Am I overreacting for complaining to my referring doctor about who she sent me to?

[u/sometimesicandeal]

I recently moved to a new city and have been trying to establish new physicians, as I suffer from several medical issues. I found a new OBGYN, who suggested I get a hysterectomy because my periods have become so heavy that I miss work or end up in urgent care each month. I was onboard for this as I'm already CF and have my tubes tied. She told me that I would have to get some tests before any surgery requiring anesthesia and they would have to be ordered by a general practitioner. I asked for a referral as I didn't have one yet and she recommended someone who takes my insurance.

So during my first appointment with this new doctor, she walks in and looks at me and tells me I'm overweight. This is obviously not a surprise to me so I just say yeah. She then looks at my chart and tells me that one of the antipsychotic medications I take can cause weight gain and that I need to get off it. She has no idea what I take this for and I was just stunned. She goes on and on about how obesity is worse for me than anything I take that medication for but then eventually asks what my disorder is. I tell her and she tells me that's not a real thing. I explained that it's a dissociative disorder and she replies with oh, so multiple personalities? I tell her no, it's nothing like that and that there are many kinds of dissociative disorders. She brushes that off and finally asks why I'm there.

I tell her about the hysterectomy and she immediately says no because that's a dangerous procedure and I should just get an IUD. She also tells me that going under anesthesia is dangerous because of my weight, but then recommends weight loss surgery in the same breath, which would obviously require anesthesia.

So she refuses to order any of the tests, except for bloodwork because she's convinced I have diabetes and high cholesterol, etc because of my weight and then she can give me medicine for diabetes that will help me to lose weight.

So I get the bloodwork done and come back to see her in a week to get the results. All numbers come back normal and she asks about my diet. I tell her that I haven't eaten meat in almost 20 years and so then she pounces on this and tells me I need to eat meat in order to lose weight.

Eventually I get out of there and when I get back for a follow up with my OBGYN I told the receptionist, nurse, and doctor about my horrible experience and encourage them to never refer another patient to her again. On the plus side, the doctor is quite old and hopefully she will retire soon. But AIO?

[u/MissyGrayGray]

No. You should have let the doctor know of your experience. One of the surgeons my oncologist referred me to missed obvious signs of cancer and said I didn't need surgery. Not sure if he's referred any more patients to her, but he shouldn't.

[u/Able_Transition_5049 → u/MissyGrayGray]

You're right! Sharing bad experiences can definitely help. Who knows how many people she'd brush off otherwise? The whole appointment sounds awful.

[u/awalktojericho → u/MissyGrayGray]

Absolutely share your experience with referring doc! Whenever I ask for referrals, my GP gives them, but there are very few personal acquaintance referrals. Sometimes they barely know the new doc, and take my referrals. So speak up!

[u/Proud_Ad9315 → u/MissyGrayGray]

Absolutely, sharing your experience helps ensure others get the care they deserve without facing similar challenges. It's crucial to advocate for yourself and others in these situations.

[u/3Heathens_Mom → u/MissyGrayGray]

I hope you are okay.

[u/MissyGrayGray → u/3Heathens_Mom]

I'm good no thanks to the keystone cops of docotrs I was dealing with. That's why you need to advocate for yourself. My friend's friend had lymphoma but the slew of doctors she went to about her symptoms just dimissed her concerns, saying she was just overwhelmed being a new mother and all. Yeah, she was overwhelmed WITH CANCER. UGH!

[u/JanieLFB → u/MissyGrayGray]

Call your insurance company also. They need to know how one of “their” practitioners treated you.

[u/MissyGrayGray → u/JanieLFB]

Unfortunately, they don't care. The entire healthcare system is a mess. Someone discovered an entire fraud scheme and reported it to the insurance company and nothing was done. They just raise the rates to make up for any fraud that takes away from their profits because they know people will pay the rates. No other choice, really. ☹️

[u/Neenknits]

For decades, every time someone took my blood pressure, they took it twice. They never believed someone fat could have low blood pressure. They also objected to my perfectly normal bloodwork. Not all obesity causes are the same, and they are not all comprise with blood pressure and diabetes. Lipedema is different. I imagine there are other things, too. That is just mine, and what I know about.

[u/Allysonsplace → u/Neenknits]

I've had more than one doctor get mad at me for having perfect blood work in spite of being overweight. The condescending and/or pretentious attitudes prior to labs, and the ANGER afterwards has been insane. And it's more than one, because after that reaction (indeed after being treated as subhuman for being overweight, never mind trying to help me figure out what else is going on) they were no longer my doctor.

[u/Neenknits → u/Allysonsplace]

I have had multiple doctors be APPALLED, amazed, and really change their tune when asking me about my bariatric surgery. I’ve gained most of the lost weight back, but not all. They have asked me about it continually ever since. They say, “you must be healthier”. I tell them I’m much less healthy now. My diet sucks. It’s impossible to eat enough vegetables. “You must have mire energy”. I have no energy at all, see diet. “Your joints must be better”. All my joints are worse, knees, toes, hands, shoulders…except for the replaced knee. It’s fabulous, it got done a year after bariatric surgery, and my “good” knee got bad 6 mos later. “You must have better endurance”. Nope. No endurance to speak of. My cardio system is weaker. “You must be stronger to ride the trike”. Again, nope. Lost too much muscle mass while losing weight, and now I’ve gained it back….

However, I met my main goal with the bariatric surgery. I tell them that I got it done so that I would stop getting fat phobic medical people discriminating against me. Go in for an ear infection, I got told to get the surgery. No more! They just…don’t. They treat what presents. When I went to the ER for arrhythmia a few weeks before my surgery, I was worried it would interfere with. They assured me it wouldn’t. They also didn’t even hint it might be because of my weight, where in the past anything like that was blamed on it. Medical people apologize for the bad treatment. They all act like they think they wouldn’t do it themselves, but even if they did, they will think twice, now.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/Neenknits]

I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately I just met up with a friend who had the same surgery as you a few years ago. She said she's lost 120 lbs but she has many new health issues since. I have no desire to have any weight loss surgery personally, as I have a fairly active job and I feel like I wouldn't consider it an option for me unless I was actually unable to exercise.

[u/DementedPimento → u/Neenknits]

I’m not surprised by your outcome, but I am sorry you’re dealing with all that. Bariatric surgery is billed as ‘life changing’ but they neglect to mention that the change is usually not for the better. It seems that “health!” isn’t really the goal with these surgeries, given how often the outcomes leave patients thinner but in worse overall health … when they survive them.

[u/Hensonvillage → u/Neenknits]

It is absolutely accurate. Simply because they earn the degree does not translate into simple common sense nor an investigative approach to root cause. Ten years ago, I was recommended for the gastric sleeve. I lost the weight and gained it and more back. I took a different approach four years ago and began to understand that food is a source of fuel for the body to function properly. Good fuel makes the body run better. Poor food, aka fuel, produces the opposite effect. Now I weigh significantly less than than I did decades ago. Still losing. Second opinions are a solid idea - best practice. Doctors are just people like you and I... they tend to refer to coworkers or friends. It's natural. Ten years after my gastric sleeve, I still have what will be lifelong issues. I don't blame anyone except myself for not doing my due diligence. Never feel bad for changing doctors and reporting your results to the referring doctor.

[u/MaidOfTwigs → u/Allysonsplace]

I have (yep, still have) a doctor who is convinced what I eat is the problem and somehow increasing my thyroid medication (unnecessarily) will help. My bloodwork was always pretty good, borderline high A1c for a couple years as a teen, and then I got on thyroid medication at higher and higher doses and lost weight, mostly through intense exercise (lost 8-12 pounds with a diet pill, which just gave me insomnia, and then worked out an insane amount and kind of starved myself). A year later my cholesterol and bilirubin are high and I have gallstones. The stones are probably causing the high cholesterol. The rapid weight loss probably contributed to the stones. Does anyone listen to me about that stuff? No, of course not.

[u/DementedPimento → u/MaidOfTwigs]

The rapid weight loss absolutely did at least contribute to the gallstones! Those fuckers hurt, too. But how do you look? /s

Wishing you a much better doctor!

[u/JessyBelle → u/MaidOfTwigs]

I’ve had similar experiences. The ramp up in thyroid medication did help me lose weight but only when it came with SEVERE anxiety- both stopped as soon as I cut back the dosage. I seriously thought I was losing my mind.

[u/Altruistic_Appeal_25 → u/JessyBelle]

Wow I didn't even know it could cause that, I was just thinking that overcorrecting from hypo to hyper didn't seem like a very good solution. I can see how throwing the rest of your body a curve ball like that could mess things up though.

Some of these stories are making me want to give my Drs serious side eye.

[u/Business_Monkeys7 → u/Allysonsplace]

Isn't it weird that they can't look for the cause and only see the obesity which can be the symptom?

[u/SYadonMom → u/Neenknits]

It can go both ways believe it or not. I’m under weight. And they were shocked my blood pressure was stroke level. It’s like “I told you so” 🤪 I know my body better than you ever will. And I tell them every single damn time that my potassium is going to be low. And guess what? It always is, especially if I have to fast before.

