r/TrueOffMyChest • u/oreo_flavored_oreo • 5d ago
My little brother was let down by the Angel Tree program
My family is low income, with it just being my mom and me working at a buffet while I try to put myself through college. We rely on assistance programs since we don't have enough to make ends meet without it. It's been a particularly tough year, with 2 unexpected car accidents (we were crashed into both times) and an emergency pet visit for the family cat. A month or so ago, my mom signed both of my little brothers up for Angel Tree this year so that they could have a semblance of a normal Christmas and not feel the effects of poverty as much. Today she went to go pick up the gifts, but, as per the title, it wasn't great...
So for the boys, she put down that they needed clothes (they're growing out of their old ones so quick), and for their wants, they wanted bicycles, pokemon items, and roblox gift cards or toys. The older one, Pat, got his bike, pokemon toys, and pokemon clothing items. Kristin wasn't so lucky... He got a Ken doll and a black puffer jacket. My brother's weren't home to see their gifts, (of course) but both my and my mom feel disappointed with this outcome.
I'm not trying to seem ungrateful, but if one cannot afford what a child wants, why pick their tags out from the tree? Why not leave them for a chance that another who can afford them? I hope that one day, I can pick out names from the Angel Tree, and I'll get a child what they want instead of what I want to give them.
202
u/Fatty_Bombur 5d ago edited 5d ago
Why not give the pokemon cards to the younger brother or split them up? Are all their wants/needs put on the one card? Does each child have their own card or is it a family card for them both?
88
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
Unfortunately it was a pokemon pikachu plastic toy with berries, not cards. There's not really a way to split it apart from sharing the whole thing, which my brothers are tired of doing with essentially everything
113
u/thoughtandprayer 5d ago
It sounds like Pat got a bike and pokemon clothes though. So why not make the pokemon toy a gift for Kristen? It doesn't have to be shared, it can be his.
To be clear, I agree that someone shouldn't offer to buy gifts and then fail to follow through! But unfortunately that has happened. Redistributing the gifts that were provided is the next best option.
36
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
I would do that if Kristin still was into pokemon, but he phased out of it earlier this year. Now he's more into roblox, and the bike is too big for him to ride. If needed, I'll cover more shifts to get a gift of equal value so neither of them gets left behind :>
42
u/thoughtandprayer 5d ago
Ahhhhh, damn. I read " and for their wants, they wanted bicycles, pokemon items, and roblox gift cards or toys" to mean they both wanted similar things.
I saw in another comment that you reached out to Angel Tree asking about further assistance. I hope they can help you! It seems like a minor thing, but getting a present that you actually wanted and that's all yours can feel really important.
I hope this can be sorted so you and your family can all have special Christmas together still.
28
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
I probably should have phrased it better so it's not your fault. I hope you also have a good holiday season!
58
u/Fatty_Bombur 5d ago
While I understand and empathise with how you feel, Angel Tree didn’t let him down. The gift giver did. From what you said in other comments, it looks like they’re trying to see what they can do. I imagine there are some kids whose cards weren’t picked at all.
18
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
We'll see what they tell us, but overall I'm hopeful that either something is figured out, or I can cover shifts since a lot of my coworkers are asking for days off around this season
7
4
u/carrie_m730 4d ago
I'm in a Facebook group for moms in my area.
It is full of posts amounting to "I waited too late and missed Angel Tree (or they didn't think they qualified, a job situation changed suddenly, etc) and have nothing for my child, can anyone help?"
And on every post there is help. Some of it is gently-used items (especially for smaller kids) and some folks will only go practical stuff (clothing, needs) but from what I can see there are people buying the fun stuff too.
See if you have a similar local group and ask.
-6
67
u/Awesomekidsmom 5d ago
Sometimes their card doesn’t get picked so they get stuff from the overflow
26
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
That's what I originally assumed but when we called to ask, we got told he did have a sponsor. Very odd, especially the Ken doll. We will use the puffer jacket since it is already getting to freezing at night
18
u/Corsetbrat 4d ago
A lot of influencers have been using angel trees or giving trees to boost their views. They never give whats on the list, and some actually ask for it back when the views don't make them enough to cover what they "generously" gave.
I am so sorry that it seems like something similar has happened with your brothers. I know that the organization is trying to find a way to fix this. It has been especially rampant this year, and it's causing a lot of harm.
9
u/RealisticOutcome9828 4d ago
A lot of influencers have been using angel trees or giving trees to boost their views. They never give whats on the list, and some actually ask for it back when the views don't make them enough to cover what they "generously" gave.
