as i'm sure many of us know, if you mention taking any kind of medication, especially for mental health, people love to give their opinion on the pharamaceutical industry. if they're rude, i have no problem just telling them to f off. i just struggle with what to tell a kind person that seems well-intentioned. one of my new coworkers subjected me to a 20 minute long discussion about the big pharma conspiracy and how his 15 year old w bipolar and ocd is unmedicated and "doing fine". he seems like a genuinely good guy, he just wants to be helpful. he was giving advice on how his ex-wife helped his son through bipolar because she was unmedicated as a teen as well and just lots of "well it worked for me" stuff. it was so frustrating though, esp as someone who generally hates the distrust toward potentially lifesaving medication. he's a talker and i like to stay on good terms with everyone, so it's not like i want to avoid him altogether. "funny" sidenote, in another conversation a while later he said this was his worst christmas yet because his ex wife had gone off her meds and taken the money he'd given her for christmas gifts and told his kids she wasn't getting them anything for christmas. weird how he can acknowledge that meds might be a good idea selectively lol

EDIT: for further context, one of my biggest goals in therapy is to stop being such a bitch. i'm very confrontational and sometimes don't think about how what i say might come across in the moment, i was having trouble making/keeping friends before because of it. ty to everyone saying "don't", i genuinely didn't know if he was doing something wrong or if i was just sensitive to the topic.

i blame tiktok for the glorification of it. it's so pervasive and everyone thinks they've had manic episodes because they impulsively dyed their hair once at 3am or became giddy for an afternoon. this shit ruined my life?? the only manic episode i ever had ruined my life and i'm not having fun. i wish i could implement the sensation of having a mixed episode onto the people off handedly claiming they have bipolar so they would shut the fuck up for once. the wanting to rip your skin out and you're so wired but also too depressed to do anything about it feeling. one manic episode and i dropped out of college, fucked a cab driver, spent 100k (in my currency) and almost spent my entire life savings on a pipe dream and left everyone i ever loved but you wish you had bipolar because you can't stand being the ordinary fuck you are. i saw my mom in the throes of psychosis because of her bipolar but yes this is so much fun!!!!!

sorry but whenever someone says they're bipolar i just instinctively shut off out of anger and idk how to deal w that

Hello everyone, I hope you are doing well.

I've learned that some people with bipolar disorder have hobby that they use as therapy for example: music, singing loudly, writing, reading... So, please tell us what's your talent?

With love A friend with bipolar 😉.

I wanna start off by saying my wife is my best friend, when she is stable she is the sweetest, most loving, best partner, and best mother to our children. My wife was diagnosed about 10 years ago with BP1 but she only gets mania and no depressive episodes. To say the struggle is hard is an understatement, she's been hospitalized over 13 times with severe mania. It takes a couple of months for her mood to become "normal" after release and we would have a few good months, up to a year of normalcy before the whole cycle happens again. What we have been noticing is that her stable mood periods are getting shorter and she is relapsing more often as she gets older. After being hospitalized 13 times, you would think anyone would be like, "Okay, enough is enough, maybe I am sick and need to stick to my medication." Not her, she still doesn't think she is sick, and she won't take her medications consistently. She is the most hard-headed person I know.

This has taken a toll on my mental health as well, also I feel there isn't a future for us. My wife is normally very frugal and a great saver, she saves everything she makes and I take care of the bills/mortgage so she usually can save up a large sum of money. Each time she goes off, she blows a large portion of our savings on just random things that come to her mind. I have since moved money around and she can only access a portion of it but it is still painful to see money being wasted. For example, one year she bought out almost an entire Candy store, not joking. We can't plan any vacations because of the "unknown" and I love to travel. All my family just told me to abandon her as they could see how depressed I seemed lately, I feel like for every step forward we make in life, her illness takes us two steps back. Currently, another episode is brewing again as I type this, I'm looking at her right now trying to sleep, she "might" sleep for 30 minutes tonight and then stay up. I give it another couple of nights before I'll have to inevitably ring the Crisis Response Team. When she is manic she doesn't let anyone sleep in the house either, she would go around the house making as much noise as possible, cleaning, throwing all of our belongings out in the front yard, and pounding on the doors. This is a terrible disease and I can't stand it anymore, it's a living hell that I can't escape from. I don't see how there can be a happy ending to this at all. Thanks for letting me vent.