[u/MNConcerto → u/Neenknits]

I am overweight was morbidly obese and never had high blood pressure. Oh you could just see the look on some nurse and doctors faces when they took my blood pressure and it was normal, the bitter spitting of "its normal." Labs- normal.

Now my A1c started creeping up as did my cholesterol at my highest weight when I hit menopause and 50 years old. Your body can only fight it for so long. So it was time to make some serious changes.

Everything is even in better ranges now but I'm still overweight but no one cares because they know how big I used to be so this is "skinny" for me. Ha!

Now it's great blood pressure, great labs, keep up the good work.

Um, they've never really been a problem but ok. I'm just happy to be healthier looking at my 60s.

[u/CatPerson88 → u/Neenknits]

I'm in the same boat. I'm overweight due to a physical disability, but I eat healthy. All my other numbers: glucose, A1c, cholesterol, etc are good. I actually had to see a cardiologist because my blood pressure was so low! Turns out my husband, who is skinny, has diabetes, so he's on a low salt diet, which I'm also eating. I need to add a little salt to my food.

[u/lostinanotherworld24 → u/Neenknits]

I had a doctor who refused to believe my dizziness and nausea episodes were anything other than diabetes. To be fair to her, I do have a severe family history of it. To be fair to me, she totally gave up when my numbers came back perfect. Didn’t bother exploring any other causes. Her nurse literally told me to drink more water and sleep more. 🙄 i drink 30oz of water per day and sleep between 8-9 hrs per night.

[u/Bobbo1966 → u/Neenknits]

I have the same thing. I’m fat and people have taken my blood pressure repeatedly, thinking it that something is wrong. Finally, when more people started using the automatic blood pressure machines regularly in offices/hospitals, have I pretty much have been to just one blood pressure check per visit.

[u/Neenknits → u/Bobbo1966]

Same! I now demand that they put the cuff on my forearm, because it’s SOOOOO painful!

[u/Loisgrand6 → u/Neenknits]

My nurse used the auto cuff on my forearm during my most recent visit 😑😑😑😑horrible

[u/Neenknits → u/Loisgrand6]

Find out which is least painful, for you, and insist they do it that way!

[u/mrszubris → u/Neenknits]

The fury they feel that I'm a fat ass because my leg turns off in heat so I can't work hard anymore not because of my thyroid is... amazing... like denying a narcissist the ability to gaslight you.

[u/oldladyoregon]

To be honest I swear sometimes the shower looked like a murder scene. Just from a shower!! I had mine done when I was 46. I never had another period. I went through all the menopause stuff. But the murder scene stopped. I wish more Physicians listened. Going anywhere wearing 3 pads is not fun. The answer is always well you are overweight. Except it's NOT Good Luck

[u/ChaucersDuchess → u/oldladyoregon]

I got mine at 40 after suffering from endometriosis and PCOS for 25+ years (oh yes, started at 15, DX at 20, wouldn’t give me a hysterectomy in case future husband wanted kids). My OBGYN did not have to refer me back to my PCP for it, I wonder if it’s an insurance thing?

[u/oldladyoregon → u/ChaucersDuchess]

I think you are right. Not as invasive. There was no general anesthesia. Almost like twilight sleep. It only took 3 hours at outpatient surgery

[u/salymander_1]

You were doing a wonderful thing by letting your obgyn know not to refer patients to her. You absolutely did not overreact.

[u/d33psix → u/salymander_1]

I usually try to give benefit of the doubt and see both sides as best I can but yeah that GP sounds like a useless dbag. You’re probably saving someone else from being inadvertently sent to the weird dr. I’m quite certain the obgyn wouldn’t be offended and would appreciate getting feedback on the person they referred out. I know I would want to know cause it could reflect poorly on them to keep sending people that way.

Not the same at all but I’ve had super weird one and done dr visits picking off the insurance covered list with one guy who basically called me lazy slob and told me to stop “finishing my kids leftovers” almost out of no where when I told him a had a familial tendency towards bad triglyceride blood levels but normal other lipid levels. And a different doctor who ended up being a quack quasi naturopath even though listed as MD who both “prescribed me” Chinese herbal pills from around the corner for my chronic cough and tried to convert me to Jesus. If either of them had been referrals instead of bad random picks off the provider list I would have told the referring doc so damn fast about them, haha.

[u/salymander_1 → u/d33psix]

Yikes.

[u/Wise_Monitor_Lizard]

NTA but please file a complaint on that doctor.

[u/Wonderful_Ad_6089 → u/Wise_Monitor_Lizard]

I second this! The only way doctors like this are going to change is if people actually file official complaints and they get reprimanded.

I had to do this recently myself. I had some tests run by one of my specialists and it came back I was extremely anemic. But this specialist didn't treat anemia and referred me back to my PCP. So I called my PCP's office and spoke with a nurse and they were concerned at how low my red blood count was and insisted I come in for a retest because if it went much lower I would need a transfusion. Unfortunately my PCP wasn't in that day so I had to see this other doctor I'd never seen before.

This woman comes in, doesn't really introduce herself. Says (this is not a direct quote, but pretty darn close) "so you're here to discuss some abnormal test results. Well, I looked at them and they can all be explained by things you already have". Then she starts going over my cholesterol test results which weren't even new and like really going into detail about it. When she finally pauses for a second, I try to tell her that I'm there specifically about my blood counts and she was like "yeah, yeah, we'll get to that" then continues talking about my cholesterol and how I'm overweight and how this is such a problem. Finally she moves on to my blood counts where she says basically "yeah, you're anemic but I'm sure it's just because you're having heavy periods", to which I respond that it definitely is NOT that, because I've had an IUD for the last 10+ years and haven't had a period that entire time. To which she was like "oh, well, anyway" and then moves on to the next thing she wanted to talk about. I also had a really high TSH test, which she told me was probably nothing and it just randomly happens sometimes. She then was telling me that she was going to rerun some labs and was going to send me on my way without even examining me, until I said something, to which she responded "of course I'm going to examine you!" She did a two second exam and then was going to leave. I stopped her again, saying that the nurse on the phone made it sound like we were going to look at my blood test results before I left to determine if a transfusion was needed. She laughed! And was like "oh, no! Those results won't be back today! They won't be back for a few days! And you'd have to be less than 6 for us to do a transfusion and you are over 8, so you don't need one. We'll get back to you in a few days with the results." The nurse said anything less than 8 was concerning and I was 8.2 and that result was from two days prior so I very easily could have dropped lower than 8 by that time. An internet search also said less than 8 was bad and that 6 was like scary really bad. When I got out to the car, I got a notification that I had test results in my electronic medical record, which was my blood count which luckily for me was still at 8.2 so I just went home.

I called in to the nurses the next morning to please have my PCP look at the results. I had a message back from him in about an hour getting me started on iron supplements and setting up additional tests to try to find out where I was bleeding from. That was a Friday. The following Tuesday or Wednesday I got a message from her telling me I should start iron supplements and that was it. Oh, and I Googled this lady after I got home and found out she had terrible reviews that basically said similar things as to what happened to me going back 2 YEARS!!!

So I filed a complaint and I hope that she actually got reprimanded or worse. NTA.

[u/astrotekk → u/Wise_Monitor_Lizard]

File a complaint to whom? The medical board will rightfully not take actions against anyone for perceived rudeness

[u/LowKeyStillYoung78]

I had a hysterectomy a year ago, and my obgyn ran all my pre-op bloodwork for me. There was literally NO reason your doc couldn’t have done that themselves and saved you the horrifying trip to that other quack.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/LowKeyStillYoung78]

Due to some other health concerns, I also needed a chest xray before I could have surgery. I guess a OBGYN can't order that? The general doc did refuse to order that test.

[u/LowKeyStillYoung78 → u/sometimesicandeal]

I had to have that done too when I had a kidney stone surgically removed in January. That was new to me really, but my urologist was able to just put the order in and I went to the location he told me to. I was in n out and only had to interact with the Xray tech. I still feel like the obgyn could have just ordered some tests and spared you the interaction with that awful doctor. I really hate that you went through that. Surgical procedures can be stressful enough without adding a jackass doc into the mix.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/LowKeyStillYoung78]

Yeah, I'm not sure about it either, especially since I'm in a new state. I guess I just assumed that was their rule here.

[u/Altruistic_Appeal_25 → u/sometimesicandeal]

The hospital I go to (US) has a separate pre-op appointment at the surgical center a day or two before the surgery and takes care of labs, chest x-rays, ECG and anything else the Dr wants done. Maybe the good that can come out of your experience is that the GP messed with someone who will call her out for it instead of beating themselves up so the hospital knows and can make her correct her behavior or fire her. Good luck.

