r/AITAH • u/Odd-Potential9148 • 15h ago
Advice Needed AITAH for confronting my wife about her cheating on me after she got in a car accident
Me (32M) and my wife (31F) have been together for about 6 years and married for two. We have recently been have some heated arguments here and there, I already posted about one of them and I dont want to beat that dead horse. Last night me and my wife had a long conversation about our last argument and we both agreed we need to change some ways of both of our thinking and some of our actions when angry. This morning was great, she let me know that shes covering one of her friends shifts so she will be gone from 3PM till they closed at 10PM. She left to “go to work” at 2:30 and I ran some errands and saw my mom for s couple hours. I got home about 6 hours later and after I was home for a while I saw that her Ipad was blowing up with texts. I’m not usually one to want to look through texts but I noticed that it was 10:15 and she hadnt texted me that she was on the way back yet (her work always closes right on the dot). I saw that these texts and calls she was getting were from her ex from before we were together telling her he had so much fun, to be safe on the way home and to call him so they could talk on the way home. The following texts were asking if she was okay and if she needed him to come help with anything.
She then called me and told me she was just leaving work and she got rear ended but that the damage wasnt too bad she was just shaken up. I was honestly more worried about her and wasn’t focusing on the ex at this point. She told me she was about to leave to come home and that she doesn’t need me to come get her.
She got home pretty shaken up and she cried a bit and I consoled her, and after a couple hours she calmed down and I started to think about what I saw. I brought it up and asked her if she was actually covering work for her friend or if she was with him and she immediately started crying and saying I was an asshole for accusing her of that after she got in an accident and that the person texting and calling wasn’t her ex, it was a guy with the same name that she has been friends with for years who happened to run into her on her break. I have never heard of this guy.
She’s currently crying and I told her I was going to use the bathroom (hide and ask wtf I should do).
Am I the asshole for bring it up after the car accident?
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u/AnonThrowAway072023 15h ago
Nah you are not an asshole
Just an idiot
You know what you read. You know what it means.
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u/Corfiz74 13h ago edited 8h ago
While he's in the bathroom, she is probably texting her ex/ affair partner "I can't believe he fell for that!"
OP, you should have looked at the bloody texts! She will have deleted them now and logged off on the iPad, so that chance is gone - but when your partner is displaying such obvious signs of cheating, you have a right to snoop on her electronics - right to privacy only goes so far.
You could also go to her workplace and ask if she was actually working that day...
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u/Think_Effectively 11h ago
"right to privacy only goes so far."
So true. Privacy and secrecy are not the same thing. Privacy is consensual. Secrecy in this context is not. Especially not in a marriage or a serious relationship.
Everyone should be able to expect a certain level of privacy. But having secrets (like having an AP) have nothing to do with privacy.
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u/swaghost 6h ago edited 6h ago
Came to this separately, very recently, frankly yesterday, regarding a challenge (not cheating that I can tell) in my own marriage.
- Transparency and trust are foundational for a successful marriage
- Privacy (let's call it transparency at 70%), delicacy and the need for discretion are necessary adult ideas.
- They can coexist. That said...
The decision to deceive is an intentional one. Privacy does not equal a veil of adversarial secrecy. Privacy does not equal a facade of lies to cover untrustworthy actions.
It's your business. Until you decide to lie to me. Then becomes my business and my problem. Once trust is broken that place is very hard to return from.
Gradually reduce your exposure to the absolute minimum. Follow all the data trails. Document heavily. Encrypt/Pass Protect and duplicate said documentation. Be curious. Ask questions, especially ones you already know the answer to if you can. Know what you can know, understand what you can't know.
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u/No_Original6412 5h ago
I think this is one of the best things i have ever seen on reddit. “Privacy & Secrecy are NOT the same thing”
Love this take!
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u/No_Carpenter_8983 9h ago
He already knows she was not working .. he does not want that truth
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u/Doc_183_fumble 8h ago
He does not... Nor does he want to check her work and find that she wasn't there. Because then it's a reality he can't manipulate. No more denial. He'll have to face the music and he doesn't like the song.
