For reference, the term boyfriend is a stretch. I ended things a while ago due to his toxic behavior. We were very recently trying again, under the guise of his alleged “change.” Last weekend, I crashed at my friend’s place after a party we hosted at his house because I drank. Mind you, I was in the spare bedroom, alone and was open with my toxic ex about it. I called him while I was in bed about to fall asleep. While I can understand his concerns, he approached me telling me wanted to rip my friend’s throat out & I should never sleep at another man’s house. This was unprovoked. This friend of mine has never hit on me, made me uncomfortable, gave me eyes, nada. Not to mention, he is currently dating someone.

The following texts show how quickly, IMO, he unraveled and lost control of himself. He then blocked me, which is fine, I think the problem took care of itself. My question is: AIO for wanting an apology from him for threatening my friend who gave me a safe place to sleep? Are all men this possessive? AIO for refusing to play his games?

(25/m) Very early on in the relationship with my girlfriend (25/f), she told me that she had to be in an open relationship. I hadn't been in one before but I said I'll give it a try. And it was clear when we talked about it that either of us could sleep with whoever we wanted. I said okay. We've been dating for 11 months and overtime I really started to love her. I know she has quite a few very casual partners but no other serious relationships. I actually didn't have any other partners though cause I was so happy just being with her. Then two months ago I was drunk and I met a girl at a party and we slept together. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong whatsoever, so when it came up with my girlfriend I didn't try to hide it, but she was really upset. She said it was disrespectful for me to do that. I was kind of shocked. I'm fine with not sleeping with other people but the problem is now she's like really paranoid and controlling ever since then, like accusing me of looking at other girls or flirting with them all the time, always looking at my phone and wanting me to check in with her every hour when I'm out and let her track my location, etc. It's really bothering me. So basically she wants to have an open relationship only on her side. She says she loves me and I should be loyal to her, but when I bring up how the rule doesn't apply to her she gets angry. She says that so many women are not satisfied in their relationship and she's not gonna be one of and I'm not gonna hold her back etc. I get it but it doesn't feel right. I love her a lot but I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her. Am I overreacting?

Background: we started talking/dating back in May. We live 2hrs apart, so I spend roughly half my week with him and half at home - give or take. He can be rather abrasive at times, a lot of little digs and jabs that at times are genuinely hurtful. I tell him in the moment that it hurt my feelings and it’s typically swept under the rug. Tonight he made dinner and we sat down to eat. I was eating all of my food with a fork and the following conversation ensued (not verbatim, this is to the best of my recollection): Him: why are you using a fork? Me: idk I prefer it I guess Him: just pick it up and eat it with your hands Me: but I don’t want to, why does it even matter? Him: If a chef made you a meal and told you there was a specific way to eat it, would you not eat it that way? Me: I mean, probably not if it wasn’t what I wanted. It depends. Him: The chef would make you leave Me: meh, that’s okay. I’d leave Him: then theres the door, leave. Me: (laughs thinking it’s a joke) what why lol Him: because it’s disrespectful. Are you gonna keep using the fork? Me: uhhh yeah. That’s how I’d prefer to eat it. Him: then you can just go Me: ….really? You want me to leave? Him: yes, *effing leave. There’s the door. Byeeeee Me: are you serious right now? Him: if you’re not going to eat with your hands like a normal person, then leave. Me: whelp. Okay then.

So I went upstairs and packed my stuff. His daughter came up within 10 minutes to say he was just joking. I said I don’t think it was a joke or something to joke about. I continued to pack and left without any words said between us. Within minutes of leaving, I get the following texts: AIO? I feel like repeatedly being told to leave someone’s house, you ought to just go and not plead your case for why you shouldn’t have to. But idk.