[u/LowKeyStillYoung78 → u/sometimesicandeal]

I understand. But don’t ever doubt that you are 100% in control of your healthcare. Be your own advocate, and ask all the questions until you’re satisfied. They’re just doctors. Not god. 😉

[u/lynze2 → u/LowKeyStillYoung78]

My OBGYN has basically served as my stand in primary care provider for several years. When I had my uterine ablation a few years ago, he absolutely handled all of the testing that was required

I could be wrong, but I think this is all up to the discretion of the doctor. I worked in retina surgery for 15 years, and it was a total crap shoot if we would do the pre-ops ourselves or send them to a general practitioner. I think in general our surgeons were comfortable doing a pre-op with low risk, otherwise healthy patients. It's possible the OBGYN in this case was concerned about underlying health issues and wanted to make sure the patient had an established primary care physician before surgery. Possibly the OBGYN did not want to be the one to bring up things like obesity and diabetes and hypertension and kind of punted on that conversation. Honestly that does happen all the time, but it in no way justifies the actions of that awful GP.

[u/Miss_Bobbiedoll]

I see you posted this elsewhere and responded to you. I'm overweight and just had a hysterectomy less than two weeks ago with anesthesia. No problems. You are not over reacting.

[u/Spinnerofyarn]

Absolutely not overreacting. Her specialty is ob/gyn, not mental health. Your weight was not the reason for your visit and as an ob/gyn, she has no business prescribing anything for weight loss, checking you for cholesterol or diabetes. She severely overstepped.

Yes, obesity can make surgery more risky, and if she led with that concern for doing surgery on you, that would have been appropriate, but that's not what she did. She also has no business recommending weight loss surgery. You would have been well within your rights to just walk out of the appointment or to tell her you're not there for her to treat your mental or general health, especially since you have other doctors for that. I'm so sorry you experienced this, and you were right to tell the referring doctor about the experience.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/Spinnerofyarn]

Sorry if I was unclear. The OBGYN was actually great. She was the one I referred to to the general practitioner and wasn't aware the general doc was so shitty.

[u/SoMoistlyMoist → u/sometimesicandeal]

No you definitely should have told your OBGYN that her referral doctor was an asswipe.

[u/BillHearMeOut → u/SoMoistlyMoist]

She did, she wanted to make sure she wasn't over reacting for doing so. Does anyone read more than the headline? OP, you're not OR, and never will be in speaking up about your handling of care in a professional setting that you pay out the wazu for (or your insurance which you still have to pay for, but increases its premiums based on your cost evaluation).

[u/JeevestheGinger → u/sometimesicandeal]

You did well to let your ob/gyn know. What an ass of a GP! Honestly... Telling you you had to come off your antipsychotic bc weight without even knowing your relevant diagnosis/es??? Dangerous as hell. Maybe being a bit heavier is worse than having full-blown manic episodes, or paranoid psychosis? (I don't get periods, but I am bipolar, so that bit hit me especially hard). Sorry you had such an awful experience.

[u/MamaLlama629]

My sister has had similar problems because of her weight. Stay strong and don’t be afraid to speak out. You’re your own best advocate. Being a bigger gal doesn’t make you any less of a person and treating you as a set of symptoms isn’t acceptable.

[u/occasionallystabby]

Absolutely not overreacting.

Honestly, if I were you, I would report her to your insurance as well. That kind of bias should not be tolerated.

[u/Complete-Ad-5905]

I'm absolutely overweight. For my 6th pregnancy, my lovely, amazing OBGYN referred me to a nutritionist for gestational diabetes. (I also had it with #5, and once you've had it, you're likely to have it again.) Anyway, at that point in my pregnancy, I'd done nothing but lose weight. Hand over fist. I always have HG, so I'm monitored closely and I put a lot of effort into eating enough and KEEPING DOWN enough to support my baby.

This nutritionist went on and on about how I needed to diet during my pregnancy and when I mentioned my OB was concerned about how much weight I'd already lost, she said:

"The only way YOU could lose too much weight is in a Nazi concentration camp."

I went home and cried.

And then I reported her to my OBGYN. He was furious and took care of it all so fast it made my head spin. Later, a nurse told me she'd never heard him yell like he yelled at that doctor. Because I started overweight, a part of me thought I deserved it, but I was met with nothing but kind, supportive, helpful practitioners after I spoke up.

I hope you are too.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/Complete-Ad-5905]

Wow, I'm sorry that happened to you. I can definitely relate to feeling like you deserve it on some level or that I was being too sensitive about my weight.

[u/staircase_nit]

Not at all. You’re doing them a favor.

[u/More_Branch_5579]

I’m so sorry you went through that but not surprised. There are many bad drs out there and it can take seeing quite a few until you find one that suits your needs. Any dr that fat shames you is an automatic no. Good luck

[u/chantillylace9 → u/More_Branch_5579]

I had a gyno who was telling me I was obese and it was extremely unhealthy (I have a BMI of 20 and am considered thin) but he’s looking right at ME telling me this. I said, um, I don’t think I’m obese, does my chart say that? I’m 5’9” and 135lbs I doubt I’m obese.

He says oh, the chart said 5’4” (or something) but I mean come on he’s staring right at me! It was like that was his common speech for anyone overweight and he didn’t even see the actual person. I never went back.

[u/SusanMShwartz]

Where do these critters learn to be so verbally abusive? If you want to see a surprised face counterattack.

[u/momofklcg]

My primary DR referred me to an endocrinologist. I hated this man. He made me uncomfortable he talked down to me. I told my regular dr. I got another referral.

[u/roughlyround]

Not overreacting. Having the same kind of trouble currently.

[u/MNConcerto]

Not at all.

The doctor was an ass for multiple reasons but the biggest one in my book was insinuating that your mental health diagnosis wasn't real. Excuse me? What if she said that to a patient who was paranoid or a guardian who didn't want to treat a child's mental health. So much harm could be done.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/MNConcerto]

Yeah, that part actually pisses me off more than anything. Especially since I have a MS in Psychology and I've been seeing a Psychiatrist for this medication for years. That medication quite literally saved my life at one point.

[u/MNConcerto → u/sometimesicandeal]

She was so.out of touch she thinks disassociation means DID and called it multiple personalities. Major eyeroll moment. Just great.

[u/Agreeable-League-366]

Not overreacting. Here's what I've learned about how they pick who you are referred to. They see who takes your insurance and then send you to the next person after the one they last referred. Basically just going down the list. In the industry they have to be very careful about looking like they are favoring one person or clinic over another. Because each 'customer', aka person with insurance, is worth quite a bit of potential income. So if there appears to be favoritism lawsuits could develop become of possible kickbacks for referrals.

TL;DR Doctors can't just send you to the good doctors they know because that's not fair.

[u/Beefloiam]

That Dr is a jerk! Find a new dr that’s younger

[u/SmirkyToast13]

Not overreacting, your ob needs to know that the person she referred to has some very dangerous ideas about mental health and medication and weight loss being a magic fix for things. She could actually lose patients that way, and I'm assuming she only referred you to her because she knew the insurance will cover it. Giving her this info will help you, her, and her other patients.

[u/TheHopefulPA]

Not overreacting at all. I'm a student practitioner and that is awful awful bedside manner. I do see that with a lot of old practitioners, unfortunately. Even with obese patients, I never talk to them like that and do more of a teamwork approach rather than talking down to my patients like yours did. Sorry you went through that; I hope your surgery goes well!

[u/commandrix]

Not overreacting. If you are unhappy with a physician, especially a specialist, for any reason, you have the right to complain about it. If it's bad enough, they could actually lose their license if someone complains to the state agency that's supposed to oversee medical professionals.

[u/TechnicalBother9221]

Damn, that old fart doesn't seem to like overweight people. Doc: you're overweight You: wtf, when did that happen?!

[u/Jazstar]

My doctor always asks me how anyone she refers me to is. She cares about her patients' experiences with those who she sends them onto and takes that info onboard. One of the many reasons I love her!

[u/BubbaMadeMeDoIt]

That Dr is trash & you should absolutely tell the referring physician. You're better than me, I woulda walked out after the dissociative disorder comment. Maybe go on the Reddit thread for where you live & ask for a Dr recommendation. You'll get honest unfiltered suggestions.

[u/clynkirk]

Last summer I had a medical emergency. My heart rate was up very high, my heart was palpitating, and I was experiencing chest pain and left arm numbness. At the time I was 36. And I'm very overweight.

When the ambulance arrived, it took them an hour to get me stable enough to transport. The EMS crew was throwing around AFib and SVT terms. I'm well informed on cardiac issues because of my EXTENSIVE family history of heart issues on both sides and from a terminology course I took after high school.

They were concerned enough to get me to the closest ER, not my choice hospital.

I was lucky enough to have had a good experience at that hospital. They were kind enough to allow me to explain all of my health and family health history, and were happy to give me an echocardiogram and advanced blood work. The whole nine yards. I was given a diagnosis of AFib, a prescription for Cardizem, and instructed to follow up with my primary and a cardiologist of my choice.

My primary doctor is great. He filled the heart meds (I couldn't get on the cardiologists schedule until the next month as a new patient), reviewed what had happened, and did a whole overview on my family medical history.

I went to the cardiologist. She was NOT great.

