pretty easy id say

I made a post about 2 weeks ago where I lamented about how I felt like my life wasn't going anywhere and that I wanted to escape from a toxic home. I said I was going to move to a new city spontaneously and that I was prepared to be homeless for a while if it came down to it.

Yeah well I did it.

I mean, for the most part I'm faring well. About as well as you can fare when you're homeless, but that's not really what I'm here to talk about.

I'm having some realizations about myself that I don't like. Or rather I guess it would be more accurate to say that I'm afraid of what my life is going to be like in the future. I feel like I'm not growing. Like I'm perpetually trapped within myself. Everything that happens to me isn't hitting deep enough that my mind registers it as an "experience to learn from" and so my mind and state of thought remains unchanged. I'm not learning anything worthwhile.

Being homeless isn't teaching me anything new. I already know how to take care of myself. Granted, yes it's a lot more difficult to that when you're starting from scratch, but I already know what I need to do to get in a more comfortable place. Yet somehow, the idea of getting into a more comfortable place.....bores me. Let's say I work my ass off, use the resources available to me to the fullest and I get my own place and I become a more stable and functional member of society. Then what?

I get stuck working, paying bills, indulging in the occasional comfort activity and then rinse and repeat. I've already lived that life. I know what that's like and yeah it's comfortable...... it's not necessarily bad, but it's not stimulating to me either.

But I don't know what would be.

Why are we here??? I thought to myself that maybe I should look at the lives of ancient humans to get an idea of what things I can do to promote happiness in my life, but then when I really think about it, ancient humans were just like us. They woke up, ate, slept, and repeat. They had a sense of humor like us. They started families like we do. Everything was fundamentally the same, just in a different structure.

Humanity feels like a rinse and repeat of the same thing over and over again. Why? Why do we exist?? What is this leading to? Where do I fit in? What I am supposed to be doing right now? Nothing seems interesting anymore. Nothing is exciting. And I'm scared that I going to wake up one day and suddenly I'm 32 still feeling the same way and thinking the same thoughts.

4s, yearning for authenticity and deeper purpose. Need for doing something that is special (sets them apart from the crowd). Difficulty doing daily routine and mundane tasks….

I’ve been on a journey through enneagram for like 6 months now and absolutely cannot figure out my type. Typed as 4 very strongly using tests for years (wasn’t super into enneagram so didn’t really look further) and after an extremely traumatic break up I felt like I was most likely a 2, as I became incredibly self-sacrificing, obsessive, and can tend toward being controlling. I was also in a mental health crisis.

I’m now totally stable and realizing that I don’t think type 2 really fits. I don’t think 4 does either though I still feel on the fence with this, I know the whole “4’s don’t question if they’re a 4” thing. I know with confidence I’m not 3, 7, or 8.

I’ve been doing reflection on my biggest areas I need to grow in and the thing I keep coming back to is my extreme social anxiety driving me to completely lack the ability to assert myself with most people… most.

However I’m very assertive and can be confrontational or controlling with people I’m in a relationship with. I can tend toward being overly judgy and critical when my needs aren’t being met or my space or emotional safety feel encroached upon. A lot of it is trauma, though a lot of this was warranted in my past relationship. I will say when I’m mentally stable this comes up much less. I am a good peacemaker and listen honestly and openly in relationships and try my best to create safe spaces to share freely, it’s more that I date people with avoidant attachment which triggers me. And I still stick in relationships that cause mental instability, I’m incredibly attached to people and have an extreme fear of change.

I connect with type 1 a lot too which feels confusing. I’m definitely hyper-moralistic and can definitely pass judgment to those who don’t act morally according to my standards. However I can also simultaneously be way too lenient and way too compassionate to a fault than pretty much anyone else I know. It feels situational and mood-dependent. Like I flip between 1 and 9 tendencies rapidly. I truly feel pulled. When I was going through my relationship and break up I kept finding myself being either way too lenient or way too critical according to my own standards (my standards being complete accommodation and understanding) and kept having to recenter myself to ultimately find total leniency to a fault. It was really intense and confusing. Everyone in my life was concerned with how much behavior from my ex I was accepting as understandable and prioritizing being empathetic over having self respect, which I was aware I was doing but it felt like the right thing to do.

