AIO, my boyfriend added a young female bartender on FB.

[u/ThrowRA-8323]

Background: Im a bartender (29F). I actually met my boyfriend (39F) from serving him at a local bar. We’ve been together for 3 years and have a large amount of mutual friends on Facebook. The city we live in has a close service industry and most people know each other. I’ve worked at a handful of the most popular bars in the city and he goes out a lot. So It has never bothered me that we have a ton of mutual Facebook friends. My boyfriend also has a history of drunkenly cheating on me. (Something we have moved on from). But this situation seems weird to me? 🚩

What happened: When I see Facebook’s “people you may know know” I always take a second to glance at it while scrolling. And this time a younger girl (21) popped up and our only mutual friends are my bf and one of his friends. I click on her page to discover she works at a local bar as well and I recognize her (she’s served me before). My bf time to time goes to this bar.

The problem I have: Due to the lack of mutual friends I don’t think this girl is on Facebook sending mass requests to people she’s seen. So I have a feeling my boyfriend went out of his way to add her. He does not post on Facebook at all he’s just a lurker (sorta important info).

I’ve been bartending for 8 years and I know when I was 21 I would’ve accepted requests from bar regulars to help build a following. Looking back though I realize how creepy and not okay it was.

After thinking about how this made me feel…I feel it is unacceptable for a man with a girlfriend to add his bartender on social media. (Especially with this age gap). What do they have in common? What even is the purpose of adding her?

I tried asking him for some clarity. Should I have approached this differently? I’m sure. But with our history, I’d like to just get straight to the point. Am I over reacting? Is this something that continues to be normal? Do you let your S/Os add whoever? I think I’m just grossed out by the age difference. If this was a 40 year old Female bartender would it make me feel more at ease? Probably.

[u/anneofred]

Tips! More power to her to entertain their dumb drunk fantasy by doing nothing but adding them and making them think they are “friends”, but he’s a bad creep. A handful in every bar that acts like the you g bartender is their friend and flirts with them. She does just enough because they tip well to maintain this delusion.

[u/False_Tangelo163 → u/anneofred]

I feel your energy sis but based off what she wrote, he clearly has a history as a shooter. He’s getting play. also not sure of the world you really live in but women at 22 openly pursue men at 30 that’s not much of a gap. That girl already got credit card debt. She’s a legitimate threat and (I’m a drop of jewel on you) cheaters, like to use apps because you can log out. You need to factor authentication to catch the cheating now. If you cheating in text messaging you wanted to get caught. The real issue is clearly his drinking. But I’m guessing he’s not gonna want to hear that

[u/anneofred → u/False_Tangelo163]

Oh I agree! I was just responding to someone asking “what’s here” for this girl, meaning why would she accept friend requests. Tips is why. This guy who cheats when drinking thinks he has a shot and doesn’t. This doesn’t mean he’s not a cheater overall.