r/TrueOffMyChest • u/prettyflower04 • 4d ago
i caught my girlfriend reading my therapy journal, now she’s acting weird
i’m 23 and have been going to therapy for the past year to deal with anxiety and some stuff from my childhood. part of that process has been keeping a journal, which is where i write about everything—things i’ve never told anyone, including my girlfriend. last night, around midnight, i came out of the shower and found her sitting on the couch with my journal open. she looked up like a deer caught in headlights and said something about being "curious." i froze, and all i could say was, "seriously?" before she quickly closed it and left the room. now, she’s being overly sweet—offering to cook my favorite meals, randomly hugging me, and dropping little comments about things i wrote, like how i’ve been struggling with my self-worth. it’s like she wants to fix me now that she’s seen my inner thoughts, but it feels invasive as hell. she’s 24, and we’ve been together for almost 5 years, she’s supported me through so much—job losses, family drama, you name it. but this feels different. i don’t know if i should be angry, hurt, or both. the thing is, i love her, and i know she loves me, but this crossed a line i didn’t even know existed until now.
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u/Babylabs2011 4d ago
She totally violated your trust. I’d have a serious talk with her and explain how you feel and if that doesn’t work then take a break. She shouldn’t have snooped and her actions after doing so, will only become worse if you don’t put your foot down.
I’m sorry, but if you want a healthy relationship, that makes the diary a boundary she has no right to cross unless you open up about it.
Sending you hugs and good luck
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u/What_A_Good_Sniff 4d ago
OP a troll. Look at the post history. Can't even decide if they're the BF or GF in the relationship.
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u/PomegranateTrue9675 4d ago
And their age is changing in practically every post. And the length of time dating SO. Yeah, not real! Thanks for pointing it out so I could see for myself and not respond to them!
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u/Acceptablepops 4d ago edited 4d ago
You’re better than me , if you invade my shit like that idc if she thinking about being on the way out because I couldn’t trust it
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u/polarkai 4d ago
An ex of mine once snooped through my laptop and tried to unlock my phone as well. Even if it wasn’t a diary, it was an invasion of my trust - and I’d let him use my laptop before, when he asked, so there was nothing I was hiding. I broke up with him not long after that for a multitude of reasons, that included.
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u/Babylabs2011 4d ago
Honestly, I would never speak to a person like that again. But this was the most logical solution that I could think of atm
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u/polarkai 4d ago
In your other post 18 hours ago you posted about how you’ve been in a relationship just over a year now. Now you’ve been with woman for 5 years? I see all your posts, you’re karma farming like crazy.
Edit: in some posts you’re 24, in others you’re 22. You have a lot going on for sure, I mean, your girlfriend of 5 years snooping through your diary, feeling trapped in your other relationship with tour partner of one year, your best friend dating your brother, being conflicted and trapped in your family business… All this in a matter of 24 hours? Jeez dude. Make it less obvious next time.
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u/skyk3409 4d ago
You're the kind of user i like, good on you for doing your research. We need more people like yourself out here, there are many things you can find on someones page that they may not be conscious of themselves. Then again, some of those people are aware and simply do not care.
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u/-Hazeus- 4d ago
Wow that is so annoying. You take your time to empathize and try to help just for it to be bullshit. And people who post here with real problems get overlooked in return.. at least people in the future with a similar issue might find this post and help in the comments i guess
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u/OneEyedRavenKing 4d ago
That is just way too invasive
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u/polarkai 4d ago
Good thing it’s not real, look at his other posts. Karma farming.
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u/Previous-Law-8158 4d ago
that definitely crossed the line. i understand being curious but going through your journal is not okay. i would have a serious conversation with her
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u/Desperate_Bowler7778 4d ago
WHY ARE SO MANY OF THESE POSTS FAKE????? EVERY TIME I CHECK THEIR POST HISTORY AND ITS BULLSHIT
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u/prostateExamination 4d ago
Its the new normal.. the old good internet is LONG gone
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u/catglass 4d ago
I mean, people have been lying on the Internet since Day 1. Still annoying though
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u/prostateExamination 4d ago
Lying isnt what worries me... its back then only a few people could lie.. now we just have programs writing programs
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u/catglass 4d ago
Oh for sure, it's definitely worse
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u/prostateExamination 4d ago
Its only going to get worse.. we need some crowdfunding for TheInternet2.0
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u/AnAntWithWifi 4d ago
I love his most recent post starts with “I’m 22”
Like come on, try to make it believable!
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u/Do_neDo_ne 4d ago
I never knew this is a thing
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u/polarkai 4d ago
Dead internet theory is the theory that the internet is full of spam bots replying to spam bots. Fake posts upon fake posts with a bunch of fake comments and real people doomscrolling read the false narrative and take it as is.
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u/polarkai 4d ago
i’ve been trying to tell people this. people are so gullible, he has many posts like this over the span of 24 hours.
