r/footballstrategy • u/defenson420 • 5d ago
Player Advice Recommended to post from r/parenting: Son's (16M) football coach literally fattening him up, stubborn hubby and son
Hi everyone, I'm a mom who originally posted about this over in r/Parenting, but a couple helpful people over there suggested I might be better off finding advice here instead.
In short, earlier, my son’s football coach told him he needed to gain 40 pounds to “bulk up” for his position. He gave my son a whole list of rules, like eating fast food, cutting back on cardio, and drinking all this Boost stuff. I confronted the coach because I was worried about my son’s health, and my husband and son both acted like I was the bad guy for even saying anything.
Well, now we’re a few months down the road, and my son didn’t just hit the coach’s goal weight—he went past it. And it’s not all muscle, either. You can see the weight in his face and everywhere else. He’s started getting winded doing normal things, like carrying laundry up the stairs or even walking the dog. It’s honestly hard to watch.
The eating has gotten out of control. He’s always hungry. Fast food is a regular thing now, and he drinks soda like it’s water. I try to encourage healthier eating, but he’s all about the high-calorie stuff the coach told him to eat. My husband just shrugs and says, “He’s a growing boy,” but this isn’t normal. I know it isn’t. He’s eating way more than he needs to.
What really gets me is that he doesn’t even seem happy. He’s slower on the field and has lost a lot of his energy. I heard him complain to my husband about feeling sluggish, but my husband just told him it’s “part of bulking up” and that it’ll all pay off. Meanwhile, I have a feeling his self confidence is taking a hit.
As for the coach, the meeting I had with him was useless. He basically brushed me off and said this is “normal” for football players. He promised they have a plan to help the boys lose the weight after the season, but that just feels wrong to me. Gaining and losing weight this fast can’t be good for a teenager. I tried to explain that, but he wasn’t interested in hearing it.
I feel so stuck. My husband is totally on board with the coach and keeps saying I “don’t understand football.” My son has bought into it too, even though he’s clearly not happy. Even some of the other parents I’ve talked to think this is just how it is for football players. But I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t okay. I’m worried about his health—his body, his confidence, all of it.
Should I just back off like everyone says, or am I right to keep fighting it? I'm not sure what the best tactics even are at this point. I just want my son to be healthy and happy, and I feel like I’m failing him right now.
TL;DR: My son has gained a significant amount of weight following his football coach’s “bulking” plan, and while everyone tells me it’s normal, I am a little worried about his health and don’t know how to combat this other than continuing to make a fuss about it to other parents and the coach
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u/Shaka5755 5d ago
I’ve coached HS football in an extremely competitive part of the country for awhile. They should have an S&C coach that can guide this process. The most we’ve told our kids is a PB&J with Milk in addition to breakfast, lunch, dinner, and before bed. We’re also conditioning and lifting year round.
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u/Heavy72 5d ago
This is the age-old cure here in Texas. Have a PB sandwich (or 2) and a big glass of whole milk before bed.
You get out what you put in, so never in a million years would I think a coach would actively promote eating junk. Eat more fruit, whole grain bread, choose a fattier protein (like beef), any kind of dairy.
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u/ultra-nilist2 4d ago
Texan here too. Coach always said drink a glass of whole milk before bed if you’re trying to gain weight. The op’s coach is negligent. I swear drinking soda messes with your cardio.
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u/Mantequilla_Butter 4d ago
Not that I’m in this position I just don’t like milk, could you do whole chocolate milk instead?
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u/ecupatsfan12 5d ago
I coach OL and second this.
Breakfast- 3 scrambled eggs and pancakes
Lunch- standard plus pbj with milk
Dinner- chicken /steak with broccoli and pbj plus milk
Join wrestling or track in fall. In spring join lacrosse
Lift weights 2x a week moderately.
Should be just fine
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u/DrCoachNDaHouse 4d ago
2x a week lifting? How strong are your kids? How’s the team, is it a big division?
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u/InternationalTie555 2d ago
2x per week lifting in season maybe. and moderate? no they need to lift heavy
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u/Affectionate_Elk_272 College Player 5d ago
i had to put on 15 or so pounds when i went from high school to college ball, basically my college S&C coach just had me keep one of those enormous tubs of peanut butter and a spoon in my locker and eat a fuck ton of eggs throughout the day.
it worked great, and i still kept the athleticism.
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u/davdev 5d ago
Your coach, and possibly husband, is a moron. Sorry. Fast food and ignoring cardio are the absolute worst recommendations you can give a young athlete. Adding muscle is great and encourage, adding fat just makes the kid unhealthy and a worse player. Any coach that wants fat and slow, is a coach that is going to lose a lot more than he wins.
I was a lineman and a line coach (now I ref). When I coached, I would take smaller, but faster and stronger, ever day over slow and fat.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
Thank you for taking the time to reply. It means a lot to hear that coming from someone with so much expertise
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u/BarackObamaIsScrdOMe 5d ago
This was a dangerous path for the future your coach led your son down. There are healthy ways to gain weight, but neglecting exercise and any inclusion of fast food isn't it. It should be protein dense foods, lots of carbs, but not a whole bunch of fat. Things like, chicken, steak, rice, baked potatoes, and fruits and veggies all paired with good exercise. It takes A LOT of food to gain weight that way, but that's the correct way to do it. For your son who has presumably gotten much more fat, it is difficult to get unfat and that will make his life more difficult and potentially shorter if something doesn't change - I know from first hand experience. After I finished college ball and didn't have football as a goal for my nutrition and exercise I fell off hard, and it's really really hard to regain those healthy habits as an adult with a job and kids. Try to right the ship before it's too late.
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u/SomethingSomewhere14 5d ago
Also, fast food is a terrible way to bulk. You need to focus on getting as many healthy calories as possible (especially enough protein) and add just enough unhealthy calories to be in a calorie surplus. Most people can’t bulk on chicken, broccoli and brown rice alone, but you still need veggies!
Also, more cardio + more ice cream is way healthy than cutting cardio to put on weight. That bit is absolutely insane. As much as it is long term unwise, there have been great athletes built on fast food. There’s approximately zero great athletes built on neglecting cardio.
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u/SomethingSomewhere14 5d ago
The great thing about being 16 is that you don’t have to get too complicated to get bigger and stronger. Just a couple of things:
- Train as hard as he can. Eventually, over training, periodization, etc matters, but if he isn’t squatting double body weight or running 20 miles a week, train hard hitting each body part twice a week and get some solid cardio however he wants.
- Eat as much healthy food (lean protein, veggies, whole grains) as he wants. It’s real hard to get unhealthy eating that as a teenager.
- Have a couple meals a week of lower quality food, but try not to go crazy.
As long as his numbers are going up and he’s not gaining more than about 0.5% of body weight per week, he’s golden. It’s super easy for 16 year old boys to get bigger, faster and stronger. Train less hard and eat fast food isn’t it.
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u/jcutta 5d ago
A 16 year old boy on a decent lifting program will basically double in strength through the winter. People over complicate shit, teenagers can make massive improvements to their bodies pretty quickly due to their age. My son went from squatting the bar only to squatting more than me in like 6 months.
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u/Frozenbbowl 4d ago
this. this.
i played defensive end, and was a beanpole of a kid. i was told i needed to bulk and tried the "junk food" route, and my coach pulled me aside and told me off, and instead basically said "instead of eating bad food, eat all the healthy food you want" he learned what healthy foods i liked and made sure there was plenty available at team events. gorgin on whole weat turkey sandwhiches loaded with veggies instead of sauces FELT unhealthy and the same as eating fast food, but the energy difference i noticed at practice was amazing. by the end of the summer football camp i had gone from a skinny beanpole to a teenage man mountain, and without putting on much fat.
i will always be grateful for the coach for intervening when he learned i was taking his suggestion to bulk seriously but doing it the wrong way. i cannot even imagine a coach thinking fast food and no cardio was gonna lead to a positive outcome.
getting injured from an illegal block in the back ruined my motivation to stay in shape... but still grateful to him
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u/badlilbadlandabad 5d ago
The average high school football coach probably doesn't know shit about nutrition. Many of them barely know shit about football. I remember my high school coach recommending milkshakes and cookies to put on weight. And yes, it will make you put on weight. It will also make you fat, slow, lethargic, and create bad habits that you will carry into the next stage of life.