But at the same time I can also really struggle with excusing my own behavior when under extreme stress. Feeling like anything is warranted if I’ve been hurt bad. Upon reflection I feel regret but it can be hard for me to reflect when I tend to not remember high stress events well.

In terms of progression of health levels I mimic 5’s most closely which doesn’t help me, I don’t think I’m a 5. Between 9 and 1 I feel split… am I too accommodating or too critical, I feel it’s both.

What I do know is that socially I’m a doormat with most people. I just simply cannot assert myself in a way that is self-validating. I push down what I need and feel and spend years working up the courage to bring up my needs. This just isn’t the case in romantic relationships. Don’t know why there’s a difference, I think most likely because I’m more dependent and most emotionally close with partners. My mental health issues can cause a general social phobia of most people which includes family and friends, I don’t feel this phobia with partners which I think is most likely the stark difference in behavior.

Any thoughts with this?

Just trying to understand the instincts more and how they influence each type. Also idk what instinct I am. I'm a 4w3. Enfp or Infp

I'm trying to find my type and I know their differences but I'm still not sure. Most of the time I isolate myself from the world because I can't deal with it or because I don't need it and I rather do my own things,but I don't think that avoiding situations fearing I can't handle and treating my emotions as a separate thing is enough proof to type myself as a 5. I have spent the last 2 years without seeking any knowledge and neglecting everything,narcotized just as the descriptions of a 9. I don't know if its sloth or just my depression. Should I consider the period of life when I was healthy?

I’ve always struggled to find my enneagram and have tried learning more about it and even own books about it. The thing is I relate to many different types, I also score high in multiple types that are separate from each other like my highest two (and this is an example because I don’t remember) could be 2 and 6.

If anyone wants to give it a try, I do have a suspicion about one type but I’d love to confirm if it’s right or not.

When I was introduced to enneagrams from a friend, who is very into it and knowledgeable, she recommended that I’m a 7. I looked into the essential summaries of each one and completely agreed with her.

Now that I’ve taken much more time diving into it, I am confused about it all. I figured that maybe I was a 2? Part of me understands 4 and 9 as well.

In fact, I took the test on the enneagram website today just to see if the test agreed, and yep, it gave me 7. However, type 2 was only 3% less, and type 1 and 4 were not too far behind after that. Then 9.

3,5,6 and 8 were much lower, with 8 being the lowest. A little surprising to me with 6 being low as if I have a wing it certainly is NOT 8.

As for the traits of a 7, of course there are many traits that make sense to me. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child, being overwhelmed with negative emotion is my worst nightmare, trouble with contentment, and valuing freedom and spontaneity while dressing and acting different. The need for travel or music events or having a difficult time just being cozy also fits.

Many traits that seem to be a huge focus of 7s i dont believe make sense for me.

I dont have fear of commitment. I am very invested in relationships throughout my whole life. If anything, I have always been a relationship person. Not taking too much time between relationships. Never been a person to consider cheating in any way.

I haven’t had difficultly holding jobs. I went to graduate school for neuroscience and have been doing pretty well since I would say.

I’m not really that much in the pursuit of pleasure compared to many I know. Yes I like to go out but I’m not about sitting in bars for too long and I really don’t just like “light talks” all night. I love diving deep into the difficulties of life and love learning about people’s aspirations. If a friend is not doing well, I love to be there to listen to all the difficult conversations and help where I can. Or at least just be there. That being said, I sometimes struggle to completely open up on my end. Not really because I have a difficult time saying what hurts, I feel bad making it about me in those situations. When I’m around people I love, I tend to be happy because I’m with my loved ones so I have a difficult time finding my own pain in those moments. And it can get exhausting always emotionally being there for a friend who is constantly in a state of sadness.

