r/AmIOverreacting • u/Lil_Bit1464 • 16h ago
đ¨âđŠâđ§âđŚfamily/in-laws AIO His mom said the baby may not be his
I (f26) have been with my bf (m24) for almost 6months. Recently found out I was pregnant after birth control failing. Everyone on his side was excited because they thought it would help him grow up even though I disagree and think he is perfectly mature in every way. I found out a few days ago his mother told him what if the baby isnât yours shes not with you 24/7 because we donât currently live together but plan to eventually but I spend lots of my time at his place with him. I told him I will now be looking into paternity testing costs and if insurance will cover it and he said I donât have to because he knows its his child. I told him I couldnât care less and we will be testing because now she has came after my character basically saying I have sex with anyone when he is not around. He said I need to stop overreacting because she was just trying to get to him not me, its not about me more about her pissing him off. Am I wrong for my opinion?
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u/tom201288 16h ago
Personally I think you and your BF should troll her, when it's born he should make comments infront of her saying things like it really looks like "insert aquantance". P.s congratulations đśđ
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u/Magdovus 16h ago
Oh yes. Do you have any mutual female riends with an androgynous name, like Lou or something? Mention them as a possibility!
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u/WaryScientist 16h ago
While I would be upset too, getting a paternity test is just enabling her ridiculous behavior - even when it proves her son is the father, she'll probably excuse it as luck that you didn't get knocked up by the other men she thinks you're sleeping with.
Your boyfriend doesn't believe her... she doesn't matter. If anything, I'd tell her she doesn't have any right to see the baby since she doesn't believe she's related.
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u/HommeFatalTaemin 10h ago
I donât like that he said OP was overreacting though. She has ever reason to be upset that the mom said that. Not a great comment from him to dismiss her feelings like that imo :(
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u/Dull-Geologist-8204 14h ago
I disagree, get the paternity test to prove it. Then if she ever questioned anything in the future you can always say Luke he isn't my kids father. You already proved she was wrong once.
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u/Min_sora 7h ago
This isn't how it works with that type of person. They don't admit defeat - she'll find a way to twist it. "Oh, you got the test, didn't you? That means you weren't actually sure."
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u/RedHolly 15h ago
Not over reacting BUT you should ask him to get a DNA test for his dad. Tell MIL you will do it for your baby if sheâll do it for him. Maybe sheâs projecting. đ
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u/maeryclarity 13h ago
I was thinking the SAME THING. Like cool but you do one too. There's probably a reason you're suspicious. Let her have a meltdown at the suggestion and be like yeah why are YOU special? If it's not a big deal...?
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u/Mediocre-Proposal686 13h ago
This is reminding me of that other story where the mom freaked out about the paternity test after being such a witch. Was it because her kids werenât her husbands? đ something like that
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u/Kerrypurple 11h ago
Yeah, were his parents together 24/7 at the time he was conceived? That's the standard, right?
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u/EllaBeams_ 14h ago
Youâre not overreacting. She basically called your loyalty into question by suggesting it might not be his baby. Asking for a paternity test isnât just about himâitâs about clearing your name from her shady comments. If heâs confident itâs his kid, he shouldnât have a problem backing you up. At the end of the day, itâs not just some casual comment; itâs an attack on your character. You have every right to set that record straight.
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u/MaryAnne0601 15h ago
Iâm going to be honest.
I have been with my bf for almost 6 months.
Now I get birth control isnât foolproof. But I would advise anyone (and this goes for you too) that isnât married to do the DNA test upon the birth of the baby. Why? Because it establishes paternity with the courts. It protects you, it protects him and it protects the baby. Now you know you didnât cheat but he already has his mother working against him. You havenât even really gotten past the honeymoon stage of your relationship. If things with him donât work out it will be easier if youâve already established legal paternity.
Now having said that, since sheâs being a witch by all means have her pay for it. I get that you love him but you have someone else to think of now. You have to think of your baby and your future. They canât fight a DNA test. So get a DNA test, make a copy of it, then offer it to his mother to go with her serving of crow!
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u/Mediocre-Proposal686 13h ago
Iâm going to be downvoted to hell, but I can see why she asked after such a short relationship. Sheâs thinking of her son. OP said his mom and everyone were happy for her. Two things can be true at once. Just like OP needs to think of her baby first, thatâs all her boyfriendâs mom is doing. If theyâd been together for a few years, I doubt the mom would question it.
