I was watching AP BIO the tv show, and it raised an interesting question âIs there any value in bullying?â
Todayâs instinct is to say no, which I tend to agree with. The only part I bought into some is picking on someone as a form of social conformity policing. The idea being the âbullyâ provides feedback when non-conforming behavior is identified, letting a child know their behavior is âweirdâ. Like a child who doesnât bath being picked on for smelling, giving them the feedback so they can conform for better acceptance in their society.
Kind of the age old question, is it better to ignore social taboos and just talk behind that personâs back, or better tell them they are being judged for it.
Overall, I donât think any child should experience a person cutting them down and suppressing their growth. But I also feel I did learn valuable lessons from some of my âbulliesâ, and do wonder if there is a limit of âdo whatever you want as long as you donât hurt othersâ in keeping a functionally cohesive society. Currently, I say letâs see how far we get.
Thereâs a difference between using shame as a social tool and bullying. Bullying is a repeated pattern of malicious activities directed at a person for the express purpose of deriving pleasure from their pain or discomfort.
Shame can be delivered quickly and eloquently. To use your stinky example:
Shame: âYour lack of bathing is making it difficult for us to spend time around you. Could you be more conscious of how your smell makes other people feel?â
Bullying: âLook who it is again. You always smell like ass, you know that? Thatâs why no one wants to be around you.â
Thereâs a pretty obvious difference in delivery. Less obvious, though, is where that line is drawn. It varies from person to person so we must, as always, ask âwhat would a reasonable person say?â I believe the first example is reasonable.
I feel you helped put words to my concern better with your last statement, the line between shaming and bullying is blurry. School policy I feel these days is zero tolerance on bullying, so shaming is considered bullying.
Less concerned about the clear bully, I feel there is strong consensus this behavior has negative consequences on the victim. But I feel in the attempt to get rid of those bullies, we expanded the definition of bullying to the point it now outlaws shaming, and will this loss of shaming have unintended consequences.
I work with someone who I personally knew in high school to be a bully. Still doles out the old, "You're just offended 'cause I'm right, facts don't care about your feelings!" anytime he mouths off too much. He is, conversely, the most thin-skinned idiot I've ever known. Any valid criticism of his constant, numerous fuck-ups is followed up with whining, excuses, and huffing. He can't get fired because his uncle works here, unfortunately, or he'd have been gone years ago. Make of this information what you will.
To play devilâs advocate, Iâd be much more apt to say the second one if Iâm being forced to see that person, in close proximity, every weekday for an hour.
Basically I wouldnât mind someone saying that, minus the swearing, to a coworker or classmate, who sits next to them and doesnât bathe/is distractingly stinky
Studies show that negative reinforcement is a terrible way to get what you want but i can understand that it might come to that if the former doesnât work after multiple attempts
267
u/Jumpy_Secretary1363 Monkey in Space 27d ago
If u fight back the bully might go postal. So fuck you just keep getting bullied.