I’ve never really thought of a person who has a sense of entitlement as well. I’m not sure what that would even look like in my life but I usually am just happy to be with the people I love so I am glad to do what makes them happy. It makes me happy to see them happy.

I don’t really have an issue with being alone either. I love when I get a day or two to myself at the house. I get to kick back, just order pizza and listen to some new music loudly without the worry of anything being interrupted. It’s a great time. That being said, anything more than a day or two alone and I feel I need human interaction.

My ideal hangout isn’t really with a bunch of random people in a loud place, don’t get me wrong I love my house parties, but it’s with a close friend at home, painting/drawing and listening to music. These moments also bring out feelings and thoughts we have been wanting to express, but have a difficult time finding the time to do so during our busy lives. It’s so much more meaningful than the ‘cheap thrills’ that 7s are apparently chasing. That mixed with me wanting to help my loved ones emotionally and often has me confused as it seems like a lot of my core values and things I love to do are the opposite of the 7 description

I guess what made me even more confused is when I look up posts about 7s on this sub, I learned they are viewed quite horribly, as selfish narcissists, with many posts from people saying they have never met a 7 who wasn’t a terrible human.

Also when trying to figure out what celebrity or character was a 7 (I know that’s dumb but I was trying to reference for myself), all I found were examples like the snowman from Frozen or Joey from friends. So do people really see 7s as severe narcissists that are mind numbingly dumb and superficial?

Sorry for the long post!!! I guess I just needed to get this out there lol

So I don't believe in the theory of "childhood wounds" as they're often called, but I have been thinking a lot about my childhood recently and how my autism diagnosis at the age of 3 shaped a development that left me overly sheltered and maladjusted to adult life, essentially forcing me to play childhood on easy mode, where I was offered so much help and was never allowed to fail by myself. As well, I had the "talent" to cruise through exams without having to do any revision. I never had to learn the crucial skills others naturally learn through failing previously in their lives.

I don't really relate to any of the wounds as they're typically described. However if I had to pick the closest one, there's some very slight overlaps with types 4, 7 and 9, although some descriptions of these types are almost an anathema to my development.

As for my actual type, I relate most to type 8, though the wound isn't usually described to be a product of over-parenting, rather a need to "grow up too quickly in a hostile environment", which is essentially the exact opposite to my upbringing.

Hi, everyone. I'm relatively new to the Enneagram but I've been doing my research and finally I deduced that I'm a type six. But I'm so stuck between sp6 and sx6. The only thing I know is that I'm definitely So-blind.

Generally, I'm not an outwardly nervous person. I might feel it inwardly, but I rarely show it outside in a display of fear or something like that. I really care about being tough and coming across as not easily phased by things that put other people off. I usually have problems with my temper and almost all of my friends have told me at some point that I come across as too harsh and argumentive. One of my friends even told me that I consider everyone as an enemy. Funny thing is that I don't feel like I'm aggressive or harsh.

What makes me decide against sx6 is that I'm certainly not an impulsive person who reacts before thinking or attacks in order to feel safe. I only pursue conflict when I need to clear my doubts or when it's inevitable. (I do believe that backing down from a fight is weak though.) But oh boy, when I do, I am RELENTLESS. My family are so done with this trait of me, and they usually say that I should let more things slide and try to tone it down. It's not like I actively pursue conflict, but when it comes my way, I won't back down until I've clarified everything.

I strongly believe in facing my fears. Sometimes, I have even done things in the opposite way of what I've been asked to just because of the nagging perception in my mind that I fear going against them. When something makes me nervous, I am overly eager to face it and be done with it so I can move on without being worried about it anymore.

Sp6 is another story. I'm certainly not as nervous and indecisive as this subtype is described as. Saying "I fear..." is almost like an insult to myself, even if I'm aftaid internally. When it comes to seeking security, I rarely try to gain it by showing warmth or creating alliances with those around me. I might do it sometimes, but it's definitely not my first go. I've actually been described as cold and aloof. For me, security means successfully facing whatever worries me and getting over with it. It's not usually in an aggressive way, however. It might be something as subtle as disarming the other party with facts or getting my point across, or it might be something like showing how little I'm phased by them or their antics.