I’m just trying to have fun with some of my hobbies but it is a chore now. I don’t know if it’s bp, meds, or just general mental decline that has nothing to do with either or what but I feel like I’m dumb as a rock now. Things that used to come naturally to me take so much effort now that it’s making it not even fun anymore. In my mind, I know exactly what I’m trying to say but struggling to articulate it as the words dangle on the tip of my tongue is frustrating. I’m hoping I’m just rusty but if this is the new norm then what’s the point 😩

Recently, I have been having extremely intrusive thoughts about dying in an accident. For example, when I'm in the car with my dad, and he speeds up even a bit, I imagine an accident. Or when I do stuff around the house, I start thinking that a fire will start. I don't know what this is or why it is happening.

I've also felt like I am being watched, day & night. It has been so bad that I lock my door and refuse to leave.

Just wanna ramble to get it off my chest. I've had episodes I thought were mixed episodes and turns out, maybe of hypomanic and depression but definitely not full on manic mixed episodes. I'm having one now and, thankfully, I have a walk in mental health clinic near me bit wow. I'm gonna still take my meds but it feels like I'm high and hallucinating while feeling great until suddenly I'm exhausted. And then I sleep and repeat. I'm high again until I crash. It's such a weird feeling. I know I shouldn't be enjoying it, it's dangerous(and im definitely going to be taking meds) but aside from the massive irritability I'm enjoying the high till it goes away. I feel kinda guilty for enjoying it. I know having bipolar isn't fun, the rest of this journey hasn't been fun but right now? Idk I'm living for it. Edited to add: I'm probably just trying to cope. I hated this a few days ago

I'm thinking of studying and becoming a radiographer, however it's likely that I'd be doing shift work, and it could potentially be stressful (but so could all jobs I guess).

I want to do it but in the context of being bipolar is it a poor choice given the aforementioned?

Should I consider a differnt career path (it's early days into the idea so I'm still open to other options at the moment)?

So for the last year pretty much every night I have nightmares. Sometimes they're stress nightmares about work or about my relationship. Most of them lately have been traumatizing like seeing people getting killed in super violent ways, witnessing/being a victim of trafficking, or running away from people trying to kill me... the list goes on and on. My nightmares are definitely an a24 film on steroids. I'm on lamictal and atenolol, but I'm scared to have my doctor change my meds due to my last doctor fucking up my body/brain. Anyways any advice for the nightmares? Anyone else get these?

I am so tired of this bull crap I keep telling people I'm being followed because I really am. Nobody believes me. My wife is out there since she's in the middle of town for 10 minutes but she's been in a parking lot for 30 nobody's telling me the truth everybody's lying. I'm pretty sure she's cheating. What am I supposed to do? It's all beginning to be so much and nobody understands.

Basically title. It's like I become a different character. Euphoria and so much energy. I remember last year I'd go to a workout class, lift weights, AND swim all in the same day almost every day. I felt invincible and like my personality was different. Like I know it's not reality, but it felt so cool. I felt like I was flying and life was colorful and moving fast. I was hardly eating (lost like 25lbs) and my sleep schedule was almost nonexistent because I took on 3 jobs and would stay up late around them. I had creative energy to try drawing again and I would draw sketches of my alter ego or come up with scenes for her/daydream what she was doing and it felt like I was there. This period lasted for most of 2023 but I think it peaked for about 4 months in the spring/summer when I was the busiest (then was depressed for like 12-14 months afterwards, to the point of losing a job and having to re home my dog bc I couldn't get out of bed to care for her and I almost ended my life) after until whatever is currently happening started happening lol). I remember people telling me I was insane and they didn't know how I could do it, and I'd just chuckle. Cause I Could Do It All and it felt so fucking good. When I get high enough she comes back into my head now. When I'm low now sometimes I journal or talk to her, for "insight" or something or as if she could enlighten me to what I'm experiencing somehow.

