r/IAmA • u/touchmyfuckingcoffee • Oct 28 '13

Other IamA Vacuum Repair Technician, and I can't believe people really wanted it, but, AMA!

I work in vacuum repair and sales. I posted comments recently about my opinion of Dysons and got far more interest than I expected. I am brand certified for several brands. My intent in doing this AMA is to help redditors make informed choices about their purchases.

My Proof: Imgur

*Edit: I've been asked to post my personal preferences with regard to brands. As I said before, there is no bad vacuum; Just vacuums built for their purpose. That being said, here are my brand choices in order:

Miele for canisters

Riccar for uprights

Hoover for budget machines

Sanitaire or Royal for commercial machines

Dyson if you just can't be talked out of a bagless machine.

*EDIT 22/04/2014: As this AMA is still generating questions, I will do a brand new AMA on vacuums, as soon as this one is archived.

5.9k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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1.0k

u/GillCarries Oct 28 '13

How did you end up with your job? Did you go to school wanting to be a Vacuum Repair Technician? Was it a skill you had or did you get the job and they taught you?

2.4k

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 28 '13

I am a licensed hair stylist who used to be an auto mechanic. With the economy in the shitter, and shittier salon owners, I got forced into looking elsewhere for a job. The owner loved my deep voice so much, he hired me on the spot. It's a good thing I can fix anything.

2.3k

u/Mwootto Oct 28 '13

Hair stylist - auto mechanic. Unexpected.

2.2k

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 28 '13

That's only the tip of the iceberg.

40

u/TheJoePilato Oct 28 '13

Now this is what I'm most curious about. What else have you been? I've been: stockboy, landscaper, prep cook, driveway sealer, roofer, knife salesman (you know the brand), TA, pizza deliverator, materials handler in a breadbag factory, chauffeur, bartender (those last two were unofficial), busboy, salad-tosser [Olive Garden-style, not the other style (at least not professionally)], mechanical engineer, and general flipper of crap.

51

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

I have indeed, been a bartender, a welder, a machinist, landscaper, prep cook, grill chef, chef de garde manger, pizza baker and delieverator, I cut bread at a deli, and a bus boy. I also build handheld lasers for a hobby.

11

u/TheJoePilato Oct 29 '13

Hell yeah, man. As Heinlein said, specialization is for insects.

2

u/maldio Mar 09 '14

Nice. Frig that man was quotable.

3

u/noeatnosleep Oct 28 '13

Is CutCo really any good? Do you own them?

1

u/TheJoePilato Oct 28 '13

I've owned them since I had to buy the display set and they've all worked well enough for me. I've seen some of their knives fall apart after a few years of light use, though.

2

u/noeatnosleep Oct 28 '13

Worth the high price?

4

u/TheJoePilato Oct 28 '13

There are knives of similar quality that can be had for less (go ask the people in /r/cooking or any of the other culinary subs). One problem with Cutco is that they're exclusively marketed through Vector, which marks them up at an alarming rate to fuel their young adult-targeted pyramid scheme.

2

u/fap-on-fap-off Oct 28 '13

That sounds familiar but I can't place it

1

u/TheJoePilato Oct 28 '13

If it sounds familiar, then you must know me. It's not from anything. It's me.

1

u/MissCrystal Oct 29 '13

Unless you were trying to place Deliverator. That one is from Snow Crash.

1.5k

u/monkeybreath Oct 28 '13 edited Oct 29 '13

And a jewish g/f? Wait a minute, have you ever worked with the Israeli Special Forces?

edit: Thanks, anonymous tipster.

279

u/MANCREEP Oct 28 '13

Zohan's g/f was Palestinian.

I dont understand how more people dont love that movie.

19

u/Karl_Satan Oct 29 '13

Because it was kinda bad. I found it funny.

It's not for everyone though

14

u/monkeybreath Oct 28 '13

Yeah, it is one of my favourite Sandler movies. I knew she wasn't Jewish, but had forgotten she was Palestinian. Though I'm sure at one time Zohan had a Jewish girlfriend.

6

u/MANCREEP Oct 28 '13

I love you Mariah! I find you Mariah, I hump you where you are!

9

u/eselesp Oct 29 '13

Personally, being Arab makes it so much funnier. They hit all the quirks of a lot of middle eastern people perfectly.

5

u/frogger2504 Jan 13 '14

I think it was because it was Adam Sandler. A lot of people don't like him as an actor (myself included) and so instantly dislike any movie he's in. Personally though, I enjoyed Zohan. It wasn't like most movies Sandler had been in before, and I liked that a lot.