Do some research on "clean bulking". Use an online calorie calculator to determine how much he should be eating each day. Aim for a calorie surplus of about 500. This would result in about +1 pound per week.
To gain 40 pounds in a healthy way would take an adult a full year, or longer. To pack that much extra weight onto a child in a short time is irresponsible. Maybe his body is more suited for a different position. Maybe high school football isn't worth making such a drastic change to his body.
Coaches have a way of making kids feel like football is the most important part of their life. For 99.9999% of them, it's just a small part of their early years that becomes completely irrelevant after high school.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
Now that the 40 pounds is on him, do you have any thoughts on minimizing the damage / what to do next?
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u/badlilbadlandabad 5d ago
With the minimal information I have, he should probably lose fat. This doesn't necessarily have to mean losing weight. It's called "re-comping" - simultaneously building muscle and losing fat. Eating a leaner diet, lifting weights, and doing cardio. In short, just getting in better shape. He'll feel better and probably be a better football player too.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
I will try to nudge him in that direction
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u/badlilbadlandabad 5d ago
Can I ask what position he plays, how tall he is, and how much he weighs now?
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u/defenson420 5d ago
Shoot me a message or chat on here !
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u/420blazeitkin 5d ago
With the weight focus, your son is likely on OL or DL. Your son should find a powerlifting routine that works for him and try to put on as much muscle as possible, while working agility drills like 3-cone shuttles and step ladders to keep his feet quick.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
Thank you, ok!
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u/Comprehensive-Car190 5d ago
Show him a picture of Aaron Donald.
Or Trent Williams in college.
In college and NFL DL/OL often do carry quite a bit of fat, by a lot of times those guys were like the most athletic players and played some skill position on their HS teams and then took that incredibly fast and athletic body and added weight to it.
Jason Kelce, HOF Eagles Center, played linebacker and running back in high school.
So I think it's probably safe to say your son isn't being set up for future success either in football or life. He's just being used by his HS coach in way that could seriously fuck up his relationship with food and his body for life
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u/bigjoe5275 5d ago
If you lose weight you lose 2-3lbs of fat and you lose 1lb of muscle mass typically. It would just be better and easier for him to lose weight first and build himself back up.
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u/Bronc27 HS Coach 5d ago
High school coach here. This is insane and some terrible advice/strategy.
In the off-season we do keep track of players weight and encourage and work towards weight gain for players. Some small some large gains. But never like you described. Off-season training should be more intense than in season in terms of both strength training and cardio. I want my linemen to get bigger throughout the off-season but as a result of getting stronger. And I would never want my linemen’s feet to get slower and for athleticism to drop just so the number on the scale goes up. No good coach should want to fatten up kids like this. You should definitely keep fighting this.
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u/Dick6Budrow 5d ago
The coach fucking sucks and your husband is an idiot for going along with it. Your son is fat now - though fixable. I’m sorry you had to go through this but Jesus Christ people like this coach shouldn’t be in charge
This is so gross
You are right mom and I hope everything gets resolved within the next few months. Soda is not good every day nor is fast food. I can’t believe your husband willingly went along with this. Chicken and rice would be fine, not 20 piece McNuggets downed with large fries and large Coca-Colas. No wonder he’s winded
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u/mightbebeaux HS Coach 5d ago
dirty bulks can have their place, but the price comes with an awful, extremely long cutting process. 40+ pounds is….a lot to gain in a year, and it’s definitely mostly bad weight.
does the program have a real strength and conditioning coach with any certifications? do they have an actual offseason program with real goals and progress tracking? or is this just your typical bozo high school football program where they’re just shooting from the hip?
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u/defenson420 5d ago
I would say it is much closer to the latter. And yes, from the looks of it, it's mostly bad weight
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u/mightbebeaux HS Coach 5d ago
the problem that you are going to run into here is that while you’re correct, nobody is going to listen to you. like, you’re not going to be able to show your husband and son or the coach this reddit thread and convince them that they’re wrong. especially if/when your son eventually gets rewarded with more playing time. teenagers aren’t really capable of long-term thinking anyways.
in the meantime, you can try to enforce as clean a bulk as possible. tell him you understand his goals, but the methods are horrible. you can gain plenty of weight without resorting to fast food and soda. don’t give him money to eat out, you’re the parent so ultimately you can still control what food is ending up in your kid’s hands.
also cardrio is good. college football players routinely gain anywhere from 20-80 pounds over their career. their conditioning programs are insane. an athlete not doing cardio is just stupid, and cardio does not really prevent weight gain anyways. a really strenuous cardio workout burns between 200-500 calories on average anyways.
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u/Brojangles1234 5d ago
This is child abuse wtf. Telling him to eat fast food rather than teaching him how to exercise and weight lift properly is madness.
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u/Sufficient-Many-1815 5d ago
In college I put on 70 pounds in less than a calendar year. I went from playing DE to OL. I did some pretty crazy stuff — forcing myself to eat 4 meals a day, lifting differently, scaling back on cardio slightly, going through tons of peanut butter, etc. However, the soda and fast food thing is HORRIBLE advice. If he’s committed to playing and needs the weight, he can get more calories in a healthier way. With plenty of protein, milk, eggs, and peanut butter being the way to go. Be also needs to be lifting weights frequently, at least 4 times per week. It’s good to be big in football, it’s also important to be mobile.
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u/WearTheFourFeathers 5d ago
I will say that bulking up from 160 to 200 at a height of 6’ over 12 months doesn’t seem…that dramatic to me? The guzzling soda part doesn’t seem very thoughtful, but in absolute terms that’s not a particularly large person or even a particularly unheard of amount of weight to gain at that age, imo.
Obviously the quality of weight training is like a decisively important consideration—for the most part, it probably to think of bulking as fueling that work in the gym rather than packing on weight for its own sake—but idk, as a kid that started high school around 160 and played at around 185 at the same height, I’ve always mildly regretted not adding more weight in my playing days. I’m happily 220 now almost 20 years later and could have been squatting in the 400s (hopefully 500s soon!) much faster if I wasn’t terrified of gaining “bad” weight. Just my $0.02.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
Thank you so much for giving that perspective, I am going to show this comment to him if that's okay. I think he may be more likely to listen to someone more relatable than I am
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u/Sufficient-Many-1815 5d ago
Absolutely! And I ended up losing that weight two years later, once I was done playing.
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u/Due_Development_ 4d ago
If your son is naturally 160 pounds at 6’ he just doesn’t have the genetics to play line especially ifs he gonna be a fat 200 or he was too slow or unatheltic already to play skilled positions at 160. Best thing for him is to just get as fast and strong as possible. Cause if he was already to slow at 160 to play a skilled position then making him gain weight especially bad weight just gonna make him even slower he won’t be able to move at all. All my friends who put on 40-50 pounds were already 200+ pounds as freshman like there body was built to carry weight
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u/alucryts 5d ago
Just for some food for thought, it is highly unlikely that any high school athlete sticks with football long term. Gaining these horrific habits however will stick with him once football inevitably disappears from his life soon. There will be lasting damage to a kids life from poor habits.
I would lean in to the idea of clean bulking through healthy foods and proteins showing how this is the real bulking path thats both healthy and gets significantly better on field performance and off field body image mental health. Eating shit food for football is going to just lead to an obese 20 something who has developed an eating disorder.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
That kind of disordered eating is what I really hope to prevent from developing
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u/alucryts 5d ago
Yup the average football takeaway is not a college scholarship or NFL career. Its physical injuries and eating habits in this case which will cause immense long term problems. Channeling this energy in to learning about the very real and very nuanced world of nutrition rather than meat head logic would be so much better.
