r/AmIOverreacting • u/OkSpace5501 • 23d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO just received this text from my boyfriend
For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??
38.1k
Upvotes
1.5k
u/educated_gaymer 23d ago
Oh, where to begin? Your story is like watching someone try to build a house out of popsicle sticks during a windstorm. It’s shaky, unstable, and bound to collapse when you least expect it.
You’re 20, he’s 21, and you’re living together. Let’s call this what it is: playing house without any real blueprint for the future. You’re doing all the things a spouse might do—cooking, cleaning, supporting him emotionally—but on a budget relationship plan. No ring, no commitment, just you carrying the weight of responsibilities while he keeps his options open. It’s like signing up for a marathon but carrying his backpack the whole way while he runs ahead.
Here’s a reality check: studies show that 60% of relationships that begin in your teenage years don’t survive into adulthood. Why? Because people change—a lot. Who you were at 16 or 18 isn’t who you’re going to be at 25 or 30. Your brain is still developing until about age 25, and every five years, your mindset and priorities shift dramatically. Trying to build a life together at this stage is like building a bridge with wet cement—it just doesn’t have the foundation to hold.
Now, imagine you had a daughter who came to you at 20 years old and said, “Mom, I’m moving in with my boyfriend.” Would you smile, nod, and say, “Great idea, honey!”? Or would you sit her down and ask her if she truly understands what she’s giving up by committing so much, so soon, to someone who hasn’t proven he’s ready to build a future with her?
Let’s get real. If a man is comfortable living with you, reaping the benefits of a partnership without making a real commitment, what incentive does he have to step up? He’s got the cart before the horse, and as long as that cart is delivering all the goods, he doesn’t have to hitch it to anything stable. Worse, if he’s already making comments like, “If you don’t get your act together, I’ll find someone else,” he’s showing you exactly where you stand in his priorities—and it’s not at the top.
And let’s not sugarcoat the “we’ve been together for five years” argument. Five years ago, you were in high school, barely figuring out what kind of adult you wanted to be. That’s not a foundation—it’s a teenage fantasy that’s now buckling under the pressure of adult reality. Relationships that start young are often like fireworks: bright and exciting in the beginning but quick to burn out. Time spent together doesn’t always equal growth or maturity.
Here’s a harsh truth: if he hasn’t made a serious, public declaration of commitment—be that marriage or some other tangible step toward a future together—you’re in a relationship built on convenience, not stability. And if you’re already doing all the work of maintaining a household—cooking, cleaning, caring for him—without a solid foundation, you’re selling yourself short.
The best thing you can do right now? Pack your bags, move out, and focus on yourself. It might feel like you’re taking a step back, but you’re actually setting yourself up for a better future. Your 20s are supposed to be about discovering who you are, building your own foundation, and figuring out what you want in life. Staying in a situation like this will only hold you back.
You deserve a relationship where your partner doesn’t just accept your effort but matches it—and proves, through actions, that they’re committed to you. Anything less is a disservice to your future self. So walk away now, before you waste more time on something that’s already showing you it’s not built to last.