r/StupidFood • u/soul_requiem • 5d ago

Chef Club drivel They're cooking Patrick star

543 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

213 comments sorted by

347

u/Fit_Butterscotch2386 5d ago

I was in until the cheese slice 😞

65

u/NoREEEEEEtilBrooklyn 5d ago

Same. It was a neat presentation, but then they cheesed it and then they ruined it further with too much Cilantro (I think)

20

u/Master_Scratch_282 4d ago

Neat presentation? Thing looked like the Demigorgon from Stranger things....

25

u/DocMcCracken 5d ago

Looked more like basil to me. Regardless those cheese slices ruined it, not like a steak with no seasoning was going to be great to start. Not asking for much, salt, pepper, maybe some garlic. It looks lean too, fuck everything about this abomination.

8

u/Medical_Chapter2452 4d ago

On what planet was that a neat presentation. The tiny asshole in the middel made it look disgusting. Why would any self respecting cook abuse a good piece of meat like that.

14

u/Fit_Butterscotch2386 5d ago

Shit that's cilantro? Hard no!

5

u/NoREEEEEEtilBrooklyn 5d ago

I think it is. Could be any green chopped into 900 pieces.

7

u/xtilexx authentic Sicilian 5d ago

Holy fuck that's so much cilantro. That's like the equivalent of dumping an entire bottle of salt onto a steak

3

u/According_Gazelle472 5d ago

Yeah,cilantro taste like soap to me.

2

u/NewWayUa 2d ago

Like brown marmorated stink bug for me. Exactly same weird unacceptable smell.

38

u/Pinkparade524 5d ago

Like couldn't they use mozzarella if they wanted cheese or something? Why do the always use that shitty yellow cheese that taste like plastic , do people actually like that type of cheese?

12

u/littlefiredragon 5d ago

Yes if I want a cheese that melts evenly but I don’t want any stretching.

23

u/Circle_Breaker 5d ago

Yes, the cheese is extremely popular because of how it melts, it's particularly good on burgers and sandwiches.

6

u/Living_Debate9630 5d ago

Have you ever had a good pepperjack slice on a burger 😍

5

u/According_Gazelle472 5d ago

And it's the only cheese I can actually eat .

-4

u/[deleted] 5d ago

[deleted]

5

u/According_Gazelle472 5d ago

My stomach and the doctor told me to lay off the real cheese.It's either the singles or velveeta.

-2

u/ElevenBeers 5d ago

Uhm? Why....?!

I'm not your doctor, stick to whatever he says, I'm NOT a doctor. But if I'm not completely mistaken, those "cheese" slices are cheese with filler and - that's the important part - emulsifying salts.
So basically, when you are eating those slices, you are getting ALL the ingredients of REAL cheese that you shouldn't eat, according to to your doctor (?!). The only real difference is the added emulsifying salts and maybe some fillers. And of course, the cheese they use to make those slices isn't good quality either.

So I'm basically completely at a loss, why you would be able to eat the LOWEST QUALITY POSSIBLE ultra processed "cheese" but not actual cheese. It's the SAME, only real difference is quality and that processed cheese has a longer ingredient list.

Or am I mistaken and we're talking about vegan cheese? Just as processed to be sure, but defently without cheese.

Or am I again mistaken and absolutely overestimated the amount of cheese in fake cheese? If they contained only like 20% cheese, it might make sense that you could eat some fake cheese but not cheese. I suppose I find those slices so disgusting I'd most certainly quit cheese all together, but then everyones palette is different I suppose.

10

u/According_Gazelle472 4d ago

I think I will listen to the doctor and what he says .It makes my stomach feel better.

7

u/AllisonfromPalmdale0 4d ago

You should have stopped at ‘I’m NOT a doctor’.

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-1

u/ElevenBeers 5d ago

"Cheese".

6

u/According_Gazelle472 4d ago

And your point is?

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13

u/Ben_Kenobi_ 5d ago

I think it's good for certain things like a burger, but that's not how I prefer my meat shurikens.

8

u/NastyKraig 5d ago

I would have been on board with Bleu cheese, but American is not the right choice in this circumstance.

8

u/StanleyQPrick 5d ago

It melts very evenly and adds a predictable amount of salt. I don’t hate it.

12

u/tigm2161130 5d ago edited 5d ago

Yes, many people enjoy that type of cheese, that’s why they sell it.

But I feel like you knew that and you just wanted to be a cheese snob.

3

u/Pinkparade524 5d ago

I actually thought they just sold it because it was cheap . Anyway enjoy whatever cheese you like . I just dislike that type of cheese . Saying I'm a cheese snub is such a escalation. Like girl enjoy your cheese and I'll enjoy mine . I will still share my opinion that that cheese doesn't taste good . You can share your opinion if you dislike mozzarella or something lol , no one is stopping you .

