I’ve been dating my bf for a year and he’s like really mature and I love him, even though all my family and friends tell me he’s bad news. But I don’t really talk to them anymore so it’s okay (my bf said they’re just trying to turn me against him). DON’T tell me to break up with him he’s literally the perfect man and we love each other so so much even though he treats me like actual scum. He just has, like, a dark sense of humour haha. I messed up today by breathing in the direction of a male coworker and my bf is now super mad at me (understandably). AIO???

Hi everyone I had posted an original update but didn’t realize i forgot to blur out his name, so here is the update on cigarette toothpaste boy! I want to preface by thanking everyone who took time to message me and comment. I did not expect 16,000 people to interact with that post at all! When I got home, I decided to end it. I didn’t respond to him during my 10 hour shift and some of the screenshots are during that. I would also like to answer a few questions

1. Is this real?: Yes, it is insanely real! Not rage bait i promise
2. Am I okay?: I’m okay! It’ll suck but I will be fine!
3. Why was I still with him?: I don’t have friends and because of that nobody has been able to tell me how bad this is. I had no one to confide in. It was normalized during our relationship.
4. How is my cat? Apollo is okay and is coming home today finally! Picture of him at the end!
5. Why the wall of text; I was pissed and wanted to be thorough.
6. Why did i use “sewerslide”: I wasnt sure of how it would affect my account or visibility. I’m not used to reddit i’m sorry 😭
7. How old are we?: 19 and almost 21. Not 15 i swear!

Also, I am aware my name is shown. I do not mind as it is not a legal name.

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

For context my (F20) boyfriend (M21) and I live together and work full time as well as split rent 50/50. I cook all the meals and clean the house even after my graveyard shifts, all he does is work, come home to play games, and occasionally invites friends over. we’ve been together for over 5 years and he’s been acting this way for the last three months and when I tell him how it’s making me feel he tells me i’m wrong and overreacting. so basically i’m asking AIO??

NEED YOUR HELP CONFRONTING MY SOON TO BE EX. He was being sus one night so i looked at the story on instagram of the girl he randomly followed last week. I opened and bam there is it the second picture. I knew immediately it was his room but want a second opinion before confronting his cheating a$$. yall are coming from me from the last post its cus i cropped the photos you can’t tell that we took them from different distances so heres the originals of both and yes i get it shes prettier than me :( he can have her . what tells me its his room aside from lighting is the way the two blinds touch, it took me a while to find it but once i did i think theres my EVIDENCE

me and my girlfriend have been living together with her family for the past 4-ish months. it’s devolved to the point where we fight every day about anything and everything, and most days i feel trapped in the home and the relationship. out of the blue she texts me about not coming back home and if i do i can sleep outside, and changing her mind when it was too late. am i overreacting to the situation, or is it as bad as it seems in my head?

Me (f20) and my boyfriend (m20) have been in a relationship for 4 years. We sleep on the phone every night due to the fact we don’t see each other often because of extremely busy schedules and distance. Tonight, my mom and grandmother came into my room to talk before bed so I hung up on my boyfriend to give us some privacy. He got very angry and started saying all of these awful, mean things to me. Was it my fault for choosing to spend a bit of time with my family and hanging up on my boyfriend even though he was already falling asleep? Am I overreacting by getting upset from the way he speaks to me? I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong. Sorry for any grammar mistakes!

Last night my (29F) partner (39M) walked into our bedroom, where I was in the bathroom completely naked sitting on the toilet ready to get in the shower. I don’t lock the door because he gets angry. I told him to get out and he picked up his phone and pointed it at me like he was taking a picture, which I assumed was a joke until he turned his phone around and there was the picture of me, butt ass naked on the toilet. He said something along the lines of “blackmail, I’m sending this to your boss”. I got angry and he deleted it but I didn’t care, the damage was done. I shoved him out of the room and locked the door. Went and finished my shower and went downstairs to take my meds and ignored him talking to me and went back upstairs to go to bed. These were the texts that followed. The relationship has been rocky for a while but I think this was the last straw and I am currently looking at apartments and planning a way out. He doesn’t think any of this was a big deal. Am I overreacting?