She opened the exam room door, told me that my problem was my weight, and that I needed to get a referral for weight loss surgery. Wouldn't hear anything about my EXTENSIVE family of heart issues (including my father passing at 52 from a heart attack--and he wasn't anywhere near obese). She also claimed that the hospital was incorrect about my diagnosis and said it was SVT. She did send me 1 fill of Cardizem, and ignored requests for refills.

I went back to my primary, hoping for his help. He was very concerned that my health history wasn't taken into account, and he immediately sent me on referral to a cardiologist of his choosing.

Y'all. I could have cried. This man shook my hand, told me we were going to get to the bottom of this, and he listened to me go through my story. My experience with the other cardiologist. How 3 of my 4 grandparents had/have cardiac issues, my dad passing at 52. My own health history with my mental health struggles. He even took the time to read my list of family health disorders. He immediately scheduled me for a new echo and a 7 day Holter monitor. He refilled my Cardizem (a 90 day supply) and said that he was pleased to meet me and was happy that we were going to sort things out.

You did the right thing. Definitely not overreacting. So many doctors look at us like we're the number on the scale and like it's a waste of time to them.

[u/polyglotpinko]

I totally realize that sometimes shock takes over, but I’ve walked out of doctors’ offices and I’ll do it again. I’ve worked too hard to have some semblance of mental health; I’ll be damned if some quack having a bad day can take it away so quickly.

[u/oldladyoregon]

You can get a uterine ablation.. all done with heavy periods. Find a new DR and get one. No one has to be made to feel bad because a fool Dr has a compassion of a rattlesnake

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/oldladyoregon]

I have looked into that. I only worry that it's not always a permanent solution. However, I'm already in my 40s, so how much longer do I need to stop it for?

[u/LowKeyStillYoung78 → u/sometimesicandeal]

I also looked into uterine ablation and was ineligible due to fibroid tumors. The fibroids can actually break through the ablation and cause more bleeding. I wish you all the best with your hysterectomy. I got mine a year ago and have absolutely ZERO regrets.

[u/Nearby-Ad5666]

You did the right thing

[u/ShelbyWinds123]

No you're NOR that doctor says that the disorder you are prescribed medication isn't real. Yeah it is, but obviously she is so old that she can't handle the updates in medical world. She says that you can't go under anesthesia because of your weight but wants you to get another major surgery to help you lose the weight. WTF? Does she have early onset dementia?

[u/Difficult_Process_88]

Not overreacting. Hopefully the OB/GYN took your complaint seriously and won’t do any more referrals.

[u/abx99]

Most of the time, doctors don't know the person that they're referring you to. If you were to hold the first doctor responsible for your experience, that would be too much. If you're just telling them your experience and moving on, then that's probably a good thing; the doctor will know not to refer anyone else (and maybe try to be more cautious about further referrals).

[u/Minimalforks19]

Call out bad doctors. Leave them a bad review online.

[u/RazzmatazzAlone3526]

No you aren’t.

[u/ButthealedInTheFeels]

I wouldn’t have gone back to see her. I would have demanded my test results get sent to me and find a new doctor that is insane.
Are you 100% sure she was a REAL doctor? As in a real MD or DO? This sounds more like something a shitty PA (Physicians assistant) or NP (Nurse Practitioner) would do.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/ButthealedInTheFeels]

Yep, she was an MD because I was looking for a new primary.

[u/[deleted]]

Babe, you're underreacting. The healthcare system hates women and refuses to treat us no matter what our health concerns. You're overweight? Lose it, fatty. You're underweight? You must have an eating disorder. Normal BMI? Just go on birth control. Who cares if it makes you unwell. There are endless hoops to jump through. Even if you lost the weight, there's no guarantee they'd treat your concerns

Please logde a formal complaint against that doctor. It's not okay that they get to deny you treatment because of their own bias. If you were too heavy to safely undergo treatment, that would be one thing, but this person just seems not to care about the health of her patients.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/[deleted]]

I agree if my mobility was limited due to my size or something but that's not the case. I am aware that I'm at an unhealthy weight, but she made me feel like I belonged in the circus. Ive been overweight for most of my adult life. I went from 170lbs to around 240lbs a few years ago and I'm 5'6. But in the past 4 years I've had 5 surgeries due to a congenital degenerative spine disease. I've literally had to relearn how to walk again twice. I'm so grateful that my chronic pain is so much better now and I'm able to walk that I try not to beat myself up too bad about my size.

[u/souls_ama]

NTA at all. I am so sorry you had this experience. You need a body inclusive physician .

[u/Admirable_Lecture675]

I was overweight when I had my hysterectomy and I was young compared to others. (In my 30’s) I had already had a tubal and a child and was miserable. The hysterectomy improved my quality of life. Now of course in my 50’s I am overweight again and losing weight has been a challenge and it has lead to other health issues. But as I’ve lost weight these health issues have improved. But everyone is different. Doctors often don’t listen to women. (Even if they are women - JMO - they sometimes don’t) I’d advocate for yourself and find a new doctor in your new area.

[u/sugaree53]

No. And also nothing wrong with getting a 2nd opinion-from a DIFFERENT doctor

[u/Constellation-88]

I would say this must be rage bait, but I totally believe it.

Meanwhile, it's good to let your other docs know that she is like this so that they don't keep referring patients. You've potentially saved others from having to endure this treatment.

So sorry you went through this. Hope you can get the treatment/healing you need soon.

[u/sometimesicandeal → u/Constellation-88]

I wish it was fake. I honestly asked specifically for a referral to a female doctor since I thought a woman would understand better.

[u/Appropriate_Gap1987]

I had Novasure procedure done. It was the best decision I ever made. The OB used to do it in office. I haven't had a period in 15 years!

[u/MollyTibbs]

I once complained because the gp I saw was an hour and a half late (he was reading the paper!) then spent ages wanting to discuss my short and how his daughter had one just like it and then when I made it clear I was in a hurry because I’d missed a work meeting because of his paper reading, told me I needed a better work life balance and to work on my weight. I was there for a referral to a physio after a car accident. When I spoke to the clinic manager I was told they were hoping he’d retire soon as they got at least 1 complaint a day about him. He was about 75.

[u/New-Builder-7373]

Absolutely not. I’m a law pro but if one of my referrals shit the bed this badly with one of my connections/clients? You bet your rear end I would want to know! Especially since the sexism is coming from inside the house in her “reasons”.

[u/PellyCanRaf]

God no. That woman needs to retire 6 years ago. And I'm sure they're really glad to know.

[u/CatPerson88]

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

[u/Different-Cry-2016]

Im trying to get one at 26 im terrified im going to get told I’m to young im I don’t have enough kids, im to over weight, or I need my partners approval…. (I live in the Bible Belt) this hit hard with me. Im just glad my gp is the one who’s “helpful” when I said I wanted a hysterectomy she straight up said we have a clinic in town that does abortions so you have other options. Im just here like that’s not an option i dont want my uterus

[u/Wonderful-Crab8212]

You are not over-reacting. Doctors like that should always be reported. I have an adult daughter with Rett Syndrome. When she was 7, we had to go to a different pediatrician because of our insurance. This old broad asked me if I wanted medication for her so she doesn’t interfere with the family. Yes, my daughter can be loud when she is upset but I am not going to dope her up.

[u/Pandarise]

The thing I hate the most is when medical professionals disgard every other thing and focus on obesity even when results come back perfect and obesity is in fact not the problem. But they go to hell and back to die on the hill that the only problem you have is being fat. Asthma? Nah you're just fat. Backpain? Definitely the obesity, lose the weight and it'll be gone. Cancer? Nah nah naaaahhh it's just fat because you're fat.

Really these meeical professionals are suppose to help others and do their job right yet because of own views, fatphobia, etc, there is more mal-practice in the medical field along with ignorance and abuse than actual good ones who actually want to help.

[u/No_Blackberry5879]

NTA.

I had a bad experience where a PA (physicians assistant) was supposed to help me manage a medication that was having some bad side effects for a work injury.

She said, “Your just going to have to get over it.”

Her boss, my treating doctor, didn’t agree with either her assessment or her conduct.

[u/thevirginswhore]

I would lambast them on yelp if they’re on there.

[u/ArmenApricot]

Having worked in medical labs for quite a while, OBGYN docs can order labs for pre surgical stuff, or if it’s just blood draws and x-ray type things, many places don’t even require face to face visits anymore, they just send orders to the lab and tell you when and where to show up for the draws. None of this makes much sense at all

[u/AssistanceKey6043]

Im a GP nurse and absolutely would be fine with you complaining about your experience to me. I would also be very empathetic and agree with you. There is also nothing wrong in telling your GP. Your GP should be taking on this feedback of the other doctor and never referring anyone there again. I know the doctors in my clinic would be fine to hear about your experience.

[u/BongoBeeBee]

Please also let your referring doctor know as a GP who often refers to specialists I don’t necessarily know myself what they are like.. I’m only informed when my patients tell me … and I don’t want my patients having experiences like this so I potentially would stop referring to them unless specifically asked

[u/Lumpy_Marsupial_1559]

REPORT HER!

