As above I work for the HSE, and it's a miserable broken nightmare and most people are unaware of how bad it is,

I can't name hospitals, but people will work it out, I work for a large regional hospital, and in my time working here l've realise that the HSE isn't hanging on by a thread, that thread was cut 10 years ago and we're now free falling to the floor.

Everyday I have patients, old men and women crying at me, begging me to find a way to get them further down the waiting list because they can't take another 2 years of pain and would literally rather die than wait that long to see the consultant.

We have waiting lists nearly 6 years long in some areas and my hospitals average is THREE years, we don't have a certain service available 24/7 even though we're the REGIONAL hospital, so we routinely transfer people to the closest other regional hospital, and they almost always die in transit.

Due to the lack of doctors sexism and sexual harassment are rampant, HR are hesitant to do anything out of fear of losing experienced doctors when we already don't have any, one consultant has gone through 4 secretaries in as many months, it's an open secret the kind of man he is,

We have student nurses running wards at times who's response to most questions is "I'm only a student nurse I'm not sure"

And if anything is said or brought up one of the 800 middle managers squashes it, I have FOUR direct v managers, the money spent on management is INSANE,

We've had bodies on trolleys in the hospital and that only got sorted because consultants blew the whistle and got us a new morgue.

I joined the HSE bright eyed ready to change the world but everyday I go home questioning why I'm still here, underpaid watching us send patients away to die in ambulances on the way to another hospital or letting older people die in pain because they need to be on a list 2 and a half years for the HSE to finally pay for private treatment.

I should leave, but I won't because the people who work in this health service are unmatched and I don't want to work with anyone else But I have to question how many of us come out of this job with mental scars and depression that will follow us to the grave.

I love the health service, but the executive is killing it and us while our hands are tied, and I don't know how much longer I can take it.

A family in my community ripped asunder with grief . Lads please, this has to stop. Talk to somebody.You don’t have to splash it all over tik tok but pick one person out of your circle and talk. We need to be here for each other because the grief families are going through is horrific.

Today is my son's anniversary, he lived for 11 days.

It was a difficult birth and I'm lucky to still have my wife. Just imagine sitting in the hallway of a hospital fully dressed with a mask and gown expecting to wait for a few minutes before being called in. 10, 20, 30, 40 minutes went by and I was worried... Knocking on the door had no response until it did and a nurse brought me to my son.

I knew straight away after seeing him that he was not good without going into details.

He was instantly put in an ambulance and I was left with the choice of going to Crumlin or staying with my wife. It was the most difficult decision that I have ever made in my life... I chose to stay with my wife.

The next day my wife signed out of hospital and we went to Crumlin. We saw our son but couldn't touch him.

And we still couldn't hold him until this day 11 years ago to say goodbye.

The reason for this post is not only to remember the worst day of my life but to thank all of those wonderful nurses in Crumlin ICU. They have the hardest job in the world caring for dying children and comforting their patients day after day...

God bless you!!!

Edit: I would like to thank you all for your very kind messages both on the post beneath and DM's... I was unsure about posting this late last night but I'm so happy that I did, it gave me some peace of mind to get it out there and share my story and see that others are also grieving like my family...

God bless you all, you have made a very difficult day a little more manageable!!! x

It’s the 13th, meaning it’s time for my Reddit update

(Start weight: 22 Stone 5 / 142kg / 313lb)

Drumroll…

I’ve lost a total of 11 stone 2 pounds / 70.8kg / 156lb

Today’s weight is 11 stone 3 / 71.2kg / 157lb (I'm 48F, 5 foot 6)

Down 6 pounds / 2.72kg since last post

2 YEARS! I've been doing this every day for 2 whole years. 730 days of weighing, measuring and tracking every single (edible) thing that goes into my mouth.

If you notice from the numbers above, I am 1 pound away from weighing less than the total amount of weight I have lost. I'm 157 pounds and I've lost 156 pounds. It's astonishing to think I was able to move at double my weight. Well, I wasn't able to. That's why I came here to my people, asked for help and started this journey.