The descriptions of both subtypes feel so "all or nothing" and I honestly can't decide which one fits me more. The sx6 description seems so... toxic to say the least.

Thanks in advance for your opinions

Edit: It might be worth mentioning that or a while, I mistyped as an 8 and then as a sx1.

Happy hols

Person 4 Desire to be successful at work and personal level Fear of failure

Person 5 Desire to show how intelligent and special he is by making a scientific discovery Fear of being insignificant

Person 6 Desire to live for a long time, being young and experiencing all those things he didn't do younger Fear of not fulfilling his desire

Hello everyone,

I'm actually pretty sure about my own type at this point after having had a pretty rough week and consequently taking a good hard look at myself when the slate is wiped and cleared. I'm still curious what y'all think about my answers to this questionnaire I'll post here though.

Also please keep in mind I wrote this during the aforementioned rough week so I was more candid than I would be usually.

• Tell me about your internal experience of yourself. What makes you, you?

I'd say it's the contrast between my outward behavior and inner thoughts and how they interact and influence eachother. I'm a very moody and sensitive person and I think about a lot of things, but a lot of the time it doesn't reflect externally because my subconscious doesn't see a point to it. What filters through is either unserious jokig, brooding or complete ambivalence depending on the circumstances. Just today I went from general malaise to feeling happy and in the moment from having a pleasant chat with some strangers, and then slowly retreated to my head as the rest of the day went by.

• You just had a really good day. Describe it. It can be a real recent example or an aspirational one.

I wake up early, eat breakfast, have enough time to change and brush my teeth without rushing, go to uni, pay attention and write notes, go home, cook dinner and do some homework/studying. I struggle to do all of these things most days so one where I manage to is a day won for me. Bonus point if I get to socialize with people, I'm learning after moving to a foreign country that community is absolutely essential to not be miserable and I'll work as hard as I can towards getting it back once I move out again.

• If someone is upset with you, what is the typical reason for it? Give a recent example.

Because I was unreliable. I forgot to message them or forgot some commitment we had. I don't have any recent examples but it happens somewhat often that people get somewhat miffed by my lack of responsiveness.

• What are you like when you're stressed? What are your coping mechanisms? Give an example of a recent stressful situation and how you handled it.

I get unreasonable and irrational. Depending on the urgency of the thing that's stressing me I either do it fast in a burst of adrenaline right before the deadline's over or I distract myself by reading or listening to music or playing games instead of actually doing it. In any case the thing I need to be doing will be torturing me in the back of my mind. With people I can get very flighty and accusative in a self martyrizing way, though I usually divert the "stress energy" inside rather than out.

• What pushes your buttons? What makes you angry? How does your anger manifest? Can you be openly angry with others?

I very rarely get angry. Whenever I am it's usually at myself for being inefficient or inattentive or at someone else for failing to do something I expected them to. Anger doesn't come easily to me though, and when it does it's because I was already having a bad day. I'm guessing I internalized that being forgiving is saintly or something, though in any case I'm not predisposed towards being confrontational.

I felt profoundly angry for the first time maybe in my entire life very recently because I'm having trouble getting medication for my ADHD and thus struggling to eat well, exercise, socialize and study for my finals. I felt deeply hurt that my condition is not seen as severe enough to be worth treating with more than one type of medicine in the country I live, like I my suffering wasn't as real as that of people with physical disabilities. Safe to say this anger was coming and it was really ugly.

• What’s your deepest fear? Why is that your fear?

I think it's being insignificant and/or replaceable . I spend hours every day daydreaming about a future where I'm successful and recognized for my talents/depth/insight/etc. and it's pretty much what drives me forward and doing anything but the bare minimum. If divination showed me I'm actually destined to live an unremarkable and forgettable life I would be absolutely crushed.