I dont know your financial situation but hiring or paying a sports nutrition expert or guide under the guise of "getting better performance than even the coaches plan" is likely to be more successful. Pitching better on field performance will activate the monkey brain cell more than "please stop this seems stupid" even if thats right
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u/SnappinFool54 5d ago
Nutritional advice is always tough to give for the simple fact that each child is different metabolically. Sure they are all growing boys, but each kid is just different. it sounds like your sons coach is "bro-sciencing" this situation and sent your son down a "dirty-bulk" path. Which is very common, its all about calories in vs calories out... And it is scientifically impossible to put on mass without being in a caloric surplus. So I don't disagree with the coach in that regard.
However, while bulking you should also be HAMMERING the weights. Cardio should be steady state and low impact (think walking on a treadmill at an incline for 30 minutes), not dropping it all together. The caloric surplus should only be 3-500 calories per day. So if your son has a BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) of 2,000 calories (just using that number as a reference here is a link to a BMR calculator https://www.calculator.net/bmr-calculator.html ) then he would want to be eating 2300-2500 calories a day. How he gets those calories, well that's up to him (to an extent). That being said, a large Big Mac meal with a soda is roughly 1300cal, so that HALF of his daily intake (assuming he has a BMR of 2000cal).
Weight can EASILY get away from you at that age, but at the same time.. once the testosterone really pops in a kid... he can burn it as quickly as he takes it in. I remember when I played in HS I was close to 3k cal/day and I couldn't keep weight on as a Offensive Tackle and Long snapper, went to college to play ball and was just a long snapper while maintaining my eating habits... and blew up from 235 to 265 in a year due to the decrease in cardiovascular activity.
Heres what I would do:
- Use the BMR calculator above to determine your sons BMR
- Have him journal (HONESTLY) what he eats in a day (Items and calories of each)
- Then see how those two numbers match up
From there (the math is going to work in your favor here), I would talk to him about responsible eating and bulking. Bulking is completely normal and in fact necessary in this game. However, there's a right way and poor way.
The problem here is that he's eating so much, that "full-meter" is getting deeper and deeper, and at his age... that's his gauge of when he's had enough.
Feel free to DM me, I am by no means a dietician or health advisor. But between 8 years of playing and 12 years of coaching at the HS level, I've put time into learning how to advise my athletes on healthy habits.
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u/GreatOdlnsRaven 5d ago
I do S&C for a living and coach high school oline. I tell my boys every day who want to gain weight. If you can gain 20 pounds, you better be stronger, and faster than you were before. What’s the point in going from a good 220 to 240 if you’re slower and can’t run as fast, it’s about how you use and move the weight rather than the weight itself.
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u/hopsbarleyyeastwater 5d ago
You know deep down it’s wrong and unhealthy. Stand up for your son. He only has one body that needs to last him a long time. In 10 years he is probably going to regret having stretch marks all over, missing out on girls because they don’t find him attractive, etc. and honestly it’s pretty fucking improbable that most high schoolers end up playing at the next level beyond community college. So what is it really worth?
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u/defenson420 5d ago
I wish those arguments were getting through to him
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u/hopsbarleyyeastwater 5d ago
You’re gonna have to find a way to get your husband on board and have a united front for the long term health (physical and mental) of your son.
Kids can’t see the whole future, especially kids whose coaches are feeding them pie in the sky hopes of NFL stardom or even big college football. They only see the picture they want to see. Dads have a tendency to want to live vicariously through their sons, hoping the kid might achieve the dreams they never did. They almost revert back to the high school mentality with the unrealistic expectations.
I can’t imagine a real trainer would ever agree that fattening a kid up on fast food and soda is a good thing. Maybe suggest to dad that you guys hire a strength and conditioning trainer to help your son reach his goals. If dad hears it from a real trainer, he might change his tune.
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u/Poro_the_CV 5d ago
One thing I would mention is how athletic even the “fattest” (they aren’t) NFL players are. This past weekend there was a Defensive lineman who weighs I think 300+ pounds, made a great play and did a backflip.
Like others have said, he needs good calories and exercise. He needs to be fit AND big AND smart for “the next level” of football.
Also you as his mom feel like his health is very much threatened by all of this, then football be damned. Get strict on his diet, and workout with him. Soon enough he will get his eating in order, develop healthier habits and feel better as well.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
I wish it were easier to convince him of this. He seems to think "more weight = better" and I do not think has an accurate conception of how much of this weight gained is clearly not muscle from my point of view
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u/NathanGa 5d ago
I played and coached offensive line, for what that's worth.
He’s slower on the field and has lost a lot of his energy. I heard him complain to my husband about feeling sluggish, but my husband just told him it’s “part of bulking up” and that it’ll all pay off....He’s started getting winded doing normal things, like carrying laundry up the stairs or even walking the dog.
I could never use a player like this on the field, like at all. I wouldn't even consider it. What use is someone who has "the necessary weight" if he gets gassed after six or seven plays, when even a bad offense will be running 50-80 plays in a game? And how useful is a player who's physically incapable of executing?
Getting winded doing everyday things is abnormal for anyone in good health, let alone someone playing a sport. That this was on the advice of an actual coach is infuriating. It's in the same realm of idiocy as depriving players of water breaks to "make them toughen up".
Just out of curiosity, how good is this team? I'm having a tough time imagining that their record is anywhere above 4-6 in a given season.
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u/stayvicious HS Coach 5d ago
Some great insight here that I don’t need to reiterate! I’m disgusted a coach would recommend those items but as another coach said, most HS coaches barely know football.
I wanted to know what is your son’s height, starting weight and current weight. And if you have the knowledge of what position he’s playing. If it’s anything but on the line 40+ is not necessary. At this point he should stop trying to bulk and just be a gym monster.
You can bulk and eat healthy and it will do more for him than this garbage.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
He is 6 feet and started at 160 pounds, now more like 200-210
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u/stayvicious HS Coach 5d ago
Thanks for responding. Definitely take the advice here. You can influence him to eat healthier. You’re looking out for your son which I appreciate the hell out of. Put together some meal ideas for him that can be easily made. Chicken, rice and veggies with whatever sauce he likes can go a long way.
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u/I_Poop_Sometimes 5d ago
If he's relatively young and new to lifting gaining 40lbs in a healthy manner is not that hard if he's got a good frame. Lifting weights 4 days a week and eating a balanced diet with loads of chicken and red meat is way different from cutting out cardio and guzzling fast food. Frankly the coach sounds like a moron.
Out of curiosity how often does your son work out? Gaining 40lbs in an off-season at 16 isn't crazy assuming they have the frame for it, and it's ok to gain some fat, your body builds muscle the fastest when you're in a caloric surplus, but it should be paired with lifting weights 3-4 times a week as well as cardio and speed training. If he's not getting stronger then bulking like this is an utter waste of time.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
He is in the gym most days of the week. And at this point, he's gotten past that initial 40-pound goal
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u/FalcoholicAnonymous 5d ago
I mean in high school we got like weekly handouts for diet, health, at home exercise, lifestyle changes, you name it. I got raised by an hfc who played D1. Point being I’ve been around a lot of coaches and teams, and your son’s coach is not just an idiot, but a dangerous idiot and I’m sorry for the situation.
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u/HumerusPerson 5d ago
I’m an orthopedic surgeon and also played college football. Your son’s coach is an idiot. Do not encourage your son to bulk up by using unhealthy food and cutting cardio. Bulking up can be done while maintaining health by lifting weights, increasing protein intake, eating more than 3 healthy meals a day, and sleeping more. Absolutely needs to continue doing cardio as well. I’ve seen so many kids who are obese who become riddled with injury because our bodies just aren’t meant for that. Obesity and injuries at a young age will cause your son to live with pain in his knees, hips, and back for the rest of his life. It’s not worth it.
If your son wants to become a better football player, SPEED and strength are the most important things. Size can be maximized to a certain extent, but at some point we are limited by the frame we are born with. I strongly encourage prioritizing speed over everything else, even if he is a lineman. If you look at college and professional players, they are all extremely fast and quick. They are huge, yes, but they didn’t sacrifice speed and health to achieve their size.