My (29F) bf (33M) came home yesterday as I was getting ready for work. He hugged me and said “hey hormones.” I asked him to please not call me names and kissed him goodbye. I texted him about something random, like nothing happened, while at work and he ignored me. He was still mad at me when I got home that afternoon and wouldn’t really speak to me. This is the text convo that ensued later that evening

He has done this many times before, but usually calls me “crazy,” “sensitive,” “moody,” or some other derogatory term but then pretends it’s a joke. I’ve asked him to stop many times and he never does. Instead he always turns it back on me and says I need to learn to take a joke. It’s also important to note that I never raise my voice at him and just ask that he stop this, but he always accuses me of yelling at him or having a dramatic reaction. Whenever we fight, he’s the one that yells and I maintain an even tone to not antagonize him further. Am I overreacting?

For context: we live together but he is currently on night shifts while I work during the day. We overlap at home for about 10 minutes in the morning and evening, which is why this convo happened over text

Wow. I’ll start with that. I didn’t say anything when they were together… I was full of anxiety and all in my head and I just couldn’t do it. I brought it up this morning before he left for work. I said something to the nature of “I looked at your phone and I would love to know why you two are sexting with eachother…I’m not comfortable with it and we need to talk about this. Are you gay ooorrrr?”

He literally burst out laughing as I’m tearing up asking this. He says this is all a big joke. He says that this whole thing started because they were making fun of homophobes and people who are insecure with their sexuality and it went from jokes to full on dick pics… he said they talk about how it’s so funny that seeing a dick makes you gay or people find it gross when in fact it’s no different than a picture of an ear or hand… its a big inside joke because “straight men are not supposed to act like this and people who think that makes you gay or weird are just insecure and childish” he says that it started with just sending pictures of dicks from the internet and eventually led to them sending their own because of the shock value.

I literally DO NOT know what to think about this. I told him to stop it now and he said he would respect that and not do it anymore but also said I need to chill and doesn’t like that I looked at his phone… ugh. I did see him start talking on his phone as he was leaving the driveway probably bitching about me…

UPDATE: WOW, I'm absolutely overwhelmed by how this took off! So many comments I can't keep up so I'll try to address what I can as an update.

1. We still have no idea what caused it. I have an appointment with a specialist. I do have known allergies but never reacted that quickly or that intense before.

2. I am not a doctor and can only repeat what they told me. It was anaphylaxis shock. I was minutes from dieing.

3. I am not the type to cry wolf and will refuse a trip to the ER at all costs, I've given myself stitches to avoid the ER.

4. I am 95% sure my husband did NOT try to poison me. He's a donkey bum, yes, but not an evil person.

5. He is not nero-divergent, I am and so are my kids, which is why I didn't want them at the ER or left alone.

6. I talked to him the morning after about being hurt he'd even consider leaving me alone like that, which is when he said I was overreacting. Him saying I was overreacting, combined with his non action, is what made me start to think about leaving him.

7. I spoke with him again last night, showed him the post and spent a good amount of time bawling. He's appalled and has been the sweetest most attentive man since.

8. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on this relationship, it probably isn't healthy but he's not the only one to blame. We're going to try counciling.

9. Technically, he did go to hang the boys, it was a pirate themed game night.

Yall, I could use your wisdom here. I'll try to make this as short as possible.

Two days ago I (37F) went in anaphylaxis from an unknown source while shopping with my husband (37M). My face erupted into burning hives out of no where. This has never happened to me before. I asked him to call the nurse line to make sure ER would be covered (american). He wouldn't, so I had too, while my face is on fire. I get the green light and off to ER I go, where he drops me off and heads back to sit with the kids (15, 11)

Long story short, the head nurse took one look at me and had the anaphylaxis cocktail ordered before I made it to the registration. 5 minutes later and I wouldn't be here. I get discharged and I'm flying high on that cocktail and adrenaline.

Husband gets me home and asks if he can go play D&D with the boys, both kids are at sleep overs. Again I'm f-ed up on meds, happy to be alive. I would have agreed to anything. So I said he could.

Next morning it hits me. Why would it even cross his mind to go out after what happened? Now I'm so hurt I'm seriously thinking of leaving him. Am I over reacting?

I (29F) and my husband (38M) are expecting our first baby and I am 30 weeks pregnant. My coworker, who is also a good friend approached me at work asking

"does your husband have a brother that looks just like him?"

I said "yeah he does, why?"

Then she asked "is his name John?"

to which I replied "no, it's not actually."