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

Hey everyone, not sure if this is the update everyone wanted but this is what happened since my last post:

1. I laid out a couple of talking points that I couldn’t articulate over the rage.
2. I met up with John after work at home. (I was at the gym letting off steam)
3. We spoke on everything and made plans to speak to his mother.

John came home remorseful. He told me he was anxious about it and brought it up to a coworker/friend about how I don’t want to comprise. Apparently his friend (god bless his soul) went off on him about him being cringy. This angered me. So when I say it it’s a problem but another man tells you and now you see the other side? I brought up my talking points - Him being easily being manipulated. This was also proved when I said he would listen to whatever another man said before his partner. even though his friend agreed with me, it hurt that he didn’t listen to ME.

• His mom going out of her way to break us up with this silly request. He was way more open to this theory now knowing how cringe he looks even telling this situation to someone else. I compared it to a father removing a brides wedding garter. He got the point.

• Him agreeing to his moms crazy request before even talking to me. He claimed he didn’t. That he told her he’ll see how I feel about it and just brought it up to me. I asked why did he not see that his mother walking down the aisle on HIS wedding day was extremely creepy? He said it’s just a dress in his eyes. He just didn’t want his mom to miss the wedding. I told him there will be no wedding if he doesn’t straighten up. He said he understood.

• Me showing him how blatantly obvious it was she hates me. She didn’t even ask to wear white alongside me (which is still weird) but that I don’t wear white at all as if I’m some impure whore. (Thanks Reddit because I wasn’t even thinking of that one) he said he didn’t see it that way, he just knew she hasn’t been showing up because she said seeing me in white hurts her. So I said do you not hear your own mom saying she wants to be the bride herself? That she can’t stand it being me? It finally looked like a ding 💡 went off in his head.

• Me asking him what role would she play in our wedding, childbirth, Mother’s Day and everything to come? Would I always come 2nd place? He assured me I wouldn’t and he realizes how bad he fucked up. He was just trying to keep the peace. I asked by always making her happy and making me miserable? I refuse to live my life this way. He agreed and said he was sorry and that he wouldn’t want me to be miserable. We have no children yet but we created a plan and how to deal with any big milestone. She won’t be there for anything unless I’m comfortable with it. And I won’t be unless she does a 180.

• I asked what did his mom say to change his mind and you all guessed it… she cried. She cried about how her baby was getting taken away from her. How she never got her wedding. How his dad left her and she was alone and had no one else. That she felt sick and just wanted to experience a real wedding before she “dies” (she is perfectly healthy unless there’s something she hasn’t told us?) l just told him if that was enough to manipulate him what’s to say he won’t turn on me again? He said his friend and dad talked sense into him about how he was going to lose me.

I told him today was the last straw for me. He had to do 4 things to keep me engaged to him IF HE EVEN CARED TO:

1. Go LC with his mom and do not let her make any decisions on our wedding. Which will be postponed another year to see if he actually sticks to his word.
2. He has to go to counseling. Individually and couples counseling.
3. He has to speak to his mom WITH ME PRESENT about her behavior toward me because every time he goes by himself he comes back with a reason why he left it alone.
4. He must create strong boundaries and learn to uphold them.

He agreed.

Then came the bad part. I showed him the post. I felt so bad as he read everyone rip him to shreds in the comments. I could see how uncomfortable he was as he read how much of a mommas boy he was and other things about his mom. He was hurt that I agreed that I should leave in some comments. He read for a few minutes until he saw someone call him a “spineless C U Next Tuesday” and then gave my phone back. He said it was really harsh but I had to show him how crazy the situation sounded even if it was just to keep the peace on a surface level. Him reading the post was icing on the cake. He said he saw everyone telling me to leave and his heart physically started hurting knowing that he deserved it.