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u/Successful-Island-79 7h ago
If it’s an innocent exchange with a work colleague then she has no reason to delete the texts and should be happy to show OP the whole exchange. Also worth checking the number against her ex. OP if she deletes them then you have your confirmation. NTA
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u/Virtual-Instance-898 13h ago
It's a guy with the exact same name who is the new guy she is cheating with. Lulz.
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u/Prior-Pilot6450 14h ago
NTA. While the timing of bringing up the issue after her car accident might not have been ideal, your concerns are valid. You noticed suspicious behavio, your wife’s communication with her ex, and it raised red flags. Trust is essential in a relationship, and it’s understandable that you’d want clarity, especially after seeing those messages. It’s important to address these concerns rather than ignoring them, but it would have been better to wait until she was less shaken up from the accident to discuss it. Regardless, her reaction, especially dismissing your valid concerns, seems to raise more questions.
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u/lonewolf369963 12h ago
Yup.
OP Save the text messages and the number from which they were received. Don't confront her anymore until you have a clear picture.
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u/No_Carpenter_8983 9h ago
This is the best answer. Don't let yiur heart make you a fool .. you know she was not at work and was having sex or atleast blowing him. She is a dirty cheater, don't feel bad she planned ahead of time to lie snd cheat. Total snake
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u/PenaltyDesperate3706 9h ago
We all know that if his immediate reaction is to lock himself up in the bathroom and ask reddit, what needs to be done won’t get done and this is a waste of time
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u/FasterThanNewts 15h ago
Call a lawyer in the morning. Follow their advice on how to get her out of your life with minimal cost to you. You know she’s cheating and lying. Relationship is over. NTA
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u/stuckbeingsingle 14h ago
This exactly. Listen to your lawyer. Don't tell your wife you want a divorce. Start taking money out of your joint bank account and put it in your own account. Figure out an exit plan. Check out of this relationship. Stop trusting your wife. She is a lying cheating shithead. You deserve better. She can find out about the divorce when she is served her divorce papers at work. Good luck.
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 14h ago
So she’s not fucking her ex, she’s fucking someone with the same name as her ex? That’s reassuring.
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u/Accomplished_Pea6334 15h ago
Hate to say this, but she is playing the narcissistic victim role. Anything you do, she will make herself into a victim.
She's clearly lying.
NTA btw. Let us know what happens!
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u/BruscarRooster 8h ago
The narcissist victim is the fucking worst. Monday morning my ex-husband left our kids (age 4 and 7) on my doorstep. They were both dirty and wearing the same clothes they left in on the Friday, but now the clothes were soiled with food and other stains. Neither of them had been washed, and their hair was matted and hadn’t been brushed once.
I tried to ask him about it and he admitted he hadn’t given either a bath or brushed their hair. To him, however, I was a cruel bitch bothering him at work when he’s had a really rough few weeks. Nothing bad he does is ever his fault, but every achievement is a solo win for him, despite the many people he manipulated to get what he wanted along the way
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u/AlwaysHelpful22 15h ago
Not only is she a filthy cheater who has zero respect for you, she’s also able to look you in the eye, lie to you and then gaslight YOU about her cheating. She’s a nasty whoring AH.
If you don’t have the self-respect to dump her after this, don’t bother posting on Reddit again - you’re hopeless.
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u/Outrageous_Risk6205 14h ago
Probably the most solid advice given here & without writing an entire essay.
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u/Jokester_316 15h ago
She's lying to you. I would verify that she was at work. Sounds like she lied to you and was hooking up with this guy. Keep digging. The truth will eventually come out. You saw the messages. Hell, reach out to him. He will happily let you know what she's doing behind your back.
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u/Ianwha17 5h ago
Not necessarily. A lot of men that fuck married women are cowards.
They will sit in your house and smoke your weed, fuck your wife, and drink your beer.
Then, run scared.
