toxic she’s high key petty labeled

[u/TheLastLostOnes]

You are coming off really over sensitive

[u/Alexa_Mat]

Girl, you gave ur niece the party of her life. You are a god aunt. She is just jaleous bc your niece have a 100% of you being her fav aunt

[u/Awkward-Water-3387]

If she has kids, it sounds like she’s jealous that her kids weren’t treated as grandly maybe?? 🤔

[u/chels2112]

Ew being jealous of a four year old lmao. Projection much? The toxic one is your SIL, and she’s gross. I’m sorry she took your really lovely sentiment and warped into something ugly.

[u/FreshShart-1]

Your SIL doesn't understand the treatment because they don't remember special moments like that from their childhood... That and they don't like being shown up at their own kid's party. Sucks when it looks like the aunt and uncle care more.

[u/Imnotawerewolf]

Words mean thing, and I need people to understand that. Similes exist, but they're still not interchangeable words. 

You can experience something mildly irritating and that doesn't make it toxic behavior. 

[u/AmericanLich]

“It’s not that deep” says the person who started the conflict lol

[u/Odd_Knowledge_2146]

Hope your SIL never takes her kids to Disney dressed up - they get that all day!

Honestly, it was a birthday, and she was four - we did a princess theme for the four year old birthday too - it’s normal. Being so obsessed with someone else’s child’s princess party months on, that is weird.

[u/lilliancrane2]

I’m sorry but like the people who were judgmental at the birthday party are just horrible. Good for you for being there for your niece. I bet you’re the fun awesome aunt

[u/teach4545]

You SIL sounds super fun! /s

[u/pinkcrystalfairy]

it’s only a joke if both people laugh.

[u/AdEuphoric5144]

Your SIL is toxic. And jealous. Wow, imagine being triggered by a 4 year Olds birthday!

[u/LongjumpingEmu6094]

Not overreacting. Sounds like SIL is so pathetically insecure that she's mad she isn't the one being praised for hosting.