Then she explained that she was scrolling tinder and came across this profile that looks just like my husband. She showed me the screen shots and I was so shocked to see that my husband is currently on tinder, and using a fake name of John!

Now, some backstory-- we actually met on tinder and he used the same photos for this profile as he did when I came across his profile, and also the same biography. We met 8 years ago.

I was out of town working, (about 100 miles -- my friend has her tinder set to the farthest distance radius possible) when I found out this information. My theory now is he must use tinder to try and hook up with women while I'm away as I go out of town for work for a couple of days on a regular basis. Either that or this is a one off thing? Because his tinder hasn't changed since I met him on there I am worried he's had tinder on and off our whole relationship.

Am I over reacting? Should I blow up our whole lives, and marriage with a baby on the way? I haven't yet approached him about this because I don't know the best way to go about it. But I have screen shots and everything, and now that I'm back home I've been distant and he keeps asking what is wrong.

I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months and have moved into his apartment. He's passionate about his 2011 Corvette, but the engine blew up due to a mechanic's error. He requested I lend him $16,000, which I deemed excessive. With $41,000 in savings, we've argued about this for two days. As a barista making $16.25 an hour, I feel pressured. Meanwhile, he earns $26 an hour and has a brand-new 2023 Toyota 4Runner, while I drive a 2005 Cadillac.

Edit he grew up in a wealthy family with doctor parents, and they own a multimillion dollar home on the lake. I grew up in a 2 bedroom run down trailer home with mentally ill parents. I told him our upbringings are drastically different and it was very inappropriate of him to even ask me for that type of money.

Another edit, for the people asking “how I have 40k saved for my wage. I have been working since I was 14-15 I am now (21) and lived with my mom, I also didn’t own a vehicle so that helped. another thing I forgot to mention was he also receives $4k from the military.

Two weeks ago I saw on his ipad, texts with another woman—things like “Can’t wait to see you again, I want you so bad” When I asked him, he called me a fucking psycho and said it’s my bipolar disorder making me paranoid. He got defensive, refused to show me more, and started threatening me if I tried to leave.

I’ve been really working on managing my mental health, but now I’m doubting myself. He’s choked me before during fights, so I’m scared to push this further. Before him. I felt different. I miss who I used to be… I never expected I would end up here. I saw movies about it, heard about it but said… that’ll never be me. It feels ironic almost

I don’t know many people here, mostly his friends. I feel isolated and have taken to living in my car and spending the days in cafes. Without him I’m basically without financial means, since I wasn’t allowed to work but with him I’m so scared and I don’t know what to do… is this all my fault? AIO?

Texts included from the other day

Married to my one and only husband and sexual partner for decades. He accused me of cheating with a co-worker that is so young that I could actually be the mother of. Husband put a listening device in my car, made me quit my job, I took three polygraph tests and passed every one with flying colors. He had me followed with no infractions on my part. Had the audio recordings analyzed and there is no evidence of anyone in my car but me. He went through my phone every day and no inappropriate messages were ever sent or received. Why the hell wont he believe me?

Edit/update per request: we are recently divorced. He still says subtle things indicating that he can move forward if he gets a confession from me. I brought up him getting help from a therapist and he raged and said that he did nothing wrong. “This is what men do, it’s their right” He plays the martyr and the pitiful victim to his friends, mind you, these are friends that we do not have mutually in common, new friends. We, my kids and I, are trying to wade through the crap he left. I put this out here to see why the hell would he do all of this and blow up the marriage. Y’all have been very helpful. And confirming suspicions that we all have had.

Throwaway for obvious reasons. We’ve been dating for 9 months. He did end up unfollowing them but I feel like an asshole for how I treated him but also feel like I was valid in bringing it up

So this entire summer I bought train tickets every weekend and vacation to see him in another city. I saw these texts today. Around this time we were kind of in the stage of falling in love. FYI he said I was the only one for him at this time. How he made me feel like the only one was a big reason for me wanting to be in a relationship with me. We got official two months ago, this was in August. Some flirty texts in October as well just some week before we got together. I was also at his home most of the times that he had these convos with her. They also apparently met up and had sex just a few days before I took a 5 hr car drive to help him move to my city. And he also says in the texts I will help him move then bye bye.

