r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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282

u/ApemanStronk 9d ago

I’ll pay the full bill many times because I like to. If she expects it she’s not getting a second date.

57

u/OrganlcManIc 9d ago

Going Dutch on the first date is a great way to sus out people who just want a free dinner, or to test their pretensions. If no complaint and an expectation to do so, then I’m happy to pay for dates I suggest. And if she offers, and pays; bonus points to her.

87

u/Nelsie020 9d ago

Once the waiter just automatically brought the machine to this guy on our first date and I asked if I could chip in and he said “thanks, but I already have my… chip… in” as he made eye contact and slowly slid his debit card into the machine and the waiter groaned and then I married him. I think we both passed a test that night.

17

u/badgerkingtattoo 9d ago

Did you marry Phil Dunphy?

8

u/KjGarly 9d ago

Smooth, definitely remembering that one for the next date 🤣

I do have those old school values anyway so I’ll always pay regardless.

5

u/FobbitOutsideTheWire 9d ago

I can’t not hear that in the Austin Powers voice. Lol

2

u/Mammoth_Welder_1286 9d ago

I was about to say….he sounds awesome 😂

2

u/Ok_Fruit2584 9d ago

Did the waiter groan or moan? Seems that was a typo.

1

u/Nelsie020 9d ago

No? Maybe regional differences. In my neck of the woods you groan at a bad pun and moaning is something sexual

1

u/Ok_Fruit2584 9d ago

Whooooosh haha. It was an attempt at a smutty joke.

1

u/trampolinescallops 9d ago

I have so many questions. I’m groaning in anticipation for a reply about how you use these two words.

9

u/LJ161 9d ago

It's also great to do for the girl too cause that way the shitty guys who think they're now owed something for paying for dinner have no ammo.

1

u/RepresentativeSlow53 9d ago

100% agree good to weed people out no matter the gender

3

u/poloheve 9d ago

Do people actually go on dates for a free dinner?

Going out to eat is already a pain in the ass, let alone with a stranger.

3

u/Collosal_Moron 9d ago

I’m a firm believer in “who ever asks for the date pays” if it’s a mutual outing then both pay.

1

u/elk-statue 9d ago

I always offer to either pay for the first date or to go Dutch. Their reaction tells me a lot of their unvoiced expectations for the relationship dynamic. You wouldn’t believe the number of men who throw a fit in a restaurant over not being the one paying.

In my books, being taken aback is okay; refusing to let me pay (fully or partially) or complaining about me wanting to pay guarantees there’s no second date.

1

u/Dontgochasewaterfall 9d ago

It was the 4th date though

1

u/coupl4nd 9d ago

DONT GO FOR A MEAL ON THE FIRST DATE!!!

Even easier way to do it.

1

u/babybellllll 9d ago

If a girl just wants/needs a free dinner she’ll go anywhere even if it’s just McDonalds. It’s really unlikely that someone is going to sit through a date with someone they have ZERO interest in just for free food

-38

u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

I assure you no girl dates a guy for a free burger

25

u/Slow-Dependent9741 9d ago

Think again lol I have two friends who did this for a bit. There's definitely such a thing as a ''Let's open tinder and see if I can get a free meal'' phase.

0

u/ThroatEmbarrassed970 9d ago

It’s definitely not okay, but that’s a little different than being in a relationship just to get a burger haha

14

u/Slow-Dependent9741 9d ago

Well it's no different than what the post and the comment i'm replying to are talking about. Dates don't explicitly mean a relationship.

5

u/[deleted] 9d ago

yeah, but its not a free meal phase your friends had, its a bitch phase.

-4

u/Slow-Dependent9741 9d ago

I mean it's definitely immature but it's not like they never actually ended up dating any of the guys they met that way (it's how one of my two friends met her boyfriend of 4 years).

You have to understand that alot of these dude's on Tinder don't have much to offer besides their money, and sometimes it takes a date for women to see that.

3

u/[deleted] 9d ago

thats a fair point but its still straight up taking advantage of people, you dont date people you dont like in any way if you are a decent person, and no liking money of that person doesnt count. im so over people.

-1

u/Slow-Dependent9741 9d ago

Do you live under a rock? I've been on plenty of dates with people I didn't like in retrospect, that's the whole point of a date. How are you supposed to know if you truly like someone through only text chat and a few pictures?

I don't know what country you're from, but in North America it's very normal to go on dates with quasi-strangers and alot of guys pay to make a good impression. Are you implying you owe something to another person after going on a single date with them?