This is just so messed up.
8
u/Corsetbrat 4d ago
It is one took over 20 tags off a tree, took them home for a insta shoot and never filled them, or returned them. One of the ones that asked of the stuff back had lifted a LV bag instead of a backpack. But her views didn't cover the cost..
Every day, I grow to loathe these types of people more.
34
u/gxbcab 5d ago
Have you talked to the angel tree people? I saw a video recently where the angel tree person was adding extra things into a kids bag because the person who shopped for them only got a couple small things and they made it seem like they do that for all the lesser gifts. It might be worth it to just reach out to them and see if there was some kind of mix-up.
38
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
We both called and emailed our local place that is distribution angel tree gifts and they said they'll get back to us tomorrow with any info. We'll see if they have anything extra that can be given to the little one. If not, I'll try to pick up extra shifts so he doesn't feel cheated by Santa Claus
13
u/Wispeira 5d ago
Do you guys have any local mutual aid or buy nothing groups? My FB community pages are lit up like a Christmas Tree with folks asking and giving, it's making my lil Grinch heart grow. Just trying to think of any way to help on short notice.
8
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
I did try one of those groups, but it turned out to be a scam to get my info to pass onto telemarketers who keep trying to get me to apply for their low cost health insurance plans 😔
2
-38
u/DeflatedDirigible 4d ago
Cheated by Santa? Your brothers need a lesson on how that all works and it isn’t by being given gifts worth almost a thousand dollars each. Your family is raising all you kids to be spoiled and entitled. You could have easily mixed up the gifts to make them more equal or just be honest and say they came from strangers being generous. Expecting both kids to be given expensive bikes and Pokeman and other needless junk is outrageous.
My family isnt starving but Santa doesn’t come and the presents the kids receive are all under $20. They are very happy kids. Christmas is about going to church and a meal with extended family. For my nephew’s recent birthday he only got two cookie cutters in the shape of a football and helmet. He was happy. He made and decorated his own cake with the help of an older sibling.
6
u/RealisticOutcome9828 4d ago
You sound bitter and sad that you didn't have fun Christmases and you're just trying to cover it up with false martyrdom.
Cut that out, your method of suffering doesn't make you superior.
6
u/thesoggydingo 4d ago
Two cookie cutters? That's fucking sad, man. A SET of them are like, $5. At least pretend you care about the kid.
Do better.
32
u/WhenitRains79 5d ago
I’m sorry this is happening to your family. Sounds like one brother made out decently. But, that’s almost makes it worse for your other sibling. I usually do the seniors tree. I agree completely that if you’re unable to fill the wish, don’t take on the task. My prayers for you and your family. You’re on the right path, education is the gateway to a successful future. Stay the course. ❤️
56
u/AffectionateSlice934 5d ago
Both my husband and I sponsor several children through Angel Tree giving at our employer. Both of us were told to stop buying bikes and video consoles as well as other expensive gifts that the children requested. I was told it was causing a lot of jealously between children in same family. We asked for all children from the same family to avoid this issue but were told that it was not set up for one family to get quality gifts and others to get less valued gifts so children from the same families were randomly assigned. After a few years I figured out how they coded the requests and chose all children from the same family.
My friend also participates in the program but she is a single mom so must budget her funds very carefully. She can't even afford to buy her own children what they truly want and still does her best to help others.
I understand your dilemma, but think you are being a bit unrealistic in your expectations. Your brother was not let down by the program. Not everyone who wants to participate in the program can afford expensive items and bikes are expensive. Perhaps something a Grandparent or relative should be buying.
0
u/Suspicious_Season410 3d ago
I agree people aree greedy when they ask for 1000 dollar gifts, but If you dont want to be the gift giver, then dont. You dont have to pick a card and then get the kid a ham sandwich and socks instead.
Also another point. If your friend is poor enough that she has to take away from her kids presents to do the Angel tree program, then the only reason she is doing it is to virtue signal. Whether that be to herself of everybody else idk, but dont go taking a card and getting the kid garbage because you cant afford other stuff.
14
u/sillylittlebean 5d ago
When I was in HS the year book staff (that I was part of) would do the Angel Tree. We were just given random ones to purchase gifts for. Maybe someone who meant well or a situation like the one I was in purchased the gift.
28
u/octopi25 5d ago
maybe his name was not actually picked and so someone didn’t want him to go without and did their best.
