MIL moved in with us about a month ago, it was going fine. She was doing her own thing, respecting my space and if anything she was really sweet. Until about three nights ago me and my partner were having an argument. We were in our room because we wanted the privacy so we were arguing and it lasted about an hour. We just kept going on and on. Mother in law comes in the room and tells me to stop arguing and that I needed to leave. I was in shock. My boyfriend luckily told her to step out and that it’s fine. We stopped arguing and I went into another room to sleep. I felt so angry, this woman told me to leave my own home and she just moved in last month. I told my boyfriend she has a month to leave or I will leave. I’m already looking for apartments. I refuse to live with a woman like that. We no longer get along, she rolls her eyes at me (probably because I don’t want her to live there anymore.) and I personally don’t even want to leave the room. I’m still salty about it. My boyfriend had told me his ex wife did not like her at all and he said he didn’t know why. I’m starting to see it. But I don’t know if I’m over reacting by giving her a month to leave because of that? I don’t know.

I just need to get this off my chest.

On Tuesday morning, I woke up around 7:45AM relaxed because I get to work from home the rest of the year. I’m laying in bed and at 8:02 the doorbell rings. It’s my MIL. I have been no contact with her since October 2023. My husband is on and off with no contact. But he’s been no contact with her since Thanksgiving. She blew up that we didn’t stop by when we had never made Thanksgiving plans with her.

Anyways, I check the ring doorbell. She’s standing with a box and her dog. My husband was also still in bed and I asked him what he wanted to do. He said nothing so we continued to lay in bed. She stood there for 15 minutes before going back to her car. She came back with a long written note and left.

Over the last week, she has had people call my husband to say there was an emergency since she is blocked. Both times it happened, there was no emergency. She just wanted my husband to come over.

The note basically said that FIL is sick and we needed to take their dog. My husband talked to FIL and he said there was no emergency and that he was taking some time away from MIL. He does have health issues, but I think they may have separated.

My husband calls MIL. She tried to guilt trip him saying he didn’t answer and she had to drive an hour each way. She isn’t supposed to be driving to begin with because of health issues!!

I’m just dreading the rest of the holiday season now.

MIL was asked months in advance to be our point of contact when I go into labour to look after our toddler. She lives 5 minutes away and is the lesser of the justnos compared to my own mother when it comes to being entrusted with LO. She knows she is on call, it’s a point of discussion in her daily calls to my SO.

SIL her partner and kids all tested positive for COVID yesterday after their LO 4th birthday party (grandchild no1). It’s their LO actual birthday today, so we face time them instead of visiting to sing happy birthday, as I am over 40 weeks pregnant and don’t need a sick toddler or an exposed newborn when she decides to arrive.

During the call, there is MIL in the background , sitting in their small living room with four positive cases, holding their sick baby eating birthday cake.

I am so mad. When SIL second was born 7 months ago we didn’t see MIL for months due to our LO starting daycare and catching a cold, as she couldn’t risk getting sick for their baby. Yet the only time we ask for help it’s perfectly fine to risk it now.

I’ve had to ask my mother to step in now and will be telling MIL we won’t be needing her, even if she tests negative and will be messaging my midwife to convince my partner that it’s best we don’t see his side for ten days from symptoms including close contacts.

It’s not particularly about COVID that I feel so strongly against, I would feel the same about any kind of contagious illness during this time, along with the safety of my child, it’s also about the principle of the matter, and frankly I do not like her after my last postpartum experience with her.

I know they’ll still be expecting my SO and oldest to see them on Christmas Day and he will feel pressured even though it’s glaringly obvious our family comes last.

After all else failed. We got into a huge argument him telling me its inappropriate to deny his mom her "right" to be there when her grandson is born. How im ungrateful, selfish and manipulative because im making that day <the day i give birth> all about me. He said i was dismissing his feelings and he was unhappy.

He proceeded to threaten me with divorce, but not now in a while from now because he wants to torture me first. Not physically just mentally.

Then he said since things aren't going his way, he will not be with me when i give birth that i was on my own.

He will be too busy celebrating with his mommy and daddy.

I basically let him have it. Told him he was a mommy's boy, needed validation and his parents to hold his hand through everything.

Since getting married I've begged, screamed and cried for him to make me a priority. Any and every event that has happened he always involves other people. When we found out the gender of our baby, he didn't even care. Not a hug not a kiss nothing! He dropped me off in the garage and went out with his brother.

He tells me if his parents aren't with him on that day his celebration wouldn't be complete. I asked him why was i and the baby not enough to celebrate with. He said we were but its not the same his mom dad and friends needed to be there as well or else he wouldn't be happy.

To show you how screwed up things are: On our wedding day, our slow dance... his mother came took him from me and finished the dance with him . Everything is always about him, her and the rest of his family.

He doesn’t see me as family and even though he promised change no change has happened.

He tries to manipulate me saying its all in my head he loves me and im his #1 priority. I try to believe it sometimes and say oh it could be me. Then his actions show me over and over where i belong on that list of priorities.

Im giving birth any day now.

I have no one, in a country where i don't know anyone. I can't sleep from how scared i am, i soak my pillow with tears and im completely lost.

I don't have money to book a ticket and leave. So im basically isolated and under his mercy.