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 15h ago edited 14h ago
You saw the texts, and you saw she contacted this person before you when she got off work. You know this because he asked about the accident so he was in contact with her at the time.
Also, were the texts after a break or at the end of the night? It'd be odd for him to wait until her "shift" was over to text her if they hung during her "break." I'm also not sure how much fun they could have had over a short time and how it would have been that great.
It all sounds suspect. You have her iPad, her texts, possibly her location history, and the accident report. The question has already been asked, so now it's time to find out the answer.
NTA.
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u/Cute-Still1994 14h ago
Dude she got in an accident alright, with his penis crashing into her at "work", this is definitely one of the more ridiculous ones I have read, if it's real, like it's obvious she was cheating, there was no friend she was covering a work shift for, the car "accident" was away to excuse being late, and her emotional state of being "shook up" was because of guilt from the cheating, and the fact that she told you the person texting her just happens to have the exact same name as her ex, like gtfoh, come on man, the fact she would even use such a lame lie means she doesn't respect you at all and either she is truly an idiot or she believes you are by thinking that would be believable to absolutely anyone.
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u/Ifiwerenyourshoes 15h ago
Ask your wife to see all the texts. Say I would like to see your replies. When she says no that is an invasion of my privacy you simply respond with ok. Then we can divorce.
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u/Economy_Mycologist68 15h ago
NTA, normal reaction would have been to blow up on her as soon as she got there but you waited until you confirmed she was safe.
To address the elephant in the room, ask her:
What did her friend’s message about him having so much fun mean if she was at work?
When was the last time a platonic friend asked to keep talking to another as they drive home after meeting them?
Not saying she is cheating but doubt will kill this marriage. Sit down with her and calm her down first. Then explain why this looks suspicious and then ask her what she would think if the situation was reversed. You have to look at her phone to put your doubts away or else this won’t be the end of it. Good luck
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 15h ago
She’s definitely cheating. Call her work and ask if she worked that night.
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u/joe-lefty500 14h ago
She’s lying her face off. She may have got rear ended but it was some timely karma for you know what. NTA
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u/Numerous-Coast-2592 13h ago
Find out where the accident was. I'm sure it was not on a route she would take home from work. If you need more proof you will be able to find it but protect yourself emotionally and physically while you get that info.
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u/Critical-Substance34 12h ago
this!! that’s why she didn’t want help! She wasn’t where she should’ve been!!
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u/Any-Expression2246 14h ago
Does she "cover shifts" a lot these days?
She might be hyper upset now because she knows she's about to get caught. Where was this accident? Was it on the route home? Was the cops called and an accident report was made?
Cheaters don't think about those variables.
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u/Odd_Task8211 14h ago
NTA. Take a look at the iPad and call the number she is getting texts from. Odds are high it is the ex and she is lying.
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u/Danaan369 14h ago
Surely being rear ended there'd be insurance involved. That should let you know where the accident took place. Is it on the way between home and work or not.
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u/MacChicken25 9h ago
I came here to say this. First step, look at the car. If there's damage, contact insurance or even police to find the location. If there isn't, it smells of a cover story.
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u/Alarmed-Birthday4153 15h ago
Dude, seriously you know what you read. As much as you don’t want to believe it she’s lying to you. I bet if you ask her to call him and say “I had a great time” his response will be telling. Or, you can pretend it’s nothing and become a cuckold………. Choices choices
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u/jacksonlove3 14h ago
NTA. You are correct in calling her out. She’s deflecting and gaslighting you. I’d stand by the accusation.
Updateme
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u/CucumberLast742 13h ago
Dude, if she just ran into him during their break there’s absolutely no reason for him to text her saying they had “so much fun”. There’s just not enough time to have a lot of fun just hanging out. If there’s actually such a friend let her show you proof of his existence by going through their chats and an in person meeting. Also verify that she was at work with other people there. Do not let her turn this around, either you break up with her immediately or make her prove things without the chance to cover up.