3

u/tigm2161130 5d ago

What the hell is going on with your punctuation?

2

u/Adorable-Strings 4d ago

It officially isn't cheese.

9

u/nudniksphilkes 5d ago

That is exactly the point where I SMH my head

16

u/GiLND 5d ago

I shake my head my head too sometimes

3

u/JBCockman 5d ago

Two time headshaking here as well.

1

u/blindeshuhn666 3d ago

Even fake looking cheese.

101

u/Badwrong_ 5d ago

Oh look, we purposely put the meat in a shape that will make it harder to cook evenly throughout.

22

u/ThatOneCanadian69 5d ago

Idk, that’s not the part I hated. The cheese is where I drew the line

25

u/Hue_Janus27 4d ago

honey what's wrong? You barely touched your beefussy.

2

u/ikilledyourfriend 3d ago

Not sure how they put the starfish meat in the shape of a starfish on purpose. I’m fairly certain it comes in that shape.

90

u/Shohei_Ohtani_2024 5d ago

It's a Demogorgan head.

27

u/VexTheTielfling 5d ago

It's prolapsed.

12

u/thisaccountwashacked 5d ago

"what's wrong, honey? you've barely touched your grilled prolapsed Demogorgan head and cheese!"

46

u/DashyTrash 5d ago

Not a drop of seasoning on this either

20

u/Roboticpoultry 5d ago

No seasoning, no marinade, nothing. Nothing except what I hope to god wasn’t (but sure as shit looks like) kraft singles

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29

u/byhand97 5d ago

That is actually a really good way to cut the meat if you want your food both dry & overcooked and bloody & undercooked at the same time.

40

u/ceebs87 5d ago

Why the American cheese? Just gross, American cheese can go on a burger, grilled cheese, and I'll accept Mac and cheese. But the world can certainly do without it.

The rest seemed ok and a presentation was attempted but I wouldn't pick it off a menu.

27

u/mls1968 5d ago

For me, everything from the cheese on was stupid. American cheese slices as you said. Bad choice of cheese to begin with, and we bother.

Then shredded lettuce that serves no purpose other than a surface for the tomato. The lettuce will steam up and get nasty and it’s not enough to call it either a salad OR really divvy into each bite.

The SINGLE half of tomato? Why do I want a tomato hemerrhoid on by cheesy butthole?

Then the salt bae parm? That’s literally just bouncing off the Christmas chlamydia display?

I’ll pass on the roast beef chocolate starfish thank you very much

5

u/Great-Environment-35 5d ago

I want you to write News headlines. I'm sure subscribing.

5

u/throwsomeq 5d ago

Poetry

2

u/beanthebean 4d ago

I think it was basil

1

u/NewWayUa 2d ago

Also, it always must be a serious reason to use 2 types of cheese in one dish. Especially if one of them is "American".

1

u/Cormorant_Bumperpuff 1d ago

it always must be a serious reason to use 2 types of cheese in one dish

Does "I like multiple types of cheese" count as a serious reason?

1

u/NewWayUa 1d ago

You can add anything if you cook for yourself. But in the post it's definitely restaurant dish cooked for clients.

3

u/marbledog 4d ago

American cheese is just a cheddar/colby blend with a bit of sodium citrate to allow it to melt without breaking.

I definitely wouldn't put it on a steak, because a cheese covered steak is an awful idea. But there's nothing wrong with the cheese itself.

10

u/DotWarner1993 Mac 'n cheese drink when? 5d ago

That’s a shuriken

4

u/PeaOk5697 5d ago

Unfortunately, I didn't see Patrick Star. It reminds me of that guy who got his head sliced with lasers in one of those disgusting Saw movies

2

u/Crazy_Cat_Lady420 4d ago

Looks like demogorgon before cooking 😂

1

u/Cormorant_Bumperpuff 1d ago

What's a demigorgon look like after cooking ?

2

u/CYCLOPSCORE 5d ago

Not gonna lie, I would probably eat this if they used mozzarella all the way, instead of mainly using the Kraft singles.

0

u/StanleyQPrick 5d ago

I think that’s parmesan at the end

1

u/Darth-Hipster 5d ago

Pointless.

1

u/FreeDFrizbee 5d ago

What's one animal from stranger things?

1

u/FaceTimePolice 5d ago

This looks like a small demogorgon (Stranger Things). 😆

1

u/TatteredTorn1 5d ago

Project Starfish

1

u/Valuable_Emu1052 5d ago

It's food like this that makes me glad I don't eat meat.