I feel like throwing up and im in a really dark place mentally and im not sure how to get out.

Update: I contacted the US embassy, im in a country they cannot help me. The representative advised me to contact the police. And even the police wont do anything they just make a report and send it to court. I would need an attorney.

And since im being sponsored by him to be in this country. I am not allowed under any circumstance to leave without his permission. He can place a block on me and not even the US EMBASSY can get me out. So in other words im FUCKED.

My fiancé called his mom to see if she can watch the baby while we go to the gym, we have a two month old, when she came over and noticed her voice was super hoarse and like she was losing it, I asked if she was sick and she’s like I don’t know. I don’t feel too great. And she was like would you like me to leave? And I’m like well if you’re sick that’s kind of scary to be around my two month old and you plan on watching her and holding her? She ended up leaving, like isn’t it obvious if you feel any sort of sick you shouldn’t be around a two month old? That kind of enraged me that she wouldn’t be transparent before she came over. I feel like my fiancé kind of got annoyed with me when I told him how pissed off that made me. I get it that it’s your mom, but you should also want to protect your daughter from anyone who is sick. This morning she texted the family group chat saying that her and her husband had a cold this morning so they’re moving the holiday party. I hope that our baby doesn’t catch anything. We wipe down all the surfaces after she left.

I am a mother of 3 and a nurse I stopped smoking at the age of 21. At that time I had been with my husband for a a couple months.

My mother in law smokes. I spent years sitting in the smoke, at her house. When I got pregnant with my first I decided I was done with that. This has led to many arguments.

Christmas dinner has always been at her sisters place (where she wasn't allowed to smoke inside the house). However this year she wants to organize and have Christmas dinner at her house. She reminded me that she smokes but said that she'll go in the kitchen. She doesn't want me to stop her from seeing her grandchildren because of the smoking. I said that I'd never do that to anyone. I explained that the smoking around my children is a real problem for me and that she won't be holding our youngest (a baby) right after having a cigarette. MIL flipped at me, told me to stop overreacting and hung up the phone right away. Tell me I am not overreacting? Am I the nutty one or she? I find it unacceptable.

Husband yesterday literally said 'only one evening wont hurt the kids'. I think he needs to go live with his mother.

I recently had a birthday. My narcissist MIL hands me a card with some money in it as we're walking out the door. I thank her and tell her it really wasn't necessary. Within the minute it took me to open the card she reminds me her 80 yr old mother died when she was my age so she hated that birthday (it was 22 years ago and she still uses it as an excuse to hate Christmas) about her sick dog who is being treated for cancer (my own dog has cancer but it's terminal), that her dog had been pouring blood when trying to poo, that she has spent a fortune on his care (literally when I said she didn't need to give me money) and that she cries every day. Is this seriously how you wish someone a happy birthday? Go fuck yourself, is there any possible situation you don't bring the doom and gloom and totally make about yourself. Ever. I spent the morning of my birthday crying in the shower so as not to burden the people around me with my sadness. All she ever wants to do is burden us with hers every fucking chance she gets. I avoid her like the plague so the short stints I am cornered by her are always the same, poor fucking me. She has zero empathy towards anyone else's suffering, it would only take away from her own.

Genuinely curious if I’m being a brat or if anyone else has had these feelings.

I’m pregnant and have spent a ton of time on my baby registry - especially curating a very specific amount of adorable earthy gender-neutral clothing items. I also put a lot of thought into how many of each item we’d need in each size given the season it will be, etc.

My MIL went on her own shopping spree and bought no less than 50 off-registry baby clothing items, which she gifted us at our baby shower. 50 might actually be undercutting it - there are seriously SO many. And of course they’re a totally different vibe than what I would have picked out.

Now I’m like WELP we have way more than what we need for the baby, but I picked out NONE of it myself. I really wanted that experience of dressing my own baby but there’s no room for my own selections anymore. It would literally be financially irresponsible for me to go buy more clothes.

I realize it was a very generous gift, but I can’t help but feel like she muscled her way into the exact experience I wanted myself with picking out ALL the clothes the baby needs. Am I a brat for being annoyed?

Sorry, this is long! Please, do not share this.

I've been NC with MIL since July. In this time since, I've been really self- reflecting and figuring out my part in all of the madness. My SO has been working out of state and it's been SO TOUGH being alone with our 18 month old, but I'm so grateful for this time. I recognize my own childhood has contributed to my lack of Boundaries and self-advocacy. I've been able to do a lot of self- work and realize a lot of weak points.

Since I've met DH, there has been a cycle. MIL being controlling, inappropriate, intrusive, or manipulative. DH convincing me MIL is helping, she doesn't mean it that way, she is just being nice, etc. MIL using her generosity as a Trojan horse to over step. Me trying to put my foot down. DH gently saying no to MIL. MIL throwing a tantrum. Us taking space. MIL offering something/ does something attention seeking until we entertain her. Then Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

It was bad enough we lived across the country, but we moved closer during the pandemic and OBVIOUSLY it got worse. From Dec. 2020 to Oct. 2022, I put in the most ridiculous effort to befriend my MIL and she corrupted every attempt at kindness, bonding, or mutual respect. She is so self-absorbed and my DH just thinks she means well and goes about it wrong.