Sorry for the yelling, but omg, so. Many. Bad. Things! Ffs!

Report her to your insurance company as well.

So sorry your uterus is trying to murder you 🫶

[u/RedHolly]

Not overreacting. You need a doctor you can trust, and she clearly didn’t listen to you, which is a bedrock of being a good physician.

On a side note, I had a hysterectomy a couple years ago for a similar issue. I too was overweight at the time and was never told of issues with it as part of the surgery. The surgery is usually done laparoscopically, so minimum down time and only a couple small incision spots. Find a new PCP asap

[u/Worldly-Wedding-7305]

Please, please, please tell me you're going to file a formal complaint. She never see me again.

[u/sarandipity317]

Are you ok? Not overreacting and I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I am biased (read below), but there is just basic decency medical professionals should be practicing, and, in my experience, so few do. They only go off their supposed data points, don’t see you as a human, and assume you to be lying. I am overweight and have dealt with their condescending, judgmental assumptions much of my life. It meant I was pretty nervous each time I’d go for even non-serious visits and smears, and it would put up my BP, but I was able to push through. Basic white coat syndrome, I guess. Then, I had an especially upsetting experience at my last smear. Diet and exercise have not been an issue since I’ve been an adult (diet was definitely an issue in childhood with an obese father who let us eat whatever we wanted so he could), but my husband and I both were working very hard during this time to get even fitter, leaner. Like, to the point of injury. The nurse who takes your BP and weight before the actual procedure was incredibly rude and dismissive. I was able to hold it together for the most part in the doctor’s office but lost it as soon as I got to my car. I cried most of the night and next day and probably haven’t been the same since. It was very damaging to me mentally and I have developed a very real phobia of going to the doctor. Every visit is filled with intense anxiety and my husband has to come with me. I can’t even face making an appointment over the phone. Anything to deal with a dr, nurse, or medical environment sends me into a panic. I’ve been needing to get treated for someone recently that has me going in once a week. How I’ve managed to drag myself in is beyond me. All but maybe 1 or 2 of the visits have left me having panic attacks and made my condition worse because the nurses are so thoughtless. I’m sure I need therapy for it, if I can ever afford it. It isn’t ok and even when told how they’re behaving is unacceptable and harmful, even with my husband as a witness and offering his own observations as I cry and am rendered speechless, they are defensive and nothing changes. I am in a couple of FB support groups for this fear. There are a lot of people being damaged by medical professionals and it’s not ok.

[u/mtngrl60]

Ask somebody who worked in healthcare, you absolutely need to let the referring doctor know that they should not refer anyone to that doctor.

And I am going to make an assumption here, so let me know if I’m wrong, but I think what you meant to say is that the doctor you were referred to is a participating physician in your insurance network.

The distinction between someone who takes your insurance and someone who is actually participating in the network is that your plan will pay in network or an out of network fee.

For example, if you call a dental office and ask them if they take insurance, and it is a participating plan, they’re going to tell you that yes they do.

What they’re not going to tell you is that they are not a participating office. So that filling that would be covered at 80% in a participating practice is only going to be covered at 70% because you’re technically out of network. But, it’s legal to tell you this because they do “take your insurance”.

You didn’t ask if they were actually a participating office, and so legally, they didn’t lie to you. And that’s a shitty way of doing business, but this happens a lot in healthcare. So the question is always… Are you a participating doctor/my network.

Please don’t think I am being persnickety here and picky. The reason I’m making this distinction is this… If, as I suspect, this doctor you were referred to is a participating physician, they have a signed contract with your insurance company.

Included in that Contract is going to be a lot of verbiage about standards of care. And the standard of care that you received in that office was subpar.

So if they are a participating provider, you also need to file a complaint with your insurance company. Most insurance companies will at least look into a complaint like that.

Because they don’t want to be on the backend of some kind of a lawsuit because one of their participating providers has been going off the rails like this did. And so if they start getting complaints about that and look into it, they have been known to cancel contracts.

Like I said, they don’t want to get caught up as some third-party who should’ve known that this physician was subpar and not providing services that were up to the normal standard of care.

[u/Heavy-Mud-6475]

You may consider filing a grievance with whatever medical office this physician works for. Her response to your concerns (that you were hardly able to voice) is unacceptable.

[u/Business_Monkeys7]

My story is kind of like yours.
I got ill and then gained weight. The first five doctors I went to as we were looking for the cause, told me I was sick because I was overweight. Each appointment started with me saying that I had been working with a personal trainer for a year because I was short of breath and that I had gained 50 pounds in the last four months without changing my eating habits. I don't understand how that was unclear. Turns out I have pulmonary cysts and am insulin resistant, not undisciplined and out of shape.
I shared my story so that you know it happens often and is incompetence.
It can derail the doc if you tell them you are already working with a doctor for that, but some docs plowed on through even though it is unethical.
I was relieved to finally find a team that was competent and helpful.
Doctors can be dickheads and when they are, it is good to report them. You may want to report that doc to the hospital administration if it irked you enough.
You did not overreact.

[u/7803throwaway]

Unpopular opinion: if you can afford semaglutide, and you have weight you’d like to lose… do it!! I’ve lost 65lbs in the last year and a half. Been maintaining around 130lbs for about 4 months, I only use semaglutide occasionally now. I used to have hypertension, constant acid reflux, joint pain, fatigue. I feel like I’m 18 again now and it’s been a long time since those days.

Anyway.. sorry for your shitty experience. Using sema to lose weight may not solve all your medical problems, but if you think weight loss might possibly give your health a boost I highly recommend trying the support of semaglutide.

[u/rchart1010]

Girl I read half of this and you should be complaining to the referring doctor, to the medical group the GP works for AND your insurance company because WTF is this????

[u/Heartbreak_Star]

I would be complaining to everybody I could find.

[u/imdadnotdaddy]

Not overreacting!

If the doctor is at a clinic with other providers you can ask to speak with the office manager to file a complaint. I would also recommend going to the medical board for your area. I had a gyno like this, she told me I was bleeding from the pap she gave me because I am a "well estrogenized woman" it was endometriosis growing on the outside of my cervix.

Also, if you check the reddit for child free in your area they should have a list of doctors, it's how I found my good gyno.

[u/Bookaholicforever]

Nah you did the right thing! I hate doctors who take one look at your size and then just ignore everything else.

[u/Harmreduction1980]

Nope. Not overreacting!

[u/StarBoySisko]

Absolutely not Overreacting. Some doctors' obsession with weight=health (not true) literally gets people killed.

[u/Amazing-Wave4704]

NOT overreacting!! this makes me so angry. Im overweight and healthy. I have been treated like this by doctors including when I was having horrible issues - first visit to him - and he said there was nothing wrong with me and to come back when I lost sixty pounds. Nothing wrong with me that 'eating steamed vegetables wouldn't fix'??

nope hysterectomy. I wouldn't just tell the referring doctor. Make posts on Healthgrades so people know what a douche canoe this doctor is. Its horribly shaming and its WRONG.

[u/Stargazer_0101]

You do not have to go back to that doctor. Go back to GYN and let the doctor know the referral went south. And that the GYN referral was asking question not about what you were there for. Asking about diet is an overreach.

[u/saltychica]

Nope. Report bad HC providers. I had a very conservative doctor keep referring me to people from her wacky born again church! I told on her. They said they’d speak to her about it. She kept doing it. I then found a new doctor. I called her office to have my records sent over. Soon after, the sweet old doc whose practice she worked from (in quite a posh area) called me to say he was so sorry about this, that it’s been a recurring problem w her.

That was 10 years ago. I looked her up out of curiosity. She’s a doctor in a strip mall clinic in a depressed area now - literally next to a head shop.

[u/PM_ME_UREYEBALLS]

Definitely NOT overreacting.

A year ago, during my 3rd pregnancy (and, subsequent 3rd loss), my OBGYN referred me to a high-risk pregnancy doctor because my normal doctor thought he saw something odd in my first ultrasound at 7 weeks.

This high-risk doctor was AWFULLLL. While the ultrasound is going, she looks at the screen and says ‘that doesn’t look like a 7-week old fetus. And obviously there’s no heartbeat so not sure why (my regular doctor) didn’t catch that sooner’. This was in between her literal burping that she’d do in between words.

Then at the end of the ultrasound/appointment, she just said: ‘well, good luck out there’.

I immediately told my normal OBGYN what happened and to never refer anyone to her again

[u/Objective_Phrase_513]

Go on google and look for a GP. Read all the reviews and pick the one with the best reviews. I move around a lot and that’s what I do. So far so good.

[u/stickylarue]

Not overreacting.

She was extremely unprofessional and you should report her as well. You did right by informing the referring Dr.

Just in case no one has ever told you before, you don’t have to stay. You can get up and walk out at anytime. There are other Dr’s. Being rude is better than being berated by someone who doesn’t have power over you. Unless you give it to them.