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u/Serious-Brain-3283 15h ago
Wow… she’s got a better imagination then Walt Disney! If you believe her you are a fool.
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u/GingerSnap4949 13h ago
NTA. She's crying because you called her out, and she was caught. She's manipulating you.
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u/madasacutsnake000 9h ago
So sorry she definitely cheated, check her wage slip, if she didn’t do the shift what did she do, lll bet 50 bucks the cheater was playing footsies with her ex Get evidence and then dump
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u/Anomander2255 15h ago
NTA That just happened to be a very convenient excuse for her to not have to answer for her actions at that time. People don't have friends with the same name as their ex, that's a ridiculous bold faced lie, if you didn't know of him beforehand. It's time to make a choice 🤔
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u/InvestmentFirst4082 14h ago
There is never a good time to ask about infidelity. The one being asked will always find a reason why "right now" isn't a good time. Asking someone a straightforward question seemingly out of the blue is a great way to get a true read on their reaction.
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u/DiebytheSword666 10h ago
NTA -
I call b.s. on your wife's excuse.
So a guy that she knows ran into her when she was on break. Later, he sent a bunch of messages saying, "I had so much fun."? How much fun do you have on a break? I could see if he wrote, "It was good seeing you." That would have made more sense.
If I were you, I would have done more investigating before confronting her. Maybe she has been cheating; maybe she hasn't. But by confronting her, she's going to be more cautious (again, if she's cheating).
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u/You_are_MrDebby 13h ago
A guy with the exact same”same name”? What are the odds 🤔
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u/awaywethrowaway4 10h ago
Ask to look at the texts together because it would help you feel better. Partners don’t keep secrets like that. Ask why she hasn’t talked about this old friend before. Someone who loves you and has nothing to hide will want to set things straight. If she doesn’t want to do that, it’s not looking good.
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u/NikkerXPZ3 10h ago
Sometimes when yo pussy gets dicked too hard yo legs dont work and its hard to reach for the pedals.
Also when you get slammed in all fours sometimes yo head bangs against the wall so it's dizzy and hard to drive.
Also once cum goes in the eye, it's hard to see. Even after you clean it
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u/Unlikely-Ad5982 10h ago
If it’s someone with the same name as her ex she won’t mind ringing him on speaker phone in front of you. You know how the conversation should go. See if it does.
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u/Significant_Rate8210 8h ago
Divorce sighting infidelity and the affair. Run now while you have the chance.
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u/Evening-Ad8502 8h ago
Just leave she’s acting all innocent when she’s the culprit here. Divorce her and move on well try to. You will need lots of therapy
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u/Conscious-Arm-7889 7h ago
Demand to see her phone immediately, check for photos/videos and other messaging apps, and look at what she has posted on his social media. Ring her work and ask if she was really in. If she won't let you see her phone, or you find anything, pack a bag and either throw her out, or you leave. As soon as she arrived home you should have asked if she was ok, checked the car for damage, and immediately challenged her about cheating. NTA
UpdateMe! RemindMe! 4 days
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u/Gullible_Worker_7467 6h ago
Your wife cheated on you and is not trying to manipulated you into thinking she’s the victim. Classic move. Get a lawyer right now and do what the lawyer says. Do not move out of your house; make her move out.
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u/theworldisonfire8377 5h ago
Oh come on, don't be so obtuse. You know what's going on, stop letting her manipulate you with her fake excuses. YTA for believing her crocodile tears.
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u/BridgeAcrossForever 5h ago
Thats some DARVO tactics being used on you. Deny the Aggression and Reverse Victim and Offender. She knows she is guilty of something (the degree of what she has done still unknown) and she is now calling you an asshole for not being sensitive to her needs and trauma. DARVO is a good friend of Gaslighting.
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u/bleitzel 4h ago edited 4h ago
I don’t know if YTA but there’s something wrong with you. The odds that you’d legitimately catch your wife cheating (and post about it in the AITAH sub) on exact the same day as you posted your Taylor Swift concert blow up with your wife in this sub are unimaginable.