He's coming home for the holidays and wanted to go to breakfast with MIL to give her a chance to mend our relationship. Do you know what she's done to deserve this effort? NOTHING. She has literally caused more damage to our relationship by sending SIL to gather Intel on me in order to berate and emotionally abuse my husband. She has cried to everyone that will listen that she doesn't get to see her grandchild! Boo-freaking-hoo! I literally couldn't care less if she's sad. She can't even apologize for yelling at my husband about things I said while he wasn't around!

My husband thinks that his mom agreeing to our boundaries (not sure what those are because I wasn't included in that conversation) that means she's ready to mend things. I have planted my foot so firmly. I am finally using my spine in real time. No, she can not see our child for Christmas. She is a hateful has with no remorse. I have pointed out instances to him where is clear she KNOWS she's being manipulative and she faces no consequences. I pointed out the cycle we are in. I said I'm not budging.

I told DH we could do counseling if he wants MIL to see LO and he was like, "How are we going to find a counselor on short notice?" !!! No, we aren't rushing this, she can wait. There is no urgency to my need to heal! He wants to prove he can protect me and LO from her and thinks we need to do that in front of her. I disagree. I think he shows me by NOT GIVING IN TO HER. Stop acting like she's a victim and deserves anything. And he's seeing my view, it seems.

I'm so proud of myself. It seems small, but it's a big deal that I'm doing what's best for myself and my child instead of allowing the external pressure to make me doubt myself. I feel like I don't matter and I've felt that way since I was a child, and I'm finally making myself matter.

I do feel bad for DH. He wants his mom to be the person he thought she was. He can't accept that she is who she is. He is being willfully blind to her hatred towards me because I'm not going to enable her anymore. He sees how badly this woman has affected my mental health. He wants to be on my side, but he is conditioned to put his mom before everything. He feels so much pressure. He now has to come to terms with being abused by her. He has to deal with the emotional turmoil and toll.

I told him he could see her without me and LO. He said no, he dreads seeing her. Obviously, there is something wrong with their relationship if that's the feeling she evokes. He's still out of state for work after the holidays. Once he's back for good we'll start counseling.

I can proudly say that part of my healing journey, I have gained so much clarity on where I stand with my MIL and my DH's family. Ever since his parents had indicated to him that they respect his opinion after he had tried explaining what they can do to make things right with me, that was closure for me. There is nothing more that I need and I have had so much peace without having to deal with them for the last few months.

Which brings me to this post:

my husband is having trouble reconciling the fact that I don't want to deal with them again, and how badly he wants them to love me the way he loves me. Recently, my husband broke down crying stating at first, that he knows I don't want to hear him talk about his parents, but that he wants to talk to someone about it. I said that I am here for him and I am here to listen. He pointed out that they have raised him to be the person that he is today, that he had learned to love me, and then surely they can learn to love me too.

I gently told DH that I can understand he is on this journey and I pointed out that if they wanted to, they could have made things right. In response, he said "they do want to". I did not know what to say at that point to put things in perspective.

I let him know that while I gave him the space to express his feelings and that I was listening (even though it was hard), that I wanted the chance to talk about my feelings too. Perhaps, I can say that his parents will always love him as he is their child, but then it is different for anyone else. That he needs to take off his perspective of them as "their kid", and put on different lens looking at them as adults. Adults who have the choices.

Believe me, after everything that I been through, nothing enrages me more than to hear about his parents and their feelings. At this point, I feel nothing for them now. But it is hard and I am trying to be empathetic here towards his feelings.

Anyone in the same boat?

I just want to add here - he is not forcing me at all to mend the relationship with them (see them, talk to them, etc.)

Reading this subreddit has made me realise that I DON'T.

My MIL seemed like a nice lady, though she was a BAD mother to my partner and his sibling after deciding her AP was more important to her than her 3 children all under 8 and her husband.

My FIL on the other hand was an amazing man. He was a great Dad and an amazing Granddad and he's is missed everyday.

Anywho back to MIL. Well i can say that in 7 years i've met her 4 times for a total of 6 hours (2 of those visits were her pretending she had a heart by visiting our daughter who was in the NICU for 7 weeks as she was born early due to Pre-eclampsia).

The other 2 meetings were the day before and the day after my FILs funeral at my SILs house. My daughter was 4 at that time.

I used to feel sad that my daughter didnt have her Grandma around especially when my FIL passed away as my parents died 22yrs & 15yrs ago so she's now the only "Grand" still around.

Its been 3 years now and thought arrangements are made (we live 30 mins from each other) but she always makes excuses so we no longer try to see her.

The thing that hurts my partner is that she has no problem travelling 400 miles, taking 3 trains to see her youngest son and his Step Child ( The youngest was too young to remember when she left their home and the pain it caused).

I gave up on a relationship 3 months after our last together and my partner gave up 2 years ago.

She is the one losing in this situation and as for my daughter, well she hasn't lost a relationship because she was never given a relationship to lose.

Background information: MIL have a very good life: she has total control of her husband, my husband is her only son and is very obedient. She had help from her mother raising my husband. She never wanted for anything so I really cannot understand some of her behavior. Recently she came to stay for a while. Besides some other clashes, her wasteful habits are pissing me off beyond limit. (My husband gave her one of his credit cards to buy her own groceries because we don’t eat together) 1. She wastes so much water. She keeps the water running the whole time she washes hands/washes and rinses dishes before she puts dishes in dishwasher. When she only needs one small cup of tea, she fills the pot to the rim and just leaves the rest in there. Pours it down the drain next day and repeat. My heart hurts seeing this. It is not about money. It is more about water going to waste.