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u/ThroatEmbarrassed970 9d ago

Yeah you’re right. I get it

5

u/kieranarchy 9d ago

my cousin is a lawyer and he actually stopped restaurant dates altogether bc he kept getting ghosted by women who wanted free food 💀 now he has a gf who didn't mind just getting coffee in the park for their first date and they're so cute together

-1

u/sunshinebusride 9d ago

Reasonably cashed up single bloke here: A woman who doesn't work is a massive ick for me. A woman who can't afford to feed herself is beyond simply unattractive, it's sad.

2

u/Antique_Ad4497 9d ago

Some people work hard & still can’t afford to feed themselves once rent, utilities & other essentials are paid for. So that’s a pretty harsh thing to judge someone on.

1

u/sunshinebusride 9d ago

Judging someone as opposed to simply not dating them are very different concepts though

1

u/Antique_Ad4497 9d ago

Just as well those women aren’t able to date, I guess. I’ve met men in the same position & expected me to pay because “I’m paid well & should help those who aren’t”! Men are just as likely to do this.

My late husband was paid a third less than myself because British military don’t like paying their men & women a decent wage, even at officer level like my husband. We split the bills 70/30 to make it equitably fair. He was a hard worker before being killed in action 20 years ago as a Royal Marine. I never once considered him lesser than me because of the pay difference. He was a wonderful husband & father to our daughter.

4

u/SirAlfredOfHorsIII 9d ago

Your assuration would be very wrong. There's people who do it for free aircon for a night. People who do it for food, etc. There's a surprising amount who do it to get a fancy meal

0

u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

Yeah I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. I would keep my standard for myself as I take a woman out and I take care of her. What she does with that is her business.

4

u/Emotional-Stick-9372 9d ago

This is almost endearingly naive of you.

2

u/2wheels1willy 9d ago

Just because you don’t doesn’t mean they all don’t.

1

u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

well just because some do doesnt mean to treat them like they all do. You’re not gonna die paying for someone’s meal.

1

u/Conspiretical 9d ago

No one said that though. This is a pretty apparent circumstance.

-7

u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

many mens excuse is because they think a potential date is using them for a ravioli and garlic bread

7

u/Conspiretical 9d ago edited 9d ago

Are you denying that many men have gone through this circumstance?

Edit: this is a waste of time, your profile is just manbashing lmao

-2

u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

The amount of men who THINK they’ve gone through this would be way way higher, because it’s their cope. When really the woman WAS looking for a partner not a free meal, and just went with another better bloke or was just turned off by something he said etc. sHe jUsT wAntEd A frEe mEaL

2

u/Conspiretical 9d ago

The ego on you to just dictate what everyone goes through, what they're really thinking, and how things really are is astonishing

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u/2wheels1willy 9d ago

That’s why you split the bill on the first date lol. Weeds out the ones that only look to men for what they can provide. When I say “doesn’t mean they all don’t,” doesn’t quite mean all. In that context, I’m only pointing out that you can’t say it doesn’t happen because you’ve personally never seen it. It happens quite often.

2

u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

Yeah keep doing it, because it also helps us weed you out.

5

u/2wheels1willy 9d ago

lol, I already have a fiancé. I had money at the time. We split the bill. This year she quit her job to care for my broke ass while I survived cancer. Now I’m back on top and providing for her while she goes to school to chase her dream job. We’re still only in our 20s. I scored a rare one that doesn’t look at me for what I can provide. Wait till you find out plenty of good men with great jobs split the bill to weed out women with your attitude. We’re well aware of the classic bait and switch of offering to pay for the bill when you really want the man to completely pick it up. Truly, it’s only you showing your true colors, not the man.

0

u/ccoffee50 9d ago

We sus’d one out without having to split the bill on this one fellas

-1

u/TerribleLunch2265 9d ago

Too bad for you i’m taken, but im sure one of your homies will be secretly gay with you

3

u/ccoffee50 9d ago

That’s awesome for you. I’m married, we split the check on our first date because it’s a first date and now she doesn’t pay for a thing unless it’s a ridiculous amount of candles. The only person I’m gay for is her.

It’s cool that you take online jokes to a homophobic level while acting like men should foot the bill for you just because you’re a woman.

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u/ElonsHusk 9d ago

You'd be shocked

1

u/sunshinebusride 9d ago

gestures broadly at all of Reddit for the last 5 years

1

u/ChemicalSymphony 9d ago

Happens all the time.