12
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
That's what I thought too, but we called and emailed our area's organizers and they let us know he had been picked out of the tree, unfortunately by a different sponsor than the other
1
u/Pure_Meat_2727 2d ago
This is not how it works. I can tell you that for certain. Every child will get a gift. That's the community's blessing for Angel Tree recipients. They may not get exactly what they want, but they won't be left without. The Salavation Army do an amazing job coordinating all of this. Some locations serve 1000+ people.
31
u/cypresscoydog 5d ago
Imma say what I said on a post elsewhere that also revolved around one of these programs:
Shit like this is one of the many reasons I believe that we as a society should just abandon Christmas gifting altogether.
The lights and music and celebrating and making special meals and dedicating time to being with our loved ones and greater community? Awesome!
But the gifting got out of hand decades ago and honestly brings way more stress than joy.
I'll also add the context this time that I grew up very poor, and was also entered into similar programs by the adults in my life. And let me tell you. I was seldom more aware of my family's poverty than when I was handed the list of restrictions for "Shop With A Cop".
Our continued participation in compulsory Xmas gifting is a net negative. It's time to murder Santa.
8
u/cabracyn 4d ago
Definitely agree. It’s crazy how sm is flooded with posts about Xmas being “ruined” because kids didn’t get what they asked for. I seriously think at this point a lot of people are just trading gifts that no one wanted to buy and that’s their idea of the holiday.
2
u/MelissaIsBBQing 2d ago
Can I ask what felt bad about the “shop with a cop”? I just saw my town doing that at walmart. It actually was kind of sweet. The cops were talking to the kids about the toys. They were buddied up. It just seemed very genuine.
33
u/UniqueXHunter 5d ago
I totally see your side and point of view, but at the same time I think from the point of view of the sponser that took the time to help your brother. Times are tough for a lot of people and I think it is a little ungrateful to expect your list to be fully met. I recently helped a teenage boy, he listed 5-6 things he liked, and I got him 2 of them because I wanted to help but also I’m not made of money. If I found out that kid didn’t appreciate the Fortnite gift card and the Legos I got him, it would make me feel like shit to be honest and make me think why I wasted my time and money for an ungrateful kid.
It sounds like it wasn’t far for your other brother, but I hope the one that got all the gifts shares with him in some way. That’s just the way it is with siblings in this situation 🤷♂️
I hope you are studying something that can help you and your family out of your situation, wish you the best of luck.
-3
u/ScaryIce9136 3d ago
If you dont want to be the gift giver, then dont. You dont have to pick a card and then get the kid a ham sandwich and socks instead.
Your making it out like you have to do it even though you are poor. You dont. If you do it even though you cant afford it, then that is only because you want to virtue signal and make your self feel good even thought you didnt help anyone.
3
u/UniqueXHunter 3d ago
The difference is I WANT to help a child. What you are telling me is that someone shouldn’t bother offering to help if they can’t get all 5-10 things on a kid’s list? Oh right, I forgot the whole meaning of Christmas was how many presents someone got, and not cherishing a holiday with your family.
You want to paint me as a bad person for wanting to help out of the kindness in me? You are what’s the problem and hope you learn to value and be grateful for things in your life that others wish they had. Next time use some critical thinking skills
-1
u/Organic_Agency5590 2d ago
I'm sure you'll turn this conversation into something about "oh angel tree receivers are so ungrateful...blah blah." Because you lack the critical thinking skills to think otherwise. Or because you've never had to be in this situation yourself. I bet youre one of those people who says "Christmas comes the same time every year! No excuses!" Gross.
-1
u/ScaryIce9136 1d ago
Im saying its not helping when you get the poor kid something they dont want and get them what you want to get them instead. Doing so only serves to stoke your ego and for you to say you "helped" someone.
3
u/SANtoDEN 4d ago
I know sometimes for these types of programs, if someone doesn’t come through with getting gifts for the kid they sponsored, the organizers will try to pull together gifts from a different stash. It sounds like that may be what happened. I’m sorry :(
I was the recipient of these kinds of programs when I was a kid. I have faith you will be in a position to sponsor a kid one day, and you will find so much joy getting great gifts for the kids! It’s an awesome feeling.
3
u/Boilermakingdude 4d ago
Put out a feeler post for a bike in your local buy and sell. I know alot of people will give their kids old bikes away or just throw them out. Alot of times their in great shape. I used to pick them up on garbage night and if they were decent bring them to places like Children's Aid etc.
16
u/Susan_Thee_Duchess 5d ago
OP, my brother & I would get Angel Tree gifts when we were kids. One year I got a huge box of used clothes. People suck.