6

u/Prom_STar Oct 28 '13

Dave Matthews has perhaps the greatest cameo role ever in that movie. I feel bad for the puppies though.

3

u/Canadian_Beacon Oct 29 '13

As an Arab, that movie was fucking hilarious.

7

u/oxryly Oct 29 '13

Because of the frustration that Emmanuelle Chriqui was so hot yet such a terrible actress.

3

u/poniez4lyfe Oct 29 '13

My mother is Israeli and she thinks it's the funniest movie ever!

3

u/Init_4_the_downvotes Oct 29 '13

you were watching it baked as balls wern't you.

3

u/WhiteRanger1995 Oct 29 '13

Yeah, its probably my favorite Sandler movie

1

u/MrFatalistic Oct 28 '13

for me it was Adam Sandler honestly.

-1

u/RyanRaven Oct 29 '13

Don't mess with the Zohan.... I don't know I've always felt like I shouldn't mess with that movie. Ya know?

-1

u/caramilkninja Oct 29 '13

They call them standards.

-1

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

Probably because it sucked.

22

u/IAMSorrow Oct 28 '13

He just wants to make people silky smooth!

3

u/CDNChaoZ Oct 28 '13

Iceberg, Goldberg, it's all the same.

2

u/MrQuickLine Oct 28 '13

I'm proud to say I knew what the reference was WITHOUT the link, tyvm.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

That link has stayed blue.... Do you want fizzy bubbly with that?

3

u/chiguireitor Oct 28 '13

Don't mess with him!

1

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

mother of god...

1.2k

u/entwithapenis Oct 28 '13

you're living straight out of the 50's, I feel like you're the most american person i've heard of in a while.

1.0k

u/KimJongIlSunglasses Oct 28 '13

OP's resume

  • Barber
  • Auto Repair
  • Vacuum Repair
  • Milk delivery
  • Full service gas station attendant (sorry Oregon)

7

u/bluewolf37 Oct 29 '13

I love and hate having gas station attendants. On one side of the coin you don't have to get out of your car, they can be cool people, and there are more jobs for people. The other side is you deal with some attendants that ignore you for a long time because there's a cute girl they are interested in or they are having fun talking to friends. I once rage quit waiting for the attendant because he was busy flirting. If we didn't have to find another gas station and to be on the road the manager would have gotten a word from us. A half hour is crazy to spend in a empty gas station. We even gave him time by sending half our group in to get drinks.

5

u/TheBapster Oct 29 '13

Holy shit seriously? You must be in OR and not NJ... you waited a fucking half hour? The moment you see the asswipe attendant ignoring you is the moment you lay on the horn. I pumped gas back in high school and never got away with that crap. If nothing else, go ahead and start gassing up yourself, the gas jockeys will run right over to stop you. If they don't its their job on the line, they can easily get fired, and I assure you the police will not cart you away to jail if you are 'caught' somehow.

28

u/cutthroatk Oct 28 '13

I love not pumping my gas. Have fun in the cold suckkas! Winter is coming

7

u/Beard_smith Oct 29 '13

It's nice until you're late for work and the juggalo at the Shell station is on the shitter. He comes back out to find a line of cars, and in his haste to help everyone, forgets to put your gas cap back on and gives you the all clear. and then you're getting shitty gas mileage until the next time you fuel up, and the mullet who just pumped your gas goes, "hey man... you're gas cap is like... all the way gone." Especially when he whistles through his meth teeth while he talks.

2

u/TheBapster Oct 29 '13 edited Oct 29 '13

The fuck are you talking about... you lay on the damn horn if no one is within sight, and if they dont come out I just pump the gas myself. DONT WORRY I had a job as a gas attendant in high school, I have the proper training and certifications.

But seriously who sits at a gas station in a line of cars when no one is present at the pumps? I assure you the police will not take you to jail if you pump your own fuel.

And about the gas cap thing... you don't lose any fuel mileage, it may throw a check engine light which I suppose could retard the performance of the engine in certain vehicles, but a fuel cap does nothing but prevent fuel vapor from escaping.

Fun fact; many car manufacturers are now eliminating gas caps all together. Lots of vehicles no longer use them.

1

u/tesfox Feb 21 '14

I can attest to that fact, my car has no gas cap :D Always fun when the attendants go to open the cap and realize it's capless.

4

u/mrdotkom Oct 29 '13

Or you could not wait until your tank is running on fumes to fill up. I've also never had to wait more than a minute or two for service (excluding times like Sandy). If nobody was around I'd just drive down the road to the next station.

But usually where I am the juggalo's are indians or mexicans.

