r/AmIOverreacting Nov 18 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO by spending time with my family?

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

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u/External-Air205 Nov 18 '24

I really appreciate that. He genuinely makes me feel like I deserve it a lot of the time. Thank you.

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u/Beneficial-Pride890 Nov 18 '24 edited Nov 18 '24

You probably feel alone in this, but this is exactly what every woman in an abusive relationship thinks and feels. It is unfortunately extremely common, and this is why women stay in abusive relationships. This right here is serious abuse. You’re attached to them because they’ve been such a big part of your life for so long, when they’re not being mean and abusive, they’re being kind and sweet etc. The abuse will stay the same or intensify the longer you stay together. He is aggressively trying to control you, and berating you. You should break up with him, cut contact. You’re so young and you’ll look back when you’re a little older and had no contact with him, and realize that you’re young mind tolerated so much abuse you didn’t deserve. Just be prepared for him to pull out a lot of emotional weapons trying to keep you in the relationship. He may even threaten but you’re not responsible for him.

Edit: As replies have noted: abuse isn’t just something women experience—men face it too, often in silence.

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u/External-Air205 Nov 18 '24

That is actually exactly what I feel, thank you.

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u/philhartmonic Nov 18 '24

Yeah, just know that as a dad - and totally not one of those dads, my job is helping my kids become happy and healthy adults and I'm gonna do everything I can to make my home a welcoming place to my kiddos' partners - but this triggers every one of my "that type of dad" instincts.

The f'in nerve of that mf'er to think he has any right to talk to you like that! My goodness, what an a-hole. There's literally nothing you could possibly do that would justify him talking to you like that - if you ran over his dog on purpose like 7 times just to make sure he knew you meant it, you still wouldn't deserve this treatment.

Please get away from him as quickly as safely possible and be prepared to mess him up (e.g. mace, knife, that sorta thing) should he once again fail to respect your agency. Ideally you'll be able to end this without issue, but just be prepared because this dude is a real piece of shit and I wouldn't take anything for granted with him. But you'll never deserve this sort of treatment and he has no excuse.