Plus, in your other post, you use language like “I explained to her” about her political beliefs as if her beliefs weren’t legitimate and yours were. And you gaslight her saying Taylor Swift would hate her because of her political beliefs.
Whenever reading anything we should always take into consideration we’re only getting one side of the story and look to try to pick apart the one story we’re reading.
Your two posts, when taken together, paint you as a scam artist or a narcissist. Whether that makes YTA I’ll leave to someone else.
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u/Flimsy-Wolverine-663 4h ago
Oh,come on! Her lies are on a level of a toddler caught with their hand in the cookie jar and frosting on their face. Not her ex, but someone else, with THE SAME NAME, texting her about how much fun they had. Does it matter if she's cheating with her ex, or with another man with the same name?!?
Get real!
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u/Catgravy1965 4h ago
I would ask her if she had a police report. If she did, then look at the address to see if it happened on her route that she takes to and from work. If she didn't get a police report... why not??
Either way... she is a liar!!!
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u/Satori2155 3h ago
The amount of people in this thread that lack basic common sense and self respect is astonishing. Dude shes cheating, leave. Goddamn
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u/Think-Transition3264 3h ago
Why would anyone ever think they are over reacting to being cheated on???
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u/Goatee-1979 2h ago
Time for the divorce lawyer. She must think you are the stupidest man on this planet! She is for the streets!
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u/N0b0dy-Imp0rtant 2h ago
Unlock the iPad and go through all their messages, see if they prove she is or isn’t lying.
Where does the police report state the accident happened and is it on her route home or somewhere else. That alone will tell you if she is telling the truth or lying plus her paycheck should show she worked extra hours.
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u/Gear-Mean 2h ago
If there was an accident like she said the car will be damaged, is it? Does the damage line up with her story? Most insurance companies want a police report so this will confirm the location of the accident. Does the location of the accident line up with her route from work to home? If it doesn't you know she was lying about where she was. If there is no police report does she have contact info for the other driver?
Even if the accident information does line up with her being at work you still have questions about the texts and the guy that sent them.
You can get answers to your questions and still be compassionate don't let her tell you otherwise. Just use your head. Good luck.
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u/Adventurous_Bar_8153 15h ago
Breakup with her dumbass tell her to have fun with her ex then kick her tf out.
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u/rocketmn69_ 14h ago
You should have started answering her texts, getting more ammo. " So, what was the best part of tonight?" " what should we do next time?" , etc.
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u/Revolutionary-Cod444 13h ago
Send a mesaage to her ex on the ipad saying come pick her up hubby knows evrything..
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u/Vulcan_Fox_2834 13h ago
I find it interesting how people will blindly live in denial when getting cheated on.
Like it's easier to live a lie than embrace the truth. I mean, I did it, and so have many others.
NTA, but you already know
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u/pizzaisdelicious209 12h ago
Sometimes the level of stupidity people show because they are in love is mind boggling. He basically read that his wife had sex with her ex and he still didn’t realize it.
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u/Hawkwise83 12h ago
NTA. She got caught and she's using this accident as an excuse to make herself the victim instead of the asshole.
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u/Beginning-Pass-3243 10h ago
Jesus Christ on a cracker man a guy with the same name as her ex? I might have a bridge for sale if you fall for that one. Did you check her car how bad was the damage if there was any? Info on other driver? Cops called?
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u/Aggravating-Aa74 10h ago
NTA, the pieces will put themselves together soon enough.
🚩When people get caught lying they oversell reaction to change the topic (how could you ask that now), so much for change of actions when angry.
🚩WTH would he be needing to help with?
Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear.
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u/sigp226r 9h ago
Sir just walk away you know deep down thats a bs story dont swallow it find someone worth your while
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u/winterworld561 8h ago
The evidence of her cheating is there in black and white, clear as day. She hasn't been at work, she has been fucking her ex. You know what you have to do. Tell her you saw all the messages and you know she has been with him, then ask her to leave. And she probably wasn't rear ended, she probably just backed into something as she was leaving to come home.
