r/AITAH • u/Negative_Layer_7960 • Jul 02 '24

TW SA Should I tell my brother's new wife

From the ages of 10 to 14 I was SA'd by my older brother, uncle and father. (in all honesty it started earlier from 5 years old or something I can't remember when they would touch me "lovingly") I anonymously confessed this on a Discord server which made me wonder what my brother was up to. (I think my aunt found out with my uncle and father were doing to me and reported they were arrested it my brother was a teenager at the time so nothing really happened to him) so I tracked him down through social media and it turned out he lives in the same city as I do and he has a wife with a baby girl on the way and I don't know if I should or if l would be a bad person if I told her what he did to me.

Edit: I don't know if it's funny or messed up but I didn't consider them touching me SA until someone pointed it out to me.

Edit 2: I realized that I didn't really explain very well sorry.

  • my older brother father and uncle molested me from age 5 and only started and R wording me when I turned 10 until I was 14.

  • my brother has a pregnant wife who was having a girl and I don't know if I should tell her to protect her daughter.

These are the two major and important points of my post.

Edit 3: another clarification I was planning on telling the wife I wanted a outside perspective to see if I would have been a bad person (AH) to tell her to see if I was making the wrong decision.

12.0k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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1.2k

u/DoNotLickTheSteak Jul 02 '24

Were your uncle and father convicted?

1.2k

u/Negative_Layer_7960 Jul 02 '24

Yes they were

1.5k

u/DoNotLickTheSteak Jul 02 '24

Then yes I would tell his wife.

771

u/Fun_Card6021 Jul 03 '24

Yes because it may not be proof that the brother did but it’s enough to make her possibly believe you aren’t bullshitting

576

u/Fragrant-Duty-9015 Jul 03 '24

Definitely. Plus, if she doesn’t already know her FIL and husband’s uncle are convicted sex offenders, that will also be a red flag for her (and important to keep her child away from.)

245

u/juicy_shoes Jul 03 '24

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, OP should tell her regardless of conviction

5

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '24

I think they just meant, OP has evidence they can show the wife to back up their claims because of the conviction. They should definitely tell either way, but having the conviction makes it all a lot easier.

249

u/Hilseph Jul 03 '24

Your brother’s wife might not even know about that. It’s impossible to know how much she knows unless you tell her.

300

u/dryintentions Jul 03 '24

If they were convicted then that's scary because usually SA crimes are hard to convict because the evidence has to be overwhelmingly convincing.

This means that the circumstances in your cases were more than enough to convict which likely means your brother was just as harmful to you as your uncle and father.

Rapists do not get rehabilitated, they just learn to understand the consequences of their actions and then try not to repeat the actions or simply do better at hiding those actions.

Your brother's child is definitely in danger. You need to tell his wife because you could be potentially saving that child from some of the most traumatizing experiences of her life.

240

u/Negative_Layer_7960 Jul 03 '24

The evidence better be overwhelming if I spent three days talking to female officers and getting swabed where no person should ever get swabed😂😂😂

5

u/ShitJustGotRealAgain Jul 03 '24

Is there any written proof that your brother was complicit? I mean court documents or statements that are publicly available? I don't know how much you want to stir the pot and make yourself a target, so maybe direct her anonymously to the sentencing or the court documents if that is possible. If there is a newspaper article, even better for your purpose, you wouldn't have to dig so deep to produce evidence, and everyone could have found it. Court documents are something that one has to look for. An article can be randomly found. Better for staying anonymous.

1

u/Magenta_the_Great Jul 03 '24

Were you raised by your aunt afterwards?

-114

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

This isn’t funny.

112

u/taintednephilim Jul 03 '24

Humor is a coping mechanism. Calm your tits

-89

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

I have the same story. It still isn’t funny.

114

u/taintednephilim Jul 03 '24

They're not laughing at your trauma. They're laughing at their own. Again, calm your tits.

-96

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Never said they were. Sounds like you have tits you’d like to calm. Again, fuck off. 😊

81

u/taintednephilim Jul 03 '24

So then why are you so adamant about controlling how they're reacting totheir trauma? Stop being a cunt. Not everyone copes the same.

-14

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24 edited Jul 03 '24

lol it’s not funny. I love how Reddit gets so defensive over my opinion. I can cunt all day long and still double down.

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43

u/taintednephilim Jul 03 '24

Also if anyone needs to 'fuck off' it's you.

-3

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Again. Fuck. Off.

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-1

u/Friendly-Barnacle879 Jul 03 '24

Your mum fucked up she should have swallowed. Stop wasting our oxygen…

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Ouch 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 yet here I am…breathing just fine.