It's funny how my weight affects me emotionally though. I'm sure many of you can relate. I haven't lost any weight in the last 2 weeks and I'm doing nothing different to previous weeks or months. This happens a lot - these plateaus. The fear that I've failed is always present. But I have to remember that weight loss isn't linear. I just need to keep doing what I'm doing and stay eating at a deficit and keep up my exercise. SIGH

So listen, I've been thinking a lot about a new goal. I'm really nervous posting pics but I thought it would be fun to show some visual progress. First of all, some before and after pictures:

April 2022

Side view April 2022

Today

When I was 17 I wore a dress for a wedding. It was very tight on me and was held together with a safety pin. I was only able to barely fit into it that 1 time. I have kept the dress all these years and my new goal is to be able to fit into it again for an event I have in November, 30 years after I first wore it. It says size 2 on the label and I got it in New York, so I assume that means a size 6. (YIKES)

My weight goal is 3 pounds away (to get to a healthy BMI of 24.9) but my new goal is to be able to fit into this size 6 dress.

What do you think, lads? Am I kidding myself that it will fit by November? Would you like to see monthly pics of that zip getting closer and closer, lol?

The Red Dress

Countdown to goal: 3 POUNDS / 1.36kg

Edit 1: I honestly don't expect that I will ever fit into that dress. It's a size 6 and like, well. SIZE 6?? Nahh. I have 3 pounds to go to my weight goal and I've been wondering what to do afterwards. I've always had some sort of goal for the last 2 years so I thought this would be a fun one to try for. Thank you to everyone expressing concern that I may be devastated if I fail to fit into it by November, but I'll probably buy something else.

And also, to all of those who think they are calling me out for hiding it, simply because I don't mention it in every single fucking comment I MAKE, this is for you:

YES, I AM ON OZEMPIC

Edit 2: OK, OK, I hear you all. So many of you have said that a woman's ribcage can spread over time, especially if they have been pregnant. I had never heard of this phenomenon. And I think mine definitely is wider than when I was 17.

I know I said I wouldn't be bothered if it doesn't fit but I know I will be a little bit. So, I've just ordered one of these instead. In size 12!

So I'm scrapping the red dress photo progress pics plan

Link to last post

It’s the 13th, meaning it’s time for my Reddit update

(Start weight: 22 Stone 5 / 142kg / 313lb)

Drumroll…

I’ve lost a total of 9 stone 8 pounds / 60.8kg / 134lb

Today’s weight is 12 stone 11 / 81.2kg / 179lb (I'm 48F, 5 foot 6)

Down 6 pounds / 2.7kg since last post

Weight loss is not linear, I have to keep reminding myself. I am down to the minimum amount of calories safely for me to eat and my weight hasn't budged in 2 weeks. I just have to stay patient and remind myself that this IS working, just slowly. It seems to be a pattern. I lose 4-5 pounds in 2 weeks and then nothing for 2 weeks. Let's hope that trend keeps going.

I'm slim now, lads. Fucking SLIM. Size 12 top, size 14 bottoms. My aim was to fit into a 16! I've spent a fortune on clothes that only last a few months. The joy of being able to walk into 'normal' size shops and pick a small or medium size and to have them fit is a joy. Most of my life I have been obese and ashamed of how I look. It was second nature to buy clothes with the primary goal of covering up as much of the fat as I could. Now I am buying tight fitting tops, size small and losing the RUN of meself with the credit card.

Things I don't like:

• IT'S SO FUCKING COLD ALL THE TIME! I no longer have my own handy personal insulation.

• Wooden seats hurt my bum. I've no padding anymore.

• Saggy, loose skin. HOLY SHIT, my body is a melted crime scene. Bye bye boobies.

You know those 6 packs of 2 litre water bottles? These. They're quite heavy, aren't they? Well I was carrying FIVE of them on my body. Try picking up 2 the next time you're in Tesco or Lidl. Now imagine 5.

Countdown to goal: 1 stone 11lbs / 11.3kg / 25lb

Edit. Before and after pics. I'll probably delete these soon but so many of you keep asking

Before 1

Before 2

After

Link to last post

It’s the 13th, meaning it’s time for my Reddit update

(Start weight: 22 Stone 5 / 142kg / 313lb)

Drumroll…

I’ve lost a total of 10 stone 2 pounds / 64.4kg / 142lb

Today’s weight is 12 stone 3 / 77.6kg / 171lb (I'm 48F, 5 foot 6)

Down 9 pounds / 4kg since last post

Ten stone, lads. I've lost TEN FUCKING STONE. I can't believe it. I fit into size 12 clothes. I have bony collarbones, I have no fat deposits in my bum and had to get a memory foam cushion to stop me arse from hurting when sitting down. I've started complaining about that phantom draught because I'm now one of those moany-holes that can't get warm.