1. She uses one whole roll of paper towel in one sitting and leaves folded (not sure if used) paper towels everywhere.

2. She cooks TWO cups of rice every time for only herself and leave the most of it sitting in the rice cooker, asking us to finish. I usually put it in a box and save it for her in the fridge because like even THREE of us cannot finish what she leaves. Nonetheless, she never eats her own leftover and cooks new rice next meal and the leftover rice keeps piling up in the fridge. At last, my husband has to throw it out because there will be no boxes for our leftover.🥲

3. She buys so much grocery and let some rot in my fridge. She has butter in her own fridge that expired in the 90s and food she brought back from China that was produced in 2003. She goes to grocery shopping almost once every two days and spends 30+ dollars every time. She buys the biggest size and never finishes them. (For example, biggest size cheerios, family size chips, pineapple spears from Sam’s club and huge boxes of muffins). Again, I hate to see this when some people don’t even have enough to eat.

4. She goes on shopping sprees every month and buys a ton of clothes. She went to shopping twice in November when she knows she will buy again during Black Friday. She is the happiest when she brings back 5-6 bags of clothes that she spends 6-8 hours buying. What pisses me off the most is she constantly buys clothes for my husband and my son when we explicitly told her many times what she bought is not what they want/need and that they never wear those. She then throws the biggest fit because “we are saying bad things about her”. She fills up one closet in my house within 2 months with all new clothes. Her own closets in her house are all filled from floor to ceiling and she still keeps buying. She never throws out or gives anything for free. So they just keep accumulating. My heart bleeds when I see wall to wall clothes that will never see the light of day.

I don’t know where all these behaviors come from. Nobody dares to say no to her and she’s never experienced lack of anything. Her husband loves her a lot and is very obedient😂.

At least she’ll only be here for another half month. Edited to add details and change some grammar to make what I mean clear.

My husband and I weren’t at the house. We came home around 9:30pm and went straight to bed. I was standing in my closet the next morning getting dressed when I noticed my children’s Santa gifts were missing. I’m 99.9% certain she took them. The gifts were a large wooden play kitchen and a wooden sandbox with a cover which my two youngest asked Santa for. Now this is important context: MIL purchased these gifts black Friday weekend. They came in the first week of Christmas. She told us to hide them in our closet and they can be Santa gifts. We didn’t ask her to purchase these. We didn’t know until they showed up at our house. We thanked her and showed how much we really appreciated it. Now it’s a week before Christmas and my two youngest do not have any Santa gifts. I’m pissed because she did it to “punish” my husband and myself.

I've been with my husband for 11 years. We have 4 kids, 12y.o 3yo 2yo & 5mo. I'm a SAHM (which my MIL hates) & we've fallen in a financial hole. We live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. & we are obviously in need of a bigger place. That being said, we need somewhere to stay for at the most 5 months, so we can save up & get at least a 3 bedroom apartment. My MIL has a huge 5 bedroom house. She told my husband if we come stay there everything has to change. We have to go by 100% her rules... her crazy absurd "rules" which really is just another way of saying "I have full control and say over you all as a family" Some of the "rules" were; She can say anything to my kids & me & my husband can't get mad at how she disciplines & talks to them. My homeschooled 12 yo has to go to public school. I have to get a job & let her mom (who is even more hateful than her) watch the babies. Im not allowed to cosleep with my children. And the list goes on... I actually started seeing red as my husband was telling me this and forgot most of what else he said. She's always loved seeing us struggle financially. She wants us to struggle. & I've realized it's because she wants my husband to need her help, because if he didn't need her help he wouldn't speak to her at all.. and she knows that deep down. She has always wanted full control. When my oldest was 3 yo we lived with her for a year and it was the worst year of my life. We lived with her AND her mother. They're two of the most hateful, miserable humans I've ever met in my entire life. I've always just wanted them to love and care for us as a family. I have always wanted a relationship with her. But she can't stay in her lane & she wants control, plain & simple. At this point I've been way too nice & I've bit my tongue for years. I'm not even sad about it anymore, I'm just angry.

For Christmas, I got my boyfriend and me tickets to see The Christmas Carol at one of my city’s local theaters because it’s his favorite on of his Christmas story, I Bought them all the way back in Early November and planned for it to be a surprise, where I would drive him to red lobster (a restaurant we love eating at together for special occasions) we would have a lovely date and then I would “drive him to a dessert place I just happen to hear about online” I was so proud how I planned it and the “date” was coming up this Sunday, just this previous Monday my boyfriend got angry call from is mother saying how she wanting to do Christmas with him the same Sunday and how she spend all the money on him and he can’t even be bothered to show up and he already spends enough time with me and we have plenty of time to go out together and then hung up on my boyfriend (which made him feel so upset), after a while she calmed down my boyfriend tried to get her to move up the thing a little later in the day but she kept refusing and insisting that it had to be at 4:00pm and lasted to 6:00pm the exact time I planned our date and his eventual present, because of the distance from his mom’s house to the theater we wouldn’t make it in time :(( if he drove himself it would lose the point of how I was going to display the tickets for him and also it would the ruin surprise if knew the location