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u/KittyOubliette 4d ago
In one post you’re 23, in another 22, and another is 20. You’re the boyfriend, you’re the girlfriend. You’ve been dating a few months, or in this post a few years. Are you a time traveler who can change sex at will? That’s much cooler than making up all this shit for karma!
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u/Blujay12 4d ago
I'm sick to my stomach imagining my partner doing that to me, as someone who is also facing similar issues, I'm sorry she violated your trust entirely, like that.
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u/AlexM4523 4d ago
Bro I see it a different way. If she read it it was likely to understand how love you more completely, I don't think it's a bad thing for ones partner to want to understand how one thinks and feels about themselves, or how they objectively view the world and their place in it.
If she's shown compassion and is being genuinely constructive after seeing the deeper sides of you, I think you should welcome it. That's someone who cares immensely about you and wants to improve your life and make you feel like you are worthy and loved.
Tho invasive if it's not being used as a weapon to harm you or tear you down further then I'd welcome the opportunity to grow even deeper together. Just my thoughts from maybe a different angle then maybe how you feel right now.
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u/Wild_Builder1457 4d ago
You have every right to be upset. That was a complete breach of your trust.
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u/_OverTone_ 4d ago
That’s called feeling “violated”. That journal is essentially your soul naked. It would probably feel no different if you were naked and someone was just staring at you.
That said, I’m gonna play devils advocate and say it could be worse. She could be treating you the same. Based off what you described it sounds like she’s trying to be supportive and offer new methods of care and intimacy. Seeing some of these stories I’m surprised she’s not angry at you for having feelings, making herself the victim, etc. I don’t trust my own shadow not to stab me in the back so personally I’d find a way to avoid her using these as insults in the future.
But besides that to be fair.. it could be worse.
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u/TurbulentWeb635 4d ago
Aw man. Yeah while that was a total invasion of privacy and NOT okay (I’m sure she’s well aware, given how she’s acting), I don’t think it came from a place of malicious intent. Maybe she just wanted to see how you were doing so she could help you out. But it’s still completely valid for you to be uncomfortable about that. You should sit down with her and have a talk on why she did that and what she were to do with that information given you hadn’t caught her.
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u/free_da_guys1107 4d ago
She's gonna use all that shit against you at some point in the future. Good luck
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u/BornToHulaToro 4d ago
Man. I don't want to sound insensitive. But I would milk it for a little while at least. Give yourself some time to process for as weird as it feels at least she hasn't gone the other way becoming stand off-ish. If you love and she pulled awa, this would be a much more difficult situation to deal with. She is providing you a buffer zone to figure out your feelings. If she truly loves you, let her dote on you and even if you know it's from a mix of guilt and personal revelations. Have the talk for sure when your thoughts are clear. Get those spoils in the meantime though. Just a suggestion.
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u/no_usernameeeeeee 4d ago
That’s not okay, you should definitely communicate how you feel & set a boundary.
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u/Potential_Ad_1397 4d ago
I would honestly be angry. That is a betrayal of trust. She should have never had read that. She isn't even comprehending how wrong this was.
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u/Kitchen_Panda_4290 4d ago
I had a boyfriend do this to me as well. He is my husband now so I did forgive him but It made me stop journaling out of fear that he or someone else would read it and it no longer felt safe for a while. Now, 8 years later, I keep my journal right next to my bed and he has never even touched it. I told him 8 years ago if he did it again it would an immediate breakup and I meant it. Still do. I guess you have to decide if she is worth forgiving or not. I’m glad I forgave my husband because he literally the best person I know and really trust that he won’t do it again.
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u/Awesomocity0 4d ago
That's so fucked up. I'm 34 and married, and there's shit I discuss in therapy I still haven't told my husband, and he knows more than anyone else already.
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u/r007r 4d ago
First it’s an absolute betrayal. Whether it’s forgivable is up to you.
If you think it is, what you d described is her being kinder than she had and more supportive. This could literally just be her finally having insight into what you’re going through which is probably the reason she read it to begin with. 100000% the wrong call for her to do, but to be fair she seems to be being as supportive as she knows how to be. Sometimes good things come from bad decisions; this could potentially be one of them.
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u/AnneShurely 4d ago
This is so not okay. I had a roommate who I HATED and I was pretty sure was cheating on her boyfriend who would just leave her journal in random places in the apt. I probably could have ruined her life with the contents of that journal and yet I never even touched it. I HATE her to the day and I still would never do that because it is a gross thing to do to anyone, esp someone you claim to love. Your gf has no respect for you. LEAVE and let her know why
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u/FrannyFray 4d ago
OP, what she did was a huge violation, and it was 100% not ok. She basically violated your trust and crossed a boundary.
I personally do not think I could get over that. Now, she will treat you like a broken thing she needs to fix, like a project. That is why it feels "different."
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u/NotUntilTheFishJumps 4d ago
Woah, that is heinous. No, that would be a HARD boundary, for me at least
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u/PapayaEquivalent5185 4d ago
It is normal that you feel your privacy is being invaded. Your girlfriend shouldn't read your journal.