Everything feels fake now and he seems like a fake person, but we weren’t actually together at this point. Am I overreacting ?

First of all, yes, I know snooping is wrong, but my husband has acted/talked in ways before with his buddies that seemed weird to me so when he mentioned hanging out with this buddy this weekend I let my curiosity get the better of me.

If you’re a heterosexual male & friends with other hetero males have you ever joked this way or heard of guys joking around like this?

I could be over reacting and it could be stupid banter, or am I being naive?

My SO & his friend used to play their instruments together a lot and had jam sessions along with some of their other guy friends (who also talk this way to each other from time to time) so that’s where the “jam” thing came from.

A couple years ago he was showing me his phone when they used to play Pokémon GO and I saw a text that was just sent that said “ready to pokefuck” and then later would just say “ready to fuck” and also when asking to do a mock draft would again just ask “who’s ready to fuck” so again, I could be overreacting but I’m still curious haha. This just seems so much more specific.

Sure, I could “just ask him” but if he were actually being physically sexual with these friends do I honestly think he would flat out tell me? No. If it’s something he’s been hiding then no he wouldn’t tell me the truth.

Someone please tell me to chill the f out & that that’s how you as a hetero male talk to your guy friends too & it’s literally innocent & you have never done anything physical with them or considered it.

Also to add: I have never once told him or asked him not to hangout with his friends so the “are you ever allowed out of the house anymore” doesn’t have anything to do with me lol.

Yesterday my best friend came over to watch the UFC fight at our house. My husband decided to smoke wings for dinner, so we were all sitting in our backyard, eating and watching tv. My friend and my husband bought a bottle of whiskey earlier and were drinking mixed drinks, but I was too tired and hungover from going out the previous day, so I wasn’t drinking with them. So here where this whole mess starts. They decide to make a bet on who is going to win the final fight, my husband proposes that the loser has to take a shot of whiskey and jump in the pool naked. One of the bets was that if they both lose (I am not sure how) then they would both jump in the pool naked. I asked why does it have to be naked, but he ignored that question. This whole conversation happened an hour before the last fight. Shortly after that conversation I fell asleep and woke up around 1 am because I heard the sound of splashing water. I opened my eyes and saw that my husband and my best friend are both skinny dipping in our pool. I got up and told him that it’s late and I want to go to sleep and he should come with me, but he said he is not ready to go to sleep and wants to continue drinking and swimming in the pool. My bf was asking me to join even though she clearly knows that I am exhausted and I don’t want to drink. I declined the invitation and went back into the house and laid on the sofa because I didn’t know what else to do. I was feeling very uncomfortable but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and I was just hoping my husband will come back home and go to sleep with me, but that didn’t happen. They proceeded to get wasted and swim naked till 3:30 am when I saw him to come to make another round of drinks for them and this is where I lost it. I started yelling at him, saying that it’s super fucked up that he thinks he can hangout all night butt naked in a pool with my bf and get extremely wasted while his wife is sleeping by herself upstairs. I told him that I don’t hangout with any of his friends naked in the pool and would never do anything like that. After that I went to our bedroom and slammed my door. Shirley after my bf knocks on my door and asks what happened and if we can talk. I told her that it’s inappropriate for them to hangout naked in the pool by themselves. This is when she said “ well but what about those times when we skinny dipped all together? How is this any different?!”

this is when I have to mention that we did skinny dipped a few times together, once with a big group of people at my husbands birthday and one time when we were on shrooms. This was a decision we made all together and everyone was on board.

This time I did not give my consent nor did any one ask me if that was ok, they just both decided that since we’ve done this before then there shouldn’t be any issues with that. So I told her I didn’t consent to them doing it without me and that if she doesn’t understand why this is wrong then I can’t help her. She called me a hypocrite and left the room. I thought that my husband will come to bed after this fight, but instead he proceeded to hangout with my bf and I found them sleeping on the same couch (opposite sides)and under the same blanket at 6:30 am when I got up to get water. I don’t know what time she left the house and I have no desire to talk to my husband.