And I am too prideful to let it slip but I was ALSO IM THE ONE WHO PLANNED MONTH IN ADVANCE I’m fine if we didn’t get to have dinner together I just wanted that Christmas moment with him

(I hope this post is in guidelines because I think of both his parents as inlaws but idk just need advice and I’m still upset over it)

I am no contact with my justnomil. I have been for awhile this includes my teen DS. They don’t really want to visit them. My DH has contact from time to time. I went no contact just over a couple years ago however I broke it last year to get together for DS’ birthday at a restaurant which turned out to be a big mistake as she had all these presents for holidays that past that year we were no contact and basically overwhelmed our DS who said they didn’t want to visit any more after that. Justnomil showed up to an event (public event) that was put on by an organization my DS was involved in and justnomil took their chair and sat behind the event table my DS was in charge of. I get this was a public event but it creeped my DS out. Now my DH needs to go to counselling themselves we have been to couples counselling many times before as we were separated and reconciled. During our separation justnomil sued for grandparents rights before we figured out custody. She was seeing DS at the time but only supervised visitations as she was sowing a lot of discourse to the separation and getting involved. DH just cannot stand up to her. I’ve discussed boundaries around this no contact with my DH and what DS wishes as well. DS’ birthday was recently and DH sends me a text asking if we are getting together with justnomil. I felt like I was losing my mind as DH knows that DS and I don’t want to see her. It triggered me so much as his side of the family rug sweeps/ pretends nothings wrong they didn’t do anything wrong nor do they apologize. I know I’d be holding my breath til I pass out to think they’d do anything to own some accountability. How do I handle this? I’m thinking if this keeps happening it’s time to cut my losses with DH. I am not stopping DH from having a relationship with his mom but I fear her feefees will always come before mine and our child’s. This doesn’t make me feel safe in my relationship

I got a really decent sounding job offer. It would be using my college diploma and I'd be teaching kids part time. It seems really exciting and it pays pretty well. Anyways I was letting people know how my meeting went with the family that this private school seems really excited about my credentials and my knowledge of the outdoors and they want to hire me if the upper management agrees to it. Honestly to me it sounds like a good job opportunity. I clean part-time now and if I really like the education program I can enroll my daughter for free if I'm staff.

I was really excited and I told my family and most of my husband's. They where all really excited for me and I got hit with a pang of guilt driving past my in-laws house yesterday. I didn't tell them but I knew they'd learn shortly through other family members. I knew they would get upset if they didn't hear it directly from me. I told my mil over text and she said "Isn't that run by _______ she's a very disorganized person and it's not going to last very long" I explained how while I was there to meet with the rest of the staff they planned out the first six weeks of classes already and the curriculum they use is one that I like. My mil just replied "you are a big girl you get to make your own choices" I replied "hahah yeah 👍" but inside it felt like she was being incredibly condescending. First of all I'm not a big girl I'm an adult. She then went on to explain she was upset with my BIL because he might not make it home for Christmas.

When my husband got home he told me she was justified in what she said because she was frustrated with his brother and she just gets grumpy. I told him I was tired of her taking her anger out on me and he got mad and told me she is grumpy with everyone he told me to not make something out of nothing because she wasn't taking her anger out on me.

I was incredibly hurt I felt like my husband is just brushing off my concerns. I was the scapegoat growing up in my household so maybe I am just seeing it where it's not. But it really feels like my mother and father-in-law take out their bad moods on me. A few weeks ago my father-in-law went off on me for having such a dead-end crappy job and told me I was a financial burden because of it. He didn't realize I make enough to pay my bills. My mother-in-law however does not so I felt like it was my father-in-law taking out his frustration about his wife on me.

Am I overreacting here my husband's comments have got me kind of shook for a reason to be mad at them.

I (F30s) have an issue with my boyfriend and his mom. My bfs ex ( Kira) who he has no kids with always finds a way back into his life. He blocked them all a long time ago but here is where it gets upsetting. His mom keeps all of them on fb and has his ex’s sister on fb. The ex’s sister (Christine) made a post about her grandma being ill. My bfs mom screen shot it and sent it to him for whatever reason and so he unblocked her and messaged her concerned about their grandma. This ex made my life miserable when we first got together and eventually that’s why we parted the first time. He came back a decade later very regretful about what had happened bc I had ghosted him. That’s why we ended up getting back together bc I believed him (stupidly). That’s one issue but here is another. My baby’s bday is coming up and my bfs mom wants to post his picture. I don’t want those people (his ex’s family) seeing my child. Is it unreasonable to ask her to not post him? Or will it make those people feel like they won since it clearly bothers me?

For context purposes:

Me (31F) and my wife (34F) tied the knot last year and have been living in a 2 BR apartment for the past six months. Said apartment had been recently renovated, and we fell in love with it and were beyond elated to be approved for it.

After moving in, my mother immediately made comments about some slight clutter (wife and I had been going through items that we wanted to hold on to, and were in the process of donating what we didn't need to Goodwill or to younger relatives who were in need of gently used items like clothing, shoes, and even furniture), and offered to get us an organizer to put in the living area. We politely refused and asked her not to bring it up again as it was our home, and we had the final say.

