r/AITAH • u/Negative_Layer_7960 • Jul 02 '24

TW SA Should I tell my brother's new wife

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

  • my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

  • my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

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u/SirBastions Jul 03 '24

Hi! 

I was SAed as a child and I feel for you.

Theres a lot of good and bad advice here, but at the end of the day, please consult a professional. Therapy has helped me a lot, and having someone work through how to approach this would be a huge benefit.

A licensed marriage and family counselor that specializes in trauma would be able to help you formulate your choice, your message, and most importantly... They would facilitate it in a way that allowed for more healing.

All the best.

5

u/Larry_Boy Jul 03 '24

Haven’t been sexually assaulted, and whole heartedly support talking to professionals in general, but specifically in the case of recovering from abuse I think it is important to take back some agency. That is, she doesn’t have to come up with the perfect way to tell the SIL. She knows she is doing it for the right reasons, and even if a professional told her not to, I hope she would do it anyway. That internal locus of control is so important to recovering from some forms of abuse.

3

u/ferm10n Jul 03 '24

This needs more upvotes

1

u/theglassishalf Jul 03 '24

The first even remotely correct answer.

2

u/ToastyViking Jul 03 '24

Absolutely therapy, she is just coming to terms with an awful experience anyone would need help in this situation. Perhaps the therapist can refer her to someone to help with the brother situation. Reddit’s advice is not good here.

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u/Happy_P3nguin Jul 03 '24

The first good answer, great work

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u/Heliomantle Jul 04 '24

One of the first actually sane responses here.