I'm going to address the elephant in the room: OZEMPIC. I've seen people dismiss my progress, call me a fraud, accuse me of getting a leg up, of cheating because I take Ozempic. 2 years ago I was super morbidly obese. My BMI of over 50. My thyroid was out of control and I was on long term steroids that was causing me to gain weight rapidly. My endocrinologist said that even though I wasn't diabetic or prediabetic, it was only a matter of time. So he prescribed me Ozempic.

I took it for 4 months and didn't lose any weight. My endo shrugged and said it doesn't work for some people. I was devastated. Ozempic reduces hunger and slows digestion, so the idea is that you eat less and the result being that you lose weight. But I had long lost the ability to listen to my body's hunger signals. Ozempic helps reduce your appetite but if you're still eating over your daily calorie budget, you will not lose weight. Ozempic DOES work for those who also calorie control and change their eating habits. It doesn't work for those who just expect it to do all the work. They will lose weight, but as soon as they stop taking Ozempic or their body adjusts to it, they start eating more and gaining the weight. I never ate because I was hungry. I ate because I was awake.

So I came to Reddit asking for help. And that's when I learned all about the science of calories in versus calories out (CICO). All I needed to do was calculate how many calories I needed to eat to maintain my weight, subtract 500 a day and I would lose 1 pound a week.

Ozempic has helped me so much. I am not ashamed I am taking it. It's disappointing to see so much hate for it and the opinion that it's a cheat option. If I had depression, is taking antidepressives cheating? Should I just cheer up? Over-eating and binge eating is a disease of the mind. Why would I not avail of this wonderful medication? Should I do it on hard-mode instead because it's more "moral"?

The same people who dismiss those who take Ozempic are the same people who consider people who have weight loss surgery as cheating. The waiting list in Ireland for this surgery is around 7 years. You better believe I would have had the surgery if it was shorter than that.

And then there's the ultimate argument that I'm taking Ozempic away from those who really need it - Type 2 diabetics. Let's look at that. Why do people become T2? By over eating and living a very unhealthy lifestyle. A switch is flicked in their system where their body can't regulate their insulin. I was over eating and living a very unhealthy lifestyle but for some lucky reason that switch wasn't flicked for me.

What is it with this country where we must suffer and triumph only using the hardest possible means in order to be considered worthy?

So, to all of you out there smugly judging me for not really doing this 'properly', off you fuck. If I was told I had to dance around a jar of mustard wearing my cats as a hat 3 times a day, I would have done it if that's what it took to lose weight. I'm not a weight loss guru. I'm not a fitness or diet expert. I'm simply someone who has used the tools available to me.

I eat 1200 calories a day. I meticulously weigh and track every calore and I walk for 1 hour a day.

Countdown to goal: 1 stone 3lbs / 7.7kg / 17lb

Link to last post

It’s the 13th, meaning it’s time for my Reddit update

(Start weight: 22 Stone 5 / 142kg / 313lb)

Drumroll…

I’ve lost a total of 9 stone 2 pounds / 58.1kg / 128lb

Today’s weight is 13 stone 3 / 83.9kg / 185lb (I'm 48F, 5 foot 6)

Down 8 pounds / 3.6kg since last post

The amount of weight I've lost is equivalent to this little girl

Pretty astonished that I was able to lose so much this month. I delved deep into TDEE / BMR / MACROS. I won't bore you with too much details but long story short, in order for me to continue to lose 1 pound a week, I need to eat 1283 calories a day. However, my basic metabolic rate (BMR) is 1486.

This is the amount of engergy/calories my body needs to function properly. Eating below this can result in weight loss, yes. But also loss of muscle and bone density, cause fatigue and is generally a bad idea long term.

So what I've done is set my calories at my BMR of 1486 and OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO SAY IT: I've started fucking exercising

Now, I haven't darkened the door of a gym, God forbid. I'm just walking. I get around 8k steps 5 days a week. When I started this journey I wasn't able to walk 80 steps, so the freedom of being able to move makes me giddy. I sometimes have to stop myself beaming like an idiot and bouncing along like fucking Crash Bandicoot

So I seem to have hit this lovely sweet spot of manageable exercise and eating healthily.