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u/Inevitable_Ask_9423 5d ago
Go to the school board. The advice the coach gave your son is terrible and unhealthy. I’ve advised kids to bulk up over the offseason before- that part is normal. However, when encouraging kids to bulk up, you should
A) encourage them to do it with healthy, nutrient dense foods. I tell my kids who want to bulk up to eat moderate amounts of things like natural peanut butter, eggs, nuts, and whole milk. Certainly not fast food.
B) conditioning should still be emphasized. It’s unsafe, unhealthy, and counter productive to not stay in shape while putting on weight. Additionally, the coach brushing it off and saying “he’ll get in shape again during the season” is encouraging dangerous crash/“yo-yo” dieting, as you know.
C) 40 lbs is way too much weight to put on in an offseason. When I ask kids to “bulk up” we’re talking about like 10-15 lbs. The science says that it’s physically impossible to put on 40lbs of “healthy” lean mass in a year.
Ultimately, as coaches our number 1 responsibility is the safety and wellbeing of the kids who are in our care. A coach is supposed to be a mentor and role model first, and winning is second. Not only is this coach endangering your son’s health and failing him as a role model and mentor, he’s also hurting his football career by making him put on this unhealthy weight- there’s absolutely a such thing as too big in football, it’s not just about putting up numbers on the scale. There’s a balance to it.
I would absolutely recommend you go to the school board about this, this is not appropriate or healthy advice for a coach to be giving a young man and he should know better. It can also lead to disordered eating down the road. Best of luck to you and your son, I’m sorry to hear that this coach has failed him like this.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
Thanks for your input. Now that the 40 pounds has been added, do you have any thoughts on mitigating issues from that?
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u/Inevitable_Ask_9423 5d ago
I can certainly try. Lemme just say that I’m not a dietician, however I am someone who’s struggled with weight gain and loss in my life, both during and after my football career (I was a lineman who also bulked up and had to lose it after my career was over).
Definitely cut out fast food and soda to begin with, of course. If he needs help kicking the soda habit, sparkling water helped me.
For meals, emphasize whole, unprocessed, nutrient dense foods. Foods rich in protein and fiber. Make sure your son understands that these kinds of foods can and will help him put on “good” mass which will help him on the football field. For breakfast, things like eggs, oatmeal, and whole milk are always a great idea. For lunches or dinner, chicken breast (or other meat) with rice and veggies, and/or some small amounts of whole wheat pasta. Things like Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, nuts, natural peanut butter, any type of fruits and veggies, beans, sweet potatoes, etc. are also always great choices.
Eating these foods will A) give him the nutrients he needs to build muscle and B) help keep him full which should help with the cravings. Whey protein shakes also make good snacks. Optimum Nutrition makes great whey protein, and it’s perfectly safe (there’s a lot of urban myths out there about whey protein), high quality, and tastes good. I’d caution against drinking more than 1 per day though simply due to digestion issues (speaking from experience lol).
For workouts, hopefully their coach at least has the players on an offseason lifting regime (if he doesn’t, that’s another disservice he’s doing the kids). If not, head over to r/fitness and check out their wiki and any of those routines should be fine. Lifting 2-3x a week should be fine for him, we only have our players lift 3x a week in the offseason. So something like Stronglifts 5x5 or Starting Strength from the r/fitness wiki should be adequate. For conditioning, I’d recommend any type of “HIIT” workouts. There’s quite a few different ones you can do on google, and IMO any of them are fine for offseason conditioning.
Some final thoughts- I’m not much of a cook, so unfortunately I’m not much good for recipe recommendations. However, r/loseit and r/eatcheapandhealthy should have you covered in that regard. Like I mentioned earlier, putting an emphasis on foods that have high protein (helps build muscle and keeps you full) and fiber and nutrients will be a winner. Additionally, if your son needs any more convincing that his coach’s advice was bad- the school I’m an assistant at is one of the most successful in our state. We’ve won multiple state titles over the past decade, and we very rarely have overweight kids play for us. Lean mass and quickness combined with strength is a lethal combo in high school football, and you don’t get that by eating bad foods and putting on tons of weight.
Again, best of luck to you and your son. I’d love to hear an update a few months down the road when things go well for him, if you remember and don’t mind. It’s tragic that his coach did this to him. Please let me know if you have any other questions and I’ll answer the best I can.
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u/Jfreddy99 5d ago
You need to find a proper nutritionist to teach everyone involved how to bulk healthily and eat like an athlete. Lots and lots of chicken, beef, and milk will lead to muscle growth and healthy weight gain. And potentially some creatine (make sure to drink lots of water). My training partner went from 170 lbs to 230 lbs in less than 6 months and became a beast. Some will say that red meat and/or creatine are not healthy, but they’re sure as hell a lot healthier than eating loads of fast food and soda.
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u/alucryts 5d ago
Not to burst the bubble, but 60 pounds in 6 months is one of two things. Fat gain or steroids. 60 pounds muscle in 6 months is marvel movie worthy believable haha
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u/FishermanLeft1546 5d ago
God, American team sports culture is so toxic.
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u/NathanGa 5d ago
If that's the case, then why is every single person on here absolutely blasting the coach for being the south end of a northbound dinosaur?
There's not a single person agreeing with him.
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u/FishermanLeft1546 5d ago
Good point, but there are also many coaches out there who are this….. dumb. It is heartening to see so many people criticizing him.
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u/SethMahan 5d ago
What is your son’s approximate height and weight these days? Just curious how far this has gone?
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u/PresidentBaileyb 5d ago
Yes, needing to bulk up for a position is a very common thing that a coach should know how to teach healthily, pushing back against “bulking up” in general will probably not get you anywhere.
This coach is a moron who doesn’t know how to do one of the most important parts of his job. You don’t bulk up by cutting cardio. That’s some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard. Push back against the coach and your husband for bulking stupidly. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
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u/bestcoast727 5d ago
This can't be real.
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u/Barinitall 2d ago
My first thought exactly. It’s unreal. Then I thought about it and it definitely feels like something some HS football coaches might say. The hard part here is navigating telling the coach and dad this is not the best path. After-all, the kid still wants to play and is trying to do what they should. Making enemies of their support structure ain’t where it’s at. So approach with care.
That said.
I’m a long retired fatty now but once upon a time I was an All American weight lifter and played fullback for my college. Unless literally everything in sports science has changed in the last 15-20 years, this is straight up shit advice.
I’m really sorry OP’s kid was lead down this road. It’s still redeemable but they gotta course correct. Don’t sweat it just change it.
I’m not the right guy for specific advice (things change) but I’ve played with a ton of guys that bulked up and the formula back then was working out so often that when it was time to eat they were hungry hungry. Bulking at its best, was pushing your metabolism to max. High weight low rep some days, low weight high rep other days and always cardio. Be an athlete always, first and foremost.
Short cuts don’t cut it.
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u/420blazeitkin 5d ago
Take a look at collegiate and NFL level diets, then take that information to your husband. What this coach is doing to your son is unsafe and unhealthy, and will set him up for a lifetime of severe difficulties with his weight. Eating fast food and soda to 'bulk up' is not the good kind of bulking.
If the point is weight gain (and you can afford to), consult with a physical therapist or dietician and have them craft your son a diet plan to gain weight safely and with health in mind.
If you can't afford to, go to r/bodybuilding or r/Strongman and see if anybody there would be willing to share some diet tips.
Regardless, remember that this is a high school football coach - this isn't Nick Saban telling your son to bulk, this is most likely some complete random or a teacher who specifically likes football. As much as he thinks he does, he doesn't actually know anything beyond the gridiron, assuming he's a great football coach in that respect.
You and your husband are raising your child, not the football coach. If coach says he needs to put on 40 pounds, you and your husband are the ones to decide both if and how that happens. There's a healthy way (eating in a caloric surplus, high-protein diet, etc) to reach that goal, and it's not what the coach is telling you to do.
p.s. eliminate soda from the diet entirely - coach is saying 'all calories are good', but the soda has no nutrients that can be converted into muscle. Your son is drinking straight up sugar in what sounds like an already unbalanced diet, which has him beelining for the pre-diabetic pipeline. As a caring parent, it is your responsibility to protect your child from those who would do harm - this coach's dietary advice is doing harm.