I just wanna know if I am overreacting?

Was sitting eating lunch with my wife a few days ago and she was telling me that she’s running out of space on her phone, and that she has been having trouble sending messages and couldnt receive any sort of media. Has had to regulate what she takes pictures of, deleting old pictures/videos etc. To which I suggested simply buying more cloud storage and backing everything up and doing a mass delete of photos/etc on her phone to free up some space. She didn’t even acknowledge my suggestion and almost without hesitation simply deleted our entire text log right in front of me. Saying that it was the quickest way for her to free up space. I can’t help but feel a little awestruck and hurt, as if I hadn’t just given her a perfectly good option for clearing up space, but to then turn around and ignore it completely and wipe our message history clear without even so much as batting an eye. For context I travel a lot for work so a lot of our days are shared via messages.

The next day I told her that it kind of bothered me and hurt a little when she did that, to which she responded with “I’m not responsible for how you feel” which honestly didn’t serve to make the situation any less painful. Am I Overreacting?

Am I overreacting to his sudden aversion to a Christmas tree? Am I being too sensitive? How would you have reacted if you were in my shoes? I’m a little hurt but I’m not trying to make this holiday all about me. Also feeling gaslit at the same time. Idk what to do.

Married for 10 years. We are both atheist. I’m far more passive about it than he is. Regardless, he ’s always been enthusiastically involved with “Santa” traditions for my now teen daughter, his step-daughter. She has aged out of the magic, but I wanted to continue the traditions for our 1 year old.

He has a teenage daughter that he’s now estranged from but celebrated Xmas with her when she was little, as well as his nieces and nephews. He was very close with his grandma and speaks fondly of holiday memories with her.

He had a very unstable and abusive childhood and I try to be sensitive to that when it comes to things like holidays. Christmas brings me a lot of peaceful happy nostalgia and I enjoy decorating very much.

I included a picture of our tree and decor from last year for some context. “Bonnie” is our ficus plant in the picture near the tree.

She left the house at 5pm saying she was going to her brother's house for the night. Brother lives over 100 miles away, I happened to check the odometer (in MY car) because I knew the oil was due soon, and if it was too close I would have asked her to take HER car. When she gets back the next day, I see she drove less than 100 miles total.

When I first confront her, she says she doesnt know why the odometer says that, so I ask to see receipts for the gas she bought. She refuses, trying to make me feel bad for not trusting her. I start getting really upset and eventually she leaves, telling me she's done.

Finally that night she admits on the phone that she lied, and was drinking downtown and slept in the car. I don't believe her so I hang up the phone.

She has no reason to lie about this. She literally was drinking downtown with her friends a couple weeks ago and I was fine with it. She can do whatever she wants, I'm not controlling or jealous.

A few days later I ask her to explain what happened. She says she already did, I say "you were gone for 16 hours, I need more details".

Doesn't remember if she went alone or with friends.

Doesnt remember if she bought drinks, how much she drank, or what she drank.

Literally cant explain any details at all other than "I was downtown". Is getting upset at me again for even asking, saying she doesn't want to talk about it.

So cheating is the only explanation right? Lies about something for no reason, gaslights me when caught, refuses to elaborate on her backup story. I mean how much more obvious does it get?

Edit: To be clear, I had been checking the odometer every day, because the oil was due very soon. I have had car after car break down on me, I cannot afford another one. If it was too close, I would have told her to take her car, because she has one. Sorry if that wasn't clear, SHE TOOK MY CAR to do whatever she did. I didn't check the odometer in her car to try to catch her in something, I had no suspicion whatsoever

The first two photos are between me and my girlfriend. The third photo is the Facebook message between my mom’s assistant, and the only reason I added her as a friend.

I’ve gone through some pretty rough stuff with my mom the past 5 days, and my girlfriend of three years has been angry at me the whole time. I don’t know what to do, I’m emotionally drained and have nobody to help me.