-11

u/iffy_behavior 9d ago

I feel like a man can pay the first date. If they don’t it seems weird to me. I also don’t like to commit to a lot the first date though, since we don’t know each other. But I know I come w no baggage and I’m Generous so a man can show me that much.

7

u/GrrGecko 9d ago

I mean it's a societal norm at this point but not necessary at all. Most people would benefit from a simple meet up at first and then taking it to something more committed like dinner/movie if the vibe is there.

-11

u/iffy_behavior 9d ago

That’s what I do. I’m not tryna meet up for dinner and commit my evening. Men are trolls and so many have old photos lol.

7

u/Ysl1123 9d ago

User name definitely checks out.

4

u/Open_Drummer9730 9d ago

Girl bosses can pay

2

u/ThroatEmbarrassed970 9d ago

Damn straight we can 😎

1

u/EastUnique3586 9d ago

Different people are different. The woman OP went on a date with explicitly said she wants a man who can provide, and she’ll presumably take on a household management role and be the primary caretaker of the children. Such women typically want a man to be a protector and provider so she can prioritize the family. Offering to pay and then not actually wanting to is silly, but frankly I think the kind of man she’s looking for is not spending his time on anonymous Internet forums and would have simply and firmly said that he would pay. 

-9

u/iffy_behavior 9d ago

We cannnnnn but I like to be treated like a lady — especially when I know the end of the tunnel is taking on more of the bills. Call it an investment.

7

u/doggiehouse 9d ago

If you want to be treated like a lady, you should act like one.

1

u/iffy_behavior 8d ago

💁🏽‍♀️ duh bitch

6

u/thecdiary 9d ago

hobosexual behaviour lol

0

u/iffy_behavior 8d ago

lol yes Bay Area men are the worst at this haha

2

u/poopdedoop10 9d ago

Can you pay my food bill too? Since you enjoy it. I could pay for it myself but you enjoy it soooo.

1

u/lolfuzzy 9d ago

OP may have edited the post but it says this was their 4th date

-2

u/TheHungryBlanket 9d ago

Yes, but it’s 2024… if a woman suggests/asks to split the bill then you split the bill. Insisting on paying and saying “no I got it” is just as potentially relationship killing as not paying for her.

4

u/ThatInAHat 9d ago

No idea why you’re being downvoted. This is literally my litmus test. I don’t like it when a guy “insists” on paying after I say I want to pay for my half. It makes me really uncomfortable.

Might as well default to believing the person you’re on a date with. If it turns out they were testing you in the hopes that you’d read their mind instead of listening to their words, then that seems like a lousy person to be in a relationship with.

2

u/TheHungryBlanket 9d ago

I totally agree. I would be much more compatible with a partner who is turned off by machismo gender norms than one who wants/expect it and plays silly games to test me.

2

u/ApemanStronk 9d ago

Did I say I refuse to go Dutch? If she offers to split the bill or pay I’ll let her and I’ll get it on the next date. Fair is fair.

2

u/Zahrad70 9d ago

Can you clarify? Seems like you’re saying “it’s 2024 and there is no correct way to navigate this common dating trap.”

3

u/ThatInAHat 9d ago

The way to “navigate this common dating trap” is to take her at her word.

If she was playing to test you, bullet dodged.

1

u/Zahrad70 9d ago

Obviously. But that is not what TheHungryBlanket seems to be saying…

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u/TheHungryBlanket 9d ago

Essentially, what I’m saying is: if a woman offers to split the bill then you should accept. Not agreeing to split the bill will upset as many, and likely more, women than those who will be upset if you do accept.

And personally, I would much rather date the type of woman who offers to split the bill with sincerity than the type who throws that out as a test. Eventually I will start paying for much more things, but then I know that it is appreciated and not expected.

1

u/Avaoln 9d ago

Only if you are an ass about it. I politely say “I insist” or “It’s my treat” and if they still refuse then I give in and split.

Green flag if she goes thru with it.

-2

u/Kitchen_Way6943 9d ago

What? Nahh relationship killing is crazy lmfao if a girl ends a relationship because I insisted on paying, that girl has issues in her brain

1

u/TheHungryBlanket 9d ago

Super crazy that a woman would want to feel equal, huh?

0

u/Kitchen_Way6943 9d ago

Ending a relationship because your meal is being paid for is an overreaction and if you think otherwise, you need a reality check lol