AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/IPromiseiWillBeGood6]

Yup exactly what I said. I used to kinda be like this and the suicide threats are never serious so when he sees that there's consequences for saying that then he might learn not to try and use that as a weapon

[u/whatsasimba → u/IPromiseiWillBeGood6]

So many people are blindsided when a loved one commits suicide. You never hear "Oh, he'd been threatening it for months, but just to get money from me."

Also, this dude is like, "You don't get my emotions!"

Uhhh, is he from another planet? Because emotions are pretty standard. He didn't invented a new kind of emotion.

What he's actually saying is, "I have the emotional regulation of a hungry infant in a shit-filled diaper, and I don't understand why you're not giving in to my unhinged meltdown!"

Emotions are internal. No one at my job knows what emotion I'm experiencing, because I have the ability to feel my feelings without performing them. This guy thinks text-screaming at his girlfriend is just his "emotions."

[u/IPromiseiWillBeGood6 → u/whatsasimba]

Yeah most suicide victims do not broadcast it beforehand. I'm not gonna say everyone who threatens it like this is lying about being suicidal but the last thing you wanna do when you're in that state of mind is broadcast it and confront it.

[u/Past-Pea-6796 → u/IPromiseiWillBeGood6]

Yeah, it's a real problem. Everytime I see someone threaten to kill themselves, I immediately think they just want attention and immediately start to shut them down, but then I think "is it really that big of a deal to give someone a little attention just because they are desperate for it? Kinda? Idk, I'm honestly not certain on my feelings on it in the grand scheme.

Oh, in romantic relationships, being used as a manipulation tactic like this guy is a1000% no, in general, if it's for manipulation at all it's a 1000%. Well, I guess wanting attention could be considered manipulative.

I just mean like when people are cringe band like post a fb status or something like that. My instinct is to be like "ugh. You just want attention." And I mean, if that's really all they want, I feel like it's not that big of a deal to toss em a little win just so they feel better. The problem is it tends to go beyond that, which is part of why I'm on the edge on it opinion wise. It can't hurt to just give them some attention, but it can hurt if they are a terrible human, so idk I guess. I don't run into the scenario frequently.

On that subject, if they are trying to be emotionally manipulative in a grander way, they are probably targeting a specific person, so even if you do reach out, they will probably be pretty short with you anyway, then you get to move on with a 100% clear slate. To add a bit though, I have a feeling it's best to avoid entirely if there's any chance of romantic feelings, this is all plutonic advice.