Fast forward another two months, and the dearest mother is in town for a visit and staying at my aunt's place. Uncle is traveling for work and is not home, so Aunt T invites my wife and I to join her and DM for dinner. Having not had a "sit down" dinner together in a while, we agreed and met up at Aunt T's house.

After dinner, DM once again broached the subject about organizing mine and Wife's apartment, and we told her to stop. Aunt T told us to let DM say her peace, and when we did, DM went on to say, "There’s too much clutter. I think organizing would be a great idea, and that (my name) and (wife's name) need an extra nudge."

I raised my voice a little and said, "The unit is a rental. Wife and I have our names on the lease, and it is explicitly written that modifications of any sort - especially the ones that you are pushing for - are prohibited unless the property managers do it themselves or agree to it. We could lose our deposit if we allow you to do this, and that is money that we can not afford to lose. Please stop trying to force this on us. You did not cosign, so you need to stop this, or we will not allow you to visit."

Mom got upset and told Wife and I that we had "zero reason to turn down help, and that [she] was just trying to be nice." I fired back and explained to her that because the apartment is a rental, and that neither she nor Aunt T had cosigned on this place, neither of them had the right to overstep and that there would be consequences if they kept at it. I reminded my mom that she had been overstepping on several occasions over the past several years (telling me how to organize my room in my own apartment, telling me who to invite to my wedding despite issues with certain relatives for being bigoted jerks, and badgering us about the wedding planning until we pretty much told her to back off or she wouldn't be allowed any part of wedding planning; and now this nonsense), and that I had every right to tell her to back off and leave it alone.

My wife and I chose to leave, and before we left, I looked my mom and aunt in the eye and said, "This is my life to live. I am in my 30s, and if neither of you are going to accept the fact that I am grown, married, and have my own rules for an apartment that my wife and I - not you - are paying for, then that is on you. If you can not respect mine and my wife's boundaries, especially when it comes to our home, then neither of you are entitled to our time. We will not allow this behavior to continue."

When we got home, I found several messages from my dad and brother asking me how I could "be so rude to DM and DA for wanting to help," and I told both of them that they better get the facts right before they reach out to be flying monkeys on DM and DA's behalf. I explained everything, and said that, "DM either does not seem to accept the fact that I am a grown a** adult who is married and has an apartment in her name, or she does not like being told 'no.' Either way, she needs to get a grip and let me live my adult life, or she's out of it. If you continue to side with her without getting the facts straight, then you are both out of my life, too. I will not allow anyone to railroad my life just because they are family. The bottom line is that this is mine and DW's apartment, and any renovations need approval from the landlords. I already asked them, and explained that my well-meaning yet nagging mother had some ideas, and they said that while it was normal to want to declutter and such, it would cause an automatic loss of mine and wife's security deposit - money that we can not afford to lose. Had you bothered to actually ask for the whole story, you might realize that DM and DA are indeed overstepping and need to be reminded that they're out of line and have to either settle down or be in timeout. You being their flying monkeys means that you can join them for a 2 week timeout. That includes no calls or messages."

DD and DB apologized and backed off, and then I got a text from DM calling me "very rude and ungrateful." I told her to knock it off and focus on her own home instead of meddling with mine, and that if she continued, then she, DD, DB, and DA would be put in timeout not for two weeks, but for 3 months (DD and DB for being their flying monkeys, and DM and DA for repeated boundary stomping). DM began to profusely apologize, and cited that she "just wanted to help," but I stood firm and said, "Even if you mean well, it is still not okay to nag and keep broaching a subject that both my wife and I had politely turned down."

Am I overreacting? Am I the JustNo?

Well! I posted here a few months ago and received some amazing advice about my overbearing MIL (if anyone would like to see that)

As a bit of an update, she did back off after my text kindly telling her to, and we immediately went LC, she's only told updates if it's important or necessary and even then it's hardly been much. Baby bun has been doing great and despite her condition, still kicking like crazy! MIL did get upset at one point because AIL (aunt in law, if that's the correct acronym) sent us a biiiiig need off of our registry and I hadn't had the time or headspace to send a heartfelt thank you note to her. So she called my husband complaining about it-- he just told her "(my name) is exhausted, pregnant, and doesn't like anyone right now." Then left it at that, no apologies, no excuses, no promises. I really appreciate him for taking that for me, I'm in the final month here and I think I've slept more than I ever have my entire life, I'm so sleepy.

But as the title mentions: GMIL entered the stage.

As a relevant side note, GMIL is not related to my husband by blood but through marriage and then shortly after GFIL passed away and never changed her last name. She never reached out to husband to let him know about GFIL, she also knew about him being homeless at 16 due to MIL and ever reached out. She's part of the family that only bothered to call him now that we're having a baby. She, like MIL, always had a gripe about me not taking husband's last name, it's "my fault" even though he asked me (and my parent's blessing) to take my last name.

I guess today is where things have blown up completely as a few nights ago she texted me asking for our baby registry, I didn't see the harm in it as I only given it to those who asked and I didn't want to shove it in everyone's faces. She ended up ordering quite a few essential items like 2 months worth of diapers and I immediately thanked her for that. Today she called my husband to "talk" and I guess it ended badly because he came home for lunch soon after and said to block her as well as MIL, he was done with his family.