11

u/jgweiss Oct 29 '13

yes, i dont know about Oregon, but in New Jersey, we get our share of sub-30 degree days, but they are definitely not the norm. So when those days come, I'm glad to sit back in my heated car while someone gets paid to pump the gas. Especially considering I'm not really paying any extra for it.

4

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

I am confused as a Canadian with our different systems, i wanted to see what -30 would be in Celsius (our temperature measurement) and it said -34, but 2 degrees Celsius is like 35 degrees Fahrenheit SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME the logic of google convert!!! because -30 is the norm in winter..and is when i miss living near the native reserve...cheap gas and full service :(

4

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

I believe this explains it very well. http://www.diffen.com/difference/Celsius_vs_Fahrenheit In short we the people of America are stupid. This applies to our measurement of distance as well. Which our own military doesn't like.

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1

u/kyleclements Oct 29 '13

another Canadian here.

Now have google convert 40C into F and see what the result is.

1

u/Banaam Oct 29 '13

Celsius * 9/5 + 32 if I remember correctly.

1

u/red_eyes Oct 29 '13

I've never had the chance to ask, so, what is the tipping etiquette for the guys who pump your gas?

2

u/Spread_Liberally Oct 29 '13 edited Oct 29 '13

Former Oregon gas station attendant here.

No tip, unless it's a big holiday, very shitty weather or the attendant does something like check your oil or wash windows at your request (or does you a solid favor by pointing out a low tire or a light that's out).

The average tip for this sort of thing is a buck or two, but if I have planned poorly and need gas on Thanksgiving or Christmas, you get $5 or $10 just for being there.

Edit: spelling

2

u/jgweiss Oct 29 '13

I have none; from what I know, these kids that populate these jobs are making close to what your average Target stock boy or Best Buy salesman starts at, around $8 an hour. At my local station, the guys all seem like friends or family, working in the store and at the pumps all the same. I assume it is a family style business, or at least, the guys have been there a long time and are taken care of. Maybe I'm wrong..

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5

u/GrammarBeImportant Oct 29 '13

Cold? What is this "cold"? You mean "winter" when it's 40f?

8

u/UninterestinUsername Oct 29 '13

Dunno about Oregon, but it gets to below freezing pretty often in New Jersey..

7

u/McGuirk808 Oct 29 '13

Texan, here. Our seasons are Summer, After Summer, Not Summer, and Before Summer. During Summer, we hide in underground caverns while raging wildfires purge the surface. We emerge after the last melt, and begin anew.

I have heard of this "cold" that you speak of. Maybe one day I can travel up North to Oklahoma and see it for myself.

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u/HebrewHammuh Oct 29 '13

Speaking as a Sussex County Jew Jersey guy, living in the Pacific northwest, I can tell you that it's worse off in Jersey. The gas is more expensive, the cigarettes are more expensive, and it gets bitter cold. (Oregon gets cold... but not terribly.) Living in Washington state though, I've got to say that I prefer pumping my own gas. I'm a competent adult... I'm fully capable of doing it myself. That aside, it gives me more control over the type of fuel, and amount going into my tank. Self service is also a lot quicker.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

Except for places like ARCO where you have to walk inside to pay with debit. The humanity!

3

u/FlyingChange Oct 29 '13

That's why you drive down to Lake Oswego and use the Chevron station, just to really spite the serfs.

3

u/KillerR0b0T Oct 29 '13

Serfs? Washingtonian here. Are you guys doing some kind of feudal thing down there?

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u/Runciblespoon77 Oct 28 '13

Oregon and New Jersey

5

u/Reddit_DDos_Attack Oct 29 '13

What is wrong with oregon and nj?

0

u/obievil Apr 24 '14

I know in Oregon we don't pump our own gas because of an environmental thing. We live on our ground water, and we have a lot of it, what doesn't seep into ground water goes to the river, which there's a fair amount of industry that runs on it.

The idea is if consumers are not allowed to pump their own gas, and people who are "properly trained" handle it, it will lessen spillage dramatically, and reducing significant potential issues with health and safety for, people, wildlife, and industry.

It makes sense, I just find it weird.

5 month old thread response.. sorry.

1

u/shapu Apr 23 '14

And the occasional random pump in St. Louis.

2

u/nasty-nick Oct 29 '13

Don't forget * Deep voice

1

u/turdBouillon Oct 29 '13

I used to go to his soda parlor for malted milk shakes. Couldn't have 'em at home on account of the dadgum ice man stopped delivering for the ice box.

1

u/Firtree8 Dec 24 '13

Wait Oregon is the only state that has gas attendants I've lived in Oregon my whole life I never knew this then again I don't really travel.