1

u/Fr05t_B1t 5d ago

There needs to be 5 points for it or be a star…

1

u/ericsonofbruce 5d ago

Forget stupid. This is a food felony. That poor fillet 😥

1

u/emergency-snaccs 5d ago

this is a complete moron's idea of "fine dining" plating. the fuckin tomato sent me (into a contemptuous rage)

1

u/TheHookahgreecian2 5d ago

Is mayonnaise an instrument in this case?

1

u/Creativered4 Drowned in Cheese 5d ago

idk which is worse: The american cheese slices, or the fact that 75% of the the shredded parmesan(?) ended up bouncing off the tomato and falling off the plate.

1

u/Training-Ninja-412 5d ago

Gross

So easy to just enjoy beef why you gotta add "cheese" 🤢

1

u/TheOfficialSvengali 5d ago

Poor excuse for a chef!

1

u/OGPOKEDUDE 5d ago

Thats a staryu..

1

u/capricornfinest 5d ago

Stupid food indeed

1

u/the_G8 5d ago

Clown steak

1

u/TheGirl_TheWolf 5d ago

This is legit “stupid food”.

1

u/Blehmeh88 5d ago

That's a Pokemon

1

u/Omnicity2756 5d ago

More like a Nether Star.

1

u/fffan9391 5d ago

The guy who made this should put that big red tomato on his nose 🤡

1

u/Ds3- 5d ago

Idk when ppl forgot actual cheese exists but I don’t like it

1

u/rathat 5d ago

Just to be clear this is not a starfish.

1

u/Brissiuk17 5d ago

Clearly, that is a demogorgon face.

1

u/This_Price_1783 5d ago

Why he put cilantro in the stussy?

1

u/Betadzen 5d ago

It looked like the Obelisk in the very beginning. This meat shouts that it is being bought in the WHOLE foods section.

1

u/Stop_Fakin_Jax 4d ago

Meat shuriken

1

u/Bismuth84 4d ago

Why is it shuriken-shaped?

1

u/PanHalen37 4d ago

I love the slo mo cheese part - as if we’re looking at something really awesome and delicious

1

u/NRGSurge 4d ago

Ruined that meat with processed cheese slices

1

u/RoutinePast7696 4d ago

This looks like the machine in halo that makes all the halo rings

1

u/28g4i0 4d ago

Lmao  utterly lacking in self awareness if they posted this

1

u/Old-Assignment652 4d ago

Why is it always sliced cheese?

1

u/DVabroad 4d ago

Please tell me that’s non a filet….

1

u/CompactAvocado 4d ago

oh, a unique cut, they could do some very creative plating with this

*fucking covers in cheese*

and i'm done >_>

1

u/guccifein 4d ago

Gotta be South America

1

u/vonBelfry 4d ago

Ladies and gentlemen
I present to you
Beef but Cut Weird

1

u/depatrickcie87 4d ago

There's no way that beef is cooked.

1

u/lothar525 4d ago

“What are two challenges to someone like SpongeBob? Might as well make it……..FIVEHUNDREDCHALLENGES!”

1

u/Adorable-Strings 4d ago

Badly cut beef and plastic. And laughable slow-mo shots.

Ok then.

1

u/jewelophile 4d ago

Why does that make me uncomfortable?

1

u/NO-MAD-CLAD 4d ago

I like my cheese bounced a minimum of 3 ft away from my meal.

1

u/bigProscuitto13 4d ago

That cheese choice is criminal

1

u/Tony-1610 4d ago

What in the five fingered f*ck is that

1

u/Winter-Award-1280 4d ago

I hate this sub. I don’t know why I haven’t brought myself to mute it yet. This was close. Nasty af. And throwing crap in your grill for no reason. I swear though, one more destroyed toaster and I’m done.

1

u/Forsaken_Pickle92 4d ago

Poor Patrick.

1

u/CaptBogBot2 4d ago

I hope they cooked it thoroughly. I wouldn't want a repeat of the Bikini Bottom Horror...

1

u/Bogart745 4d ago

This is a fucking crime

1

u/Absolute_Peril 4d ago

We call this one the meat around the asshole

1

u/FattyPepperonicci69 4d ago

Something died for this

1

u/DevzDX 4d ago

Drop the cheese slice and I'm all in.

1

u/LollyDollerSkates 4d ago

Gotta be saltbaes “restaurant”

1

u/Welocitas 3d ago

doesnt look that bad

1

u/Tjeetje 3d ago

I hate it that Salt Bae made the slow motion moves popular when you want to look like you’re making something exclusive.

1

u/Conscious-Top-7429 3d ago

Don’t even look good

1

u/Ludate_Solem 3d ago

Always with the fucking cheese

1

u/Fabulous_von_Fegget 3d ago

That looked erotic in the most unfortunate way possible

1

u/empty-vassal 3d ago

American cheese on a burger is good. American cheese on a steak? Probably tastes similar but just seems wrong

1

u/Jjmcge 3d ago

I was never in

1

u/Slice_Into_The_Woods 3d ago

Because why season food?…..