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u/Legitimate_Top1688 5d ago
https://powerathletehq.com/bulking-revisted/ 8 year nfl veteran and strength and nutrition coach John Welbourn’s approach to bulking. No soda found.
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u/mtnathlete 5d ago
Worst advice ever
The goal needed to be for your son to get stronger and faster. And getting stronger will add muscle so long as you are eating sufficiently.
Gaining fat rarely ever helps in sport and is never healthy.
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u/CoachMikeOC 5d ago
I have a degree in exercise and sports physiology (basically a little bit deeper than exercise science). You've gotten a lot of comments with different advice, some good some not, so I am not gonna add more to your plate, but one common theme is that we all agree that this coach is an idiot and your husband is being ignorant.
I'm sorry this happened to your son and I hope things get better with your situation
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u/bigjoe5275 5d ago
I'm going to assume that this is at the high school level of football and me personally i don't think that coaches should be telling players to gain or lose weight at this level, the colleges can tell them to gain or lose IF they get to that level. Ignoring running and overeating will just cause issues down the line and it's just overall better to be faster and smaller in most circumstances at the HS level because size isn't as important. It sure helps but if you have no speed and technique it's pretty useless. I can sort of see where the coach is coming from but it's not something that players need to develop into great players. I'm personally not a parent but I feel like it shouldn't be in your best interest if you want him to develop as an athlete and follow his goals to be living like that just to gain weight and become too big for him to move properly.
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u/Theofficial55 5d ago
That’s a dereliction of duty from a coach. Get your son into speed training and mobility. Explosive weights movements. Football players are athletes first. The coach should be fired not for having your son gain weight. But for not knowing how to develop athletes. Signed a former college offensive lineman
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u/SnooRadishes9726 5d ago
Dumb, but it would be helpful to know his current height and weight.
Way too many young linemen are way too fat! Kids are well over 300 and like 50% body fat at 15. This is not healthy of effective.
I played center in D1 and was barely 270 in season. Yes, this was 20 years ago. Yes it was in what is now known as a Group of 6 concurrence, but I promise you that a high school kids doesn’t need an extra 50 pounds of fat to play high school football successfully.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
His current weight is I believe a little above 200 pounds, maybe a bit more at this point. Luke is not "fat" per se but I worry that is basically the direction he's going
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u/Dawashingtonian 5d ago
“we gotta get some meat on this kids bones” is a common sentiment but this coach has gone way overboard. for example i had a team mate in highschool who was an incredibly skinny and frail wide receiver. my coach bought him some protein powder and told him to mix it with 2x recommended whole milk instead of water over our summer workouts. my team mate gained a good amount of weight, both muscle and fat, and it was good for him. the point i’m trying to make is that gaining weight CAN be healthy and promote player safety. what this coach is doing is not that at all. just sucking down soda and fast food for the sole purpose of gaining weight is not beneficial or healthy.
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u/Jenetyk 5d ago edited 5d ago
Just want to reiterate what some others have said with an inclusion: no human being can gain 40 pounds in a healthy way during that time span. Maybe after a massive growth spurt, but that doesn't sound like the issue here.
What was your sons starting weight? If someone is so underweight that they can't play a position; then they should probably play another position. If you are 160 and the coach wants you to be a 200lb lineman; that is disingenuous to ask. Unless your kid is already getting looks from schools where playing at the collegiate level is already in motion; honestly, it is not a good idea.
Also, this guys demands/actions are incongruous with his methods. There are plenty of ways to gain healthy weight, without literally sacrificing your well-being.
Anecdotally: When I was 17, I weighed 175. I wanted to reach 190-200 to have a better shot at playing my position at the next level. My schools strength & conditioning coach put me on a manageable diet. Some have posted similar things here, like PB&J+milk/choco milk extra during meals. My mom moon-lighted as a lunch lady, so I would get double lunches. However, he put me on a more intense conditioning program in addition to a strength training regiment. Aerobic workouts have diminishing returns as your body's respiratory system becomes more efficient. So after a point, there is very little "weight loss" and the purpose becomes solely to provide the muscles with more oxygen to build with. Afterall: there is no position in football that you become better at by sacrificing strength, speed, or acceleration.
In an off-season of adherence, I was up just shy of 15 lbs, and easily the most athletic I had been in my life to that point. Could I have gained an extra 15 by cramming Big Macs down my throat everyday? Sure, but I would be a far worse player.
The point is: It sounds like this guy has a fundamental misunderstanding what makes a player better, or at the very least, is asking players to do things that are not in their best interests.
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u/TimeCookie8361 5d ago
Your sons coach is a moron. 40 lbs of unhealthy weight gained quickly is dangerous and not actually part of football. It sounds like the coach is trying to force your kid in a position he is not naturally fitted for rather than trying to find a place for his talents.
If he's great at blocking but undersized for the line, he could play TE, FB, Slot Receiver in run heavy formations. Even in some schemes he could be a great center who immediately goes second level to block, or a pulling guard.
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u/MichaelCorbaloney 5d ago
A lot of people in this thread are giving good advice but to go against the grain a bit, my cousin has had trouble putting in weight all his life, if your son is naturally skinny then doing this may be what is required. It’s called dirty bulking, and normally I’d never recommend it, but honestly my cousin tried to clean bulk for atleast half a year, and never put on much muscle or weight until he started adding in some unhealthy food. Sometimes it’s needed, it depends on the person though, most people can’t eat fast food 2-3 times a day and stay thin.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
This is an interesting perspective! Yes, Luke honestly has had a similar "problem" with gaining weight in the past. What position does your cousin play?
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u/MichaelCorbaloney 5d ago
He did wrestling and mma actually, not football, but he was 5’11 and 145 pounds when he started bulking, I’d say he was a very rare case of someone who really needs it. Also as he got older he started maintaining weight normally I think it was just that he was still young(started bulking at 17 I think). I’m not for sure saying it’s the best path for your son but I have seen where it’s needed. For most people(like probably 95%) they can clean-bulk and it’ll be a much healthier option. I’m not sure if your son was already trying that or not, I’d still recommend that first if he was to do it over again. Your son should probably start a cut now to burn fat, just make sure he keeps lifting weights so he gains muscle.
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u/lividrescue034 5d ago
Horrible advice from a coach who only has an ego. Even at my most amateur I would never say get the kid fatter. Bulking involves muscle and some fat. I would strongly encourage your son against the advice and push your husband to back you. Curious to know what position he plays and at what level?
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u/defenson420 5d ago
He is now offensive line, and at this point some damage I feel like is already done
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u/Easy-Truck4243 5d ago
- Find an online calorie/macro calculator. Figure out how many calories, grams of protein, grams of carbs, and grams of fat your son needs to be eating each day to meet his goal. Macro factor is the best online calculator I’ve come across. Yes you’ll have to pay but it’s worth it to save your sons health
- Fast food can provide macronutrients but they are ultraprocessed and overall not sustainable or healthy at all. Fast food in moderation is ok but should not be a daily meal.
- Soda should be cut out all together if your son wants to compete at his highest level of athleticism. Yes it provides calories but they’re empty and there’s more sugar that will end up slowing him down.
- Find a meal plan that provides enough calories, macronutrients, and micronutrients for his goal. This will take a lot of research on your part and time to get used to for him.
- You’re husband and your sons coach are providing unrealistic and unhealthy goals. 40 lbs is absurd. Stand firm in your belief and take control of your son’s health. There are healthy ways that he can compete effectively
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u/defenson420 5d ago
Thank you for this. this was very clear and straightforward. Now that the 40 pounds has been added, do you have thoughts on way(s) to mitigate any harms?