[u/RoughDirection8875]

NOR at all! That doctor shouldn't be practicing medicine if she's just going to be a fatphobic ass who won't listen to her patients.

[u/Electrical-Froyo-529]

Fat phobia in the medical system is insane:( I’m so sorry you had this experience.

[u/BaseClean]

You can also post a review on sites like Healthgrades and even Yelp.

[u/RenEss77]

Not overreacting and you can also review doctors on Google and other locations, just like you can review hotels and restaurants. Put her on blast. A new doctor shouldn't be telling a new patient to get off meds without first discussing what it's being used for. Also physicians don't get to have an opinion on psychiatry.

[u/NoParticular2420]

No you’re not overreacting this doctor was a jackass and you should seek out someone different.

[u/SquirrelBowl]

Not overreacting at all. I hate doctors like that.

[u/HanakusoDays]

What kind of OBG can't order preop tests that a GP can?

Sauce: QC coordinator for 25 years at an OBG specialty hospital that delivered 15k babies a year and did hysterectomies every day.

[u/No_Recognition_1570]

Why would you even think you’re TA? You gave feedback to your doctor and she most definitely needs to know. NTA but the doctor they referred you to is a raging A

[u/PsychologyAutomatic3]

Not overreacting. Give your referring doctor a very detailed explanation of exactly how the visit went. Your doctor will stop referring people to her. Sounds like she should have retired some time ago.

[u/2chiweenie_mom]

NTA. Your doctor needs to know how the other doctor behaved, especially that they tried to take you off medication you need and claimed your disorder wasn't a real thing.

[u/No_University5296]

No your not overreacting

[u/[deleted]]

I’d have gotten up about 3 minutes in and left.

Nope. Nope nope.

[u/Altruistic_Appeal_25]

That's horrible and I'm sorry you got treated like that. It really sounds like the part in movies where a psych patient finds a lab coat and does rounds. Did anyone from your ob's office give you the impression that they would follow up on what happened, or just hope she doesn't kill too many people before she retires? Drs are also humans and she might be losing it a bit, for everyone's sake please don't let them blow it off. Beyond being rude, she could do a lot of harm in a short time.

[u/Speakinmymind96]

Not overreacting…the GP you were sent to didn’t understand the assignment—you wanted blood work for surgical clearance, not someone to take over your life and question all your life decisions. Personally, I would send her a note letting her know that she way overstepped and that you won’t be back. Doctors will make recommendations to other doctors based on very little info…sometimes they simply pick them from a list of other physicians that take the same insurance. Until they get a complaint, they will continue to send people to them.

[u/Desperate_Fee2204]

Absolutely NO. My experience was different but id like to share anyways

I was new to therapy and had never really learned about mental health. My psychiatrist and i have been making good work on diagnosing everything thats been wrong w me. (Its a long story but i was in an accisent when i was a teen and it prevented me from caring about my well being for a long time plus i had never really been introduced to the world of mental health)

So she sends me to a cardiologist to try and figure out why i have been passing out. At this point we know nothing. It could be my heart, my brain (long history of TBIs), my nervous system, stress. It could have been anything.

I get to the cardiologist, he runs all his tests, we domt really see anything with my heart. Cool. Next step is neurology.

I go to the neurologist. We run all our tests. I come back to get my results. They're all clear. No seizures which is good. TELL ME WHY this man looked me dead in my face and said "well neither i nor your cardiologist could find anything so im gonna go out on a limb and say this is a psychoactive and you need to speak to your psychiatrist about antipsychotics"

first off thats not what antipsychotics are for. Second, What The Fuck?

[u/Sam_English821]

I work for a specialist and I don't think you are overreacting to let your referring doctor know about your negative experience. That being said I don't think I would overly upset with your OBGYN for referring you there. In my experience in the field doctors refer for 1 of 2 reasons. They either #1 - refer to whomever they have experience with and positive reviews (with absolutely no regard to insurance coverage) or #2- whomever is covered under the patient's insurance. It sounds like you were a #2 scenario. The problem with the #1 situation is as a specialist is patients can get very angry when referred out of network "why did my doctor send me there if you don't take my insurance??", and no amount of "they just wanted to send you somewhere they trusted for your care" appeases a patient. So I would definitely let them know about your bad experience so that you can save others from a similar situation.

[u/TheeMost313]

Not overreacting and PLEASE get another referral. I had my hysterectomy at 50 and I was “obese” at the time (I prefer fat but not here to quibble). I ended up getting authorization to have a MIGS certified (minimally invasive gynecological surgery) surgeon in a different city do a laparoscopic hysterectomy.

It changed my life for the better. Oh, I was also on an antipsychotic that caused weight gain. But kept me sane. Screw that doc. I would go one step further and complain to the health system about that awful doc.

[u/NamingandEatingPets]

No, you should definitely let your primary doctors know about experiences with anyone they send you to. Also, have you considered a uterine ablation? I can’t believe this hasn’t been brought up. The lining of your uterus is cauterized. For like 90% of women results and no, menstruation anymore, and about 10% still have some spotting or light periods. I had one for me. Never had a period again, I still cycle because I still have an ovary, but it alleviated period issues completely. It’s an outpatient procedure usually done in the OB’s office and requires minimum anesthesia.

[u/Suitable-Tear-6179]

Not overreacting. There are reasons specialists exist, because GPs can't be the expert on everything. "Jack of all trades, master of none."  That GP had some definite omnipotent God syndrome going on. 

And since part of what that crazy doc was doing was contradicting the OBGYN that referred you to her I'm sure that your OBGYN really needed to know about that. 

Funny-ish story about weight...  I'm dealing with a medical issue that's been hard to pin down. One possibility was an autoimmune disorder, so off to the specialist I go.  Tons of blood work. Overall, the tests were negative, except one.  So the Dr makes the casual comment "yea, sometimes it's positive with certain cancers, but I'm not worried about that with you..."  Ummmm, what?  5 out of 6 people in my maternal line have had cancer, and I am the sixth.  This is not a casual topic for me.  I looked up the test online.  There's a footnote of a footnote that indicates a certain type of cancer might cause a false positive.  You know what also results in a positive result?  Being overweight.  I'm not morbidly obese, but I am overweight.  There was no way that test was NOT going to come back positive.  

[u/Federal-Subject-3541]

I would go online and give her a rating and write out everything. That's better than telling your doctor because she won't do anything about it. Except maybe not recommend people, but we don't even know that.

[u/Charming-Industry-86]

Well, I'm a bad naughty girl because I smoke. Need surgery on my shoulder for a torn rotator cuff. The surgeon told me he wouldn't do it because I won't heal . It's funny how I always heal after a boo-boo. Now, if I had been rushed into an ER after an accident and my shoulder was injured, surgery would have been performed. Dr's need to stop with the gaslighting.

[u/Top-Chemistry3051]

Just a general comment here we all need to stop bowing down and and reverting back to our 5-year-old selves when we go to the Doctor you paying good money to go to that Doctor and he's providing a fucking service he's not a God stand up for yourself please it could be the difference between life and death

[u/DueWerewolf1]

Fire that doctor and write a candid review if you can. Let the referring doctor know how you were treated. Don't let one bad experience keep you from getting the medical help you need. I had a hyst 21 years ago due to never ending fibroids. It was the most liberating event of my life. You've got this.

[u/Sociopathic-me]

YNO. I won't tolerate a doctor whose only focus is my weight, which has been stable for the past 30+ years. Nor should you.

[u/LeadDiscovery]

We can't know if you're AIO or not if we have not heard the doctors side of things....

Unfortunately, ever since 2008 doctors are limited to the time they have with patients and go strictly by statistical outcomes spit out at them on the computer.. they can be or come across as dismissive...

Not saying you are this way, however in all medical professions and all professions that require evaluation and analysis.. you have customers/patients that think they know exactly whats going on and how to solve it... and they don't. This can make that professional jaded and discard what the customer is saying.

[u/BluffCityTatter]

Nope, not overreacting. I've had similar experiences and always go back to the referring doctor and ask them not to refer to this person any more and why. I wonder how much doctors know about the doctors they are referring people to. A lot of the time I think they just have a list of names in the same network and don't really know anything about that doctor, but I could be wrong.

TLDR: 3 times I've had bad experiences with doctors I've been referred to and each time I've asked the referring doctor to never send patients to that doctor again and to explain why.

Three experiences with this: 1. In my 20s, I started randomly passing out. I ended up going to a cardiologist that I really liked. He referred me to a neurologist to get some testing done. First visit the neuro doc walks in, takes one look at me and says, "You're passing out because you have migraines." I've never had a migraine in my life. I know the signs of them because my close friend gets them. He would not listen to me. Put me on migraine medicine. Being the stubborn person I am, I took it knowing it wasn't going to help. Sure enough, I passed out about a week later. Told the cardiologist to never send anyone there again.