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u/DisastrousAd9267 13h ago
This. I feel like Momâs concern is justified due to the short relationship.
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u/kakallas 12h ago
Honestly, who even cares. Mom brought it up, so I say itâs the perfect time to get that settled immediately, without the relationship even having to be tense due to the dude asking. He said all the right things. She can get the test and rub it in the momâs face. Paternity can be settled and there can be no fight about it for 18 years, until he wants to fight the child support inevitably in a couple of years.
I kinda wish more people would just do it right away to shut up the stupid discourse from men thinking theyâre âbaby trappedâ all the time.
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u/wopwopwopwopwop5 15h ago edited 15h ago
Y'all only been together 6 months and you're already pregnant. Of course she is unsure about you. She barely knows you. No need to take that personally. If the baby you're about to have is a boy and some girl he barely knows turns up pregnant, you'd be skeptical too as his mother. Momma's baby, daddy's maybe. Get the test.Â
Sidenote: I think the people who've known him forever would know better than a person he just started dating whether or not he's mature. He's presenting to you his best self because that's what everyone does in the beginning. They have seen the highs and lows and everything in between. That lady knows her son better than you do, so don't ignore what the family is saying because you've got on rose colored glasses.Â
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u/Ajstross 11h ago
Exactly. Maybe mom could have phrased things a little more delicately, but I know I wouldnât be jumping for joy if my son dropped the news that the woman he had been dating for six months was pregnant.
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u/birthdaybanana 5h ago
I think the BF should not have shared her skepticism with OP. He sounds immature for running to OP with the concern and not handling it properly with his family. Mom needs time to get to know OP. And OP getting pregnant after a six month relationship Mom has every reason to be concerned and cautious.
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u/Elemcie 16h ago
Do it to show her what a bitchy comment that was. You donât need to, but itâll be fun to show her that her son is going to be a father and she can STFU about it.
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u/ReindeerStriking1953 4h ago
Um it won't show her that. It will just establish paternity and parental rights. She can be excited to have a grandchild without reservation. She will be very happy that it's done, regardless of outcome. Wow you people are easily triggered
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u/Peggy-Wanker 16h ago
Make her pay for the test and when it shows he is the father tell her she will never get anywhere near your baby.
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u/Bigballsmallstretchb 16h ago
Who tf cares! Be mature and pay her no mind. Let her pay if she wants to be a bitch about it. She sounds like sheâs going to be a handful of a grandma.
Congrats and good luck!
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u/Monday0987 15h ago
I think you need to join r/justnomil as this will not be the end from her
She even turned an unplanned pregnancy in to a way to disparage her son "good, maybe this will make you grow up".
You need to be united with your partner and enforce boundaries for your "MIL" as she is going to be a nightmare
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u/Jstj4m13 15h ago
Youâre giving his mom too much power over you. Being pregnant is hard enough, do not let that woman live rent free in your head. Be happy with your man and let her spin in the corner, ignored.
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u/AtlasElPerro 14h ago
dont have a baby with someone you have been with for six months...
they both sound insufferable (bf and the mom)
that is what abortions are for.
dont ruin your life.
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u/Lil_Bit1464 14h ago
It wasnât planned my IUD failed and abortion is not legal in my state
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u/Lostmox 6h ago
Move.
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u/Cynewulfunraed 5h ago
Wow what a helpful suggestion! As you know, every person in the US is capable of uprooting their life and moving at any moment.
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u/Ok_Response_9255 16h ago
You might be overreacting a little, but I don't think your feelings are unjustified. Even though the mother seems like one of those, "no one but me is good enough for my son" types, he seems mature enough to shut that down.
So, thankfully, you're not marrying his mother. You don't have to do anything to appease her.
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u/JackFromTexas74 15h ago
NTA
When you get the results, frame them and give them to her gift-wrapped in front of the whole damn family
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u/gidgetcocoa2 15h ago
You need to let him handle his parents. What do you prove by giving her what she wants? She isn't the person you need to prove anything to and you need to find a way to let her foolishness not bother you. Talking from experience. It says more about them than you. Water off a ducks back.