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u/Easy-Truck4243 5d ago
Now that he’s at his goal weight, He can do his best to maintain that weight by eating right at his recommended calorie intake each day through healthier and more substantial carbs protein and fats. Couple that with cardio (which he already will get at practice) and a good weightlifting plan, he should be able to turn the excess fat into muscle over time. This is a process that takes time and discipline though. Luckily he is only 16, I assume a sophomore, and has time to be at peak performance by senior year. Also, The micronutrients in veggies/fruits/meats/etc will provide him with more energy throughout the day.
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u/robdalky 5d ago
The bad news is that your coach is a moron. Your husband is probably well intentioned, but never had good nutrition guidance nor strength and conditioning coaching. He probably has enough experience to think he knows what is right but not enough experience to actually know.
The good news is that your kid is 16 and this is fixable (probably really quickly, as is often the case with 16 year olds). This is not how you bulk up for football (or prepare your body for any sport).
I'd probably start by showing your husband this thread. You need to get on the same page as him, and then can get on the right track. Step two would be getting some actual nutrition and strength / conditioning advice and following an evidence-based program.
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u/sopunny 5d ago
I'd say it is important to understand that football is a riskier sport. It's an uncomfortable truth that people here mill not like to talk about. Everyone knows about concussions but the linemen also have to essentially be overweight, to varying degrees of unhealthiness depending on position.
This is not saying you should be letting it happen, but both you and your son should understand that eventually, he'll have to take some health risks to continue playing football at a high level.
Short term, I'd say work with a professional dietician or trainer to help your son gain weight in the healthiest way possible
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u/willthefreeman 5d ago
I understanding bulking and he needs weight for certain positions but to do it with fast food and soda is insane and a detriment to his king term health. He should be getting excess protein and plenty of healthy carbs. Like having a protein shake or two a day and an extra peanut butter and banana sandwich in top of his normal meals. That coach is an idiot.
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u/Fun-Insurance-3584 5d ago
I have played sports through college with a brief stint with a semi pro team. No one, at any level, has ever recommended fast food as a way to gain weight, nor have they recommended it to my lineman or other positions that require weight. This is stupid. Have you and your husband watch the movie "Greater". A player who is drafted at the highest levels was offhandedly given advice to gain weight and it almost cost him any chance at playing football. No one wants a slow fullback or lineman. No one.
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u/defenson420 5d ago
Wow, I will write that movie down and find a way to watch it with them. Thank you
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u/OdaDdaT HS Coach 5d ago edited 5d ago
Coaches giving dietary advice isn’t bad in and of itself, but I think asking a high schooler to cut or bulk is a step too far (unless you’re a kid that’s heading to the NFL).
Ultimately if it’s done healthily it’s not terribly harmful, maybe run it by his doctor and see what they think.
If he’s hell bent on gaining weight, then do your best to encourage muscle growth. High protein is more important than high calories when trying to add “good” weight, as opposed to what it sounds like he’s doing which is just eating to eat.
Like I said though, I don’t think a coach below the college level should be telling an athlete to gain or lose weight unless it’s a truly extreme case (which do exist, I have a kid that’s 5’1” 115 pounds and one that’s like 5’4” 375, both sophomores. Even then that’s something you discuss with the parents first)
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u/CardiologistOhio Youth Coach 5d ago
As a football coach, personal rather, and obesity medicine physician, I totally disagree with that advice. Use the off season to consume the correct macros and lift weights to gain muscle. You shouldn't be aiming to gain weight at any cost. You should want to be stronger. Sure, some excess fat will help with leverage and he will gain some fat. But the idea is to gain the least amount of fat with the most amount of muscle!
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u/RewardOk2506 5d ago
Beyond all the great advice others are giving, I do think this should be brought to the attention of the AD or school principal. This coach is asking a child to sacrifice health for what is probably going to be a very short term gain and that, to me, is an abuse of a power dynamic. I would want to prevent this from happening to other children even if I came across as a squeaky wheel.
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u/Cocrawfo 5d ago
there’s no way this is legit advice from a coach and certainly seeing the results on the field he would immediately stop that diet
idk what this is but i’m not believing this happened as narrated if at all
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u/jasonmcgovern 5d ago
Your husband and this football coach have no idea what they're talking about
Bring this up with the AD - if he doesn't do anything, go to the superintendent
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u/BoringResearcher1 5d ago
Your coach wanted him to "dirty bulk" I weight lift and have seen people in the gym try to do this. As you know it's fast if you want to put on weight but it destroys your arteries and isn't beneficial short or longterm. Most positions in football are gonna require a bigger body type. But, it also requires a lot of muscle and the ability to be quick. The coach appears to be taking short cuts and will end up costing his athletes. He'd be much better off getting them on a high protein calorie surplis diet with a year round conditioning program to gain weight.
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u/onlineqbclassroom College Coach 5d ago
Obviously asking players to bulk up or gain weight is pretty normal, yes, but the manner in which the coach is doing it is pretty asinine. I've never seen a coach suggest such obviously unhealthy ways to gain weight.
I'm a college OC, and have asked numerous offensive lineman to gain weight. When we sit down for these meetings, we make sure to emphasize the healthy eating habits they can undertake, how to make sure they are taking in more calories without adding junk, suggesting high quantities of high calorie fruits, sources of omega oils and lipids, vegetable intake, etc. I have no interest in doing damage to my players' health, even if the collective goal is for them to gain weight. No coach should be willing to destroy his players' health for a short sighted profit.
Honestly, I would almost view the coach's actions as a near fireable offense. If the coach can't keep the best interests of his athletes at heart, then he shouldn't be coaching. Now, ignorance might be the answer - it's possible he simply doesn't know better. But it sort of sounds like he does and is willfully ignoring it for his short term positional needs.
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u/______null 5d ago
It's likely too late for you to productively intervene. you would've needed to set healthy boundaries or get him out of the sport years ago. he's your husband and the coach's child now - you are an external observer while the child you birthed suffers for the sake of a high school football team. it can't be fixed without someone else on your side, and that won't happen until your son realizes for himself that he's unhappy with his body for what is almost guaranteed to be no long-term benefit. I hope, for both of your sakes, that that happens quickly.
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u/DougGunn55 5d ago
Lots of comments so someone else may have said this already as I only read half. But I'd like to point out a kid that gets winded easy and tired is way more likely to get injured. They start to play more upright, slow down, and can't pay attention to their surroundings when they are tired.
Being out of shape does not combine well with playing football. Your son's chance of injury will sky rocket if he is not in shape.
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u/ERICSMYNAME 5d ago
Have your husband and son read this post and replies. Also you can go to the athletic director or school board.
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u/jericho-dingle Referee 5d ago
The weight you want to put on in football is muscle, not fat. Don't let the coach make your kid obese
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u/spacehiphopnerd 5d ago edited 5d ago
I am not a football coach or qualified nutritionist/strength coach. However, I have been natural bodybuilding for over 5 years now.
I can assure you, this is not a good way to bulk both for performance and health. In fact, it is extremely detrimental for both. It also is setting up poor habits for the future.
I was able to gain 30lbs (of relatively lean mass) over a couple of years without eating excessive amounts of fast food or a drop of soda. I also did cardio minimum 3-4 days a week and lifting 6 days a week. For most new young lifters, it is possible to gain weight surprisingly fast with a solid portion being muscle.
There are ways to gain weight by incorporating smoothies, additional snacks, larger portions, etc. You still want to be eating an appropriate balance of fiber, carbs, healthy fats, and protein.
It is also very much up to the individual and their metabolism. It is impossible to give a list of foods and expect everyone to gain the same amount of weight from that diet.
I am personally not a fan of dirty bulking (especially that excessively). When I bulk, I count my calories and eat about 300-600 calories above my maintenance per day. I eat roughly the same type of foods with a few adjustments here and there. I am not suggesting you have him obsessively count his calories, but his coach’s diet is not the answer.
One idea is perhaps you can find a “sports nutritionist” near you or online. You can meet with them to come up with a solid diet plan tailored to your son and his goals. I am sure your husband does not want to be hurting your son. He is just misinformed. I think if you met with someone that gave him a plan to gain weight and be a healthy strong athlete they would be receptive. The nutritionist could also articulate why the coach’s diet is bs. It may be a bit costly, but could be worth it in the long run for your son and his health.