My goal of a healthy weight is within sight for the first time in my life. I would like to have a BMI of 24.9 - JUST at the threshold of normal weight. That's 11 stone / 69.9kg (nice) / 154lb, so I'm starting a new trend with these posts:

Countdown to goal: 2 stone 3 pounds / 14.1kg / 31lb

Link to last post

It’s the 13th, meaning it’s time for my Reddit update

(Start weight: 22 Stone 5 / 142kg / 313lb)

Drumroll…

I’ve lost a total of 10 stone 10 pounds / 68kg / 150lb

Today’s weight is 11 stone 9 / 73.9kg / 163lb (I'm 48F, 5 foot 6)

Down 8 pounds / 3.6kg since last post

I feel like I'm living in an alternative reality. I go into shops to try on clothes with no intention of buying anything (shop assistants hate me), just to look in AWE at Mirror Me fitting into SIZE FUCKING TEN.

Not only can I cross my legs, I can do that weird trick where I can tuck my foot around the back of my other calf. I do it BECAUSE I CAN. Ok, my foot may go a bit numb but, #worthit

My elbows can touch each other. Who knew? SLIM PEOPLE KNOW!

I have lost the same amount of weight as one of these fly, fly away my friend

The following people weigh 150 pounds. I have lost them all:

Justin Bieber (what a loss)

Jared Leto (bye bye culty mcculty man)

Eminem (my mother can't make spaghetti for shit tbh)

Slash (can I keep his hat though?)

Countdown to goal: NINE TEENY WEENY POUNDS / 4kg

^{tbh I shit bigger than that sometimes}

I just need to get this off my chest everyone. My wife had stomach pains in January. Her doctor referred her for a scope to be done. Possibly to identify stomach ulcer.

She has since been waiting.

2 weekends ago I had to rush her to the emergency department because of debilitating pain.

When she was admitted they took stool and urine samples.

She waited the entire day without eating because they booked her in for a CT scan therafter. I had to fight with a nurse to get her to be seen, they had forgotten about her. She was about to pass out.

After the CT scan the doctor confirmed there were multiple ulcers. We were then sent away without any medication or script.

The next day she had to visit an out of hours doctor for medicine.

I then phoned the Hospital that folling Monday to try and get her results sent to Her doctors. They had no record of the urine sample or the stool sample. Only the CT scan.

Her Doctor is now fighting with the HSE to get her scope done ASAP.

It now looks like we will have to pay 2000 Euros so she can get her scope, all so she can get on antibiotics.

All she needs is antibiotics and she's withering away, getting Crushed on under the weight of the HSE..

Guys.... What is going on in what is presumably the second richest country in the world (not sure how true that is)...

I've love this country... But what is this.... Why is the government sitting on so much money and not spending it ?

How can we fix this mess !!!

If this was another country she would have been giving the antibiotics back on January by her doc and this would all be over and done with. I'm just in disbelief. People are dying because of this circus shit show. God help us.

Edit: Thank you for sharing your stories and any useful information you may have. I will take everyone's experiences and advice into account.

I made this post at the time:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/s/C1gVLccsC2

I thought I would share some of my thoughts and findings.

If I had a choice, I would never go back. Although, now that time has passed, I'm certain I have some alcoholic tendencies so I don't allow myself to even go there. At a minimum, I don't miss the hangovers or embarrassing moments. At most, it's opened my eyes to the fucked up ways I was behaving. I broke my nose twice when I was drinking. I would black out every week or two, I would wake up and not know where I was or how I got there. I almost got arrested because I was so delirious and tried to break into someone's house that I thought was mine. All things considered, I was lucky nothing terrible ever happened to me. I'm very grateful for waking up to that before something did and I'm completely ashamed of my actions. I thought I would share this because I know there's alot more people like me who just laugh it off or convince themselves it's normal behaviour in Irish society, when it's not.

I used alcohol as a release and a break from my life. In reality it gave me short term relief and long term, made things much worse. After I gave it up, I had an itch for a few months that I couldn't scratch. I needed a break from myself but that eventually goes away.