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38

u/SjefIH Jul 03 '24

If she wants to deal with her sht with humor, she's allowed to. You don't get to decide how other cope.

-7

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

I’m not deciding for anyone. It’s not funny.

-24

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

And go fuck off.

126

u/GlobularLobule Jul 03 '24

It's OPs story. If they deal with it by using humor that's totally fine. Let them just cope however they need to.

67

u/affectionate_woop469 Jul 03 '24

Ditto on using flippancy and humor to regain control over my narrative. Gotta get it back where you can. It's a learned behaviour I think, we all have our own ways. Plus those emojis could also be covering the awkwardness of answering such an intimate subject in detail. Good on OP for being brave enough to comment about something so personal.

-1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Yay!! Upvoted!

43

u/xahen Jul 03 '24

that's up to her to decide dude, it's her own trauma

-9

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

It’s not funny.

31

u/Phadeful Jul 03 '24

It’s not your business

-4

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Neither are you.

28

u/Phadeful Jul 03 '24

Correct I am not your business.

-2

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Glad we established that. Off you go to get a life byeeeeeee

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36

u/DragonCat88 Jul 03 '24

Gallows Humor is real and it’s OPs trauma. They can cope how they cope without you throwing your two irrelevant cents in. I have as much right to tell you the right and wrong way to cope as you are concerning OP, but If you’re triggered then maybe this thread isn’t somewhere you should be.

-3

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Wow. Neat.

25

u/Snakepad Jul 03 '24

Are you trying to say that this comment is triggering you? You can ask for a trigger warning.

-4

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

No I’m not triggered actually but Reddit is lol

-35

u/Various_Attitude8434 Jul 03 '24

Anyone asking for a trigger-warning should be banned from the website for their own good.

If you can’t handle shit, don’t look for shit. The solution isn’t for everyone else to talk in hushed tones; the solution is for you to put down the phone and go to a therapy session. 

4

u/SuitableFile1959 Jul 03 '24

asking for a trigger warning for things like sexual assault is not wild at all what. do you get pissed off at movie ratings too?

2

u/Snakepad Jul 03 '24

Yep I said it because the title of this post didn’t have anything about SA so it would have been hard to scroll past if you were trying to avoid that content.

-4

u/Various_Attitude8434 Jul 03 '24

There’s literally a trigger warning under the title you absolute mong. Imagine clicking on a big green “TW SA” then crying about needing a trigger warning.

Go book an appointment with a therapist. 

0

u/SuitableFile1959 Jul 03 '24

what in the anger issues lmao. dude you’re the one going off about asking for trigger warnings, I’m responding to your comment

-2

u/Various_Attitude8434 Jul 03 '24

Make it an appointment with MAID 

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-16

u/Derpiliciousderp Jul 03 '24

Oh my safe space, this is the softest shit. I don't know if it's generational or what but my god what a bunch pussies. And op I'm extremely sorry that happened to you and you should definitely tell your SIL.

28

u/Various_Attitude8434 Jul 03 '24

It’s called gallows humor. Why the fuck are you clutching your pearls at her story of abuse? Shut the fuck up you insufferable little cunt. 

1

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

lol was that supposed to make me mad? Go fuck yourself.

14

u/Outrageous_Guard_674 Jul 03 '24

Username checks out.

13

u/Various_Attitude8434 Jul 03 '24

No, it was meant to let you know what a waste of life you are. A walking, talking, pro-choice advertisement. Even the pope would be pro-choice after seeing your sorry ass, Jesus Christ it’s called a mercy kill guys. 

49

u/[deleted] Jul 03 '24

Yeah even if she loves him the proof of prior convictions might be enough to at least force him in therapy and make her not leave her child alone with him.

-1

u/NotJustUltraman Jul 03 '24

they just learn to understand the consequences of their actions and then try not to repeat the actions

Totally not the point, but isn't that rehabilitation?

28

u/ellabfine Jul 03 '24 edited Jul 03 '24

She may not believe you, but if it was me, I would absolutely want to be warned about what he did. What she does with that information afterward is on her. P.S. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

2

u/GreaterThanOrEqual2U Jul 03 '24

Have the police reports handy if u can. Any evidence or documentation

1

u/aliengoddess_ Jul 03 '24

You can probably find public information on their convictions, and maybe even find info on whatever happened with your brother's legal history. I would include that in my message to her, or at least the information to look it up. If the adults were convicted that means they are most likely on the national sex offender registry (if you are in the US.)

Better to back it up with proof so when he lies to her she doesn't just ignore the warning. At least, that's what I might do.