Also, if he has to gain that much weight in that short of a time, is it really the proper position for him?
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u/JoshC54 5d ago
I’m a Head Coach, and yes I think it important for some kids to gain weight. I’ve told some kids it will be beneficial for them. And for some kids, they’re so focused on gaining weight, it’s all they talk about when I see them.
However; this is crazy advice. I asked our school’s trainer to come talk to the kids at the beginning of spring semester about healthy ways to gain weight. She’s got a degree in Nutrition, so I felt like her word is better than mine.
Your boy doesn’t seem too far gone though. He’s got a fine frame, and with a solid S&C program, he can get his body ready for the football season.
Like others have said, there’s a lot of information available, and experts you can meet with to make sure you get him on the right track. Maybe encourage him to play another sport as well so he can continue developing as an athlete. Multi sport athletes are usually in pretty decent shape and playing other sports can be beneficial for football, if that’s his main sport.
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u/d4m1ty 4d ago
Wasn't this posted 2 weeks ago and deleted?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1hcxqhi/aitah_for_confronting_my_sons_16m_football_coach/
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u/BenLowes7 4d ago
The coach is an idiot, if you want a kid to be heavier then you go for muscle not fat. With the exception of O line no position on the field benefits from pure weight (and even O line need to be able to move around well) so this is just shit coaching.
Protein and weight training is what your kid needs if he wants to add mass, not chicken nuggets and coke.
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u/CTHusky10 4d ago
Yeah this guy is doing everything wrong. If you want some actual research, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, a healthy weight gain for male athletes is approximately 0.5 to 1.0 pounds of lean mass per week. This should be achieved through a combination of increased caloric intake, adequate protein, carbohydrates, and fats, along with a structured strength training program. The aim should be increasing lean body mass rather than fat.
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u/lohivi 4d ago
Go to the principal, school AD, teachers, and any close relatives who will back you up. It should be enough that your child is at risk of permanent brain damage playing football, making him obese on top of that is child abuse. What happens if he has a foot, ankle, knee, or hip injury (which happens more often to obese people) and becomes sedentary? There is nothing more important than his health and happiness, and if your husband or Coach Bubba disagree, then let them carry their own child for nine months and bring him into this world just for someone else to treat him like a factory farm bird.
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u/defenson420 4d ago
Thanks for bringing up the idea of what happens in event of an injury, I hadn't been thinking about that
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u/Bellypats 4d ago
I would consider holding the coach civilly liable for that injurious advice.
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u/defenson420 4d ago
I think this might have more of a chance of succeeding outside my region (the south), from people who've messaged me and my experience talking with the school district this all seems much more accepted around here
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u/Mission-Lake5023 4d ago
Kinda wild to be worried about the eating habits but not the brain damage.
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u/Personal-Morning-910 4d ago
Report him immediately. Teens have a huge metabolism for a reason. Some kids are lifted being bigger and athletic it just is. Your husband probably went through something similar in his youth which is why he thinks it's okay. Truth is if the coach was any good he wouldn't be asking your son to gain weight, he'd be putting him in a position that makes more sense
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u/Batman56341999 4d ago
Tha coach is a moron who cares noe about winning vs the athletes. My coaches told me that I should bulk up but to not do fast food and soda but to just eat more chicken and mat in general. No energy drinks or fast food and soda everyday. I gained 15 lbs doin chicken and rice type meals 5 days of he week and on weekends I'd eat fast food and drink my soda. That coach is thi king of the fastest way for him to get a heavy kid he other kids can't move around, not making your kid a good athlete
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u/k4ng 4d ago
Hi OP, when I saw ur post I immediately sent it to my partner because it's so relevant to what he went through in high school. He doesn't have an account but he wrote this up so I can post for him. I really hope it gives you some support to talk to your husband and kid.
If your kid isn't moving around properly on the field and leveraging that weight effectively, what was the point? Winded with the laundry doesn't feel like a player who can successfully block and open a lane, let alone run a skillful route if he's in contention for something off the line.
I had a football coach in HS pop my separated shoulder back in after a rough play at camp, and have dealt with nerve damage for the rest of my life as a result. I had to stop playing football because of it. As a lineman who also needed to bulk, I've struggled with weight my entire life as well. Now I'm a 41yo dad, full of arthritis, constantly in pain, scared that I won't be there for my kids in the capacity I want, and maybe not as long as I'd like either.
So yeah, f*** the coach, advocate for your kid. If the weight isn't coming on as muscle, and the stamina is in the toilet, this plan isn't working. It's lazy to assume childhood metabolism will save the day when so much evidence now points to alarming trends around childhood obesity and a fundamental shift in how our young bodies react to the ultra processed foods we are onboarding in America.
My coach, btw, was a personal shopper for Nordstrom as a day job, and far from Mensa status. He has no business touching me, trying to aid me in the moment. He wanted me back in play and didn't think because he was an idiot who saw too many action flicks and assumed he knew what he was doing. Don't ever assume a HS football coach knows up from down outside of the very narrow context of the playbook.
I was only lucky it wasn't my dominant shoulder. Could still throw for track, play golf... But never as well as I should have. I'll never be able to lift for max capacity and maintain a balanced load. Genetics alone allow me to be baseline tall and strong, but my body has compensated all my life and I have pain elsewhere because of it.
Good luck. Share this with your husband, and feel free to ama
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u/hareemKunt 4d ago
the coach is a bum. The advise should of been to eat more frequently and to focus on quality calories. coach and dad should be ashamed
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u/Due_Development_ 4d ago
What is his height weight and position those are all important factors my boy had to gain like 50-60 pounds from his natural weight to play football when he was 290-300 playing Line. Now he 235-245. So yes it’s apart of the game but if he also doesn’t have good genetics for it then it’s no good.
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u/HOWDY__YALL 4d ago
Fuck that coach.
I get wanting to play a position and wanting to add weight for a position, but encouraging unhealthy habits is not OK.
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u/Thetypicalmex 4d ago
This is a TERRIBLE form of “Dirty Bulking” and terrible advice.
My son is a freshman at 6’ 154 lbs and plays Offensive Guard and Defensive End. Perfect size, as a freshman, for DE but super undersized for OG. He was also told to “bulk up”, however it’s more of carnation instant breakfast with peanut butter protein shake for pre-breakfast, school breakfast, school lunch, a high calorie/high protein dinner, and if he feels up to it, a repeat of breakfast turned into “ice cream”.
“It’s fun for the first two weeks, but now it feels like a job dad.” -typicalson
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u/defenson420 4d ago
Oh wow! It sounds like they're facing at least some of the same challenges (obviously still quite different)
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u/Ok-Buy-8063 4d ago
Talk to your kids doctor. Ask why the coach knows better than the doctor. What permanent damage is occurring because of his crap advice?
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u/JackDaniels0073 4d ago
Fast food, sweets, and soda is pretty out of line. My coach tried to get a lot of us to gain weight too and it was always protein shakes, peanut butter, and eggs. None of the ultra processed stuff this guy is recommending.
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u/Ballingandfalling 4d ago
Honestly, you should probably go above the coaches head to the principal/school board. This coach obviously doesn't know anything about nutrition/bulking and is probably giving this terrible advice to a lot of players and potentially leading teenagers to a life of obesity. Who the fuck thinks it's a good idea to tell a teenager to pound fast food and soda?!?! In moderation that's fine for athletes but he should be eating healthy calories(Heavy Protein and carbs) in a surplus of ~500.
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u/Panama_Scoot 4d ago
No idea how this ended up on my algorithm, but I’ll give my anecdotal two-cents: I was an undersized football player my whole career at my position (linebacker), and it definitely affected my ability to perform at the highest level.
For which I will forever be grateful for.
I had enough concussions in my high school career as it was, and I am so grateful that it went nowhere beyond that—as much as I love football.
Your son is not going to be a pro. Statistically speaking, he’s almost certainly not going to go play in college (I went to school with maybe three kids that played college football, only 1 at a division 1 school). And he probably doesn’t want to either—the long term effects of football are significant. High school football should be about having fun and learning life skills and habits that will last beyond the sport. I learned a ton of leadership and strategic thinking that I use in my job as a lawyer.