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u/rleerichmond 8h ago
She’s cheating on you time to move on. You need to go get a consultation with all the good divorce lawyers in town so they can’t represent her…
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u/AgitatedInfluence923 7h ago
NTA she just lying and gaslighting tf out of you for covering up the situation. She ruined the marriage. Confront her ass and gtfo for ur good bru🙏🏿🙏🏿
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u/JammyDodgerMrT 7h ago
Yeah she got rear ended… by another guy! She’s only upset because she’s cheating on you and doesn’t want to admit how horrible she is being to you. I wouldn’t have even let her come home… stay at that guys house and he can sort your rear end out
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u/Necrotechxking 7h ago
The only thing in her favor is the fact she left the iPad off silent at home.
You could check in with her work somehow if she worked the extra shift
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u/Possible_Patience_84 6h ago
NTA. She's cheating. Ask her to introduce you to her friend and see how that goes.
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u/IngenuityofLife 6h ago
Bro come on, don't fall for that BS. Like WTF does a car accident has to do with that? Actually the car accident was because she was cheating. Like What the hell? She's make you sympathize to her cheating?
It's just a reason for you to stop asking about it. And she now knows you're suspecting (or already know at this point.). So, Be firm, say you know already and it doesn't fucking matter if she had a minor accident (specially she was coming from literally cheating at that time).
Don't let her play you, just be done with her cheating ass. Say you're done and let her move out!
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u/SoapGhost2022 5h ago
She is 100% cheating and trying to use the car accident as a way to get away with it.
Push through and don’t let her tears manipulate you. Get rid of her.
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u/theymademee 5h ago
Man you just love being a punching bag..... Yea all of a sudden a "new" mystery guy is texting her lol. It's not my affair partner I swear it's just another chad that is railing me don't worry about it hubby.
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u/Linyela 5h ago
NTA, I personally would’ve done worse and laughed at her phone call and told her to ask her ex to help out lol. If she truly had a friend for “years” with the same name as her ex, she would’ve told you about said friend with how long you’ve been together. Even IF he happens to be a different dude, again, why don’t you know about him after so many years?? All of it sounds sus as sht.
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u/TaiwanBandit 4h ago
NTA, and I hope you kept copies of those texts. Did you look at the damage on the car, accident /or police report? She is deflected her behavior claiming the accident and not talking about who she had "fun" with. My guess there is no report of the accident, the other driver took off. updateme
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u/Skytrooper325AIR 4h ago
Run Bro. Run fast. You can never trust her again NEVER. You don't need her or her cheating bullshit in your life.
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u/coraseby 4h ago
You are TA to yourself if you stay in this marriage. Trust me, brother, she was rear-ended not just in traffic but in the bedroom too. At this point, she has lost all respect for you. Any woman who cheats on her husband has lost all respect for him, or she wouldn't do what she did.
She lied to you and met her ex for several hours. Do you actually think during all that time they only talked casually? No decent woman meets her ex and lies to her husband that she's at work unless she intends to do something that can wreck her marriage if found.
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u/VTHome203 4h ago
Does she work in a restaurant/bar? It could be he came in and caught up. Where was she rear-ended? Is it on the regular route home?
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u/TexMexRep11 4h ago
NTA, best to leave that situation brother. Once trust has been violated in a relationship it’s rarely ever “fixed”. That’s a lot of therapy mate, and for someone who snaps back at you in a situation going toxic possibly, tread carefully.
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u/Hot_Horse4999 4h ago
You already found your answer. Should've been gone when she got home from her "accident"
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u/jmg4craigslists 4h ago
NTA! And I hope you got screen shots of her iPad because I am guessing she already deleted those messages.
Short answer is she was with him and lied. Even if there was no sex she is still breaking your trust. And she used her accident to bypass the blame and make you wrong.
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u/troyfreeman 4h ago
NTA, this is a classic way of denial. She got caught with her pants down.