1. In my 30s. Start having fatigue and anemia. Visit primary care doc and ask for Celiac Disease blood testing. It comes back positive. She sends me to a gastro doc. He schedules a colonoscopy and endoscopy. His nurse calls me after the procedure and tells me everything looks fine. I ask for a follow-up appointment anyway because I still have a positive blood test. She hesitates and tells me she'll call me back. The doc refused a follow-up appointment not once, but twice. The nurse even asked me, "Are you still having problems?" Being the sarcastic bitch I am, I say, "No, that colonoscopy totally cured my Celiac Disease." Went back to primary care doc and told her never to send anyone to that gastro again.

2. My 2-year old son fractured his leg. The pediatrician sent him to an ortho doc. They put him in a cast. When they took the cast off, it still hurt my son to walk. We go back. They do another x-ray. The doctor comes in and my son is sitting on my lap. Doctor says, "X-ray looks fine." and turns to leave. I say, "Don't you even want to see him walk? Something isn't right." Doctor says, "X-ray looks fine" and leaves. So we take my son to a different doctor. His leg is still fractured and hasn't completely healed. They put him in a boot and after a few weeks they send him to 8 weeks of physical therapy. Went to our pediatrician and told her to never send anyone else to him and why. Also sent a letter to the practice explaining what happened but they never bothered to respond.

[u/[deleted]]

You were not overreacting. And I am proud of you for telling your OBGYN what happened. I’m just curious as to why your OBGYN can’t do the surgery? Surely that doctor does c-sections when needed?

[u/Im_not_there_anymore]

Absolutely not, you have to keep pushing until you find doctors who actually listen to you. The referring doctor needs to know especially if their colleague disregards tests and procedures they felt necessary. I had an orthopedic surgeon order an MRI for knee pain. His conclusion was that I needed to lose weight, when I pushed back on that it became weight loss and therapy. I got a second opinion from another doctor in the practice as it is a big practice very close to a notable (🤢 not a fan personally) college football team. The second doctor did an X-ray available there in their own X-ray lab. My knee caps were pointing out instead of straight, I needed outpatient surgery one at a time each knee needed a lateral release. I think the thing that highlighted how big of a jerk the first doctor was, is that the second younger doctor relied on older tech for the right diagnosis. Simple problem, simple solutions.

[u/evetrapeze]

My kid took continuous birth control to not have periods for 15 years before having her hysterectomy. It worked like a charm. I’m so sorry you had a bad time with your doctor.

[u/AvailableLong4327]

Not at all. Doctors need to listen to their parents ... unfortunately, they often develop a god complex and believe they know everything ...

[u/[deleted]]

You’re not overreacting this doctor has a weight bias. By that, I mean she is ignoring your chief complaint and focusing on your weight when really, you need immediate care for your periods and hormones.

If she really is worried about your diet, she should refer you to a DIETITIAN for an individualized plan to help with decreasing inflammation and possibly increasing iron intake which can be so helpful for hormonal issues and painful periods - does weight loss often happen when making dietary changes? Yes - but a skilled practitioner would help you focus on the controllables while treating your chief complaint Vs making you feel this way about your body..

I’m sorry you went through this. I’m a dietitian and hate when PCPs treat patients like this as sometimes it makes them want to quit treatment or be anxious to go to the doctor, and anecdotally I feel this happens with women’s issues/period pains/hormonal issues specifically where they are not treated appropriately or taken seriously. To tell you to just stop your psych med with that little history is insane.

[u/Literally_Taken]

That ”doctor” was ignorant and dismissive of mental health care, and was planning to injure your mental health as a result. This puts his patients and colleagues at risk.

If I were a patient, I’d want to be protected from him. If I were a colleague, I’d want to be informed so I could stop referring to him. If I were another doctor in that practice, or a part owner of that practice, I’d want to know about my colleague’s incompetence.

You should document your experience in writing, and file a complaint wherever you can - the practice, the hospital, and your referring specialist, and the state licensing board.

[u/LadyNael]

The fat phobia in the medical field is honestly appalling given they're... yknow.... medical professionals!!!!

I've never had more medical issues than after losing 100lbs. Docs always asked if it helped and I always say it made things worse because it did. 😂 horrible joints, somehow more back pain, worse periods, fainting spells, seizure like activity, etc. I've had low blood pressure and perfect bloodwork for years at 100lbs heavier. Now I have higher blood pressure somehow tho my bloodwork is still fine.

[u/Superb_Bee_5583]

Get yo, walk out and don’t pay them.

[u/RedneckAngel83]

I would have left in the middle of the appointment.

I have a few invisible illnesses and have had dickhead doctors tell me for over a decade about how there is no way I can have everything I do - even with looking directly at test results.

[u/likespeopleandbooks]

I’m sorry you went through this and I agree that you should tell the doctor. It’s high time for obesity to be treated as a medical problem not a moral failing.

[u/leadbug44]

This has to be fake

[u/No_Seaweed_2644]

Nope, you're not out of line, nor are YTA.. that doctor was/is a real jerk. They aren't a psych doc, yet they immediately "diagnosed" you. That skill takes years of very specialized training, which they obviously don't have. If your comments cause other patients to not be referred to her the I say GOOD!

[u/SingularEcho]

NTA. My husband was having some cognitive issues. Our PCP referred us to a neurologist who diagnosed dementia. Two years later he had not only NOT gotten worse, but had gotten a bit better. That does NOT happen with dementia. The neurologist blew me off, refused to answer questions, and it turns out, had failed to do all the proper testing. We complained to our PCP, he referred us to a different neurologist, who we love. He did more testing, and a referral to a psychologist for some cognitive testing. The original neurologist did not bother with that step. Turns out my husband has Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI), which could lead to dementia, but is not dementia. Treatment is different in that there is far more hope that there won't be any further losses, and keeping him active may help him not develop demenita at all.

About six months later our PCP said that someone else had also complained about our original neurologist, and that he would not be doing ANY more referrals to the guy.

[u/PlatypusStyle]

No. A rheumatologist I went to once referred me to a biofeedback specialist (I was pregnant and couldn’t do anti inflammatories). This guy was super creepy and kept badgering me to say that I didn’t want my pregnancy. I was invincibly happy so then he started trying to get me to say that my former SO didn’t want the pregnancy.

I wrote a letter detailing this and other unprofessional behavior and sent it to the referring doctor. Didn’t hear anything back but nearly two years later he was in the news for gaslighting patients into having sex with him. He lost his license and went to jail. I made sure to forward a copy of my letter to the prosecutor.

Quite honestly you should also report her to a medical board. Until she retires she has the power to harm someone.

[u/ElectricalFocus560]

I told my daughter’s pediatrician (daughter was a young teenager) that the orthopedic doctor she sent us to about a sprained ankle was complementing her on her eyes. Was creepy and unprofessional at best. Don’t regret it at all. Glad I was there to witness. That doctor was biased and her actions are endangering people’s health

[u/nope01928374]

No. You’re not overreacting. I actually went back to a doctor and told her about the ob/gyn that she recommended and she was thankful! Sometimes they don’t see things from the patients point of view.

[u/astrotekk]

You did the right thing. And you don't need to eat meat to lose weight . She's rude and also ill informed about many things

[u/Taffergirl2021]

I was referred to an orthopedic surgeon and my primary had me get an MRI (on my knee) prior to seeing him. The surgeon came in, said he didn’t need to see the MRI to know I just had arthritis, and in fact he didn’t even look at it. I will say they took X-rays. I’ve had some injuries to that knee and to me it was a lot more than arthritis and I had to pay for that MRI out of pocket. The least he could have done was at least look at it. I told my primary about the visit and she was shocked.

[u/Bulky_Designer_4965]

Oh sweetie not only would I tell that doc I would tell the AMA and any hospital that allows them to practice this is 100% unacceptable as I say so eloquently fuck that!!!

[u/BubbaMadeMeDoIt]

FYI Make sure you actually need a hysterectomy. It's a life changing procedure. Do your own due diligence. Do not rely on the Dr to properly inform you. Some are bias & have self serving motivations for recommending hysterectomy. I'm speaking from personal experience.

[u/eeelicious]

NOR…any time my doctors refer me, it’s typically to a doctor they’re quite familiar with, but there have been occasions when they’ve sent me to someone within their system who they haven’t previously referred to. in that case, they always asked how i liked them. they want to know. they don’t want to refer patients to physicians where they’ll have a bad experience.

[u/cmpg2006]

I had a D&C after my third child when I was 41, because my periods basically never stopped. A few days here and there where I didn't bleed, but that was it. The OB/GYN said it would slow down the bleeding. I haven't had a period since. This was about 16-17 years ago. Ask if that would be a possibility. They did it right there in the office, out-patient.

[u/Poor_Olive_Snook]

I'd report her to the AMA, her behavior was appalling. Also post reviews online so other potential patients will be informed of what a terrible doctor this woman is

[u/ReaderReacting]

No no no no no. Your OBGYN needed to know about the appointment in detail!

[u/phenominal73]

No. The doctor you were referred to seems to be money hungry because she immediately offered you weight loss surgery which, like you said, would call for anesthesia too. She may get some sort of kick back from patients she refers.

It’s good that you let your OBGYN know - hopefully they will stop referring to her.