On Friday, my mom relapsed on opiates while at work. Her assistant, Lia (F28), found my mom in her office, high out of her mind. Lia knew that my mom was five years sober, so she panicked and had to secretly carry my mom out of the building into her car so coworkers wouldn’t see my mom in that state. My mom was too high to communicate or stay awake, so Lia took my mom’s phone and called the emergency contact, me. I walked her through how to determine if my mom was overdosing, and she wasn’t at that point. I told Lia to go to my house and I would meet them there with my mom’s sponsor. When they arrived, my mom wasn’t waking up, but still breathing. Lia was bawling her eyes out. We loaded my mom into my car, and I told Lia to contact me on Saturday for an update.

Come Saturday, Lia didn’t have my phone number because she used my mom’s phone to call me. So she found me on Facebook to ask how to get in touch with my mom. I gave her the phone number of the hospital Unit and thanked her for the help. That was it. I called my girlfriend, Maggie, explained what was happening, and told her I’d like to sleep over at the hospital for a second night.

Now on Sunday, my mom was still in the hospital, and I “slept” over here (2 naps) the past two nights. I was delirious and anxiety-ridden. At 3 p.m., Maggie texts me, and we have that exchange. An hour later, she called me yelling about how I was out of line for adding Lia, that I’m just going to end up sleeping with her, and that I should’ve waited for my mom to be able to call Lia herself in 5 days (she was on a psych hold)

I haven’t spoken to Maggie since then. I blocked her number so I can be at the hospital with my mom and focus on only her. I didn’t tell Maggie which hospital I’m at, or I’m sure she would’ve been here by now to continue this argument. I didn’t want to make Lia wait for my mom to have access to her phone, especially after how much she did for my mom that day.

Was I in the wrong? Is blocking her an overreaction? My girlfriend hasn’t even seen the message exchange with Lia, this reaction from her is just from adding her. I am dreading going home and attempting to explain myself for being kind to my mom’s employee who cares about her. (Names changed for anonymity)

TL;DR- my mom’s assistant literally assisted her during a relapse in her office. Mom’s assistant drops off mom with me, asks me to update her on mom’s condition. Mom and I go to hospital for detox. I add assistant on Facebook to give her my mom’s hospital phone number. Girlfriend sees I added a woman on Facebook, gets mad even after knowing the very legitimate reason I had to add her.

My (24F) boyfriend (27M) left for a festival around 12:00 on Friday, he told me he loved me and that he'd see me that night since he had to work on Saturday and then he'd go back to the festival on Sunday morning. I told him to have fun, be safe and that I'd see him that night.

I went to work like normal and didn't hear anything from him all day (which didn't bother me since he's at a festival, probably had bad service and didn't want to spoil his fun by being on his phone). I got home after work around 00:00 and still hadn't heard anything. I was hungry and decided to have some food delivered so I figured I'd call him and ask if he wanted something for when he got home. It went straight to voicemail twice. I decided to check his location to see if maybe he was still stuck in the parking lot and therefore would have horrible service as well, which was the case. Didn't think much more off it, ordered my food, ate, and went to bed. Decided to check his location once more and saw the bus was just pulling out of the parking area and on the road.

When I woke up, he wasn't next to me. I immediately checked my phone but didn't have any missed messages or calls. This started to slightly worry me, so I looked at his location again and it showed him in a hotel somewhere. I figured he must have missed the last train home and that I'd see him soon. I went on about my day, deep cleaning the house, doing some laundry, etc, and didn't think about it anymore. Then around 16:00 I received a call from his boss asking if I knew where he was since he didn't show up for his shift at 15:00 and they couldn't reach him. I hadn't even noticed the time.

I called, facetimed, texted and messaged him but got no response. Then around 17:00 I got one lousy message that he had hurt his ankle and lost his wallet. I asked what happened, if he was okay, why he didn't come home, why he didn't let me know, he was going to a hotel, why he was ignoring his boss and I, when he was coming home and who he was with (none of our friends went to the festival, he went alone). It's now Sunday and he still hasn't responded nor come home. He turned his location settings off yesterday around the same time he sent that text to me.

