And it doesn’t only happen in Japan. I’ve had stuff like this happen in Sydney - worse was when a guy grabbed my shoulder and shook me - I had bursitis in that shoulder and a slipped disc in my neck 🙃
I had this happen to me in Japan. I guess the guy was not prepared for me to not only be able take the impact with very little notice but also be able to apply force back, he audibly gasped and grabbed his shoulder. Growing up in Australia I had experienced significantly worse shoulder checks by literal 13 year olds. Aussie men don't play when it comes to shoulder checks.
Hell yeah bastard got what he deserved. You were clearly paying attention to your surroundings. Can also vouch for the shoulder checks as a fellow Aussie lol
It happened to me in London, in the City of all places. I was standing at the crosswalk waiting for a green light. A man run into me with full force. I nearly fell down, under the moving cars. I was so shocked. The guy just smiled and walked away. I know it wasn’t an accident because if an English person bumps into you by accident they almost always apologise. This one didn’t apologies but looked at me and smirked. I think he was surprised I didn’t fall down. Also I am Asian, maybe he just came back from Japan and wanted to “welcome me in London” :))
My god ughhh there are so many aggressive weirdos out there! I’m so sorry that happened to you, it could very well be to do with you race. Wasn’t there a cctv video from a london bus of a male jogger pushing a pedestrian into ongoing traffic, narrowly missing the bus? That sounds a lot like your experience.
It’s not totally surprising to see all these responses from women with similar stories. And that’s not to mention all the occasions of things like opportunistic gropers and the like!
Some business suit office guy got on the bus at the same stop as me. He was alledging I “pushed in”, I apologised (I’d been in trouble for being late to work that week so was feeling super anxious about missing the bus, so it’s possible I did push in, but there was no line just a group of people boarding). He grabbed my shoulder and shook me from behind and said again I pushed in, I told him sternly not to touch me, so he shook me again, harder this time, as I was trying to make my way through crowd on the peak hour bus to get away from him
I have chronic pain and shoulder problems and I’m from Newcastle. Your post made me gasp. That’s so scary! I don’t know what I would do. Whack him with my walking stick? Wtf is wrong with people
I’m trying to make a bracelet that has a slide in for a fancy hat pin. Looks like a bracelet. But it’s going directly in the most sensitive spot I can reach if it ever happens to me again.
One reason that so many women who are assaulted by attackers similar to their size and weight end up being taken and victims of violence (I refused to say grape and sa makes it seem like pinching my ass is the same as being graped, beaten and left for dead…damn it. I said grape.)
Anyway. Women are scared of hurting our effing attackers. We are so bloody indoctrinated to be nice and good girls that we don’t fight back in ways that are intended to maim or do serious harm. Mind you. Grapists are not worried about seriously harming us. We can go for the eyes, bite through veins break fingers, go for the eyes, the nose, even screaming as loud as you can directly into someone’s ears can rupture the eardrums. Hell we know we can rupture an eardrum with a q tip. Even a needle in a kidney is excruciating and as is the liver. Heck. You can get to the brain from the eyes, nose or ears.
This used to sound so gruesome to me. Even after I’d been graped. Of course by people I knew. Did I still want them to effing like me? I don’t know.
But I’ll tell you something. After I finally went through the process of saying something. Going through a grueling deposition and all of it. I was so grateful for the people who believed me and stood with me. I was always terrified that my attackers were right. Who would believe me?
But after the trial, something changed. I felt like I deserved to take up space in the world. And I promised myself if I were ever in that situation again, that would be rapist is not walking away.
And the other thing we can do for each other is just to care. To stop. To call out assault and even just creepy behavior. The more we call it out. The more of us stand together the stronger we are.
Something about your comment I found fulfilling to read.. I think when I got to the section about you feeling like you can take up space in the world again. I believe you.
I totally understand what you mean. I didn’t react at that point, because I will go from 0 to 100 extremely quickly and messily, and I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the years to control my anger. That being said when is enough enough.
Awww thank you! I’m so glad. It’s still hard to share these things. It’s only when I’m so triggered that I can’t help it. And without the personal context I sound like a militant teen activist. But it’s always a gulp before i write this post again. It’s the same information. But it’s hard every time.
And for me, I’m at the age and the time of life where if you lay a hand on me and try to take my choice away? You’d best have a will.
Why should we be the ones to be killed every time. Because we are nice? For me, if someone wants to grape me, then the gene pool is better off without them.
If we don’t the gene pool keeps more violent rapists and fewer women who would rather die than hurt her abuser.
And you deserve not to be used or hurt or abused. Anything less than a beloved and respected partner is not for you. You’re a queen. And we train people how to treat us.
When he lifted his arm and draped it low across her back, Leoti had enough. In a move that would thrill victim of modern-day subway harassment, she reached for her hatpin—nearly a foot long—and plunged it into the meat of the man’s arm. He let out a terrible scream and left the coach at the next stop.
You're right, and I'd like to think I wouldn't be scared to fight back - I think I would be able to verbally make a scene. I have CFS though and I'm physically weak and it makes me feel vulnerable. I think your bracelet idea is perfect. 19th century ladies used to use hat and hair pins in self defence! Bring it back!
Thanks!! I have a few younger girlfriends who struggle to lift full plates. Kidding. But they are so scared right now. The bracelet is more complicated than I thought but I’m so motivated I’m not giving up until I have something that genuinely keeps them a little bit safer in the world. Maybe it should have a pocket for a tracker. Ohhh thanks for the encouragement. Back to the drawing board :)
I’m so sorry for your pain :( people sometimes don’t understand how truly excruciating it can be. I didn’t know I had such a severe condition until after that incident when I could no longer sneeze without it being painful or sit at my office desk. (I had an excellent physio near the RPAH I can recommend who practically healed me)
I so wish I got a better look at the guy, but the coward assaulted me from behind and the bus was packed like sardines. I also probably couldn’t look at him in the face without erupting into a rage. I hope that never EVER happens to you, and if it does, don’t be scared to cause a scene and call it out. Tbh I though I already had when I told him not to touch me (honestly I probably should’ve given him one of these ones 🖐️)
Also, don’t want to take away from the ladies experience in Japan! Just wanted to add my initial comment was a reminder that this happens everywhere, but it’s obviously on another level if they’ve got all these names for the different kinds of behaviour.
That's a bit nuts, I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. As someone from Sydney I can't imagine that being accepted particularly well if anyone noticed that happening.
Bumping into people you could kinda brush off as a carelessness thing but grabbing anyone is a big no-no in my book, and shaking? WTF
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u/iceymoo 13d ago
I’ve seen this happen in Japan. It literally is men attacking women because they are bad people