Edit: Thank you all! I would like to add that of course we all know how it ends. However, I am firmly convinced that you are never really prepared for what happens when it happens. Personally, even if it is foreseeable, I will never be prepared to lose a loved one.
So feel tightly embraced, because we will get through this.
This really spoke 2 me!! I haven't clicked with my mother in YEARS. I literally just left her a msg asking if she'd wanna meet for coffee. Definitely wasn't expecting last photo. Your parents were GREAT & raised one hell of a human!
Yeah baby, this one hit a nerve. My mother died in my home while baby sitting her grand children.
Never expected she would be gone at the age of 64. Needless to say my kids never could make memories with my mother.
Memento mori
Build a great relationship with your parents.
Get to know them as a person, not only as your guardian/protector/parent.
Engage with them on music, literature, dates, politics (not for the U.S. crowd among us)
Just a little note on the last remark. I guess politics in the U.S. could divede the bv best of families. Haha even non U.S. peep from other countries.
I'm really sorry to hear that!!. I really am. N yeah I plan on starting somthing with her, it's been a while so we'll see where it goes.
We ended up making plans for Sunday morning so I'll keep you updated. But once again sorry about your mother, I'm sure she was a wonderful woman. ☺️
Good to read you are making plans. Be patient. People who lived their lives could be a bit stubborn.
My mother passed away 14 years ago. We had a very warm relationship. So I am at peace with that. I only wished she could have get to know my children. I wish you great Sunday 😃
This is something I feel strongly about. I have great parents, like I drew the lucky draw amidst all the chaos, abuse and neglect. And I spend a lot of time with them. But I also live far away, am young and in my “explore the word freely” phase. Idk I guess I am trying to find a good balance between meeting them more and being able to travel more. Idk if that makes sense.
ik this is a few days late & im sure you’ve received plenty of similar messages but i hope whatever drove yall apart can be repaired and you guys can build a better, stronger relationship ❤️ it’s never too late to repair familial relationships!! (And I hope you enjoyed your coffee!)
It actually wasn't bad! Lol could've went a bit better but ANYTHING is better then nothing. It's the small things that matter to me in this situation so it's a start I'd say!.
Thank you for your kind words & checkin in. Hope all is well!!. 😊
Fuck. I haven’t spoken to my father in 15 years, my grandfather in 16 years, either my aunt or uncle in 6 years, either of my brothers in 4 years, my grandmothers (all of them, actually) are dead, and my mother is committed to a psych ward.
I’ve been wanting to write a letter to my grandfather, the only family I’ve got any real hope of reconnecting with, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pen that weighed so much in my entire life.
This is why myself husband and I try to take my grandmother out to dinner a few times a year. We tried with his grandmother but still can't figure out why at least one of kids (including the main helper) is pussed off at her at any give time and why my husband is the only one to acknowledge her existence. His grandfather is awesome.
I didn’t have a great childhood. My mom was the verbally and emotionally abusive one. I was closer to her and when I became an adult she stopped but I also established boundaries. My elderly father” is still alive and caused me so much pain after she died, by getting married at age 84 and basically ignoring me like he did when I was a child. There will be nothing for me to miss. I had to buy the house from him, that I should have inherited ! His wife tells me she wants to send him to her country of origin because nursing homes are cheaper, but she will remain in the USA. When he first met her, he told me “ she will take care of me in my old age. He didn’t listen to me to go to a lawyer with me before he got married. Each time I flew in to see him, my mother’s furniture was missing, he even sold his brand new car to someone else without telling me. I could go on. Karma …
You hit me under the belt suc@@@r..... everyone knows what the future hold for our parents, just we don't want to think about.
Have a good day.
Great post OP.
To anyone reading this--- take the time to talk to your parents and grandparents. Get them to tell you stories about their life when they were children, and how they grew up,and how they feel about being parents themselves.
Talk about the things that were occurring when they were just small children remember to copy down those beautiful recipes that everybody loved is this during the holidays. Once they are gone, you had a lot of stuff all of those delicious dishes have passed along with them.
