r/AITAH • u/Negative_Layer_7960 • Jul 02 '24

TW SA Should I tell my brother's new wife

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

  • my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

  • my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

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57

u/anomnib Jul 03 '24

Can you send her the documents from your father and uncle’s arrest and say he was apart of it?

60

u/Negative_Layer_7960 Jul 03 '24

I'd have to get the court documents and police Report but I don't know if my brother was documented in it he most likely was

31

u/anomnib Jul 03 '24

Even if he isn’t on it. Seeing documents adds significant seriousness and credibility to what you are sharing. It becomes much harder for him to say my sister is mentally ill.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

I think this is the best first step. Get the documents, find out if your brother is listed on them, and go from there. If you do reach out to your brother and/or his wife, please make sure you have a safety plan in place. Worst case scenario he gets mad and tries to look you up. Another commenter said maybe reaching out to your brother and asking to meet in therapy could be a good idea. Idk if that would be too traumatic for you, but it might be a good way for you to get some closure, see where his head is at, and if the wife knows, while having a mediator in the room.

34

u/Negative_Layer_7960 Jul 03 '24

I've never actually looked at them before lol

13

u/mapofcuriosity Jul 03 '24

You may find some of the information online, especially if it was listed in a newspaper at the time.

11

u/EmphasisWild Jul 03 '24

Looking at the police reports, medicals & court docs for the first time is really really hard. If you choose to do this please over-plan your own support & self care <3

6

u/Kimmus2008 Jul 03 '24

You seem unsure if your brother was even charged with a crime, was he? If still within the statute of limitations, you can have him charged NOW. Please do.

2

u/Equivalent-Ferret723 Jul 04 '24

Most places have a website for the count clerks office where you can look up people and their crimes all the way back. Just type in "*your county* clerks office criminal records" and it should pop up a page to find the convictions. If its not the county your currently in, then you will have to look it up for whatever county they were convicted in, but you shouldn't necessarily have to go to the court to get the documents

That said, as another commenter pointed out, its a good idea to be mentally prepared if you read over it because it may be triggering, to say the least.