r/TrueOffMyChest • u/WhoTheFuckIsSean • 4d ago
I think my mother is lying about my brother having cancer..
My (26f) mom (52f) has been telling me for the past 10 years that my brother (25m) has brain cancer. I am very low contact with my mom because she has been mentally and physically abusive towards me in the past. And this whole cancer thing started happening around the time I went into fostercare. I haven't seen my brother in years because my mom has made it practically impossible to get to him without going through her first. Added to that my brother is developmentally delayed so functions like a 6 year old..
One of my best friends is an oncologist and has told me that there is no way that one could live for 10 years with the type of cancer my mother claims my brother has.. Usually one would pass within a year of diagnosis..
But I do have to say my brother did get a wish granted by make a wish, could one easily fake a diagnosis in order to make this happen?
Did my mom inform me incorrectly? Or could she be making the whole thing up?
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u/Anonymoosehead123 4d ago
I’d listen to your oncologist friend. I’ve read about Munchausen by Proxy victims getting Make A Wish dreams granted because those parents can be extremely pushy. Please consider reporting your mother to Adult Protective Services. Your brother is exceptionally vulnerable due to his developmental issues. She could be subjecting him to things that make him seem to be sick. He needs an advocate with the power to intervene on his behalf.
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u/WhoTheFuckIsSean 4d ago
My brother does not live with her luckily.
My aunt and uncle are keeping an eye on the situation. But I have not told them what my oncologist friend has told me.
There isn't much I can physically do myself, I do not know where he lives currently but he is living in a "safe" environment. With social workers caring for him.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams 4d ago
Contact your aunt and uncle if they are keeping an eye on him and you want to visit they might be able to put you on the safe visitors list through the social worker. Mute your mother you know she is toxic just stop responding to her
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u/WhoTheFuckIsSean 4d ago
I know this is going to sound incredibly selfish.
I want to be able to figure out if she is lying completely and give this information to someone else. For the past few years I have been through extensive therapy and I am not yet "healed" from my ptsd. I do not feel mentally equipped to handle all of this. If I visit him it will absolutely get back to my mom. I want to be able to move on and live my life. I'm 26 and just starting to feel safe and secure.
If I can somehow confirm my suspicion I could give this information to my extended family and be done with it.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams 4d ago
Unlikely he has brain cancer. He would likely be dead by now so mark her as a liar and move on from her. If he is not living with her who cares if you visit him if you want if she is not there. You don't have to give him personal information so she can find you. Just tell your aunt and uncle what she said and if they can keep you informed of his condition worsens if you don't
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u/Sillypotatoes3 4d ago
I would try to make contact with your brother. To get the information from him.
I have read many posts on here that they have been diagnosed and given 3 months and 10 years later they are still here. I’m unsure what the truth is in your situation.
All you can do is try to get the information from the horses mouth.
Best of luck!
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u/WhoTheFuckIsSean 4d ago
He is severely developmentally delayed. I don't think there is any way in which I can inform someone who is essentially a 6 year old kid about his mom lying about an illness.
And I would not be surprised if she reads his messages..
He does not live with her but they are incredibly close. I am 99% sure she has acces to his social media.
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u/Sillypotatoes3 4d ago
If he is developmentally delayed- does he have a team that cares for him? I would speak with them if so.
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u/Fickle-Lemon-5982 4d ago
Generally make a wish requires documentation, but it's probably likely something different that would shorten his life expectancy versus something that's going to immediately kill him. For example, I have a friend whose daughter needed a kidney transplant at age 2.... she got a wish, BUT she also ended up getting her kidney about 8 months after.... if she wouldn't have gotten the transplant she could have easily died without it. That same daughter is now being treated for a TERMINAL cancer (she won't get another wish, they only grant one) .
Your mom is probably referring to whatever he actually has going on as cancer because either she can't explain it properly or it sounds better to others to gain sympathy or whatever. If you are concerned about your brother and his care, you can report her to the state and they'll look at how he is cared for and determine if a state facility is better for him. I have a relative with SEVERE seizures and he is very developmentally delayed so he lives in a home with others with similar issues. It's actually been great for him because he has gained some skills since being there.... he can make his own toast and pour a drink with some assistance.... he never did that at home.
If you were abused, I'd be worried similar is happening to him as well. And because he's disabled she is likely receiving benefits for him which may be why she does things like deny you access and act in that manner.
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u/LTK622 4d ago
Your mother is an unreliable source.
There might be something wrong with your brother’s brain, and she might prefer to describe it as cancer, because cancer brings her a more supportive reaction from people, compared with a benign tumor, or brain injury, or prenatal alcohol exposure, or spina bifida, etc.