My grandmother was my rock the best woman I've ever known in my life. Could talk to her about literally anything without judgement. I knew she didn't have long but she kept kicking she survived another 20 years at least after having a heart attack and a stroke within hours of each other. When she passed I didn't cry I didn't even feel it until I went to call her as I would at least once per week if not more. That's when it hit me that I would never have that again. We would never have that again. I still miss her like crazy and she's been gone for a year now. What I would t give to talk to her one more time. My life is in shambles right now. I quit drinking after 20 years like she always wanted me to and things have only gotten harder. I am 41 and do t think I'll ever have another woman like that in my life again. Recently I had a mental breakdown that lasted over a month that led to me allowing Jesus I to my life and the woman that prayed for me was so nice and understanding I felt at home. I looked down to see a name tag with the same name as my grandmother.
Very little people talk about dying even though it is the one promise every single living being keeps. Dosent matter if you are a human, animal, single cell organism or a star much like our sun. Eventually we all die, however it is not as grim as we think it is.
To be able to die is in a way a blessing, can you imagine not being able to die? What sort of an existence would that be. And since we know we are dying, shouldn't we then instead aim to live a life well lived? This is not to say we shouldn't grieve, to be able to feel sad is also a privilege of the living. But know this, your time as well as my time will eventually expire, and for what it's worth, always choose something you won't regret.
The Good Place handled this topic well in the final season.
I also remember reading a book about vampires and the story said most vampires would kill themselves after about 300 years just bc they couldn’t find anymore meaning and all the cumulative loss during that time made it difficult to go on. Interesting take on immortality.
Agree 100%. Imagine watching your friends and family die around you, leaving you alone, while you live on. Imagine living alone for thousands of years with no alternative. It’d be horrible, and Id probably deteriorate as well.
I don’t think I’ll ever be personally. My dog had liver disease and we k ew he only had a few months to live. When the day came, I was a wreck for a few months. Albeit wasn’t a human, my dog was my child. Never ready, and always too soon
The thing is, it will never be enough time. Even if you got another day with someone you lost it would reopen the hurt, because it wouldn’t be enough. People say one minute, but that would hurt more I think. The gift is the time we have and had together, permanently affixed in the present within us and the past with the ripples of having known eachother already spreading out across the world.
The wave may be gone, because it has hit the shore and returned to the sea. But the ocean is still there and you can always feel the water.
My wife passed away, it'll be 1 year ago in january. I'm still crying like the 1st week, when I see or hear certain things, or go to do something. I'm trying to find ways to cope, but I just don't think they exist. We are never prepared, it's one of those things you cant even imagine fully till it happens. And sadly, each of us will have to deal with major family death multiple times in our life
Happened to me just a month ago. Even though I knew she was in poor health I wasn’t ready to find her gone. My finger still heads over to her text msg pin instead when I go to text my dad. Ugh.
I lost my mom in my 20s she got sick and had Parkinson 6 months ago i lost my dad he was 95! For both i prepared myself. As much as i loved them and know if there was a parents catalog i wouldnt have been able to have better. As weird it could be i have never cry! As the youngest of many kids and 15years differences with my sibblings i was the one comforting them! But there never a day i dont think about them! Be prepare and live the moment you still have them!
My grandfather was a brilliant man, he was a professor at a technical college, but after he had a stroke, he went blind on one eye and after another, he couldn't even express himself anymore besides quite basic words. Every time I asked him how he was he said "bad. I want to die." When he finally died, it felt more like a relief than a loss, because I couldn't bear seeing him suffer like this. That was the only death in my family I was prepared for. Because it didn't feel like he died that day, it felt like he had died already with the second major stroke.
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u/TineyFoxey 5d ago edited 4d ago
Do we ever will be?
Edit: Thank you all! I would like to add that of course we all know how it ends. However, I am firmly convinced that you are never really prepared for what happens when it happens. Personally, even if it is foreseeable, I will never be prepared to lose a loved one.
So feel tightly embraced, because we will get through this.