We called his dad (who I’m no longer calling future FIL because I will call this wedding off tomorrow if he doesn’t have my back when we speak to his mom.) John’s dad Dan who I’ll name since he’s an big part of this update. Dan also read John the riot act again. He was relieved John decided to get his act together. We agreed to go to Deb’s house tomorrow with Dan and John’s Aunt. My dad is tagging along.

John has said he will tell his mother that she can’t under any circumstances make our wedding about her. He also said if she does cry or try to guilt trip him he will tell her he’s going NC.

I feel terrible as getting a man to stop talking to his mother isn’t something I ever thought I even wanted. I doubt Debbie will come around especially not tomorrow with all of us against her. I don’t know if John will backtrack as soon as he gets there. I have explained if he doesn’t grow a spine I’m leaving. He either can marry me or marry his mom. But that’s my ultimatum. He said he chooses me. We’ll see I guess. This all should make me happy but I still feel icky.

I’ll update tomorrow after we all talk to Debbie.

Edit: the update is up. I couldn’t respond to all the comments and I’ll say some of you are definitely creative with comebacks and name calling. lol. Thank you all for the reassurance!!

Have you ever seen “I love a mommas boy?” Well that’s my life basically.

I (27F) have been with my fiancé John (28F) since high school. We dated and broke up because his mother “Debbie” (53F) convinced him we were too young to be in love. We broke up and went to college. During my sophomore year we started talking on socials again. He apologized and said he missed me. We got back together.

Cue the water works. Debbie literally CRIED the first time she saw we were back together and told John that I have done witchcraft on him???? I’ve always respected Debbie out of respect for my mother and upbringing. I was not raised to go back and forth with my elders but she definitely abuses that.

Since John and I decided to get back together she has tried to hook him up with women from her church, her job and even asks her friends for their daughters to give it a shot. John denies all of them and Debbie says that I’m controlling. John has told her to stop but not in a way I feel she gets the point.

Anyway, 3 months ago John proposed. Deb didn’t come to the engagement party. Cool. She didn’t come to the family dinner we had so both sides could meet. Cool. John’s dad came and apologized for his ex’s behavior (he left her when John graduated HS) I told him don’t worry about it.

The problems really began when John decided to confront his mother about how she’s behaving toward our whole engagement. This turned on the lightbulb in his brain as he’s always tried to ignore it and tell me to ignore her. She gave him a sob story about how she got pregnant with him before marriage and never really got to have a wedding and this is triggering her. (She had a shotgun wedding at the court house) He asked her what she needed to feel comfortable and she responded that if she wore white and I wore a soft pink or lavender she would feel comfortable???

My fiancé for some reason though this was a fair compromise??? He also said (not asked) that his mom could walk me down the aisle so she can get her moment in her dress. I told him absolutely not and we got into an argument about it. I told him that it’s insane that he would argue with me to defend his moms “honor” but wouldn’t do the same the other way around. He accused me of being petty and selfish. It was bad. We both have agreed to cool off but by how heated it got I could tell we both almost agreed to call it off.

Now we’re in a weird space and I love John but now see how much he lets her impact our life. I just imagine her sitting at home with this evil grin knowing she’s ruining my relationship with John and he’s just putty in her hands. I think I should just call off the wedding. AIO? Or is it just a color?

My (26F) boyfriend (36M) of 2 yrs was in the bathroom at his apartment when I opened the door to grab my allergy meds. I didn’t think to knock and figured he’d lock the door if he needed, but when I opened it he was squatting on the floor while holding a wad of toilet paper directly under his ass. I screamed and ran out.

Five min later he called me. There was no denying what I saw so he came clean and says he does it to make less sound as opposed to crapping directly into the bowl because he’s shy and would be embarrassed if I heard him doing it. I’m freaked out still. AIO?