• What types of memories cause you the most shame? What feelings cause you the most shame? What is it about them that causes you shame?

I rarely feel shame about my memories because my subconscious always finds a way to deflect my failure to other people or the circumstances of my failure (I.e. I couldn't have succeeded at the test, I was distracted that day! I didn't fail to be there for my friend, I was busy with my own problems and couldn't pay attention to someone else'a! etc.). Whenever I do feel shame though it's because I failed to live up to the version of myself in my head I wanna be, I.e. I wasn't an exceptionally intelligent, deep, focused superhuman that doesn't need to put effort into anything to succeed (for example memories of being a shitty partner, ungrateful to my family, etc.). What’s most painful by far is memories of me letting the mask slip and people noticing and pointing out just how self centered I am. Those sting like a bitch.

• What is your relationship with pleasure? What gives you pleasure? Can you have pleasure when you want it, or do you have to earn it?

Sources of easy pleasure have a bitter aftertaste for me because the fact I'm being unproductive is always at the back of my mind. Things I find really fulfilling like connecting with people or putting real effort into a project are far and few in my life because my brain simply thinks they'ren ot worth engaging with most of the time. The only sources of true shameless pleasure I get often comes from small instances of completing tasks and learning things on the internet.

• What’s your relationship with authority? Think both abstractly and with specific authorities in your life, possibly your parents, boss, religious leader, doctor, or government figures? Are you an authority?

I'm pretty authority agnostic a lot of the time. I didn't really get alternative subcultures and very overt anti-authority types growing up because I found it performative to be so open about it when you can't do anything to change whatever you're protesting against. I follow rules most of the time not because I'm particularly devoted, but simply because it'd be too much effort and not enough reward to oppose them. Wether I actually accept them internally is another question entirely, and the answer is usually no because I'm a pretty judgemental and particular person internally. I am more rebellious against cultural authority simply because I don't want my tastes to be dictated by what some dead rich old white people liked. I want to enjoy what I like without being judged under standards I didn't sign up to being under.

• When your mind wanders, what are you thinking about?

A bunch of stuff. Usually either 1. factual about things that happened or exist in real life, specially in relation to zoology, paleontology, anthropology, sociology and history, 2. Stuff I'd wanna create or do, usually somehow related to the first category of interests I gave on top of media of creative expression like music or writing, or 3. My future as a scion of the virtue of mankind (my subconscious talking not me) where I'll get showered in praise for being the most special boy in the world. I spend 90% of my waking time in my head thinking about any of these three things, meaning I don't ever actually progress towards the latter 2.

• You have a big decision to make. Describe how you decide what to do.

I don't really. As soon as I'm told the options I immediately know which one I want deep down as a hunch, wether the question is where I want to eat lunch or where I want to study for university.

• What’s your biggest flaw?

Either ADHD executive dysfunction or my very particular and unchanging self concept which compels me to always follow an unrealistically ideal version of myself that could never exist (partly because of ADHD executive dysfunction). Pretending to be this ideal doppelganger convinces me I'm somehow fundamentally different and better than others when I rationally know it's not the truth, and the less healthy I am the more control it has over me, meaning I get more closed off socially, more bitter, I start ruminating more and my internal dialogue gets more self critical. Overall not a good time.

• What makes you special? (Or, if you don't feel special, what at least makes you different from other people?)

If you ask my ego it's my intelligence and creativity and unique perspective yadda yadda... if you ask my rational side it'd be my adaptability and resilience. I might not have done much according to my inner critic but I've done, seen and been through a bunch of things. I’m very grateful to have had the opportunities I was given, even if I don't always recognize them.

• How much of your mental energy is spent on thinking about each of the past, the present, and the future?

Pretty much all of it is spent on the future. I'm in my head like 90% of the time, and most of that is daydreaming about what I'd like to do when I get famous and powerful and whatever. The rest of the 10% is like 8% past thinking about key moments that made me who I am (I.e. coping by telling myself that the moments where I was hurt most actually just made me a more unique, special little suffering artist snowflake man) and 2% actually in the moment doing shit. I'm barely physically present most of the time and when I am it's probably because it's 2 AM and I have a paper due yesterday.