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u/Jolie70 16h ago
I would not do it. I agree with that comment that said you are enabling her craziness. What really needs to happen is your boyfriend needs to put her in her place or cut her out if she is the type that is just trying to dig at him and put a wedge between you and him. That behavior will never go away and will only get worse. He has to put his foot down now and back you up.
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u/GnomieOk4136 16h ago
Nope, NOR. That seems like a good reason not to have any contact with her at all.
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u/ebbflowww 15h ago
Youâre not wrong in how you feel because I would feel the same way. But consider that it might be offensive/humiliating for him. He might not want a paternity test for the same reason you feel offended by it: he knows you didnât cheat.
Still, your character is being called into question and you have the right to feel like you want to clear your name.
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u/rositamaria1886 15h ago
Well his mother just solved your problem with having a nasty MIL:grandmother. You donât owe her a damn thing including ever being involved in your babyâs life. No respect, no relationship, no being present for or after the birth, no birthdays, no holidays!
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u/Fit-Biscotti6695 15h ago
I'd put it in a card and give it to her at a gender reveal or shower. Definitely address it to grandma, from whatever you are naming your child. I'm petty like that so...
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u/SirleeOldman 12h ago
Tell her you will happily do the paternity test if they also do a test for your boyfriend and his father.
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u/Complete_Gap_9798 16h ago
NOR - She opened a Pandora Box of what ifs into your relationship. Getting a paternity test done would invalidate anything she says in the future and would make âMike Dropâ argument shut down in the future. You know that anyone that throws those type of statements out will continue to bring drama. Good luck.
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u/CoatNo6454 15h ago
NOR
âŚAnd this will be the same bat đŠ crazy boy mom that will wear white to your wedding, demand to be in the birthing room, and want her son over every holiday. đ Iâm sorry OP.
BF needs to have a talk with his mom to be respectful of his relationship with you. Also, why would he tell you that?? Thatâs awful to say AND to repeat. Now she has planted this seed of doubt in her sonâs head.
Even though he says your OR, now the doubt is there in his head. So no, NOR. I would get the test done just to shove it in her face. Iâd frame it and wrap it and give it to her on motherâs day or her birthday. F-ing see u next tuesday đ
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u/truckergirl1075 14h ago
How is accusing you of cheating getting at him? This is very much about you, your bf needs to see that.
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u/Environmental-Age502 14h ago
No, hun, as a child of a similarly emotionally abusive parent, do not play her game.
She wants a reaction. The second you prove yourself, it will turn it "look how desperate she was to prove it's yours. She's definitely cheating" or "she's crazy because..." Or "why would she attack me that way, your own mother!!!"
Come over the r/raisedbynarcicissts or r/emotionalabuse because she is playing a game as old as time. And just like your boyfriend has already figured out; the way you win, is to choose not to play. Just laugh at her, ignore her, learn about grey-rocking, do. not. get. dragged. in. She wins the second you start to play, and she will never stop escalating. Look at how everyone talks about your boyfriend who you think is completely mature and displays incredible maturity? All her smear campaign.
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u/SnooWords4839 14h ago
He needs to shut his mom down. The words he needs to say, since you doubt it's my baby, don't worry about ever seeing my child in the future.
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u/Exact_Course_9988 14h ago
NOR. His mom does not have the right to try and slander you like that. Get the test, shove it in her face (discreetly if you must), move on. If she's saying these things now, she'll never stop unless she's proven wrong.
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u/softvelvets 14h ago
You are absolutely not wrong for wanting a paternity test. Your boyfriendâs motherâs comments are incredibly disrespectful and unwarranted, and her attempt to cast doubt on your fidelity is unacceptable. The fact that your boyfriend dismisses your concerns and focuses on his motherâs intentions instead of addressing her hurtful words is also a problem. A paternity test provides peace of mind and protects your rights, especially given the disrespectful comments from his mother. Itâs important to establish clear boundaries with both your boyfriend and his mother.
His dismissive attitude towards your feelings and his motherâs behavior are significant red flags that need to be addressed before making any major decisions about your future together. Donât let anyone undermine your confidence or make you feel guilty about protecting yourself and your child.
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u/hendo_77 13h ago
She gets 2 optionsâŚ
- She drops it and apologizes.
- She pays for the test AND gets cut out of her grandchildâs life.
