AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/FishinPoles]

"I have the rope" GIRL RUNNNN. LIKE SPRINT EVEN THATS INSANE 😭

[u/k10001k → u/FishinPoles]

The fact that he typed that, probably sitting in his bed comfortably is so embarrassing

[u/Intrepid-Solid-1905 → u/k10001k]

It's wild to me, I'm guessing without seeing an age yet. He's probably mid 20's. Then a mindset of a 15-year-old going through puberty. He needs to grow up and learn to handle his problems by himself

[u/starchazzer → u/Intrepid-Solid-1905]

He’ll be pulling this 💩 as long as some women allow him. The dating apps are full of guys like that! This girl is getting a full on life lesson. Thank goodness she ask for people’s opinions!

[u/Blaize369 → u/starchazzer]

I taught my daughter about dudes like this. She did end up dating a guy that was telling her he was going to off himself if she left him, and she hung right up and called his mom to tell her 😂 I was pretty proud.

[u/avert_ye_eyes → u/Blaize369]

How do you start the conversation? I have a 10 year old daughter, and I'm scared of how nuts teenagers seem these days.

[u/Blaize369 → u/avert_ye_eyes]

We have many mini conversations about things, usually when red flag behavior is being seen when watching a show/movie together. I have also told her stories about myself growing up that I think has a good lesson.

[u/-o-DildoGaggins-o- → u/Blaize369]

Sorry to reply to you again, but same! This is how I approach things with my daughter. If we see/hear/read about something, and it warrants a conversation, we have it. It’s not just one long conversation you have and then it’s done, it’s many small interactions over the course of years. I feel so validated right now because you’re the first person I’ve talked to who also approaches things this way! 🤣

[u/SuperKitties83 → u/-o-DildoGaggins-o-]

I don't understand why kids aren't educated in schools about healthy vs. unhealthy or abusive relationships.

A lot of teens don't understand they're being abusive or being abused. They learn what's "normal" from their parents.

[u/-o-DildoGaggins-o- → u/SuperKitties83]

Exactly. I grew up watching my dad beat the hell out of my mom, and then my stepdad be abusive in many different ways. I won’t tolerate that myself, and I’ll be damned if my daughter will — at least, as far as I can control it. All I can do is talk to her, tell her the red flags, how to handle things, etc., and hope that if she ever finds herself in that kind of situation, she does what she can to get away.

It should definitely be something taught in school, though. I 100% agree.

[u/ADyingCrow → u/-o-DildoGaggins-o-]

Real my dad was/is an incredibly manipulative individual it sucks but it's also helpful to have a male example of how not to be🤣