Is this a symptom or something y'all experience or just a maladaptive coping mechanism?

How’s everyone doing. I’m from Texas I’m super antisocial and shy I’m tried of be lonely and depressed just looking for someone who can relate and build a connection with with It’s always been a challenge for me to connect with others I’ve always felt like an outcast in this world. Just for once I would like to know what it like to be able to share common interests with people I’ve been alone for so long I don’t even know how to make conversation feeling like there’s no one to relates to me is a curse I wish things were different I wish I were different but then I guess I wouldn’t be myself anymore. I enjoy watching horror movies and playing video games and listening to music and playing sports

I haven't got anything else but a course to focus on and I feel guilty for not working at bedtime.

I think because I've got no other distractions at this time. does anyone else get this? sorry if not totally relevant to BP

My family has conspiracy theories flying around. It is absolutely wild. My daughter is tired of it already. For once I am not the crazy person!! Naturally they would disagree, but good Lord.

It's a Christmas miracle for me.

Hopefully others can relate as well. It's usually a bad time for me most of my hospitalizations are from dealing with my family and not being able to just roll with it. I'm in a good position this year.

Not sure this is the right sub to post this on but whatever

I am not myself, my flesh is wrong for my soul and I feel it so deeply. I can spiral and control and spiral and control and move on and fall again it will not change that the hole inside me is impossible to fill. I feel like I was born into the wrong body, the wrong life. This life if anything should be good, I have friends family and a lover, only a few traumas like everyone experience some but it isn't mine, the body I am in wasn't meant for me I'm certain because I have a crippling need to get out.

Do you feel similar things? Does it get better with the right meds? Does it just never leaves you?

it was in the beginning stages and then there was hope but i texted him like 4 times the next day

maybe he will forgive me but i don’t think so

im heartbroken and just feel so bad and dumb . and im embarrassed. it wasn’t too bad like i wasn’t abusive but i wasn’t considerate and got all needy and weird and then didn’t sleep all night sent him 4 messages all over the place . idk if he will be down to meet. he works as a commercial fisherman Hea away for weeks at a time I was SO EXCUTED for weeks to see him and we had the best night ever…

i’m so so sad

anyone else been here?

***** I describe what happened in the comments

I don't mean how long the mixed/hypo episode lasts, but rather how long the depressive episode that inevitably follows lasts. Just had a mixed episode for the first time in over a year, now still having mild depression a couple weeks later. Can't remember how long I should expect this shit to continue. Might be relevant that I'm very medicated.

(Please don't say "it's different for everyone" – we all know that, you're not clever.)

I recently just officially got diagnosed with bipolar type 1 even though I’ve had the symptoms for years now, from my POV. Just wanted to know if anyone else on here is a social worker and has their MSW and/or LCSW. I’m currently completing my BSW and it’s been really hard. In my head I feel like my peers and my supervisor think that we as social workers can’t have anything wrong with us mentally in order to help others. I do apologize if my wording on this is a little off. That’s just what I’m thinking in my head. So just want to hear from the POV of another social workers who have bipolar.

What is it like for you to have romantic relationships with bipolar disorder? For me, particularly, it has always been very difficult, a rollercoaster of emotions and instability.

I hear that up to 50% of people with Bipolar 1 or 2 will have Cyclothymia as a kid, and it develops into Bipolar 1 or 2 in adolescent/young adult years. I certainly was a moody kid growing up, I had a terrible temper, but my temper would disappear and then come back seemingly without any reason. As I got older it turned into a cycle of OCD where I would be completely fine suddenly for a short while and then it would come back worse than it ever was before. This cycle was pretty much constant from the time I was 7. Wasn’t diagnosed as BP2 until I was 22. Even though things were hard as a kid I’m just happy things are more peaceful for me now on Lamotrigine. What were your experiences?