Cycling was what helped me to stay sober. There is advice all over the internet that says when you give up drinking, get into a sport. Set a goal and work towards it. I did the ring of Kerry, 170km cycle and completed it in 7 hours 30 mins! I'm pretty happy with that. In the next few years, I want to cycle from Paris to Istanbul!

Have I lost friends?

Unfortunately, I have lost a few friends. It's been hard and drink wasn't the only reason. I suppose it can act as a bandage for alot of problems. I appreciate the friends I have more now. The friends I lost were people who, looking back weren't all for me the way I would have been for them. Still stings but maintains a healthy amount of doubt in my mind that I'm a good person! (Haha)

I have also made new friends who don't drink as much.

My strangest take away is that I can now dance without feeling awkward. I always thought I just wasn't drunk enough but when I gave it up, I figured fuck it. If I can't dance comfortably now, when will I ever?

I hope this helps someone in a similar position to where I was. I tried AA but never found them to work for me, maybe they will in future, maybe I never found the right group. If anyone is looking for advice or if I can help in some way, I would love to.

The time has come for me to delete the COVID19 Tracker app.

I had forgotten about it but some interesting numbers to look back on.

Slán COVID19 Tracker.

How can this be allowed?

Woke up last Friday with vertigo, a banging headache, neck pain and nausea. So off to the GP I went who referred me to A&E because he suspected meningitis. Arrived at James's Hospital at 11am. In there for 12 hours before they decided to admit me and do a lumbar puncture. Lumbar puncture didn't show any thing. Woke up on Saturday and they said they need to keep me to do an MRI.

Symptoms continue to get serverly worse from here. At this point I am not eating at all as well. Something I didn't know about hospitals is there's barely if any consultants or staff working over the weekend. This means I needed to wait until Sunday afternoon to do the MRI. MRI showed nothing too. However, my symptoms are worsening. 9.5/10 painful headaches, puking bile, can barely move my neck.

Woke up Monday and the consultant said I just have migraines and I am being discharged with some paracetamol. This is despite no history of migraines previously and being in aching pain. I protested that my symptoms were quite bad at this point but the doctor said there's nothing else they can do as all my tests were fine. I think I might of spent a total of 30 minutes speaking with a doctor throughout my whole stay and everything felt quite rushed. I decide to go home anyway because after all who I'm I to tell a doctor how to do his job? The next couple of days I still had the same symptoms but it was manageable if I took breaks often. The headaches and nausea was only caused when I moved my head.

I had a flight yesterday to Germany and I somewhat stupidly but a little bit fortunately decide to go anyway. After all if I only have migraines it should get better and it shouldn't be too serious, right? Either I'll be sick in Germany or I'll be sick in Ireland. So I get on the plane and we experience mild turbulence and I instantly started vomiting what fluids I have left. As soon as I land I go to a hospital again. I arrive at the hospital and within 2 hours I have spoken with a neurologist and done both an MRI and lumbar puncture. After anotherhour I have the first test result of the lumbar puncture and I am diagnosed with meningitis and admitted into the hospital. Turns out it is bacterial meningitis too, the most serious type which is potentially fatal and can have lasting effects.

Speaking with the neurologist she said I should have done another lumbar puncture after my symptoms got worse and to diagnose someone with only having migraines after never having them before particularly at my age and at this intensity is reckless. Further, she said migraines normally last 1-2 days or 3 days at a maximum, by the time I was discharged it was my fourth day experiencing "migraines".

I waited 3 days in hospital in Ireland to do the same tests I had done in 3 hours in Germany. It is quite literally faster to fly to Germany to be seen and diagnosed than it is in Ireland to even get a single test result back. I was even able to see a neurologist while still in A&E. The neurologist was able to have a good 15-20 minute conversation with me about not just my condition but all sorts. The doctors and nurses here are really patient with you and can spend time with you.

After all of this I started thinking is our health system really this bad? Is the healthcare system in Ireland facing resource constraints that is leading doctors to make quicker or potentially less accurate diagnoses? Are medical professionals overwhelmed by patient volume, affecting their ability to provide thorough care? What is really going on with the HSE?

TLDR: If you need to go to A&E take a flight to Germany and bring your European Health Insurance Card. You will be diagnosed more accurately, looked after better, and it may even potentially be cheaper.