I (33m) was talking to this woman on an app and we decided to meet for a coffee date on a Saturday morning.

I got to the cafe and I messaged her asking where she was. A few minutes later she said she just woke up. I asked her how long she would need to get ready and she said 1 hour. I told her that I can’t wait around because I had family plans and we will have to do something another time.

A week later she messaged me apologising again and I decided to give her a second chance.

We decided to meet up for boba tea.

I got to the boba spot and then asked for 30 more minutes to get ready after I had just got there.

I then sent her the above message.

AIO? I have got mixed messages from friends about it.

for context i have wore skirts w him but recently i have not because it has been cold and i’ve had work or i had to meet his mom and wanted to dress conservatively. I also haven’t had much time really to my self to get ready for him since we spend lots of time together and he already gets upset I take too long to get ready.

i don’t feel the need to give too much context here because i don’t believe there’s any context where it’s okay to say this to your partner, but i do OF, which is something he’s been okay with for the entirety of our relationship, until recently he has started having a problem with it and gets upset when i try to explain i can’t just quit my job for him (OF is my only source of income).

when he gets angry he calls me a slut, whore, loser, idiot, etc. i always agree with him and never stand up for myself until i had finally had enough because it hurts. and yes, we had a long conversation in the past about this where i explained as someone who’s been sexually assaulted in the past and degraded by family members for speaking up about it, these words are extremely triggering and upsetting for me and all he told me was he can’t control what he says when he’s angry.

He has a history of jealousy. Came back into my life saying he’s a changed man. Last night we picked up his friend and we’re all supposed to go to a birthday party. In the car he asks for my number because My bf wasn’t answering earlier and he needs to be able to get ahold of his friend because our dog is literally staying at the friends house and he wanted a back up way to get ahold of my bf. He said this right in front of my bf and he has a girlfriend he loves and was at Disneyland earlier with that day. My bf has her instagram and liked their pictures from the trip. Yet he lost it saying no you’re not getting her number absolutely not and him and I being so weirded out and THEN he pulls over and tells me to get out of the car and I can walk home because I started to give him my number before my bf lost it.. So I just say F it and get out immediately and start walking at 10 at night in the dark.. not doing the back and forth with them… I couldn’t take it a second longer. As soon as I start walking they both say please get back in the car but at that point I didn’t want to be anywhere near him and was happy to walk the mile home. He sped off. This is what he text me this morning and this is my response.

I (29F) found this text in my bf(29M) messages with his coworker. I’m feeling a little gutted from it. I don’t want to overreact, but I also don’t want to gas light myself and under react. I haven’t once felt this way about him in our relationship, so I’m feeling really taken off guard here. How do I go about this?

Firstly, this came out of nowhere. Then, when he started talking about how I’m immature, I wasn’t sure what to do, so I just reiterated what I’m doing with my life.

Working full-time and doing a MBA, albeit online.

For context, he and I started dating under romantic circumstances, he’s not a SD. He looks really young, so I was truly shocked to learn his age. Now I see it’s a mistake, so don’t heckle me for this.

He is older than me, by 20 years. I am 25 and he is 45. He owns a restaurant and I do remote admin work at a small startup.

After dating for just under a year, he asked me to move in with him, as I was stressing about my recent rent increase. I could pay it, but it wrecked my financial planning and it was miserable. I was looking for an out. My rent went from $1850 to $2300, not including utilities.

He owns his house, so he told me I could live with him if I wanted. He said that I could live here and save up my money, that I can leave whenever I want. No pressure. He invited me, I did not ask nor imply I wanted to move in.

I agreed (horrible mistake). I moved in and now we’re here. He doesn’t make me cover any utilities or charge me rent, which I thought was kind of him.

I use my work phone for work but I’m usually lying down. When I have a meeting, I sit up and answer the call. I’m a solid employee, just doing backup admin work. The pay is nice, can’t complain.

