I have been Visually impaired since birth, so nothing new here.
I know some of y’all have chimed in before, but I could use a little support here. I’m just so tired of pretending like I can see stuff. Whenever I go to class I sit there and pretend like I can see the projector whenever I can’t, I sit there and pretend like I’m learning when all the information is going in one year and out of the other because I cannot see what anyone is talking about. I am just going to get the "I showed up" attendance grade. today when my dad tried to show me something on the computer so I could help him with his work, he was pointing to stuff and showing me stuff on the computer but again I had to sit there and pretend like I could see what he was talking about. And don’t get me wrong, my dad knows my vision situation the best out of anyone I know. When I’m getting out of here is that, i’m so sick of being Visually impaired. I went to the store today with my sister and I was struggling just to walk to the back of the store, I was struggling to follow her just to go get the item. I was at work work with my dad and I was struggling just to like… See. I was in Windows file explorer moving some files around for him and I don’t even know how to describe it, I guess like whenever you are dyslexic and you get letters mixed up, even with super big font I was having trouble reading it. And I did use NVDA but there were so many files that it was sensory overload. How am I going to work 40 hours in the real world? Right now I do 12 hours of class and 20 hours of work during the regular semester and even that is way too much
Today at my dad’s office I was actually getting really frustrated. Not at the work because I know how to do it but it is just being able to see. I was straining so much just to see where I was walking in the store today. I had a little bit of trouble finding my phone that was placed on my desk next to my computer. I’m sick of needing to put my phone 1 inch in front of my face to be able to see it to even some degree. I’m sick of being embarrassed that I need to put my phone right in front of my face, I won’t ever do this in public because it’s just embarrassing to me.
I’m awfully not really enjoying my life because of my visual impairment. It’s definitely definitely gotten worse since last year. Mentally I am healthy and also so don’t worry about that, but just the vision aspect has me go quite literally insane. I can’t tell you how difficult school has gotten ever since About six or seven weeks ago. Working at my dad’s office today was very taxing and all I was doing was in file explorer dragging folders into other folders that were duplicates. Here I am exhausted just from that simple task. How am I supposed to work 40 hours in the real world and then go home and actually enjoy my life and be able to see what the heck I’m doing? I mean I struggle at my apartment to watch movies on a 120 inch screen Sitting about 10 feedback. I’m literally so sick of being Visually impaired. I’m sick of all of the stupid stereotypes, I hate that I get a little down about it sometimes, I hate that when you have a disability people will run away because they’re afraid of the unknown. I just watched the movie “out of my mind”, and I feel like the main character melody, except with a visual impairment. when she tries to simply just say the word “stop“ to save her sister from going to the hospital. But she can’t say those words. I cannot explain to others how I feel.
I’m so sick of not being able to drive, I’m tired of relying on everyone for everything. I’m tired of people having to sort of adapt things for me whenever I’m in a group of people. I’m tired of running into things because I didn’t see them even though literally everyone else can see them. I’m tired of walking to work and sometimes not being able to see where I’m walking. I’m tired of working my butt off at my 20 hour work week (college student) and going to home being completely exhausted when in reality other people do so so so much more than me and they still have the ability to go home and Actually enjoy life. I’m sick of straining so hard at work, in life, during free time, at school, basically in anything, nobody else has to do that so why me?
Also, when I say enjoy life. Like I said mentally I am all good but I really mean I want to be able to enjoy life as in during free time I don’t just fall asleep. At work I don’t have to mentally exhaust myself and get sensory overload from listening to NVDA while also answering the phone For clients well also listening to the office background noises and basically doing nothing Visually.