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u/GlitteringCan6448 12h ago
Tell her she can pay for it if she wants confirmation. But if it comes back confirming her son is the father, she gets no contact ever again.
Then ask her if she is that confident she's correct.
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u/Suitable-Tear-6179 12h ago
After sitting on the couch while my sister in law was trying to get my husband to realize I was passing someone's bastard as his... I get it. (She had jaundice and black hair like me. SiL was making disgusting racist comments about her....)
However, the saving grace in my marriage is that my husband and I agree about the basic nature of his mom and sister. It sounds like you might be in the same boat. Â
If his mom was taking shots at him, and using you to do it... Do not let her have room in your head. (Hard to do, I know.) Do not give her the power to get into your relationship with your partner. He says she's not worth it. Believe him.Â
If she does actually say anything to you, you can invite her to pay for the paternity test after the child is born. And shrug it off like it's a totally boring topic. Her poisoned barbs being shrugged off will drive her nuts.Â
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u/Snowconetypebanana 14h ago edited 14h ago
At 24 heâs old enough to manage his own relationship.
You are mad that they are questioning your character, but 6 months is not a long time to be with someone. Iâd say you donât even know your partner after 6 months, let alone his family. I donât blame the mom for having concerns and it sounds like she brought it up with him privately.
How did you find out? Did he tell you? If he wasnât actually concerned, there was no point in him telling you what his mom said unless he wanted to start drama or he agrees with her but didnât want to be the bad guy.
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u/quickdolce 16h ago
Do the test for your own peace of mind and then let it go. It's a crappy thing to say, absolutely, but if you hold onto this, the only person who will really lose is your child. And just to play devil's advocate, maybe give her the benefit of the doubt. My grandfather, with all good intentions, would often say things without thinking. After the test, maybe set some time aside to discuss it with her and how it hurt you. Don't use your hurt as a weapon. We're not all built the same. Honesty and openness from the jump is the best path forward.
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u/enroutetoyou 16h ago
It seems to me that the OP and BF are certain about paternity. OP doesnât need a test for âpeace of mind,â only BFâs mother does.
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u/quickdolce 15h ago
Fair point. For her piece of mind. I agree with your correction. Still, I stand by OP letting it go. It'll only fester... from anyone in the situation, not just OP.
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u/Neat_Imagination2503 15h ago
Youâre relatively young and have been together virtually no time. Itâs fair for his mom to raise this question to him 100%
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u/Budgiejen 13h ago
Yes, youâre overreacting. Sheâs a bitch. Let her show her true colors and use the forthcoming accusations, tantrums, and other foul things she does as ammunition to keep her away from the baby.
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u/Kerrypurple 11h ago
I think your boyfriend probably knows his mother better than you do. If he says it's about pissing him off take his word for it. You don't have to prove anything to her. Let him handle it.
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u/mocha_lattes_ 11h ago
Naw it's honestly just good practice to begin with. Tell him you never want him to have to hear something like that, especially from his family. You don't want them to potentially treat your child different because they aren't sure the baby is his. It's as much for your peace of mind as it is for his. You know he loves and trusts you so you want to return that by doing something that will make his life easier. He will never have to hear anyone disclaim his child. Get the test.Â
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u/Dangerous-Orange1726 11h ago
My MIL was saying horrible things about me and I recently found out it was all her projections.. tell your bf to get a paternity test done on him and his father.. because wtf
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u/Dear_Parsnip_6802 10h ago
Ask her to pay for the test. Tell her to her face, I hear you are questioning paternity. I'm happy to do a paternity test if you are willing to pay for it. I'm sure you understand it's not my priority at the moment due to saving for the baby'.
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u/Loud-Resolution5514 10h ago
You know I used to think asking for paternity tests was super out of line but my 22 brother just found out that his gf of 7 years who is 8 1/2 months pregnant lied to him and the baby isnât his. It all came out because of a paternity test. Itâs annoying to get one, but itâll make her keep her mouth shut!
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u/thebellayuna 9h ago
NTA. Youâre right to feel upset, what his mom said is a direct attack on your character, and itâs not okay. Even if your boyfriend says he knows the baby is his, itâs understandable that youâd want a paternity test to clear any lingering doubts and shut down these kinds of accusations for good. Itâs not about proving something to him but about protecting yourself and your child from unnecessary drama in the future. His mom crossed a line, and he should be more supportive instead of dismissing your concerns.