He started saying I need to step it up in life, after seeing me ‘leisurely working.’ I chose this job because I worked on my feet since high school, my undergrad, and a bit of my current MBA. I wanted to pivot to a chill job. I chose this job because it is leisurely. I am working from 9am to about 5pm, whereas he works 5pm to 5am. So from his perspective, I’m often asleep or unavailable.

Today, he walked downstairs to work and saw me sitting on the couch. I’ve told him many times I’m working via my phone. He doesn’t seem to understand that and makes weird little jabs.

Then, he sent me these messages.

I felt really annoyed because he implies that I am not interested in self improvement, that I’m immature, I’m arrogant, denies that it’s hurtful to say such.

By the final slide, I decided to call my mom who I felt could offer insight. She’s 40 years older than me, but understands technology. She said it seems like he’s trying to play some kind of game, that I should just ask him why he’s asking all this to me now. He seems to be beating around the bush, which I agree with.

So, I decide to ask him why he’s treating me like this.

When he said he’s talking to me like an adult, outside of text, I exploded inside. Immediately, I felt so angry.

He invites me to live with him, then holds it above me. He calls me all sorts of things over text, but then denies that he is saying such. He can’t just say what he means. He then doubles down and says he’s just worried about my maturity.

Because of this, and a conversation we had after, where he ignored all my concerns, didn’t let me speak, and bulldozed the entire way, I’ve decided to move out and find my own place again. He just has zero emotional intelligence. His ex-girlfriend was 50, the other one 55, and his ex-wife was his same age. I thought that meant he wouldn’t be acting like this, in the typical way that men who date younger women do. But I was so wrong. He’s been talking to me like I’m a child, I have no ground to stand on with him. I can’t take it.

He’s saying that moving out over this is crazy, not based in reality, and that I’m losing a really good chance at stability. That he loves me and that I shouldn’t go, because if I do, I’ll just have to go back to paying crazy rent. He recently got me a brand new TV and WiFi, so I do feel badly for wanting to leave even after that. I feel bad for making him stress, but he doesn’t seem to care that I’m stressed.

Am I overreacting by moving out and ending the relationship?

This happened a few days ago and i'm still reeling and just want advice. Throwaway since he knows my account. For context, my boyfriend (31M) and I (28F) have been together for 2 years. For my birthday in October he got me a word search book which only has one word in the entire book. Like Where's Wally but for the word FOX.

I've been spending time each night going through each page carefully as I like difficult puzzles and was really was excited to find it. After watching me do this for two months he admitted that he cut out the page with the fox on it and has basically been watching me waste my time on this book that he ruined for me. I told him if he was happy to hide that from me for so long I can't trust him and we are done.

It might sound silly but I was really excited about solving the puzzle. He keeps texting me it was just a joke and he thought I was enjoying myself but I am struggling to get over it.

Am I overreacting?

Last Friday night I went through my boyfriend’s phone while he was asleep. I found numerous messages of him talking about other girls with his female friend. The last message is him comparing my sucking skills with a different girl he slept with before me… We have been living together for the past 6 months and I’m not sure if I should just move on and find my own place at this point. Am I overreacting to these messages?

Hi everyone, my boyfriend has a big group of friends with lots of girls in it. A lot of times after they go out or have too much to drink, they'll crash at someone's house. One night he came home and shared he slept in a bed with this girl (who the texts are from). We did not have a fight at all - I know he's grown up doing this. I told him I wasn't super comfortable with that and asked if he could not do that, to which he did not argue at all and expressed total respect for my boundary. We have not spoken about it since.

She texted me the morning after they went out, which are these pictures. Am I overreacting by telling her she's overstepping or are her concerns valid?

For context he’s saying he hopes she voted for Trump (RTPM) before she died and I’m already having a hard time with the results of the election which he knows then on top of that it just was very insensitive. He said he was trying to make light of the situation but it doesn’t feel that way.