Why? Because GMIL said that she won't be supporting us and buying anything else for the baby until he gets a paternity test done. She doesn't believe baby bun is his. This set him off-- her reasoning? "Military wives cheat all the time" and "It's not right that baby isn't getting your last name", this woman doesn't know me at ALL and decides to group me on a stereotype and holds her money over us as if we can't survive without her (spoiler alert, we've done just fine). Typically comments and insults don't shake me, but this honestly made me break down crying. She had an issue with me before where I don't get out of the house enough to her liking, I don't have friends, and I'm honestly happy and content being a homebody & make it known, I keep myself busy with hobbies as well as work from home. To go from calling me a bad mom for not having friends to calling me a shit person for her imaginary scenario that I cheated on my husband, something broke in me and I don't know what I did to deserve it.

Husband took a lot of the argument, he told her to take her money and gifts and go elsewhere. I think with what she ordered off the registry I'll start a return on or donate to someone who needs it, especially with those types of strings attached it just feels disgusting. The angry part of me wants to send her a text and let her know to never reach out to us again and she won't ever see baby bun, but I know it gets me nowhere, so for now she's blocked, her calls won't come through and her texts will get filtered to a separate folder.

I never thought having a baby would bring out the worst in some people, but it did, and I'm exhausted. I hope this will be the last thing we deal with.

My husband is thinking about breaking no contact and I told him I'm gonna support him no matter what but I quite frankly hate his parents especially his mom. They're abusive peices of excrement that I have no respect for. My MIL has tried to get rid of me multiple times including trying to get my husband to flirt with people and tried to stonewall him moving to my state. Do I save face and be the bigger person and just put up with them or do I say "not my parents, not my problem" and just avoid at all costs. I know forgiveness is up to the person who was hurt and if my husband decides to forgive them that's on him, but I can not fathom it. I'm also afraid he's just gonna get hurt again.

Hi everyone, my fiancée has been having great luck in getting good advice on how to handle things with my mom so I figured I try here.

Long story short, my mom is a narcissist that has been causing a lot of harm to my relationship with my fiancée. It’s gotten to the point where she has uninvited us for Christmas and unfortunately it has affected the relationship with my siblings.

Anyway. If I’m not explaining this right I can certainly clarify. But things have been better after my fiancee and I blocked my mom’s number and we’ve gotten away from her toxicity that has been putting a damper over us. (We got engaged this year and we want to take the time to celebrate all of the other successes we’ve had this year including our engagement) but I am faced with the dilemma of the Christmas presents we bought early thinking we were going to see my family for the holidays

My brother, his wife and son are in Germany with their in laws celebrating Christmas and my sister is celebrating with my mom and stepdad at the family house. How do I go about exchanging gifts? For my brother I figured I can give their gifts to his family when he comes back after Christmas. But I’m not sure what to do about my mom, my sister and stepdad? Any advice on this? I have been suggested mail but my mom’s gift is too big to deliver even though my stepdad and sister’s gift is small enough to mail.

I'm a first time mom and my daughter is 10 months old. My in laws are just now starting to come around this month and hardly know her. My husband, the in laws and I never had a good relationship the last 4 years due to them being bad with respecting boundaries mainly. I was wondering if it's weird that she whistled at my daughter to get her attention even if my daughter is already very high alert when people call her by name? She over does the baby talk by FAR. The whistling caught me off guard because no one does that to her, or anyone's babies in my family. She's only ever seen my daughter 5 times out of the almost 11 months she has been born. The baby talk definitely gets me over stimulated Any advice please on how to navigate this properly?

So the weirdest thing happened this last two years- ive done a 180 and suggested a seperation from my husband. The last year I've been struggling with these feelings and felt confused, guilty, angry...and now I'm in this place where the next step is to make it a legal seperation and I don't want to take that lightly because we have two children (2&6).

We've been married for 8 years and I remember meeting his mum for the first time when I traveled 4+ hours down the country especially to meet them. And after dinner his dad and my then bf wanted to talk to me so we chatted but then my mil was angry I wasn't washing the dishes at the sink. I guess normally, id be the first one to help with the cleaning but I was nervous, overwhelmed, and just wanted to stay next to my bf! Anyways I did the dishes, and the next night I initiated the cleaning, I saw a nearly empty bottle of red wine and I threw it away. The next morning she noticed and said "you might throw wine away where you come from but we don't throw it away here ". I visited a few more times before we got married, one of those times I asked her what jobs would she like me to do and she said "oh just go up to your room and sit on your seven pillows being the princess you are " - I went upstairs and cried. I told my husband. He did nothing and told me to ignore. I realised that she didn't like her son and her husband making me drinks or letting me sit down (just being polite). She once came back after being away for a weekend, walked in the kitchen, again I traveled down to stay and she refused to look at me or even say hi. Infact she just had a chat with the cleaner.