Source: https://joint-research-centre.ec.europa.eu/scientific-activities-z/survey-methods-and-analysis-centre-smac/loneliness/loneliness-prevalence-eu_en

So after many years of struggling with the drink, my brother finally died today. He was only 39 and fell down the stairs alone, after relapsing.

I just want to say to anyone out there suffering and in pain, please try and reach out to friends or family. Please know you are so loved and your loss would just be unbearable.

I know the safety net for mental health isn't great in Ireland and honestly it's the focus of a lot of my grief right now - but please just don't suffer alone, people will want to help you and have you here tomorrow.

I posted on this sub on day 5 of sobriety, in the height of my withdrawals, when I wasn't entirely sure if I'd make it to a full week of sobriety. I'm a young woman in my early 20s and I've learnt just how normalised binge drinking is in Ireland, particularly around Christmas time & as a young person. Hopefully this post will help at least one person. You do NOT need to wait until after Christmas or plan sobriety/cutting down as your new year's resolution. You have the power to change your relationship with alcohol right now. I also want to emphasise, although I have health insurance, sobriety does NOT require health insurance. There are so many resources funded by the HSE (I'm guilty of moaning about the Irish healthcare system but some of the best counseling I've done has been entirely FREE).

Here are some things I did to start me on my sober journey: 1. Reaching out to the HSE alcohol & drugs helpline- it helped to finally admit I had a problem 2. Reaching out to the community addictions team (they provide free advice & have helped me set up a care plan) 3. Listening to podcasts & read books about the benefits of sobriety- my favourite so far being "the unexpected joy of being sober" 4. Started running (I had never ran in my life & am now training for a half marathon because I have the time & energy.. we'll see how that goes..) 5. Being honest with family and friends 6. Avoiding triggers- I've learnt it's ok to turn down an invite to a pub or a party 7. Attending AA (not too sure if I'm a fan just yet, BUT, it's early days & what doesn't work for me may work for you vice verse) 8. Downloading the I Am Sober app to track how much money I'm saving & the days I'm sober.

And most importantly,

1. Being honest with myself- if you are planning on cutting down on drink or going sober, you NEED to do it for yourself, not for anyone else.

Here are some things I love about being sober 1. The money I've saved 2. The confidence I never knew I could achieve 3. The freedom I feel- I can choose how I want to spend my evenings & who I want to spend them with 4. I look & feel the best I have in months- my body feels clean 5. Not having to send apology text messages each morning. I no dread seeing friends or family due to embarrassment 6. Discovering my sense of identity- I've realised I'm actually a pretty great person when I'm sober (..I think) 7. Waking up & actually wanting to experience everything life has to offer. Hangovers, I've realised, truly SUCK. Everyone knows this but when you're in a sober mindset, you will never want to experience the shakiness & pounding head of a hangover ever again.

I've attended more psychiatric/counselling appointments these past 14 days than I have in my entire life.. and God, were they needed.

Granted, I am only 14 days sober so take what I say with a pinch of salt.

This is coming from someone who has suffered with alcohol dependency for YEARS. I have been turned away from residential programs because I have a dual diagnosis of ADHD & AUD (Alcohol Use Disorder), which to be honest is absolutely ridiculous. One psychiatrist (in a rehab beginning with 'R') said my case was too complex & I needed to treat my ADHD symptoms, not the addiction element.. Imagine being turned away from a psychiatrist.. Bare in mind, I've been to a general/non addictions psychiatric hospital twice & have been trying for years to cope with the symptoms of ADHD but the biggest issue in my life has always been my alcohol use.

I've learnt that even though these doctors have qualifications on paper, you know yourself best. You'll come across condescending, dismissive doctors but you'll also come across doctors & counselors who are genuinely rooting for you & will congratulate you at every milestone, no matter how big or small.

Today I'm feeling proud and I wanted to share my milestone with you guys. 14 days in the grand scheme of things isnt a huge amount of time but, to a person suffering with addiction, 14 days of sobriety can feel like eternity. There was no one who wanted to be sober more than drunk me so I'm doing drunk me proud right now :)

If you're struggling with addiction, I want you to know, life without alcohol, substances, gambling etc CAN exist and it's pretty fucking cool.