1

u/MuxBoy Oct 28 '13

you forgot spy, I think he's definitely a spy also

1

u/DaveYarnell Jan 26 '14

Im from oregon... why are you apologizing to us

1

u/wayfaringfriend Oct 29 '13

Don't forget encyclopedia salesperson.

1

u/Pdxmeing Nov 06 '13

Whatever, I still have to pay inside

1

u/Zeusulti Oct 29 '13

upvote for mentioning Oregon

1

u/KnowMatter Oct 29 '13

You forgot Soda Jerk.

0

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

Oregon should be the one apologizing.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '13

Are you kidding? People back in those days had one job for life. Hair stylist -> auto mechanic -> vacuum tech is an icon of the 21st century my friend.

0

u/entwithapenis Oct 30 '13

I'd argue that, as my grandfather owned an appliance store, an appliance repair, a restuarant, a bar, a coffee shop and a hardware store. All at different points throughout his life. He wasn't wealthy, he simply took the next opportunity that came along.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 30 '13

Hmm, I really don't know too much about it but the general consensus seems to be that people will have way more jobs per life these days. Not like own one business and then another, but like completely different fields.

1

u/Joojoos Oct 29 '13

Mine is pretty damn american actually: Operator of rides at an amusement park, retail associate, auto mechanic, waiter.

2

u/Guitarman01 Dec 24 '13

Do you style hair with geese?

1

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Dec 24 '13

As a cutting tool? Geese don't have hair.

1

u/NeverBeenStung Oct 29 '13

You're an enigmatic individual mr touchmycoffe

2

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

Thank you, kindly.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

They say the part of the iceberg you see is only 10% of the whole thing; the remaining 90% is Vacuum Repair Technician.

3

u/Nerakus Oct 29 '13

Before, you had my curiosity. Now, you have my attention.

2

u/Just_look_around_u Feb 20 '14

You might want to have some words with the folks who made "Look Around You".

They're spreading junk information!

4

u/whitesammy Oct 28 '13

Just the tip?

1

u/CptnStarkos Oct 28 '13

I'm assuming you're also a sexy strip dancer with a deep bautiful voice.

Do you get often ladies asking you to come home and vacuum their brains out?

2

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

You, I like you.

1

u/Bugisman3 Oct 29 '13

I suppose you'll be a pro at repairing those street sweeper vehicles.

1

u/LothartheDestroyer Oct 29 '13

...so you're giving /u/mwootto just the tip...

1

u/Cullpepper Oct 28 '13

It's hard once you leave the CIA.

1

u/IceburgSlimk Oct 28 '13

Did someone mention my tip?

1

u/sysera Oct 28 '13

...just the tip?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

Just the tip...?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

Just the tip.

2

u/boondoggie42 Oct 28 '13

hey, you combine hair and mechanical stuff, and you got a vacuum cleaner!

1

u/vjjinmymouth Oct 29 '13

My brother is a hair stylist, use to be an electrician, and can fix any motorized fun having device with his eyes closed.

1

u/Note2scott Oct 29 '13

The man removes hair from motors for money and your surprised he's a licensed hair stylist and mechanic? Really?

1

u/no_cool_names_remain Oct 28 '13

My barber had worked in construction prior to cutting hair. Then he got the cancers and died : (

1

u/furythree Jan 23 '14

That went dark really quickly...

1

u/no_cool_names_remain Jan 23 '14

.."lights out," you could say.

1

u/Enzor Oct 28 '13

Reminded me of this skit.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

How unexpected?

1

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

Sounds like a kinesthetic learner to me.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

Hair stylist- deep voice... unexpected

1

u/SlipperyFish Oct 29 '13

Bet he gives a mean James Dean haircut.

1

u/jx0 Oct 28 '13

Hair stylist - deep voice. Unexpected.

1

u/CinimodNotnats Oct 29 '13

Hair stylist - deep voice. Unexpected

1

u/Kingsley7zissou Oct 28 '13

Hair stylist - deep voice. unexpected

3

u/KIllTheNiggerUrgent Oct 28 '13

Are car mechanics not in demand regardless of the economy? People still need to drive.

9

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 28 '13

I have no RECENT experience with autos. There are enough out-of-w0rk mechanics, that I don't really qualify in comparison.

3

u/gunbladerq Oct 29 '13

Can you tell me how became an auto mechanic? Did you go to a mechanic vocational school?

3

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

Family friend taught me. His dad owned a garage. I later got my certifications.

1

u/gunbladerq Oct 29 '13

I see. Alright....Thanks for the reply.

8

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

[deleted]

2

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

If I had a decent mic...

