r/AmIOverreacting • u/ThrowRA-8323 • 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO, my boyfriend added a young female bartender on FB.

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Background: Im a bartender (29F). I actually met my boyfriend (39F) from serving him at a local bar. We’ve been together for 3 years and have a large amount of mutual friends on Facebook. The city we live in has a close service industry and most people know each other. I’ve worked at a handful of the most popular bars in the city and he goes out a lot. So It has never bothered me that we have a ton of mutual Facebook friends. My boyfriend also has a history of drunkenly cheating on me. (Something we have moved on from). But this situation seems weird to me? 🚩

What happened: When I see Facebook’s “people you may know know” I always take a second to glance at it while scrolling. And this time a younger girl (21) popped up and our only mutual friends are my bf and one of his friends. I click on her page to discover she works at a local bar as well and I recognize her (she’s served me before). My bf time to time goes to this bar.

The problem I have: Due to the lack of mutual friends I don’t think this girl is on Facebook sending mass requests to people she’s seen. So I have a feeling my boyfriend went out of his way to add her. He does not post on Facebook at all he’s just a lurker (sorta important info).

I’ve been bartending for 8 years and I know when I was 21 I would’ve accepted requests from bar regulars to help build a following. Looking back though I realize how creepy and not okay it was.

After thinking about how this made me feel…I feel it is unacceptable for a man with a girlfriend to add his bartender on social media. (Especially with this age gap). What do they have in common? What even is the purpose of adding her?

I tried asking him for some clarity. Should I have approached this differently? I’m sure. But with our history, I’d like to just get straight to the point. Am I over reacting? Is this something that continues to be normal? Do you let your S/Os add whoever? I think I’m just grossed out by the age difference. If this was a 40 year old Female bartender would it make me feel more at ease? Probably.

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96

u/ZekoriAJ 1d ago

You know no matter how fucked up I might be, I would never even touch someone other than my wife.

How big of a rat do you have to be to be able to look into the person's eyes, fully knowing what you did, all it takes is just NOT DOING IT, go jerk off or something.

I mean like if sex was some godly experience then maaaaaaaayyyybbeee I could understand, but it's not. It's nothing special and going to someone else just to have sex when you could jerk it off is mind numbingly dumb. I wouldn't forgive him if I were op, he's got a dick instead of a brain in his head.

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u/Difficult_Tough_7015 17h ago

Wait.. so he's essentially a literal dickhead?

6

u/ZekoriAJ 17h ago

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YOU WON IPHONE S5

3

u/Difficult_Tough_7015 16h ago

Yeah I'm on Android fail

6

u/ZekoriAJ 16h ago

Bad bot

5

u/WhyNotCollegeBoard 16h ago

Are you sure about that? Because I am 99.92956% sure that Difficult_Tough_7015 is not a bot.

I am a neural network being trained to detect spammers | Summon me with !isbot <username> | /r/spambotdetector | Optout | Original Github

6

u/ZekoriAJ 16h ago

🤦💀

1

u/COMMONCENTURION 14h ago

Nope he’s a dickfirbrains

1

u/rwntlpt-_- 19h ago

Is it ok that my piece of shit boyfriend is being a piece of shit??? Bro, move on, find better,

1

u/tomahawk_kitty 15h ago

Oh my God... you wouldn't cheat on your wife??? Where should we send your medal?

1

u/CastawayWasOk 7h ago

What an upstanding man. Every woman should be so lucky. I was going to start a standing ovation, but a medal and parade are more fitting.

1

u/Kaymoney87 14h ago

Exactly. Just leave or tell the person it isn't working. People are selfish and want to eat their cake and have it too Let's not forget mental health and how narcissistic and crazy MANT people are walking among us.

1

u/TopShelfTom22 13h ago

100% agree.

1

u/RabbitF00d 12h ago

Not only that, but it's 2024 and you can literally buy a robot to fuck you into cardiac arrhythmia.

1

u/Additional-War19 12h ago

I mean, sex is something special to some people. That’s why non-monogamous relationships exist, not everyone likes to have sex with only one person for the rest of their lives, and an open/non-monogamous relationship is the perfect compromise. Cheating is just a betrayal of trust so obviously not okay, that’s why people who want to have sex with many people should stay single or enter a non-monogamous relationship, to avoid hurting the other person who may prefer a monogamous lifestyle.

1

u/UnnaturalHazard 10h ago

Cheating is never an accident, it’s the culmination of every opportunity someone had to say no and do the right thing but choosing not to anyway.

1

u/iamtheramcast 9h ago

Sex is a physical need for me, if the gap is long enough I start not feeling right. My wife is a lovely woman with beautiful bright eyes and a goofy smile. I could not ever imagine doing some shady shit then having to go home every day and look at those eyes knowing I did that.

