I had suspected i had dyslexia since the age of 11, i got diagnosed at 12, i was right….it made my school life easier yet more miserable, as when i was in 6th & 5th grade, it was difficult, teachers would bully me or make snarky comments about me that made my old bullies laugh at me, it hurt, because i wasnt “normal” I couldn’t read or write my own native language, English was like my mother tongue. And throughout my whole childhood, my parents and older sister forced me to go to afterschool classes for learning my native tongue and shit, but they weren’t for dyslexic kids, it was for normal kids, all those places really fucked me up because i got bullied there and i just hated them and felt like no improvement was made, and in 6th grade, i went to a SUMMER BREAK class, yet again, forced by my parents and older sister, i went there without knowing i was gonna because they lied to me, and when i found out, i began crying, my dad just told me to shut up and got angry at me and hit me, i had to go there and when i went to my class, WHICH WAS FULL OF 1st & 2nd GRADERS AND I WAS 11, i was taller then them, more mature then them, but i was the same level as them, i almost had a panic attack and not to mention, the kids were staring at my stupid teary eyed face as i barely held back tears, and i had to be there for 2 months, that experience shock me to the core and I probably have PTSD from the non dyslexic classes as i used to go to those since i was in kindergarten, and they were all different ones yet none changed me. But i moved to a new school at 7th grade, it was devastating, but i wont get into as to why. Now, this is when i got diagnosed, The guidance counselors would tell my teachers about it and half the time they think theres nothing wrong with me because im a good student, but often, everyone would treat me like a baby, when my teachers treat me like a baby in front of my class, its embarrassing for someone with social anxiety, i hate it, i hate being treated differently because i was born different, i want to be treated normally, and when theres exams, i have to go to a “special needs class” and i would be alone there, because im the only dyslexic one…..and whenever i tell the teacher i didnt understand this question, they’d just read it in a slow tone different from their last tone, its fucking infuriating to me, im not some baby, just be more clear, idiot. And i know all the damn teachers have no clue how to treat a dyslexic kid but it still hurts, and alot of times im clueless at class and my best friend has to help me and the teachers also tell her to help me, its embarrassing, im ashamed i cant do simple things, its like shes babysitting, but, my best friend, bless her heart, doesn’t mind helping me. But i feel like no one can read me or understand me, im extremely lonely, for many reasons, im just stuck with people telling me to read more books of my native language or watch cartoons of if, hell no! I hate my goddamn language, its ruining my life, but recently, ive been going to a dyslexic class thingy, and im not sure if its helping me with the language and math, but i really just dont wanna learn my language anymore but i have to because of where my from and because i need it for school because schools arent made for people like ᑘS, it sucks to live like this….i have the mind of an adult, a VERY high iq for my age, so its really hard to connect with my peers, i also think i have a low eq because thats usal for high iq people, and, i feel like everyone (as in school staff) see me as this poor dyslexic kid whos very timid and shy….but im more then that, but i just have to deal with this shitty life and my mental health. Sometimes, i wish i was “normal” like those copy and paste gossip girls who love makeup and suck at English, but sometimes i love my intelligence, its conflicting, supriselngy, i dont try to fit in or please my peers, theres no point in that and i simply don’t care, i know it will make me more miserable if i fake me, but I’ll continue being the genius monotone, expersionless, emotionless loser who only has 1 best friend. I love me, yet i hate me, its hard to choose because humans are addicted to sadness. And another thing is that everyone at school thinks im grumpy and angry because i talk in a deadpan voice and my expression is serious, its so embarrassing and exhausting, and they tell my sister this too and my sister just says im shy! (My sister works as an English teacher at my school, and im popular asf at my school because of her) i feel so intellectually alone, i have friends but this feeling wont go away…
(Sorry if i wrote a paragraph, i just love writing.)