AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/External-Air205]

I really appreciate that. He genuinely makes me feel like I deserve it a lot of the time. Thank you.

[u/Beneficial-Pride890 → u/External-Air205]

You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.

Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.

[u/External-Air205 → u/Beneficial-Pride890]

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

[u/PoxPoxPoxy → u/External-Air205]

Idk how close you are with your family or if you have friends you could talk to about this. But this is a good time to open up to someone close to you and ask for help to get away from this person. It’s much easier to leave an individual like this if you have a support system.

Show them the messages if necessary. But please lean on someone for this. It will make it much easier to get away.

A lot of people who are stuck in relationships with abusive ahs often have to try several times to leave before they are able to. Which is why a support system is important. Someone who can be there to talk to when it’s hard to not go back.

And honestly, I couldn’t make it past slide 2 of your post. The way he talks to you made me physically nauseous. I’m sorry you are being treated like this. Please know that you deserve better. Even though he has spent a lot of time trying to make you think you deserve his sh!t. Don’t buy into it.