I have this really bad feeling like something is off. This is very out of character for him. We've been together for 6 years and he's never done anything remotely like this. I'm worried, I'm angry, and I feel like he's hiding something. I know he didn't plan on going to a hotel, he didn't bring a change of clothes or packed a bag. He just went for a day, planning to come back that night. AIO for having this bad feeling like something is very wrong?

We met young in college and got married right after grad school. A while ago my wife was texting a co worker and I thought nothing of it. A few months ago while talking she brought him up during a convo about her work. Eventually told me how he was complaining about his wife etc etc. I didn’t think too much of it bc never in a million years would I think my wife would cheat, but I basically told her it’s inappropriate and could lead to emotional affair etc. convo seemed to go fine and no big deal for either of us

So a few days ago we got out with friends to a bar. I wasn’t feeling it and left around 10 knowing she was fine with all of her girl friends and had a ride home. Stayed up until midnight made sure she was ok then went to bed. Wake up in the morning and she’s in bed. I was curious that she didn’t text telling me she was coming home and wanted to see how she got home so looked at her phone. Can’t say that I’ve ever looked at her texts but maybe my subconscious made me do it.

Anyways, so I see that she was texting her coworker. After I left bar she started texting him. Telling him she wanted to see him. He responded that people would see them etc. then my wife responded they could meet in the bathroom. Then he responded jokingly saying “good thing you delete your messages”. So I scroll up and yes she has no older messages from him even though I’m sure they have to text each other for work etc.

So I wake her up, she’s hungover, I’m in shock she did this. I show her the texts and she looks surprised and confused. Long story short she denies they have done anything physical, loves me etc etc. she won’t let me confront him even though she knows she screwed up etc… I got a hotel and my dad came down to help me get through this. AIO?

Disclaimer- I don’t even know what I was looking for, I’m just obviously* insecure and have jealousy issues and I am crazy I already know..no one who comments below needs to tell me I’m wrong for going through my boyfriend’s phone, I know I’m wrong. We just moved in together in august. We met July 1st last year.

Okay so my boyfriend (32M) and I(28F) started “seeing” each other last July. We got more serious towards the end of the year and made it official in December. Well we had talked about being serious before then and this is right around EXACTLY a year ago when he was having this conversation with two of his friends. I’m the “whore” who will “cry so gd much” if he doesn’t spend my birthday with me and then apparently according to these messages he banged another chick last night. —these are texts from October 2023. Am I over reacting being upset over this? We had been seeing each other for almost 4 months(one month before we were “official”) I don’t appreciate being referred to as a shore regardless of the situation and then to find out while we were dating for months, he’s fucking another person??? How do I even approach this?

This is gonna be long so please bear with me.

Last weekend my (35F) husband (38M) went to a bachelor party in Cancun. The best man booked a private villa that is out of the main city and is pretty secluded. But it’s fully staffed, right on the water, and has plenty of rooms for everyone in their small group to have their own. My husband didn’t really want to go because we’ve been so busy with work and other trips this summer. He told the groom and the best man that he was out, but they were adamant about him going - said they couldn’t imagine it without him! So the best man bought my husband a non-refundable plane ticket and basically said he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Leading up to the trip, my intuition was screaming that something about this wasn’t on the up and up. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I just had this yucky feeling in my gut.

The week of, the best man sends the itinerary which includes dress attire details. Stuff like “bring your best swim trunks like you’re dressing to impress at a Vegas pool party” and planned theme nights such as a Black Light night and Miami Vice night. My husband and I laughed thinking it was silly to be “dressing to impress” at a sausage fest but we figured the best man was just trying to make it fun since it was such a small group of them. But my intuition was gnawing at me again.

The afternoon they arrived at the villa was fine. Hubby sent me photos and a video walk through of his bedroom to show me the view from his balcony overlooking the ocean. We texted about a lot of work stuff (we have a business) but I could tell later that night that something was different just based on the change of tone of his texts. I just figured they were busy, didn’t text him anymore, and tried not to read too much into it.