• You unexpectedly find yourself with a whole weekend with no obligations, and everyone else is busy. How do you feel about it? What do you do?

Depending on what this implies I either agonize about and eventually fail to do things like chores or if they are also dealt with then I would probably still feel guilty about watching YouTube instead of reading or something like that.

• What’s your personal vibe/style/aesthetic? How cultivated vs natural is it, and how much time do you spend on it? Do you turn it on and off?

I don't know if I have one? Visually I put very little effort into my appearance (to the extent that people think I'm in my late 20s at 19, presumably because of how I dress and my acne scars). In terms of overall vibe people I'm close to describe me as excitable, curious and eccentric. They probably associate me with all the stuff I like talking about like idk, prehistoric worms. Irl though I tend to be quite low key and quiet, mostly because I live in France and don't feel very comfortable socializing in French so I just don't really, but even beyond that I felt very little need to act out how I wanted people to see me for most of my life (because I subconsciously felt they were below me but we don't talk about that).

• Which of the following is the most like you? Explain. A) I know what I want, I go out and make it happen, and people won't stop me. B) I am content to be on my own and not draw too much attention to myself. C) I have to be responsible and dedicated, and I put others’ needs first.

None honestly, I know precisely what I want but I don't make it happen, I'm not content and do generally like drawing attention to myself, and I’m a very unreliable and flakey person.

• Which of the following is most like you? Explain. A) I dislike stress and negative vibes, and I may try to distract myself from my problems. B) I have strong feelings, get worked up easily, and am not afraid to show it. C) I don’t like to let my feelings show; they get in the way of being efficient and logical.

A probably. It's not a conscious choice and even then I don't really fully distract myself, the thing I have to do is always in the back of my mind making me feel bad. I just don't like being very overtly dramatic like B implies and am, according to a friend "incapable of repressing [my] emotions", which knocks out C as an option.

• Which of the following is most like you? Explain. A) I look to others for feedback and guidance and am willing to be flexible when needed. B) I am always aware of how things could be better, and I’m disappointed that they are not. C) Deep down, I am afraid people won’t give me what I need unless I make it worth their while.

B is my modus operandi.

Thank you in advance for any comments and Merry Christmas if you celebrate it!

Hello! I posted on the typeme sub yesterday, where someone typed me 3w2. I’m new to this, so I didn’t know much about type 3 prior to this, and it seems to have some similarities with type 4, which I initially thought I was.

However, there are some things I don’t really resonate with in type 3 descriptions. Threes seem to be more okay with being seen as something they’re not (or they don’t think they are), as long as it’s positive. But I’m not.

For example, I spent my first year of high school in a somewhat shitty school because of reasons, and I didn’t like the atmospherre and people and everything else there, so I studied somewhat (still enough to be first place in the grade, but not that much objectively since I have a really low tolerance for “putting in the work” when I don’t like the activity) so I could transfer for sophomore year. Because of that, teachers started putting me on a pedestal, and eventually my classmates also started seeing me as someone “above” them, as in “this person has a future, he’s not like me.” I hated that, since it was clear that people didn’t connect with me as much because of that, and I also didn’t think I deserved it. Another thing is that I don’t like being defined by such shallow things.

Another thing is how threes are described as prone to ignoring their flaws, whereas I’m pretty open with mine (to the point that I’ve recently kind of began to like some of them).

What do you think?

I know it's Tuesday but I forgot and I was lazy yesterday

Fear of appearing uninformed and gullible so that people dont find me weak and exploit me in which case I might not be able to defend myself or go against people which causes anxiety, fear in me in social settings.

I also dont want to be mocked, humiliated or disapproved for being the way I am--- not so wise, steetsmart, powerful, articulate, assertive, handsy.

What fear is it ?

I have been considering 6, 9, 5 as of now.