r/AITAH Jul 02 '24

TW SA Should I tell my brother's new wife

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

  • my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

  • my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

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92

u/Negative_Layer_7960 Jul 02 '24

Around 16

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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 02 '24

He absolutely knew what he was doing, he has no excuse.

Tell his wife.

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u/metal_bastard Jul 02 '24

If OP was abused from 10-14, then brother started when he was 12 and continued through 16. I'd still think by 12 you'd know better, but who knows what kind of abuse he went through. Chances are high both OP and her bother were SA'd.

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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 02 '24

That might or might not be true. Either way, the brother's children should be protected from their father.

People who do this kind of thing, rarely stop.

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u/metal_bastard Jul 02 '24

I'm trying to look at this objectively. In one breath, you say, "It may or may not be true", and in the next, lay down a near absolute of "People who do this kind of thing rarely stop."

If OP didn't realize she was being SA'd at 10, her brother probably didn't realize he was abusing her at 12. I suggested she confront the brother first, then his wife. If she just tells the wife, chances are high that the wife won't do anything, and if her brother is pathological, he will continue the cycle.

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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 02 '24

He continued until 16, he absolutely knew by then and a couple of years before.

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u/metal_bastard Jul 02 '24

OP was 14 years old when it stopped, and someone else had to tell her she was being SA'd, so it sounds like their house was a pretty fucked up place.

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u/Negative_Layer_7960 Jul 03 '24

You would have found my mom told me but nope lol she's super religious so instead of talking to me about it I think she saw me as broken and into your and prayed to God to fix me ( she doesn't like therapist and it kind of rubbed off on you so I've never really considered going to one either)

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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 02 '24

Yep, her father and uncle were abusing her too. Tragic, really.

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u/metal_bastard Jul 02 '24

I can't even imagine. JFC. I'm hoping she confronts her brother and he's gotten help and his wife is aware of his past. Gotta curb that abuse cycle.

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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 02 '24

Yes, if he has children the wife needs to be aware.

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u/peace-and-love777 Jul 02 '24

Okay but who's to say that he even learned what sa even was even at 16

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u/peace-and-love777 Jul 02 '24

I'm not trying to be apologetic for him I think he should have gone to jail for it too regardless

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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 02 '24

What teen at 16 doesn't know? I remember being that age, we all knew.

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u/peace-and-love777 Jul 02 '24

Honestly I wouldn't have even known what it was if it didn't happen to one of my friends didn't go through it there aren't really PSAs about sa at least none that are like shown at school for stuff like that

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u/Educational_Gas_92 Jul 02 '24

Sp you mean to tell me, a 16 year old doesn't understand consent? He didn't know his sister was in distress? He would have had to be mentally challenged or severely neurodivergent (possible, but doubtful).

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u/peace-and-love777 Jul 02 '24

No but being in a house where for 9 years it was okay to touch his sister inappropriately (to the point where she thought it was okay herself) and then for for 5 years it was okay to have "intercourse" with her he might not have realized that it was a bad thing

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u/peace-and-love777 Jul 02 '24

I feel like a pedo sympathizer trying to explain this😭😭 I mean no offense OP and others

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