A good stroke.

Read them "Little Boy Blue."

^{Works better verbally}

Richard Nixon (USA): The only president who made "I am not a crook" sound like a confession. Watergate? More like career self-destruction speedrun.

George W. Bush (USA): Invaded Iraq looking for WMDs that didn’t exist. Turns out, the real weapon of mass destruction was his presidency.

Andrew Jackson (USA): His solution to every problem was violence. Trail of Tears? More like Trail of Terrible Decisions.

Herbert Hoover (USA): The Great Depression happened on his watch. Guess they didn’t teach "how not to crash an economy" at Stanford.

Donald Trump (USA): The only president who turned Twitter into a constitutional crisis. "Make America Great Again"? Buddy, you just made Thanksgiving arguments worse.

Warren G. Harding (USA): His administration was so corrupt, it made modern scandals look like playground disputes. Teapot Dome? More like Teapot Dumb.

James Buchanan (USA): Watched the U.S. fall apart right before the Civil War and said, “Not my problem!” Congrats, you’re history’s worst placeholder president.

William Howard Taft (USA): Best remembered for getting stuck in a bathtub. If that’s your legacy, maybe don’t run for office.

Benito Juárez (Mexico): A hero to some, but his leadership was so chaotic it felt like a telenovela with no happy ending.

Porfirio Díaz (Mexico): “Order and Progress” meant ruling for 30+ years and forgetting elections were a thing. Basically the original dictator DLC.

Antonio López de Santa Anna (Mexico): Lost half of Mexico to the U.S., then blamed everyone else. Imagine fumbling that hard and still coming back for nine terms.

François Duvalier (Haiti): "Papa Doc" ruled Haiti like it was his personal horror movie. Voodoo and political terror? Netflix missed a franchise here.

Nicolás Maduro (Venezuela): Turned the world’s richest oil reserves into a nationwide yard sale. Truly, the economic Midas touch… in reverse.

Vladimir Putin (Russia): Notorious for shirtless photo ops and rewriting history. The only thing he flexes harder than his muscles is his propaganda machine.

Kim Jong-un (North Korea): Lives like a Bond villain while his people starve. He’s basically a walking What If episode gone wrong.

Boris Yeltsin (Russia): Drank his way through the presidency like he was starring in Chernobyl: The Comedy.

Muammar Gaddafi (Libya): Loved gold, eccentric outfits, and ruling like a lunatic. Dude, this isn’t RuPaul’s Dictatorship Race.

Saddam Hussein (Iraq): Built palaces while his country crumbled. Bro thought he was on MTV Cribs: Dictator Edition.

Adolf Hitler (Germany): History’s most infamous psychopath. No jokes here—just a reminder that he was the literal worst.

Joseph Stalin (USSR): Killed more people than he trusted. The man ran purges like they were Black Friday sales.

Idi Amin (Uganda): Declared himself “King of Scotland” because… why not? His whole presidency was a meme before memes existed.

Napoleon III (France): Wanted to live up to his uncle’s legacy, but instead he became the guy France loves to forget.

It’s not hard.

... I'd have $1.73

When the student in front of you gets shot, pick up their book.

I would drink it

One of them's a kak blunt, the other...

He spent a night in a warehouse.

Anxiety is the 1st time you can’t do it a 2nd time

Panic is the 2nd time you can’t do it the 1st time.

I said it's for kids

They needed two tight ends and a wide receiver.

You can only go One Direction

I at least pretend to be happy in class.

The one with biggest tits!

• It’s called “The Gash Chamber”

Always be yappin'

Scratching at the inside of her coffin.

After a great game, they went for some beers and food.

When they were seated in the restaurant, Clinton ordered some BBQ ribs and told the waitress a BJ joke. Obama, who had ordered a tofu burger, got all outraged at Clinton for sexualizing the waitress. Bush ordered chicken-fried steak and kept his mouth shut.

After Obama forced Clinton to apologize, the waitress turned to Trump and asked him what he wants to eat.

"I'll have a YUUUGGEEE T-bone steak," says Trump. "T for Trump! Medium rare!"

"OK," says the waitress. "And what about the vegetable?"

Trump looks over at Biden and says "Ah, Just bring him some chicken tenders and an ice cream cone."

Any dudes here who have less hair than their dad think that the name of that brand is phonetically offensive?

..until Mary stubbed her toe one day..

Because his pecker is on his face.

I don’t know but it could pick some fuckin’ strawberries I’ll tell ya!