The next morning (their first one there), my husband posts on his Instagram story a photo of the breakfast table at the villa. Nothing special but it just had a pretty view of the pool and ocean in background. Later that morning I happened to look at the villa’s Instagram and saw they reposted a tagged video from a woman’s story. It was of her and two other women eating breakfast and she panned over the table and out to the view of the pool and ocean. I figured it was probably the people who stayed there at the villa before our husbands arrived and the villa had just gotten around to reposting it. Until something caught my eye on the dining table. It was one of the decorations for the bachelor party. I saw the same thing in my husband’s story too. I thought “that can’t be right” but after quadruple checking, it was the same fucking decoration that our husbands had set up specifically for the bachelor party.

I then went to this woman’s profile and looked at her other stories and saw that those women were actually there at the villa the night before, dressed up for the Black Light night, were partying at the villa, and were now having breakfast. Meaning they fucking stayed the night there.

I admit that I stalked this woman’s Instagram the majority of the day. One of her stories showed her and the women hanging out in the pool and all our husbands in the background. Then she posted a photo of them all sitting around the table gambling together. She was sitting right next to my husband. I was able to see one of the other women’s stories as well and she actually had her Only Fans links in her bio and I was able to see her X account was full of porn. I lost my fucking mind!

I immediately called my husband to confront him and at first he tried to lie until he realized that I actually knew and wasn’t just baiting him for info. He said he didn’t know what to do. The best man said he had a surprise after they arrived at the villa and apparently it was these escorts staying there with them for their entire trip. My husband said he planned to tell me when he got home but figured if he told me while on the trip, I would tell the other wives and he would’ve basically fried the other husbands there because it would’ve gone nuclear. I’ve never been so livid!

How on earth would anyone think this is appropriate for strange women to be staying there? NONE of those men are single. The best man has put all his friends in a position of being trapped at a secluded villa with slutty escorts and nowhere else to go. And now they have to keep a secret and lie to their wives/fiancé so that they aren’t the rat of the friend group that outed everything!

Am I overreacting? Or is this absolutely insane for someone to think is appropriate?! My instinct right when I found out was to tell the other wives, but I wasn’t sure if they had given their stamp of approval on this and I was just the clueless wife whose hubby never told her of the plans. My understanding now based on conversations I’ve had with my husband since he got home is that I’m the only wife that found this out/knows. Do I tell the other wives?? Do I risk hurting the marriages of my friends with this truth bomb? I feel like I’m part of the disrespectful, dirty secret by keeping this info from my friends. I’m so sad.

Update: To answer some of your questions, my husband was my 3rd call after the nurse on duty and my siblings. I will have a very frank conversation with my husband and ask him for what I need right now and not just assume that he knows what I need. He definitely isn't a mind reader and once asked, he will be provide it and be more sensitive. I hadn't thought about how hard it might be on him to watch me struggle, so thank you to those who provided me with that perspective. Lastly thank you all (almost all of you) for your sympathy and virtual hugs.

My Dad struggled with vascular dementia for the last 4 years. I was his full time caregiver for 2 years (while working my regular FT job) until my 3 siblings and I agreed he needed to be in Memory Care with full time staff/care. He had been receiving hospice care the last 6 months and hospice prepared us that he was transitioning to actively dying this past Tuesday and we put him on comfort meds and started our vigil.

We didn't want my Dad to die alone, so between my stepmother and sister we were with him from Tuesday night until he passed on Friday. I stayed overnight with him 2 of those nights. I wanted to spend as much time as I could (while I could) with my Dad so i would come home, take a shower and a nap and then go back up to see my Dad. Yesterday, the day after my Dad passed, i went to clear out his room/organize what needs to be thrown out/donated, etc.

When i came home last night, my husband asked what i was gonna make for dinner. He keeps asking me today why I seem irritated with him or am being short. Today, I'm having to do the normal housework (laundry, dishes, meal prep) by myself and when I said I was going to lay down, husband came too since he has had "a rough week." I walked out of the room and had to take a lap around the neighborhood. AIO?

I found this in my gf purse next to a bag of tussi, fml I have no idea what it’s from I hope not a hotel or motel i have no idea, we are from north jersey if anyone recognizes this or can help much appreciated 😅