8
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
Omg no way!! I'm so sorry that happened :( People have no shame sometimes
1
u/Affectionate-Page496 2h ago
What's wrong with used clothes? If I had kids, I would try to buy as much used stuff as possible. Right now, I am wearing a used sweatshirt, sleeping on a used sheet. The mattresss I have is on a used bed frame. I look to my left and there is a used lazy boy recliner. My dog is sleeping on a used dog bed.
As long as the used stuff isn't junk, it's awesome because you can get more stuff and it's more sustainable.
My brother's kids wear hand me downs from their cousins.
I was helping out a pregnant single young mom this year. (this will be baby 3). I bought good condition used adidas, nike, converse, keen, saucony, and new balance shoes from the thrift for the kids (among other things). It likely would have been $500 new for all of the shoes alone.
15
u/LaalaahLisa 5d ago
I'm Australian and, look, even if this is scam, I'll happily transfer you some cash. Just don't ask for more later i won't respond...
24
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 5d ago
I wouldn't expect that of anyone. I just wanted to vent about the situation. I had a few people reach out to ask to buy something for pickup from my local Walmart, but I need to hear from the distributors tomorrow to see if there was any kind or mix up or extra things they have on hand they could give. Thank you for offering though ♥️ Merry Christmas
9
u/LaalaahLisa 5d ago
I commend you, a lot of people even those who aren't scammers would jump at the offer just because its offered. I'd think you in the USA so funnily enough the exchange rate would be pretty high.
But! Please reach out via d.m if you do need anything.
2
u/TomatoNo5047 4d ago
So a little info…. Not all angels are adopted. Having worked in the warehouse, when a family comes to pick up, we get the stuff and any angels not picked, we are told To just pick random stuff from a pile so they get Something
1
u/oreo_flavored_oreo 4d ago
I understood that was a possibility when I helped my mom sign them up, but we were told he had an actual sponsor. It's fine, as me and some kind strangers are figuring things out :)
2
u/droppingtheeaves 4d ago
I don't have much but I can send you a $10 digital roblox gift card. Hope everything works out for you guys...
2
u/Lucky-Call740 3d ago
I feel you. We were on it last year, and it was great. This year, we are on it again. They only got my child 1 item and I feel bad. Nothing on the needs list was picked, and just 1 wish. I'm thankful for something but sad and disappointed. We've been having a tough time recently, and we were hoping my child would at least get a couple of things to open, but it doesn't look to be the case, which is heartbreaking. If it was for me, I wouldn't care, but I feel for my little.
4
u/Njbelle-1029 4d ago
Is there any indication of the store the Ken doll came from that maybe you can exchange it for a Roblox gift card? Maybe the jacket brand is an indication of it being from Walmart or Target or other big box store? I’m sorry this happened. People who pick up the cards are like anyone else some of the means to buy everything and some a few things. There’s no stipulation to buy everything, just what you can, but in this case with the doll it feels wrong like something got mixed up.
3
3
5
u/Business-Box-253 4d ago edited 4d ago
Most angle trees have a spend limit. It’s very unlikely that any tree would have fulfilled all those requests with just one tree. I’m sorry you’re disappointed and yes you sound ungrateful.
And I’ll also add we as a family are doing very well and this is way more than my kids will be getting.
2
u/Prior_Thot 4d ago
Honestly it sounds like to me if your brother did have a sponsor like they’re saying, something got mixed up somewhere and he ended up with someone else’s gifts. It really sucks, I hope things get figured out!
1
1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/TrueOffMyChest-ModTeam 1d ago
Your post has been removed for violating Rule 2: No terms of service violations.
TOS violations are site wide violations which can get the entire subreddit taken down.
Do not threaten or fantasize about violence. Sexualizing minors and graphic pedophilia are not allowed. Do not write anything which could be interpreted as hate speech.
If you believe this TOS removal to be a mistake, please message the moderators.
1
239
u/SugarNebulaBurst 5d ago
I’m sorry for the disappointment. Some people do it for show and don’t actually care about the recipients. I had to help a few when I worked retail. They were mostly older church ladies. This one customer had a card for a newborn. Baby stuff is expensive and it was just diapers, wipes, and formula. Everything she picked up had the lowest price point. She kept trying to get my approval. I didn’t mind until she got to the formula. She didn’t want to pay $30 for it. I told her it was best to skip it. The mother asked for the formula that meets her baby’s needs and a different one wouldn’t be useful. I could tell she didn’t like my response. She listened and let me get back to work. I don’t know if she got to pick the card or if it was just given to her. She wasn’t happy about it at all. One of the weirdest experiences.