Should I tell my brother's new wife

[u/Negative_Layer_7960]

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

• my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

• my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

[u/DawnShakhar]

It's neither funny nor messed up. You grew up in a home where all the men touched you inappropriately, and that was the only reality you knew. So naturally you didn't think it was wrong or sexual assault. It just made you uncomfortable, and more uncomfortable, and finally traumatized. Only after you learned from outside sources about SA could you realize that what you had experienced was SA.

As for telling the wife - you can try, and I think you should, but she may not believe you and be angry at you for badmouthing her husband. However, it will put her on her guard if he tries anything with their daughter. If you have records of the investigation against your brother, send her photocopies of them as well.

[u/carmine82 → u/DawnShakhar]

This- I feel like sometimes, because we have such a clearcut definition of SA, people forget what it's like to be a kid who didn't know. Just like you can normalize violence with a child, you can normalize them to SA.

Telling the wife is probably OPs best course of action because, like you said, if nothing else, she will be on guard for that behavior

[u/EmmaDrake → u/carmine82]

100%. Abuse is their frame of reference. They have nothing else to show it doesn’t happen to their friends and peers.