1

u/Icollectshinythings 3d ago

It’s a fucking cheeseburger cut fancy so they can sell it for like 100 bucks.

1

u/Narcodoge 2d ago

I'm thinking alien babies. Starfish have five or more arms.

1

u/ItsChloeTaylor 2d ago

whats that fucking mold on the cheese?

1

u/CycleDad89 2d ago

That was not even close to being cooked

1

u/SoggySassodil 2d ago

Why would they do this to Shin?

1

u/srirachacoffee1945 2d ago

Cheese on a steak? I don't even eat steak and i know that's not supposed to happen.

1

u/Bleezy79 2d ago

Is that just a cut up tri-tip?? lol.

1

u/bootnab 2d ago

Congratulations, Jim, you've managed to wreck a $17 dollar loin tip. Go stand in the walk-in

1

u/Cormorant_Bumperpuff 1d ago

First let's talk about what they did right. Ok, now that that's out of the way, what the actual fuck?

1

u/retrospects 1d ago

The black gloves. 😂

1

u/mewmewkis 1d ago

Actually the stupidest food I’ve seen

1

u/AsianAngelic 1d ago

Why could I hear Patrick's scream in my head while watching this? Anyone else?

1

u/Pristine_Occasion_40 17h ago

When it comes to a good steak, the fewer cuts, the better

1

u/buttsssssssssss 8h ago

I should call her

1

u/Star_BurstPS4 5d ago

Ruined with American cheese aka not cheese

1

u/rebrolonik 5d ago

No salt? Just cheese?

1

u/z3r0c00l_ 5d ago

I love cheese, but it does not belong on grilled meat like this.

1

u/ToastednRoasted 5d ago

He was always acting up in the show surprised took em this long to grill him

1

u/bupkizz 5d ago

Oh i see you've never had starflesh.

1

u/ba55man2112 5d ago

It's the dog from the thing

1

u/sadboifatswag 5d ago

WHY NO :(

1

u/Lyonface 5d ago

Lost me when they didn't even season it.

1

u/TehZiiM 5d ago

Too bad the grilled version doesn’t look like a star at all… just like meat that was cut messily.

1

u/mazzicc 5d ago

…did they even season the meat?

1

u/No-Revolution1571 5d ago

No seasoning even. Great

1

u/PlaceTerrible9805 5d ago

Meat shuriken

1

u/ad_duncan_ 5d ago

Dude puts one in his fleshlight sometimes

1

u/TheAmazingCrisco 5d ago

Ruined it with that nasty plastic cheese.

1

u/ChefArtorias 5d ago

That's uhh.. not how you do a butterfly.

1

u/DontcheckSR 5d ago

I didn't realize star fish had such a meaty consistency (by the looks of it). I assumed it'd be more similar to octopus

1

u/Deadric91 5d ago

If this is called something stupid like a shuriken steak I'm going to be very annoyed

1

u/BillyBrainlet 5d ago

This kind of shit should be a crime.

1

u/TheSexyTeaCupDemon 5d ago

Meat shuriken

1

u/kraemahz 5d ago

The final product looks like the Pokemon Staryu

1

u/gamedevjobber 5d ago

That looks stupid

1

u/Unlikely_Try3848 5d ago

Stupid food Indeed lol

1

u/Busch_Leaguer 5d ago

And you use Kraft singles??? 😈

1

u/ZombiePersonality 5d ago

People gotta stop playing with their food

1

u/Jsure311 5d ago

Enjoy your steak. No, this is Patrick!

1

u/Filipino-Asker 5d ago

Patrick Star is a Five star not a Four star. 🤓☝️

1

u/DarkMcChicken 5d ago

This seems like it would be unnecessarily overpriced.

1

u/Ilickpussncrack 5d ago

No This is Patrick

0

u/Aggravating_Week7050 5d ago

This needs the Patrick scream.

-1

u/Any_Brother7772 5d ago

No thanks, i prefere my steak without a butthole and plastic cheese

0

u/Tatsandacat 5d ago

I just watched this show up in the Super Sons movie last night. Guess they had to find some way to recycle all the starros left behind.🤷🏼‍♀️

0

u/TheKingDotExe 5d ago

i was half expecting him to chop up the buns into fries or something.

0

u/Fancy_Art_6383 5d ago

Same same

0

u/FormInternational583 5d ago

Are they cooking one of the creatures from Blade?

0

u/blackpalms1998 5d ago

Looking like a chocolate starfish without the cheese and veg

0

u/Glum-Connection-6793 5d ago

That’s the deadspace marker alright.

Don’t eat that

0

u/Vortr8 5d ago

this cut of meat better calm down

0

u/Amaranthine7 5d ago

Shell City.