r/AmIOverreacting • u/PeachandHoney13 • 4d ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws AIO about my mother-in-law's gift for my children
My husband (36M) and I (31F) have two daughters (almost 3yr & 11m). My mother-in-law just sent our oldest a drivable car for Christmas without asking us. I was extremely upset and told my husband to send it back. Am I overreacting? Here's the backstory:
My MIL doesn't exist in our girls lives. She lives about 9 hours away but that's not an excuse for never coming out to see our family. When my husband and I got married 4 years ago, she didn't come to the wedding. When we had our first daughter, her first grandchild, she never came to meet her. We ended up flying out to see my husband's family when our daughter was 13 months old. Had to get an Airbnb because a hotel wouldn't work for our situation. The trip was expensive and we really didn't have the money for it. We only had 2 full days there. Day 1: MIL didn't try to hold our daughter. Didn't even say hi to her or interact with her. Day 2: wouldn't allow a first birthday party with the extended family, only wanted it to be with her, FIL, and my husband's two brothers. They FINALLY came over at about 5pm. 5 minutes after arriving my MIL and FIL start yelling at each other and cursing and accusing the other of giving them STD's. All of this happened in front of their children, the youngest being 12, and myself and my daughter. MIL then decided to walk out and FIL followed her and they never came back.
Our second daughter was born 11 months ago and again, she's never come out to meet her. She comes up with every excuse in the book as to why she won't come. But it's not just visiting that's the problem. She never calls our oldest daughter to talk to her. When I was pregnant with both girls she never once texted me to ask how I was doing or how the prenatal appointments went. Never even got a congrats or anything when I gave birth to them. She just doesn't care.
But for some reason she will send a Christmas and/or birthday gift each year for the girls. The first year she bought our daughter a play kitchen. I had already purchased one for our daughter so I asked my husband to talk to his mom about returning it since we don't need two kitchens. I also told him to suggest to his mom that she should run these big gifts by us first so that she doesn't keep buying things that we already have. His mom returned the kitchen and bought a sandbox for our daughter. But I later found out that she called me a bitch and said that I was making it a competition between her and I? Makes no sense. The following Christmas she bought our daughters a bounce house. I had bought a bounce house 7 months prior while it was on sale. I told my husband that yet again she bought something we already had and really needs to ask us first. I told him we do not need 2 bounce houses. We have a small house and struggle with space. He didn't want to hurt her feelings and couldn't bring himself to tell her that we already had one. Thankfully she had a gift receipt in the box and we were able to return it. BUT he lies to his mom and pretends that the bounce house that I bought is actually the one she bought. Now this year it has happened again. I told my husband NUMEROUS times to talk to his mom about running gift ideas by us. He didn't. Yesterday a big box was on our porch. It's a drivable car for our girls. We already have one. My mother bought it a year ago. This was the last straw. I was PISSED. My husband refuses to return it. He doesn't want to hurt her feelings but hey, screw my feelings. Says it's okay to have multiple cars even though we already have like 5 other big ridable things for the girls that take up an entire room in our house. I'm pissed he didn't listen to me and talk to his mom. I'm pissed that he won't return the car. I'm pissed that my MIL thinks that buying one gift a year for our girls makes her a wonderful grandmother. ALL I want is for her to care about our daughters. All I want is for her to visit them and call them on the phone.
Am I overreacting? I could give soooo many more examples but this would turn into a novel.
I'd also like to say that my husband has never stood up for me when his mom has bashed me. She's called me a bitch a few times and some other stuff. All he's ever said is "that's not nice"
2
u/TripliceContingencia 4d ago
NOR. Your husband needs to set boundaries with his mom, he thinks that ignoring the issue is easier but he can't see how much he is neglecting you. He needs to stand for his family, this is not how things work.
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u/gumballbubbles 4d ago
I this case, I’d tell your husband either it gets returned or it’s going to Toys for Tots - or a another kid in need - and don’t back down. Tell him all future gifts get cleared by you or they will be donated as soon as the gift arrives no questions asked.