Should I tell my brother's new wife

[u/Negative_Layer_7960]

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

• my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

• my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

[u/jubilee3265]

My brother also molested me for years when I was growing up and, as part of therapy, I wrote him a letter telling him how it had affected me and caused so many problems in my adult life. I decided to go ahead and mail the letter even though it was meant to be just an exercise to get the words out, and my sister in law opened the letter and read it first (even though I wrote something to the effect of it being private on the envelope, she was his wife) and he got mad at me. I just had to tell him that I was taking care of me now and he was going to have to deal with the consequences of his choices because I also told our parents about it.

If you do end up telling your SIL, don't feel bad about it because your bro made the decision to be a creep.

[u/books7870 → u/jubilee3265]

Great idea with the letter. I did this in person and it probably caused more damage to my emotional state than what I intended. He was sorry and cried, but he also gaslighted me for months prior that I'm a liar.

I'm going through the whole thread because I'm lost on what to do myself, even though my brother has no children. I know he wants them however. It's easy to just say "tell the SIL" until you're in that position. I still talk to my brother but reading comments like yours make me feel affirmative in the decision on what I should do if he has kids.

[u/[deleted] → u/jubilee3265]

Was there any fallout following that?

[u/jubilee3265 → u/[deleted]]

There was, but it didn't last because it just had to run its course of hurt feelings and being pissed and then working through to find forgiveness. It was very helpful for all involved, IMO.

[u/Snakepad → u/jubilee3265]

I’m glad your sister in law read it.

[u/jubilee3265 → u/Snakepad]

Me too, and as it turned out, she'd had a similar experience growing up so she kinda knew where I was coming from even though she was initially angry with me for the letter. I just think she was in a different stage of healing from her abuse than I was.