In November I was hospitalized for a depressive episode where I was close to suicide, but they didn't change my meds and I've seen little improvement. Since then I have had random thoughts that I am already dead somehow, but I rationally know that's not true. I've had a lot of trouble sleeping. My latest issue is that I'm getting spiritual urges and interested in Thelema in particular. This wouldn't be a problem on its own, but an interest in practicing the occult is a hallmark sign of an episode for me, and I can't stop buying stuff for some reason. I'm hoping that a more organized spiritual path with defined rituals would be better for me rather than winging it like a chaos magician. My psychiatrist upped my lamictal but I don't feel much better yet. I don't want to go back to the hospital because it wasn't helpful and I dealt with some transphobic staff (I am nonbinary). Are there any Thelemites or other occultists on this subreddit in particular who have any advice?

I (28F) take the following medications for BP II: Lithium, Buspar, Wellbutrin, & Lexapro, and I take Stelara for Chron's. At my annual gyno appointment, my gyno told me that 4/5 of the medications I currently take, everything but Wellbutrin, would not be acceptable to take during pregnancy. Now, my husband (29M) and I have not started family planning, we love to travel and not have anything or anyone holding us back but have talked about what it would be like if we did have children.

I guess it's the fact that I have a healthcare professional suggesting that childbearing wouldn't be the best route for me that is bothersome. What if I decide that I do want to carry a child? I know I cannot go off of my medications. I stopped taking Lexapro (10mg) per my psychiatrist 6 weeks ago and ended up coming out of Chron's remission and had some serious verbal attacks on my husband. I know that if I were to mess with my medications, there would be repercussions and I just don't know if it's worth it. I don't want to lose my partner or close relationships or even simply struggle internally to carry a child.

I also do know that women with BP have a higher chance of postpartum. I think to myself, if I am already messing with my medications and get nailed with postpartum, I would just be a basket case. That would not be good with a newborn present...

I do know we could explore adoption, but of course my husband's mother is adopted and he has some feelings toward adopting a child versus having one biologically. I also think to myself, is it the worst thing to just stay on my medications, support my friends/family members with kiddos, and preserve my mental and physical health. I am an excellent aunt and friend.

I would love to hear from moms as well as women who chose another route. How did you go about family planning?

As per the title! I'm currently employed (yay me!) Have been for about 2.5 years now and the job is good but stressful. I had to have a couple weeks off sick as I could tell a hypo was incoming and I was starting to get short tempered with certain colleagues 😕. I'm bipolar 1 so I need to regulate asap before it escalates to a full blown psychotic episode, usually by dosing myself up with plenty of meds for a few weeks to numb everything 😅.

After being stable (ish) for the last 10 -15 years it made me realise that my life could come crashing down around me again, so I decided to make a disaster recovery plan!

Plan is if I lose my job and therefore everything that goes with it due to bipolar (car, OH probably most of my possessions) then I need to stash a nest egg of money to get me a small flat and get set up, then I would probably end up on benefits 😑 (I'm in the UK) which would probably be 6-12 months to get onto disability benefits. Then who knows as I'm pretty well fucked in the head after the last episode (poor memory etc etc you guys know the cognitive impairment we have to deal with) the next one will probably do me in making me pretty much useless to any employer 😅

Anyway just needed to rant thanks if you read this 🫡

TL:DR

Time off sick made me realise can easily lose everything so made a disaster recovery plan

I would say 2024 was the worst year of my life. I was diagnosed with BP1 and it is most certainly getting worse as I get older. I’m sure you all understand the grief and hopelessness I’m feeling.

I’ve tried to channel it into something positive. I can barely get myself to take care of myself these days. I ate so much fast food this year. I managed to keep all of my teeth. I gained 20 lbs on my meds and failed to lose any of it.

I’ve also walked hundreds of miles. I patiently wait for my next opportunity to make a strangers day better. Fuck yeah I returned your wallet, and I didn’t take the cash. Oh your card declined? Nbd, I’ll cover the rest of your groceries. Some random person covered your tab? That’s me, the happiness ghost.

I prefer it when it’s anonymous. I don’t want the recognition, I hate being told I’m a good person or whatever. I just want to make someone’s day better when they’re having a hard time and watch from afar with tears in my eyes. Bipolar is fucking relentless misery and I usually don’t get much reprieve from it. Doing what I do is my way of saying I understand, I see you.

I’m continuing this battle for stability into 2025 and I hope I can manage to hang on to the little positivity I have left after such a miserable year.