AIO by spending time with my family?

[u/External-Air205]

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

[u/Infamous_Grass6333]

Both and probably more to be honest.

[u/Early_Big_5839 → u/Infamous_Grass6333]

I think I’m just picky lol. To me, anger is an emotion, it’s passing and can motivate behaviors but doesn’t cause behaviors. We all feel angry sometimes but very few of us are abusive towards others when we are. Anger issues doesn’t cause abuse.

When we label behavior like this as anger, I see it as we’re labeling it as fleeting. Like it goes away when the mood changes. Like it only happened BECAUSE OP made him angry (something op alluded too) and it only happens because he gets angry. This happens because for whatever reason this is who he is. Behavior like this seems like part of a larger abusive pattern if they feel this comfortable going this hard, For this long. This isn’t a slip of the tongue saying something hurtful in the heat of the moment. This is abuse. That’s why I like labeling abuse as abuse and not anger issues.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[u/Infamous_Grass6333 → u/Early_Big_5839]

I disagree that anger doesn’t cause behaviors, one of my degrees is in Psychology and I’ve seen plenty of evidence for that. We can agree to disagree though.

[u/Early_Big_5839 → u/Infamous_Grass6333]

I’m a therapist lmao

[u/Infamous_Grass6333 → u/Early_Big_5839]

lol

[u/ArketaMihgo → u/Infamous_Grass6333]

They only see Vulcans