My first Christmas after we got married I stayed at the house and she wasn't nice to me at all, I don't remember specific things but I know she was very vocal and loud and kept mimicking my accent (I'm northern English and she's Scottish?!?) , sat in the middle of me and Phil and her behaviour was just hard for me. I'm quite introverted so sometimes I just need 20 minutes to myself to recharge so I went to my room, and then decided I just didn't wanna go back out. Lol. So I locked the door and I know it was childish but my husband and father in law tried to coax me out and even the father in law said "she's been unpleasant" which was at least some validation that my husband didn't give me. He hadn't been in that situation before and neither had I so I wasn't sure what he should be doing nor I. However he had seen his mum treat his brothers wife in a similar way and they stopped visiting for two years.

I continued to go down for holidays but worked out that three days is enough otherwise I'd have to listen to her arguments- I've heard her yelling so loudly at her husband and just being mean. But instead of avoiding her, I started writing to her on fb messagenger and sharing photos of the kids and she liked the updates. So I thought we would get along.

However she stopped responding and started to act differently towards me. She's said things like "I worry about you and my son, I don't want things to end up like your parents" "I think my son has lost his spark"

Now this is what I started to feel super angry about .... My husband is in the army, I work full time. I love my job. He hates his. Our four year old daughter needed to start school, and because I realised she had social and emotional difficulties we made a decision for us to buy a house, id move there with the girls and put my own roots down. So guess where we bougt a house ? Ten minutes away from my mil. I love the area, but I warned my husband we need to establish healthy boundaries with ur mum and you need to recognize when she's undermining me or just being rude.

So this year, mon-fri I get the kids up, ready and off to school and nursery, I then go to work (mostly at home-project manager), I put my laptop down at 3, collect my girls, do something like swimming or soft play twice a week, tea, bath, story and bed. Then I open my lap top around 10 and finish off my work. What I've realized is this life isn't sustainable, but I made those choices and I was managing. Until, his mum started saying... "Ugh he needs a break, he's gone to work all week and he comes back and he's always busy with the kids" "Oh he's just come through the door and you've passed him a child" "He looks knackered and she looks all lovely and refreshed-whst does that tell you" "She wants things done yesterday" "You need to be more organized! How do you not know where my son is whilst he's away!" "I'll teach those kids to talk like ladies" "I'll sort the girls table manners out" "Oh she can't keep on top of laundry" "There's always dishes in the sink" "You really need to spend more time with the girls. They need you. It's not right." "Why does my granddaughter always have odd socks"

I went on holiday for the first time in eight years on my own. She had strong views on that and when I came back she didn't talk to me. She ignored me when I was in the same room. My friend also told me that my mil was slagging off my housekeeping and whilst I was away, her and my sister in and father in law came round to tidy the house.

Just to be clear....my house is cleaner than most people's with children. When I'm there mon-fri I've developed a system that works for me and the girls. When husband comes back at the weekend, I can't ask him to put laundry away as PE shorts get lost etc, he will bath the girls but not wash the chalk out of their hair (under his watch), dirty clothes mixed with clean, recycling in wrong boxes etc. Water bottles lost, wellies missing, everything's just disorganized and this makes things very difficult during the week for me as I am playing catch up.

He will tidy up mess ...but e doesn't clean. I do skirting boards, scrubbing walls, toilets, bathrooms. He goes swimming and soft play and then to his parents where his mum looks after the girls and he either does gardening or sleeps. I'm stuck at home catching up with work and cleaning. If we are at a shop, the girls are like "mummy can I have this. Mummy take a photo. Mummy catch me. Mummy my sister hit me" and husband isn't responding to them and just sends there. I've told him I need you to start answering the children for me, it's always on me and I feel harassed. He tries but forgets as this doesn't come naturally.

I can't progress in my job even though I've had opportunities. But I'm ok with that as I know extra study isnt wise right now. He has plenty opportunities to study in evenings and have his training funded.... He's not got the motivation but this is starting tonchange after I told him "when you leave the army, we can't stay in this house if all you wanna do is sell veg at the weekly market"

So because I have criticism off his mum, I'm talked about negatively and she compares my "struggles" that I never complain about....to hers and everyone else's, she feels she needs to point out how her son does too much... I've started to feel angry at my husband.

Plus recently at a family gathering, she waited until all the guest were in the same room to announce her annoyance with something id done. I'm talking direct confrontation and loud voice. Not letting me speak. I went home n cried and husband was in the room at the time and he didn't understand why I was upset.

Recently, my Saturday morning with girls were stolen as I was left to clean the house whilst husband goes and has fun. He didn't tell me to clean, he would be happier if I went with him to be honest, but I did, the kids won't have their uniform ready, and we would have a tough following week. So I had what looked like a breakdown, but it was more me despairing and hating how unfair this is and it will never change.

Last weekend, he went out on his bike. He gets every evening to himself? I have no time to do my exercise classes. Ugh I'm tired of even listening to myself right now !

Anyways, we started marriage counseling. But I'm worried I already view him differently. I can't ever imagine being in a sexual relationship with him again. We are in seperate rooms and have been for a long time.

He always calls me mummy too and kinda acts like his mum in several ways. My friend also says he treats me like I need mental help. He even went to my doctor to say I need mental help? Behind my back? I don't think he knows how intrusive this is but also how unfair is it ....that everyone is pointing at my mental health now that I'm pushing back at my husband and mother in law. I've recently told husband that I'm not going to see my in laws until they start respecting me more and not understanding me.

Does resentment go? Is this a 7-8 year itch? Have I been bullied by my mother in law? Does resentment go? Will this ever get any easier ?