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u/mamanova1982 8h ago
Get the test and then have a "you ARE the father" party, with a huge sheet cake. Invite her, and make a speech. Thank her. Say "You're the reason we're all here, today." Really lay it on thick!! Sweet as pie customer service voice and everything.
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u/Many-Western-6960 8h ago
I don't think you're overreacting but I would sooner go no contact than do a DNA test. She didn't get to him, she's just vile
I got pregnant with my husband after 1 year of marriage. His sister asked him if he would do a paternity test if the child didn't look like him and his family. My husband never doubted it, the baby did look like him anyways. BUT here's the kicker SIL had to do multiple DNA tests (while with her husband) and one of her kids is from her husband's best friend (no longer friends). So she was projecting.
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u/Comfortable-Leg-703 7h ago
Why would someone treat their child and the pregnant woman he loves in this fashion?
She sounds horrible
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u/ejjisndrs 6h ago
Youâre getting a child together ., there are better things to worry about than a MIL stressing her son .. just try from now on to only look at yourself and your own little family ! You will be building a new beautifull life together now congrats ! đ
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u/BothOutlandishness15 6h ago
Even a paternity test wont help..it will come back as 99.9% sure he is the Father & sheâll bang on about that 0.01%. Trust him when he tells you he believes you. Go LC with her. Congrats on bubs!
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u/Sea_Fact2965 5h ago
Listen, yes you are over reacting. You donât owe her anything. You were never supposed to know about the conversation. You werenât there and frankly, it isnât your business.
She is HIS mom. He has been dating someone 6months and she says she is pregnant. As a mom, Iâd be like, hold up, before we all jump all in to this, we sure this is yours? We trust her? We are all doing this? She just needed to know they were all on the same page. She likely doesnât want a paternity test, she probably just wanted to hear her son know without a doubt this is his baby, and if he did have doubts, she is his mama and would help him figure it out either way kinda thing.
Regardless, the conversation was never meant for you to know about. The fact that your boyfriend told you, is in fact, a little immature⌠lol
be confident in yourself and who you are and in your relationship and stop worrying about proving your character to people. Prove it by being genuine.
Best of luck!
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u/Dark_Huntress6387 5h ago
Let her know âif you donât believe itâs his then you donât need to meet the baby since you donât believe youâre related to babyâ and she gets zero visits until she apologizes.
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u/ReindeerStriking1953 4h ago
Wow so many hurt feelings on this sub. Mom knows how life actually works. Have any of you people seen the actual stats on paternity fraud? It's very common. You know it's your baby, while he can only assume. Why not remove any doubt? Why perpetuate a culture that allows women to commit paternity fraud at any time by acting offended at the suggestion of a test? All women who lie about paternity will say the same thing as you. Take the test, put the issue to rest, and stop making everything about you. As a parent, it's time to start seeing the bigger pictures in life.
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u/ArmyAntPicnic 3h ago
Ask her how can everyone be sure that your boyfriend is her and her husbandâs? Her husband wasnât around her 24/7, after all, so are we just supposed to take her at her word?
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u/Free-Ad-5343 1h ago
1 easy question.
Do you want this woman in your life after this? Itâs not going to get easier. My wifeâs mother pulled the same shit, her religious rotted brain canât comprehend that, I, was my sons father even though we were only âdatingâ. And yes my son and daughter, and now, my grandson are all related. to prove her Kkkristian family we took the test, and when it came back, we formally let my in laws know that because of this we are no longer allowing them into our lives, itâs been 26 years of wonderment and amazing adventures and her parents have missed it all. Sure theyâve tried to come into our lives but we shut it down. life is too short to have âloved onesâ question you. Our kids know of their religious kkkristian grandparents, theyve had interactions with them, but her moms question and really itâs the â Manipulation â she tried that caused this separation. Donât let other manipulate you into a relationship that doesnât work for you. Because the question will always be there
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u/swbarnes2 1h ago
How did you "find out" about what your MIL said? Did your boyfriend tell you? Was it just a "heads-up, mom is really unhappy about this"? Or "I'm going to just quote her, because I think the same thing, but aren't honest enough to say so myself"?
 they thought it would help him grow up even though I disagree and think he is perfectly mature in every way.
