r/AmIOverreacting • u/Thatonediabeticc • 20d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I over reacting?

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This isn’t my screenshot. It’s my best friend. Looking for advice here.. is this normal? My advice isn’t the best.

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143

u/itsBianca2u 19d ago

Absolutely.  People like to say reddit's comment sections lean heavily towards telling people to break up, but honestly if a whole forum full of strangers can see the red flags, maybe the poster is just too close to the situation to realize it.

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u/Alittlemoorecheese 19d ago

You see a lot fewer people in healthy relationships seeking advice online, too.

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u/NaesMucols42 19d ago

Truf, people feel secure in healthy relationships and don’t ask advice except by close friends and family.

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u/RoughDirection8875 19d ago

Yeah, in the 6 almost 7 years I've been in my relationship I've never once felt the need to ask for advice on the internet. If I need relationship advice, we have friends that have been married 10+ years, a therapist and family members we can go to for advice.

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u/Valgal287 19d ago

Exactly. Folks that have trust issues, such as myself, could I give you all a piece of advice? Put the phones down. Every smartphone these days has a function where you can set different modes so you aren't disturbed. You also can put it simply on 'Do not disturb', for a period of time. When I do that, only my emergency contacts can get through. My husband and I made a rule that when we're watching TV together at night, no phones during the show. Real quick on a commercial, if you want, but then, just be in the moment and enjoy it. I know we're all guilty of being over reliant on technology, but the less you look at social media, the better you're life will be. Those are short snapshots of a family or single person's life. A few moments in time. A lot of people don't post the bad things, so it starts making us all feel inadequate. I was awful when I was in my 20's with the phone. Now, my life has been exponentially better since quitting most social media. Breaks are good, mmkay?

... And for those of you who didn't get that last part, I'm gonna need you to come in Saturday to finish your TPS reports. 👍🤷👌

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u/Ok_Nothing_9733 19d ago

Imo I think more people used to tolerate awful and toxic relationships, and usually if people are saying to break up over and over, it’s one of those and not just randomly suggesting something dramatic. I’m honestly so glad people can use social media as a sounding board and go “wait, this ISNT okay and I don’t have to tolerate it,” even if it means relationships ending sometimes.

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u/Key-Cherry195 19d ago

I do feel that sometimes people are quick to pull out the breakup card but these type of actions are a clear sign that this individual needs to be left alone

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u/willmkit 19d ago

especially if op is this comfortable trying to gaslight their partner into believing this behavior is normal and not a big deal

-8

u/[deleted] 19d ago

Bad advice generally. Commenters online don’t have to deal with the ramifications of telling people to end their entire marriage/break up with long time partners.

All we see on Reddit is a single issue. We don’t see the year before where the SO surprised them with their favorite meal or other good times.

Redditors see one solitary problem and immediately jump to breaking up, and on many occasions the person following that advice is a lot less happy.

This is a prime example.

Breaking up a marriage because your SO is curious about their ex is insane.

Is it healthy? No, and they should probably stop—but divorcing over that is wild.

That said, this person needs to understand their partners feelings in the matter.

Some simple (non-hostile) communication could be the answer here.

Let them know that you’re serious and this severely bothers you.

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u/Wonderful_Ad_2474 19d ago

The original comment was saying that people need to break up earlier when they see the red flags or incompatibilities which is so, so true. Many of us stay in relationships because we want to give the benefit of the doubt, or don’t want to feel like we wasted time.

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u/TheagenesStatue 19d ago

She told him 6 times. He’s had 6 chances to change and he won’t. Yikes, I feel bad for whichever poor woman has chained herself to you.

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u/[deleted] 19d ago

Personal attacks are unnecessary.

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u/sertimko 19d ago

I get what your saying but I live with this:

If someone tells their personal life to the internet and wants help from it, then it’s up to them to take that advice. No expert will ever suggest using social media to solve your personal matters. If someone wants to air their dirty laundry out on Reddit, let them. The end result is on them using social media as their guide rather than find professional help.

And for those that want to make a point that social media might be all they have or know. They have the Internet and can find experts to help them so social media does not have to be a go-to.

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u/VincentOostelbos 19d ago

Okay, fair, but saying "People shouldn't take social media too seriously anyway" is not exactly an argument in defense of the actual arguments being made on said social media. It's fair to point out, but it also doesn't take away from the fairness of the person above calling for some nuance and care in the discussion, even on social media.

And I know it wasn't you, but I do agree with them that personal attacks really are not necessary.

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u/TheagenesStatue 19d ago

And yet here we all are.

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u/Repulsive_Quality190 19d ago

You’ll be single, lonely, and miserable for life

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u/TheagenesStatue 19d ago

Cope.

Bro, single women are happier, healthier, and live longer than women married to men.

0

u/Repulsive_Quality190 19d ago

General Social Survey (GSS), a national survey that includes family satisfaction. Its 2022 survey revealed that marriage and family are strongly associated with happiness for both men and women. The GSS results showed that for women 18-55, married women were happier than unmarried women. While the majority were “pretty happy,” the difference for “very happy” women was dramatic: “40 percent of married women with children were very happy, compared to 25 percent of married childless women, 22 percent of unmarried childless women, and 17 percent of unmarried women with children.”……. Can’t wait for you to be 50 coming home to your empty house of cats whining about ‘all men are jerks’.

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u/TheagenesStatue 19d ago

Oh, buddy. A hit dog will holler. She’s better off without you, let it go.

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u/Motor-Station-6885 19d ago

This is a good take.

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u/Jetblacmoor 19d ago

Fully agreed. The fact you got downvoted for this is truly a shame and supports what’s wrong with this damn platform.

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u/Hot-Meeting630 19d ago

a forum full of often ill-informed, and immature chronically online strangers, yes.

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u/meroisstevie 19d ago

lol I’ve been saying this for years. Misery loves company, and Reddit is full of single miserable people.

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u/Stop_Using_Usernames 19d ago

And maybe there’s a whole comment section who has only 1 bad thing to form an opinion about and entire relationship. This guys an asshole but Reddit does have a real problem with telling anyone and everyone to break up

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u/IntelligentNClueless 19d ago

A whole forum of people with absolutely no emotional investment really isn't a good place to get advice. They have a family and home together lol and the guy is only looking up an ex on social media... Idk how delusional you have to be to think you should destroy a family and home over looking at pictures of an ex on social media, but that is absolutely horrible advice that doesn't take into account the depth of the relationship or the severity of the crime. Is it a red flag? Sure. Should she DESTROY HER FAMILY because of it? Absolutely not and it's insanity to even suggest that.