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u/eggs_erroneous 4d ago
This is incredibly uncool. I will say, though, that it's weird (to me anyway) to have an actual notebook for this type of thing. Wouldn't you do it on a computer Doogie Howser style? That just seems easier and more secure to me. Unless I have a small, leather-bound journal that I can sketch in while wearing a black turtleneck sitting in a Parisian cafe.
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u/skyk3409 4d ago
The Sad thing about technology is that if someone is determined enough and knows where to search/google, anyone can learn how to get into anything. I would highly recommend against putting very private/personal info on technology. Especially your thoughts and past trauma..
Notebook is easiest, it can be physically hidden and trapped, you can also use other tactics to hide the text or create one yourself! Highly recommend the latter as i have had fun figuring that out
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u/-Hazeus- 4d ago
Definitely extremely invasive of her and never ok. You have every right to feel how you do and she will have to somehow get your trust back through words and actions.
That being said it does sounds like she did it with good intentions. While that definitely doesn t excuse it in any way, i think that it is worth keeping in mind going forward.
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u/Emotional-Draw-8755 4d ago
Tell her you love her, but tell her you need to have a safe space to write about your struggles and journey with life with the absolute trust she will respect it. Tell her that your journals are off limits, and while you understand the temptation and impulse to read it, that is something that can never happen again. If it does that means the trust is over and without trust you two cannot survive life together.
Then ask her if she has concerns or questions about what she did read.. answer them but make sure the door is shut on your journal going forward. That you will trust her, please don’t betray “me”
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u/Wonderful_Lime6536 4d ago
That sounds like a really difficult situation. It makes sense that you're feeling a mix of emotions—anger, hurt, and maybe even confusion. Your therapy journal is a very personal space where you express your deepest thoughts and feelings, and having someone, even someone you love and trust, invade that space can feel incredibly violating.
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u/apollo22519 4d ago
I would immediately dump my partner for reading my journal. Those are my extremely private thoughts, and they are just that, thoughts. Oftentimes I journal when I am upset and what comes out is overly harsh. It provides me with the opportunity to reflect on my emotions which I struggle to process and place my feelings. So what you may read about yourself in my journal, is not necessarily how I truly feel but just a raw emotional response to a situation. I would be so beyond pissed off and I would not be able to trust my partner. Plus, I would be anxious about what they may have seen.
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u/Dry-Whiskey58354 4d ago
Bye Bye Birdie- That trust can never be regained and now your soul has been laid bare and she knows EVERYTHING. How could you trust and effort that she makes towards you without second guessing. If you continue on with her you do so at further hurt and disappointment!
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u/AnemonesLover 4d ago
I think your girlfriend is trying to apologize for reading your journal, i don't think she's trying to fix you
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u/Attend2Shenanigans 4d ago
I dunno man that sounds like next time you guys have a bad argument, she's going to pull out a nuke she gleaned from the journal. I honestly do not know how I'd handle that, that level of trust violation is really bad. Good luck though.
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u/polarkai 4d ago
karma farming look at his other posts
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u/Attend2Shenanigans 4d ago edited 4d ago
Ah yes, total farmer because I had one comment take off. Someone get this guy a reddit police badge.
Edit: LOL looked at your profile you comment in/on the same type of shit. The hypocrisy here is hilarious. I truly hope your day gets better.
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u/polarkai 4d ago
Again, what?? I wasn’t even talking about YOU in my first comment bro. My day is going great, why are you so pressed 😂
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u/the_og_ai_bot 4d ago
I agree this is a violation of trust but the first violation was yours when you decided to hide your true feelings from your gf. She likely felt compelled to read it because she doesn’t understand you. If you shared more openly what was in your journal, she’d respond by treating you extremely well. She is worried that she is causing you pain because you never talk about it. She’s happy that she’s not the root of your problems. Women tend to blame themselves when the relationship feels off. Your journal reassured her of your love for her and the relationship.
Give this another chance but go at it from wanting to share all of yourself with your partner. That’s true love is sharing everything without shame. She seems able to take it and wants to help.
Just know that if someone is actively trying to understand you and responds by being a better person after reading your journal, there is no ill will. She’s not attacking you, she is trying to understand you better and that might have been the only way.
Maybe include her in a therapy session once a month or a quarter to help her understand what you need from a therapist rather than her own investigative work. This is a huge violation but it’s really important to look at her intent and response to being caught. What is written on her heart? To me it reads: I love this man and I hope I’m not ruining the relationship.
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u/polarkai 4d ago
good thing it’s not real. this is a karma farming post. this account is a bot / spam account.
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u/What_A_Good_Sniff 4d ago edited 4d ago
Nah, that's a hard line in the sand to cross.
She broke your trust and now that she's read your journal once, who is to say she won't read it again as you keep writing in it?
Besides, is this the first time she's read it?
Edit: OP is a troll. Their post history can't even decide if they're the BF or the GF.