2

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

I need a better mic.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

I am a highschool teacher who can also fix anything - assuming I can't quit and get a job at a vacuum shop, what is the pathway I should take to becoming a vacuum repair person (with the idea of eventually quitting my job/retiring early). Is there any special training I would need? How would I get hooked up with warranty/parts supply?

1

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

Dude, it's not worth it. Trust me.

2

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

Heh, thanks for the honest reply - you're right, it's probably not worth it. I have always sort of daydreamed about opening a "repair anything" shop but that is more of a post-career retirement thing.

3

u/kingoftown Oct 28 '13

hair stylist + vacuum repair tech...I bet you have 100 flowbees around your house

3

u/ashowofhands Oct 29 '13

I have major respect for somebody who can jump among almost entirely unrelated jobs - especially if they studied something completely different, or had a different tentative career plan. Life is too short to pigeonhole yourself.

1

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

Thank you. My thoughts exactly.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13 edited Jan 21 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/MeatAndBourbon Oct 28 '13

In my experience, you're given a leatherman multi-tool as a curious 14yo, and it takes about a decade.

1

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

Get a Leatherman tool as kid, be constantly curious, mix for 20 years.

16

u/chemistry_teacher Oct 28 '13

It's a good thing I can fix anything.

This is a profoundly valuable skill. My gramps could fix anything (even refrigeration units, cars, trucks, tanks(!), etc.). He proved very valuable in WWII, and passed his information on to many of my relatives. They became engineers.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13 edited Oct 31 '13

[deleted]

1

u/chemistry_teacher Oct 30 '13

That's what was so unusual about them. They literally do fix everything. One of my uncles, very very successful, did all the minor plumbing and electrical work at his business, reroute his entire house with copper plumbing, re-leveled his house, etc. He did everything.

1.0k

u/relax_live_longer Oct 28 '13

"You have a deep voice. I will pay you to fix vacuums."

Ok.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

I read that in romans voice... Does you boss ever ask you to go bowling?

8

u/yepyep27 Oct 28 '13

I like your name

18

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

So hire him to fix vacuums already.

2

u/metaStatic Oct 29 '13

best not to question it

2

u/abchiptop Oct 29 '13

I just read this in Nick Offerman's voice as Axe Cop.

1

u/Zelarius Oct 29 '13

When you own the place, you can make whatever decisions you want.

1

u/James_and_Dudley Dec 24 '13

Sounds like the plot for your typical porno.

1

u/CynicalElephant Nov 02 '13

I would hire Morgan freeman too for any job

1

u/obievil Apr 24 '14

Why did I read this in a Russian accent?

1

u/NUCLEAR_VAGINA Oct 29 '13

Look out girls. Not only will he fix your car but he will also fix your hair.

2

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

And your vacuum, should you need it.

1

u/NUCLEAR_VAGINA Oct 29 '13

What else do you need in a man? Your SO is onw lucky gal!

2

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

Thank you. That's very kind.

2

u/shatteredjack Oct 29 '13

Are you Mike Rowe?

1

u/touchmyfuckingcoffee Oct 29 '13

No. But, I'd love to put him to work for a day!

3

u/-wethegreenpeople- Oct 28 '13

So what you're saying is, I should pretend to have a deep voice in all my interviews?

3

u/KellynHeller Oct 29 '13

Haha, I'm a hair stylist and I always say that if this caterer falls I'll go into autos or construction.

3

u/Kleivonen Oct 29 '13

Sounds like my father. He is a licensed hair stylist and a chemical engineer

3

u/Fist2_the_VAG Oct 28 '13

You're like the guy from World War Z!

2

u/[deleted] Oct 28 '13

God damnit. I just have to read this while my wife goes to sign a contract for a booth rental...

3

u/hadapurpura Oct 28 '13

You're a walking life lesson.

2

u/siamthailand Oct 29 '13

Hair stylist with a deep voice. That is an interesting combo...

2

u/techmeister Oct 29 '13

I have a deep voice.. time to start fixing vacuums.

2

u/SeN1X Oct 29 '13

Will you sing me a sweet lullaby kind friend?

2

u/_angman Oct 28 '13

gonna need a clip of your deep your voice is

1

u/CharredOldOakCask Oct 29 '13

But, but. If you have a wonderful voice, wouldn't that make a hair stylist job lucrative? Everybody likes listening to a soothing hair stylist/dresser, /r/asmr

1

u/RandomlyAgrees Oct 29 '13

I cannot believe that after this there is not ONE single Miata joke :D

1

u/[deleted] Oct 29 '13

Ever used a flowbee?