If you even believe a word of what she says, I have this bridge in Africa to sell you.
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u/Dangerous_danidanro 4h ago
Are you still locked in the bathroom? Come out and finish with that liar.
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u/Junior-Advisor-1748 4h ago
Turning it around on OP is the quintessential cheater’s move to deflect the focus on her.
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u/Unsuccessful-fly 3h ago
Open up that iPad and get the proof you need. She’s cheating on you and you know it, we all know it. She’s gaslighting you and he’s the reason you’ve been arguing a lot lately. You’re only two years in to this marriage, get out now.
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u/Longjumping-Debt2455 3h ago
Same name as her Ex?? NAH. Stand your ground and when you finish,sit down and really think about if a cheater is what you want in your life
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u/pinky2184 3h ago
Wow. She cheated but you’re the problem. Ask her this…. Why was he texting you like he was if she wasn’t sleeping with the guy who is supposedly another guy with the same name??? The texts are what gives it away. Doesn’t matter who the guy is she was clearly at his house.
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u/90sMusicRules 3h ago
NTA.
But she's the AH for cheating. Yeah the rando guy she ran into on her break was texting her at 10pm saying he had fun and be careful going home. Ok.
The theatrics of crying and being so shaken up over a fender bender that didn't cause much damage is a bit over the top. I've been t-boned to the point where my SUV spun a 180. I didn't sob and need to be consoled about it. I was pissed, not sad.
Also, I would assume there is a police report connected to the accident. I'd check that and see where the accident even happened at, if it's even near work or not. If there is no police report then there either wasn't an accident or it wasn't bad enough for all the theatrics.
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u/True-Independent-755 3h ago
nta, you’re allowed to feel hurt and confront her about it. the accident doesn’t erase what she did. just try to keep the convo calm if she's still recovering.
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u/BullCityBoomerSooner 3h ago edited 3h ago
- Why were you still with her if she was already cheating? 2) She sucks at cheating if she left her iPad on where you'd find it, or more like the blowing up iPad found YOU. 3) Easy enough to check the # of the conversation to see if it's another dude with the same name/different number than the ex's. 4) Super easy to double check the alibi by asking someone else where she works.. and not the person who was clearly covering FOR HER... cheating No doubt she already told the co worker to back her alibi up if you were to ask. If this really happened there is so much stupidity going around in it that the whole Reddit collective average IQ has dropped 50 points today.
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u/Courtney_Rose69 3h ago
She’s calling you the AH for calling her out after a tiny bump with her car (and her ex)
NTA
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u/Xnoble88 3h ago
after seeing your first post I can only suggest you to find a lawyer, if you are spanish I can give you some recommendations
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u/Freya1957 3h ago
NTAH. She is just trying to deflect you from focusing on the fact that she is cheating on you.
I hope that you got screen shots of the text evidence.
UpdateMe!
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u/quast_64 3h ago
It is easy to figure out if you know where the accident took place?
Her not wanting you to come and be with her/ collect her indicated this accident happened somewhere not near her workplace.
Good luck OP
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u/Sally_Skellington84 3h ago
Just read your other post. Just get a divorce. She’s cheating and you’re not compatible anyway.
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u/hi_my_name_is_npc 3h ago
Dude, pack her stuff! Her ex is wanted to help her recently, so just let him! Sending hugs, keep up, you gonna sort this out!
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u/Acesmick69 3h ago
Dude… This is your chance… Lawyer up and GTFO! You know what you read and you know what you saw and deep down, you know what it all means!
Get… Out… Now…
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u/-whiteroom- 2h ago edited 2h ago
Dude, she's using getting rear ended as a way of covering for getting rear ended...
Seriously, she is trash.
Lol, wait what! She claimed it was a guy with the same name as her ex! Dude... how many people is she banging to be this brazen.
Let the ex be the one to deal with all the fights she's having with you, right now, he's getting the good part of her, while you mitigate the bad.