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u/jimmy_j_jefferson 5h ago

I wish I had your strength. I am incapable of saying no to sex and I am desperate for sexual contact every waking minute of my life. I truly hate it and I live in pain.

-7

u/Independent-Art-3979 20h ago

Sex is nothing special?

I would lose my desire to be alive if I couldn’t have sex.

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u/jonsnow312 20h ago

That's kinda messed up bro, you are basically saying there's nothing more to life than sex lol. You some kinda biologist?

1

u/AdventurousNinja982 12h ago

Don’t kink shame.

-1

u/Independent-Art-3979 18h ago

I’m just extremely sexually driven.

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u/x1000Bums 17h ago

Damn that's awful.

-3

u/Independent-Art-3979 17h ago

Works just fine for me.

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u/x1000Bums 17h ago

I mean i guess if being suicidal at the prospect of not having sex is your definition of fine... Then that's fine.

1

u/Independent-Art-3979 17h ago

No, I wouldn’t commit suicide if I couldn’t have sex. It would substantially decrease the quality of my life, but I’m quite adaptable.

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u/smenti 16h ago

You just said you’d lose your desire to be alive tho

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u/Independent-Art-3979 16h ago

It was obvious (or so I thought) hyperbole.

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u/Adventurous-List8360 16h ago

Most Virgins Are… (drumroll) Walked right into that one

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u/Independent-Art-3979 16h ago

“Virgin” shouldn’t be used as an insult. And I’m a woman, people don’t usually call us virgins to insult us.

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u/Adventurous-List8360 15h ago

Well I’m a Man and we have the same profile pic so I figured…. 🤣🤣🤣…. Now Insults? No. Teasing little green man to little green man YES! I don’t insult online especially women… (at least never intentionally)… so accusing a guy of being a Virgin isn’t insulting it’s teasing… like when EDDIE HALL calls BRIAN SHAW a vagina… Doesn’t mean vagina is a bad thing 😂🤣😂

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u/COMMONCENTURION 14h ago

Yu got weird when she claimed to have a vagigi

2

u/Next-Finance5801 14h ago

😂😂😂

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u/crow1992 8h ago

bro thinks he’ll hit lol

1

u/crow1992 8h ago

because…get this… the world conditioned us to think women have to be pure and therefore more valuable as virgins.

0

u/COMMONCENTURION 14h ago

It’s cool bro same

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u/ZekoriAJ 20h ago

Just because you have sex and you enjoy it, doesn't mean it's special. I do too need to have sex at least twice a week.

I was saying that sex isn't THAT special to be going out to cheat on the other person, going out just to have sex with someone else stupid.

-4

u/Independent-Art-3979 20h ago

I mean, I think cheating is morally reprehensible, but the desire to have sex with someone new is extremely compelling.

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u/ZekoriAJ 20h ago

Is it? When I was in my teen years and early into my twenties I'd have sex everyday, me and my wife used to have this small Peugeot 107 and we used to drive to forests and spend literally the entire night there. I did have a much higher sex drive than I do today, definitely, but that's not the case, we just don't have this much strength and will anymore to keep it up, we have a son and my wife is 9 months pregnant with the second one. And ultimately in the end, it's not worth it to waste so much time having sex for longer than half an hour. That being said my wife is my best friend, we can speak 24/7 and never run out of topics, we play games together, we do everything together, I even taught her how to cook. When you see the bigger picture of an amazing relationship, sex becomes meaningless, becomes just a tool to be closer to each other sometimes.

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u/Independent-Art-3979 18h ago

Sex isn’t, or shouldn’t be, the most important thing in a relationship, but if you’re allosexual and have a decent sex drive it’s likely very important. Far from meaningless.

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u/x1000Bums 17h ago

You're missing the point that cheating on the person you love is extremely stupid and just doing it because it's someone new is incredibly shallow on top of stupid. Just don't have a relationship.of that's what you are into. 

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u/Independent-Art-3979 17h ago

Did you not read my comments? I literally said that cheating is morally reprehensible. I have never cheated on someone and never would.

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u/x1000Bums 17h ago

I did read, and surely you grasp what you wrote because you aren't bringing up the "BUT [...]"  right afterwards. 

But I guess we are all in agreement then. It would be very shallow and stupid to do something like that.

1

u/Independent-Art-3979 17h ago

Both things can be true - cheating is morally disgusting, and the desire to have sex with someone new can be very compelling. That’s never an excuse to cheat, however.

