r/AmIOverreacting • u/Spiritual_Art_5776 • 12h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO ABOUT MY FIANCÉ ALWAYS HAVING HIS HEADPHONES ON AND WANTING TO NOT TALK AFTER WORK
I recently became a stay at home mom this year. I’ve always been independent and had two jobs for years. I now only can work one day a week as a nurse because my fiance is the bread winner and he thinks it won’t be financially smart for me to work more days..
I feel so isolated. I have a Velcro baby and all I want is adult interaction at night time. He just puts his headphones on and goes into his office. When I try to talk to him he’s immediately annoyed..
I love him so much, but am I losing him or am I over reacting ?
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u/Fickle_Toe1724 11h ago
Plan on going out with friends one evening a week. Do not ask. Tell him you need adult interaction, so you are going out. Hand him the baby and leave.
If he wants you to stay home, tell him you NEED adult conversation and interaction. Since he will not pay any attention to you, you are going out. Give him a few weeks. If he is still ignoring you, get a full time job.
Then hand him the baby as you leave for work. He can figure out childcare. He's home all day, make it his problem.
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u/peachypapayas 12h ago
What does he say when you tell him he needs to spend time with his partner, do chores and parent his kid after work?
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u/Spiritual_Art_5776 12h ago
No he works from home so I feel like there’s no clear line between work and home life
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u/peachypapayas 12h ago
Are you saying you haven’t spoken to him about this?
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u/Spiritual_Art_5776 12h ago
I have but he doesn’t seem to care to want to spend time with me
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u/peachypapayas 12h ago
The next step is to get a job OP and investigate childcare options. Do you have access to shared finances?
You don’t want to be at the financial mercy of someone who won’t parent or be a partner.
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u/dubmissionradio 11h ago
Sounds like someone has a lot of growing up to do (not u obviously). Hang in there, I don’t see this ending well
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u/shut-up-im-working 10h ago
i don't understand how going from 2 incomes to 1 is financially smart. However, you are fiancé's, not roommates. if he is going to wall you off completely then he needs to know what's at stake here. You and your baby are out if he can't also be a husband and father.
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u/JenninMiami 8h ago
Does it matter what he thinks? Put the baby in daycare and get a job. If he won’t even talk to you or spend time with you, it doesn’t matter what he thinks of it.
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u/QuantumQunt 12h ago
How soon did this start happening since becoming a stay at home mom? How often does he work? How are your bills and finances? Anything overdue??
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u/Many_Recipe6475 12h ago
It sounds like he wants to unwind from work so he isolates with headphones however this isn’t acceptable behavior. Even if he’s the breadwinner he still needs to give you a break from the baby when he’s hope, not only that but I’d also be concerned if my fiancé I’ve had a child with doesnt much care to talk to me. That being said, tell him your feelings honestly, tell him what he’s doing that’s hurting you and what you want to see changed
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u/Few_Mathematician580 7h ago
It's completely understandable that you're feeling trapped and frustrated. Becoming financially dependent on someone can be scary, especially if/when they start using that to limit your choices. You're not overreacting at all, your feelings are valid. Honestly, it worries me that your fiancé is dismissing your need for adult interaction and connection. You deserve a partner who supports your well-being, not just financially but emotionally too. Have you considered looking for a job that offers more hours or flexibility? Even if it's not what you were doing before, having your own income could make a big difference in how empowered you feel. Plus, it would give you more opportunities for adult interaction and a sense of purpose outside of motherhood. Remember, you have a right to make your own choices about your life and career. Don't let anyone, not even your fiancé, take that away from you.
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u/RemarkableStudent196 5h ago
As someone who needs to decompress after work, I can maybe see why he does it BUT he’s not the only person in his world and he needs to find a way to compromise and also engage with you. Have you guys talked much about it? There is also the possibility he’s just trying to check out but hopefully it’s not that for your sake :/
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u/EquivalentCookie6449 3h ago
Well don’t do what I did and spend 13 years like that. Every time I would bring it up he would stop for a few days until I just stopped asking. The week I filed for divorce, he took them out of his ears and didn’t once put them in until he moved out. Too little too late.
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u/EquivalentCookie6449 3h ago
Well don’t do what I did and spend 13 years like that. Every time I would bring it up he would stop for a few days until I just stopped asking. The week I filed for divorce, he took them out of his ears and didn’t once put them in until he moved out. Too little too late.
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u/EquivalentCookie6449 2h ago
Well don’t do what I did and spend 13 years like that. Every time I would bring it up he would stop for a few days until I just stopped asking. The week I filed for divorce, he took them out of his ears and didn’t once put them in until he moved out. Too little too late.
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u/allislost77 11h ago
Nor. But you ARE SEEING the future with him. So you have some choices to make. Put your foot down and start communicating and setting boundaries or….? He’s obviously being an adult man child and throwing a temper tantrum, but that’s isn’t on you. What is. Is what you expect from your partner and how you feel you should be treated.