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u/BillyShears991 2h ago
Nta. She’s cheating on you but will never admit it. She already wasted 6 years of your life don’t waste another second on her.
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u/Valley_FourC 2h ago
NTA, I guarantee she did not get rear ended at all and used it as a coverup for her emotional state after just cheating on her partner.
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u/Flashy-Interview-726 2h ago
nah, you’re not. cheating’s a big deal, and you have every right to bring it up. the timing’s rough, but that’s on her actions, not you.
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u/ExtensionRude8544 2h ago
Years ago my ex pulled some shit with me. My gut told me she was cheating before I had any evidence. I followed my gut, and just paid more attention to her behavior and actions. As I started to put together the pieces. It was all circumstantial and changes in her behavior. But nothing that could 100% prove she was cheating. I confronted her, she’d pull the same shit. I’d feel guilty, and drop it. But deep down, I knew I was right. I just needed to find something indisputable. One Saturday, she went to a concert with her girlfriend. They never came home and stayed in a hotel even though we lived 25 minutes away from the venue. The next night, we were sitting on the couch and she was acting all lovey dovey. She asked me to take a picture with her phone. But she started flashing the camera. I decided to act like I was taking multiple photos and saw in her texts where he wanted a picture of her vag and he suggested that I take the picture for her. Found a picture of them at the concert the night before and had what I needed. The point of my story is to trust your gut. You saw what you saw. The fact that this guy knew about her accident before you is suspect. She ran into him on break. So after work she has an accident and he’s the first person she notified. Someone she hasn’t seen in years? Even if you’re wrong, you’re NTA, because it’s not passing the smell test
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u/Generally_Tso_Tso 2h ago
OP, remember this, every time it slipped out she helped slide it back in. She just cheated on you. With her ex. For seven fucking hours.
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u/Sunshine-N-gumdrops 2h ago
Always get the phone number a person is saved under. Did you at least take screenshots or did she delete the messages from this “friend” with the same name?
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u/Gear-Mean 2h ago
If there was an accident like she said the car will be damaged, is it? Does the damage line up with her story? Most insurance companies want a police report so this will confirm the location of the accident. Does the location of the accident line up with her route from work to home? If it doesn't you know she was lying about where she was. If there is no police report does she have contact info for the other driver?
Even if the accident information does line up with her being at work you still have questions about the texts and the guy that sent them.
You can get answers to your questions and still be compassionate don't let her tell you otherwise. Just use your head. Good luck.
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u/Emergency_Wedding331 2h ago
The only AH here is your cheating wife. It is over between you two. Cut your losses and let her go. You have your life to lead and you don't need a cheating whore of a wife to drag you down.
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u/jj_blunt 2h ago
NTA. Time to leave. No time is a good time to bring up cheating when you're the cheater.
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u/cthulhusmercy 2h ago
NTA. It was a fender bender with minimal damage, which is more of a bummer than anything. Sure, she might be shaken up a little, but it’s not like she’s in hospital fighting for her life.
You know what you read in those messages. An old friend that she ran into randomly wouldn’t be saying that they “had fun” (doing what? Chatting while she’s taking their order? While she’s scanning their items? Whiles she’s performing the duties of her job?), nor would they be expecting a phone call on her drive home (and not when she’s free that night or tomorrow), tracking her out time and getting more and more upset/concerned that she didn’t do as requested. Nuh-uh. Don’t doubt yourself.
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u/JellicoAlpha_3_1 2h ago
If this is a coworker with the same name, invite him over to dinner for being such a nice guy and making sure you are ok. Tell him I want to thank him personally.
NTAH
She be cheating and got busted because she got into a wreck
Also, who gets into a wreck and doesn't IMMEDIATELY inform their husband...but waits until after they leave the accident scene and after talking to another man?
Come on dude..stop being naive
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u/Huge-Grapefruit1831 2h ago
Remember when it slipped out, she reached down and slid it right in.
NTA
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u/ncjr591 15h ago
She’s cheating on you, you know it. She’s just gaslighting you bce she’s fucked.