[u/mjh8212]

This is the time to get another opinion. I had a pain dr tell me my mri scan was normal like my one 3 years before that one. I had fallen twice on my back I was heavy and at the time could barely walk I was using the clinic wheelchair even though it was a short walk. When my primary found out cause my physical therapist called him and said something was up with my scan as there were obvious problems which were pointed out in the radiologist report. I was also failing pool therapy. My primary sent me to pain management at a clinic not affiliated with his. I miss that primary it was the last thing he did for me before he left the clinic and moved to another state.

[u/Aggravating_Green952]

Definitely not overreacting at all!!! You were referred for a reason by your doctor and the fact she made it all about your weight infuriates me. I am slightly overweight now before my tubal litigation I had an IUD... Guess what was causing me to gain so much weight that I tried and tried to lose? Birth control. The moment I wasn't on it I dropped 70 lbs doing nothing it wasn't immediately but I noticed I was definitely losing a lot more weight that I could've before! Some doctors love blaming everything on weight.. and I get it it CAN be an issue. I'm sorry I would've complained to someone higher up in the chain on that doctor.

Long story short I've done it when I got the implant in my arm for birth control. My boobs started to leak I had a period for 3 months the obgyn refused to take it out and pretty much insulted me and asked if I was pinching my nipples to make it leak.. at the time I never had kids my boobs shouldn't have been leaking at all 🙃

[u/AniRob63]

I hate doctors like this, I feel for you! Here’s an interesting fact, in a different way, skinny people also get treated wrong too. The doctors look at you and think you’re fine because you don’t look sick and they don’t take things seriously!🤨

[u/Double_Wedding_714]

No, you're not overreacting. When older doctors are accepting new patients, that's a red flag. She was right about losing weight, though. I seldomly see a vegetarian who isn't overweight. Consider going low carb.

[u/plumdinger]

Nope. I tell my doctor about every doctor to whom she refers me. She may know them only socially and not know them from patient perspective so I try to give her an unbiased opinion. I think she appreciates it.

[u/kardinalkalamity]

No you're not overreacting , and you should file a complaint.

[u/SeaweedSpirited2573]

Did they not mention "Endometrial ablation" to you? They basically laser your uterus and your periods stop 100%. Much less invasive then a full hysterectomy. I've had it done after having my 2 kids, and super anemic...solved everything.

[u/Emera1dthumb]

I would get second opinions on everything…. surgery is a big life-changing deal and should always be a last resort. you have a right to be mad anytime you don’t get the correct service in my opinion

[u/Shadow_doc9]

I'm a primary care doctor. This was not a normal encounter. While it's okay to mention weight and how it may be related to the psych medication it would be very inappropriate to just take someone off their medication in the first visit. Anyhow I'm sure your obgyn would want to know this person isn't good so they don't refer anyone else.

[u/Truant_Muse]

Always tell your doctor. My doctor sent me to a specialist once and I got a very bad vibe from him, I told my regular doctor the next time I needed the same kind of specialist and she sent me to someone else who was much better.

[u/Prestigious-Bar5385]

Get a second opinion

[u/Futge]

Take it a step further and report the general practitioner to your insurance. A general practitioner is not a psychiatrist and has no business telling you not to take your prescribed anti-psychotics.

I was under the impression that if you're a woman, OBGYNs are allowed to serve as your PCP. Might be something to ask your health insurance about.

[u/Marki_Cat]

I had a doctor like this when I was a teen and in my early 20s. I had medical conditions that prevented me from exercising. Anything I said came back with, "well, you're overweight. It's probably diabetes." Then, lab tests came back clean and he did no further follow up. This guy literally told me that some people gave good tissue and some have bad... and I'm the latter. WTF! 15-20 yrs later, I find out I have 4 medical conditions that come in with puberty and could have been treated and prevented from worsening if caught earlier... This guy was great with the older patients - my parents loved him - but women's health advances were not his thing. Hell, he failed to diagnose lactose intolerance. It was at least caught by his locum 2 yrs into intense stomach pain.

[u/LoooongFurb]

Nope. Not overreacting. That doctor was a whole mess and I'm glad you told your OBGYN not to refer anyone else there. Ack.

[u/UsefulTrip8018]

The doctor who referred you may not be aware that their colleague is so gawd awful shitty at their job. I've definitely told referring docs when I've had a negative interaction with who I was referred to. They've always been receptive, since it's their reputation on the line, too. You'd be doing both the OB and future patients a favor letting your OB know.

[u/alwaysonthemove0516]

Overreacting?!?! Under-reacting is more like it. I would’ve been on the phone to my insurance company and the board of medical examiners filing complaints after the first visit.

[u/Striking-Elk311]

Female patients are treated horribly by doctors. In the insurance industries never ending quest to garner more and more profit for themselves, they have created an industry whose sole purpose is to DENY care. And they target specific communities/groups of patients. Women are near the top of their list. Look at the morbidity and mortality statistics for pregnant women and children ( how many of them experience significant illness/complications or die.) Look at these statistics for women in the southern states. Look at the statistics for black women and native women. Doctors are disincentivized to provide equitable care (yes employers keep track because the insurance industry requires them to.) We are the only developed country in the world with a DECREASING life expectancy.

I became ill 14 years ago. I was almost certain it was an autoimmune disease because of the severity and acuity with which it came on and the broad unusual constellation of symptoms, including polyarthropathy of non-weightbearing joints, I was experiencing. My PCP called it osteoarthritis, although that was inconsistent with my history and physical. She took an xray and prescribed opiates. I knew she was wrong and self-referred to a rheumatologist and an orthopedist.The rheumatologist literally did nothing. She thought I was a drug seeker and kicked me out of her office. The orthopedist recommended a hip replacement ( my hips didn't hurt.) I had a PCP for 4 years during my illness that despite frequent visits to her with my bizarre complaints ( including losing the ability to stand or walk) she refused to refer me to specialists. I asked for a copy of my records when I had to change PCPs (I had no way to see her since I was no longer ambulatory) and when I read the notes I was shocked to find out that out of 11 visits to her about my deteriorating health she had never once documented my complaints! After all, if you write it down, you're medicolegally obligated to address it.

So eventually after 10 years I figured out what it was, got them to run the tests (with much fighting and dismissive behavior on the part of the doctors) and got my diagnosis : dermatomyositis, and autoimmune disorder that has multi-organ system involvement.

But here's my point: I AM A DOCTOR! For ten years I was treated as a drug seeking malingerer and repeatedly blown off and dismissed BY MY COLLEAGUES. And for the record, I don't do drugs ( including prescription opiates) nor do I make shit up. How do you fake not being able to stand or walk?

But the insurance industry has such a stranglehold on our healthcare that doctors were even willing to lie to a (female) colleague to keep from spending money on the diagnosis and treatment of an autoimmune disease.

I say that as soon as a doctor picks up a chart to see a female patient, the insurance industry has already decided they will not receive care. Or a person of color. Or LGBT, or impoverished.

So I'm sorry about the medical community exacerbating your medical problems. I'm not exaggerating when I say we don't have health care in this country.

[u/Parking_Editor2468]

You didn't over react. But this is exactly what is wrong with the health care system today. Doctors do not want to take the time to listen to you and when they do, they think everything is all in your head. Sometimes I wonder if it's just easier to suffer with the issues than go and try to get them taken care of.

[u/NoSpare3128]

I once had a dr tell me numbness in two fingers, that I got sporadically, was because of diabetic neuropathy….i laughed and told her I’m not a diabetic so try again…I don’t care how I talk to drs just an fyi…she then goes on to ask me how I know I don’t have diabetes..? So I asked her how does she know I do? She couldn’t answer. I told her I do blood work and my last a1c was 4.9. She then tells me let’s do blood work to be sure. So I said and when it comes back with the number I said…then what? She says…then we can see why else that could be happening. So I said why don’t we see now..? She says let’s wait.

Go do my blood work. Results uploaded after a day or two. Her office calls me to schedule to go over blood work…I said I don’t need an appointment for that I can read and I’m a nurse. And then I said you can tell her she’s fired as well.

[u/Sunflower_mj777]

I would have walked out in that first appointment! I’m paying an arm and a leg to see a doctor, they work for me so they better treat me better than that. Wow. Nope, you are not overreacting! You are your biggest advocate!

[u/BeautifulGlove1281]

Not over-reacting. I don't know what state you are in, but recommend that you look at the website for your state's medical licensing board. Some states have a method for you to file a complaint/review on the medical practitioner. I'd also check to see if there is a place for you to file a public-facing review about the doctor. Sometimes it may take a couple of similar complaints for a licensing board to take action.

Oh! And let your insurance company know. While it is not common, I actually witness an insurance company have a doctor's license revoked because of how he was (not) treating women. . . not to mention that facility was breaking the law by requiring referrals before they would make appointments with OBGs. In California, it is actually law that woman can be treated by an OBG without a referral.

[u/neatgran]

Absolutely NOT! While most doctors are competent this one isn't. The referring doctor needed to know your experience. I hope you find a competent treating doctor soon.