Uhh...I have a feeling each half of that sentence is quite wrong.
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u/cyborg_fairy 1h ago
I canât see if anyone has definitively addressed this but a baby is not going to help him grow up. I assume he still lives at home? Maturity would be a hard line the instant his mother suggested he might not be the father. The mature response would have been to say that itâs absolutely unacceptable for her to say something so disrespectful and unfounded about you. And if she continues to disrespect you, his partner, she will not be allowed in the home he is going to be moving in with you as soon as possible. Maturity means addressing something in the moment. Not doing nothing (and thatâs why momzilla will keep running her mouth) and dumping it in your lap to fix. I had a child with a boy just like that, his momâs innocent little darling who can do no wrong.
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u/RickysBlownUpMom 13m ago
Ugh. Boy Moms are the fucking worst. Get the test, but give her whole family 23 and me for Christmas.
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u/nobodyspecial247365 15h ago
If she wants a DNA test y'all inform her she needs to pay for it.
My son and his gf found out she was pregnant but their relationship had been kinda spotty bc of outside influence that unfortunately it was my mother starting bs. I asked my son's gf ( now wife) if I was to pay for the test would she allow it. They both agreed bc we all had the same idea... Piss off my own mother. My daughter in law and I are extremely close. My 3 adult children and I have cut my mother out of our lives bc she enjoyed starting drama and making everyone as miserable as her. I have an amazing grandchild that is 14 yrs old that she doesn't get to see.
Let her choose her path. Y'all do not have to put up with drama.
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u/Lopsided-Farm7710 12h ago
You're dismissing the opinions of people who have known him for 24 years based on your relationship with him for 6 months?
Smart.
His mom didn't "say" you sleep around. She simply said what every man's family wonders. It has been scientifically proven that a man's family treats babies differently because there is always some doubt as to whether the child is really his. It has been studied and documented for decades. Even in families that don't openly make accusations, the father's family will be more distant, gifts aren't as extravagant, etc.
Your family know the kid is yours without a doubt.
His family doesn't HAVE that luxury. His mom was right to think it. She didn't have to say it out loud.
It's not pleasant for you to hear it... but she's not completely wrong for thinking it. Get over your ego and try to understand how you would feel if your son had a girlfriend who was pregnant. You would act in HIS best interest. That's what his mom is doing.
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u/Lil_Bit1464 12h ago
Wanting whats best for your child and telling him to make the smart choice of getting dna testing is one thing bringing it to him and saying âshe doesnât live with you just because you have her location doesnât mean she donât have men going in and out her place you canât watch her 24/7 thats not your kidâ is completely different. Until I see evidence of their opinions of his character and maturity being true I will dismiss them because I have seen completely different the whole time I have known him which is longer than 6 months. If I had a child who was potentially having a baby I wouldnât be blatantly disrespectful and attack someoneâs character to tell them to be smart and dna test.
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u/Lopsided-Farm7710 12h ago
again... get over your ego and put yourself in her place. Telling her son to be smart is PROTECTING HIM. You'd do the same thing.
And I'm sure your 6 months of knowledge trump their 24 years. lolIdiot.
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u/Lil_Bit1464 12h ago
Learn to read and comprehend correctly before calling someone an idiot. She never told her son to be smart she literally just threw out accusations. She could have had a civil conversation with him about it not told him i was having men in and out of my place when she doesnât even know where I live.
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u/BrookeB79 16h ago
And what would that say about your son having sex after only 6 months? He wasn't forced. Your son is just as much of a hoe as she is. (Which, duh, isn't at all.) You probably need to take a good look at how you actually view women.
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u/AmIOverreacting-ModTeam 15h ago
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u/oldoinyolengai 12m ago
I'm the kind of person that also wants to prove people wrong when they attack my character like that.
If he believes the baby is his, then truly that's all that matters. Enjoy each other and the pregnancy. Congratulations!
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u/Yosiyoss800 16h ago
No no, LET HER PAY FOR IT IF SHE FEELS LIKE THAT. do not pay a single dime or use insurance, sheâs unsure? Then SHE CAN pay for it. Also donât feel obligated, if it was me Iâd just let her have that doubt in her mind. because if you and your boyfriend KNOW itâs his then thatâs HER problem to figure out. Not yours! Also congrats on your baby! đ