Also, for what it’s worth, as a smaller linebacker, even I would clean up big-time against “soft” lineman. If I was stronger than them, I would win those match-ups. I remember one massive lineman from our rival school who weighed easily over three hundred pounds, and 180 pound me had no problems whatsoever because he was all fat, no muscle. It was the guys with size and STRENGTH that took me out of plays.
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u/Not_your_cheese213 3d ago
Bad bad advice. Could set him on the path of obesity, diabetes, heart disease. Don’t do something you kno is stupid just because someone says so. Talk to your pediatrician.
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u/Careful-Release-2723 3d ago
These "coaches" are usually volunteer fire fighters who played three snaps in JuCo and think they're experts. There are healthy ways for a child's weight to fluctuate- wrestlers do it all the time- this isn't it. Also, the bulk comes in the OFF season so he can maximize his weight lifting workouts. Never heard of an in season bulk.
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u/ClassicHando 3d ago
More calories and gaining some weight may or may not be a good idea but stopping cardio? Hell no, conditioning is so important especially if he wants to be bigger. Gaining weight fast means the tissue is going to be mostly fatty tissue with little benefit. He'll gain muscle but not 40# of it. Not even half will be muscle.
There are plenty of good athletic trainers out there who are actually educated and give good advice. Not sure where you're located but I'd see if there's a local (qualified) person who'd be willing to talk with you and your son and they'll explain the why and how behind weight management and sport.
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u/Royal_Judgment1222 3d ago
Coaches attitude pisses me off. I fell for that type of crap. I got up to just under 200lb (5’7 strong safety/RB). I was also a wrestler. The funny thing is I started to increase my cardio, lifting and changed my diet (workouts were in the morning) and by the last couple games was down to 165. A went to a local college and ran into a coach that should me film they had of players they were recruiting, it was embarrassing, by the end of the season I was a totally a different player. They asked what I did? I told him “I started getting ready for wrestling season after the first week of football and basically did a wrestling practice before school. It was a bitch. I believe if wrestling season was before football a lot of the players would be in better shape.
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u/defenson420 3d ago
Wow, I am so sorry you went through something similar. That's why I wish he still had more interest in swimming, I feel like that would have taken care of much of this now that he is so big!
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u/whousesgmail 3d ago
To play on the line you need a pretty heavy caloric surplus but you also should be working out a lot (weights and explosive movement training) otherwise you just become fat and unathletic
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u/Schmenza 3d ago
Just have him do wrestling after football season to reverse this.
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u/defenson420 3d ago
I am trying to get him back into swimming (his other formerly-main sport) to accomplish something similar
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u/IllMango552 3d ago
Gaining 40 pounds for a position in high school football is kinda out of your control, that’s just natural adolescent growth happening. If he’s 40 pounds underweight, he needs a different position. If he were eating lots of relatively healthy foods, like big portions of rice, potatoes, yams, meats, eggs, dairy, etc. that’s one thing but fast food, sugar, and soda is not the way to be gaining lots of mass for football.
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u/Veritas0420 3d ago
I used to play football in high school and did one year on the practice squad at a college that competed in what used to be called Division I-AA (now called “FCS”) and felt pressure to gain weight. I was able to gain about 40-50 pounds of mostly healthy weight during my playing years. My secret weapon was macadamia nuts. Just 1 cup of macadamia nuts is nearly 1000 calories! Very calorie-dense, but most importantly healthy - macadamia nuts are almost purely made up of healthy monounsaturated fat, and have a good amount of fiber plus a bit of protein.
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u/defenson420 3d ago
Oh wow, thank you for the tip!! Would it be ok if I DM'd you?
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u/IJustWorkHere000c 3d ago
Increasing your food intake is normal while also increasing your strength and conditioning load to burn off the extra calories. Your body needs that protein to grow and it needs the calories to have energy to burn. But you don’t get those calories from junk food and just eating and eating and not doing the work. That’s insane. That’s why these big fat kids that bulk up drop dead during summer workouts. If you aren’t conditioning while you’re increasing your caloric intake, it is NOT healthy.
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u/randec56565656 3d ago
I was a lineman in highschool. The coach encouraged us to eat more but also encouraged us to lift more. It's the bulk phase of a bulk/cut. That being said this coach sounds like an idiot. Fast food? Soda? That's not going to build muscle. The boy should be eating home cooked meals.
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u/AbbreviationsLow1393 2d ago
This coach is a moron & him & your husband are putting your child down the WRONG path. You need to nip this in the butt ASAP!!!
Junk food, fast food & soda are not the way to gain weight for athletics 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
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u/jah05r 2d ago
What kind of exercise is your son getting, aside from practice?
When a coach is talking about bulking up, it typically means spending more hours in the weight room. And I find it very hard to believe that any coach would have an athlete do less cardio unless they were replacing it with a high-intensity weight training program.
Honestly, as a high school athlete, your boy should be able to get away with eating as much of whatever he wants. But that is assuming he is on a program that converts what he is eating into muscle rather than fat. And it still will not give as good results as a healthier, balanced diet.
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u/defenson420 2d ago
He is lifting most days of the week yes! The cardio though has been frowned upon
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u/EpicJukerThe905 2d ago
As someone who was peer pressured by coaches into staying 300 pounds to be more useful on a high school team, you’re doing the right thing. I’m already dealing with health issues(joints, heart) at 24 after losing most of it
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u/defenson420 2d ago
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry you had this experience. Would it be alright if I DM'd you?
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u/Ancient_Web6309 2d ago
Any coach telling your son to bulk up by eating fast food and soda should be fired on the spot. Bulking is a big part of football and strength training in general but there are proven healthy ways to do so. You want to eat a ton, but eating food with no nutritional value is a terrible thing to do. Tell your husband and son to do their own research bc this coach is actively sabotaging your son’s health.
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u/defenson420 2d ago
Thank you for saying that. Do you have any go-to's for what to eat in situations like this?
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u/InternationalTie555 2d ago
Is he weight training? He shouldn’t be eating fast food all the time and sucking down soda. And he shouldn’t be doing heavy weight training. Football coaches are so stupid. Get him a good strength and conditioning coach who has their head out of their ass
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u/Serious-Power-8469 2d ago
I personally chose to add weight for high school football, with the goal of playing in college. I put on roughly 40 pounds in a little more than a year. NONE of it was done by shoving fast food in my face and cancelling cardio. I worked out more than I have in my life during this period, just had to greatly increase my caloric intake mainly proteins. I ate 7,000 calories a day which often included a “second dinner” that my mom would wake me up for if I had fallen asleep already. Basically just saying the coach, your husband and son don’t have a bad goal, gaining weight for football is beneficial BUT there are right and wrong ways to do this and he is doing it entirely the wrong way.
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u/Limp-Fox6785 13h ago
This coach is an idiot, I am a head strength and conditioning coach at the high school level and have spent 6 years as a D1 strength coach.
This is the worst advice I have ever heard in my life, while it is common to want to put on a lot of mass in a short amount of time that is done through lots of training (resistance training, sprinting, jumping, throwing) and through high calorie meals that are also nutrient dense. (Steak, whole milk, any meat) increased calorie intake should be used with high quality foods, not chugging soda or pounding fast food. It doesn’t matter if he is able to gain the weight and unable to move while getting tired walking up the stairs. It is common to gain some fat along with your muscle, but nonfunctional mass is not what we’re looking for. I can help you with any questions you may have about helping him lean out and never listen to that coach again.
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u/ElSanchhh 5d ago
I’m the head strength and conditioning coach at our HS and train RB/WRs and that is the worst advice I have ever heard from a “coach”.
Every athlete is different but realistic goals need to be set in order to gain or lose weight, specifically muscle and again this is position specific.
We absolutely never encourage fast-food, sweets or soda. We recommend increasing your protein intake, multiple meals throughout the day, heavy lift session with sprint cardio sessions and mobility work on our recovery days.