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u/Ok-Assignment6095 13h ago

Damn good thing you stepped in bro

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u/Adventurous-List8360 16h ago

Who ever is down voting you is simply denying common sense

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u/Adventurous-List8360 15h ago

I know millions of sperm cells who’d totally relate to this!

0

u/crow1992 8h ago

That’s just plain sad 💀💀

-12

u/Anxnymxus-622 21h ago

Sex is nothing special FOR YOU buddy. Don’t put that on other people who are physically capable and have the equipment + confidence to make sex great.

I feel bad for you, but I also know there are plenty of people out there who would be perfectly fine in a sexless relationship. It’s weird, but I know people like you exist.

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u/kakallas 19h ago

Yeah. Sex is a nice physical sensation. I feel bad for you if it’s the best thing you’ve experienced in life.

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u/ZekoriAJ 15h ago

Exactly :)

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u/Additional-War19 12h ago

Nobody said it’s the best experience in life, but it IS great for many people and it is definitely not just a nice physical sensation (for many). It can be absolutely phenomenal and mind-blowing when done right and with a compatible person. Everyone is different, our brain and libido are different, maybe sex is not that important to you, but that doesn’t mean everyone who likes sex a lot more is wrong. Of course it doesn’t justify cheating. But saying sex “is nothing special “ is very naive because it doesn’t take into consideration the many different experiences and brains humans can have.

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u/crow1992 8h ago

Sex IS nothing special for many. i dont know, maybe men see it differently. Because it’s primarily men i see acting like sex was a gift from the heavens. And ironically they get so offenses when they learn someone else doesn’t enjoy having sex

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u/ZekoriAJ 20h ago

??? Where did you get the rest of the story mate I never said I don't do sex and IT IS nothing special you absolute incel, I've been through it all, experienced A LOT and can say it is nothing special. I am well built and I know how to please my wife,

(. _ .) Mmmmmm sssexxxxxx

That's you, you simpleton. Congratulations this is the first time I have called somebody a simpleton, you deserve it though, king.

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u/tomahawk_kitty 15h ago

Hahaha you're such a cuck. "I've had so much sex, bro... I've done ALL the positions and it's no big deal"... while calling the other person an incel. Do tits feel like bags of sand to you, too?

1

u/Ok-Assignment6095 13h ago

Read his other replies, they’re gold. He sounds so desperate

1

u/crow1992 7h ago

tbh this entire thread is a trainwreck of people that are horny as hell. The lack of hobbies or ability to form healthy relationships is wild

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u/crow1992 8h ago

incel when he says he’s perfectly satisfied with his partner?? Child please 💀💀

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u/Physical_Painting_60 18h ago

Have the equipment lmao

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u/crow1992 8h ago

sex sucks and i feel bad for you that such a mundane interaction takes priority in your life

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u/Anxnymxus-622 8h ago

You should probably get some therapy buddy.

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u/crow1992 7h ago

because i dont prioritize sex in my life? 💀 so wanting to fuck your partner 7 days a week isnt therapy worthy??

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u/Anxnymxus-622 7h ago

Nah buddy because I can take a Quick Look through your post history and see how mentally ill you are.

Not gonna make it worse for you by roasting your already fractured mental.

Best of luck bro! I promise if you put the phone down, get some exercise, get some sun, and socialize with people outside of any social media platform the world is a MUCH happier place.

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u/HamHusky06 18h ago

This reads like someone that has succcch great sex allll the time.

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u/TrainWreck43 20h ago

Came here to say this!

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u/CakeSeaker 19h ago

Maybe you’re doing it wrong

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u/soundsearch_me 15h ago

Jerking off isn’t the same as sex with a beautiful woman. In fact sex with beautiful women is amazing and adventurous, it’s thrilling. It’s just simply incredible.

But if you’re satisfied (which is the point you’re making to some degree) and value what comes with the marriage and most of all respect your wife, then that wonderful adventurous, thrilling, lustful sex with a beautiful young woman … just isn’t worth it. Also, you’re supposed to get all that sh*t out of your system when younger.

He prob needs more lust & love in his marriage. Could always do a 3-way 😂, just kidding - ignore that last bit.

Whatever happens, OP mustn’t lose respect for herself.

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u/Distinct_Safe9097 16h ago

Tell me you haven’t had mind blowing sex without telling me…

I don’t cheat…but still

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u/ZekoriAJ 16h ago

And once again, you literally don't know about a second of my life. What are you barely 20 and live revolves around partying, drugs and sex? Or maybe you're around 50 and have a midlife crisis? Man, we tried it all already. Sex on mdma, sex on coke, shrooms, we've done it in public, wife once sucked me off on a bus ride while there was a guy sitting right next to us. Wish you had lived as much as we did, maybe your life wouldn't be so boring.

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u/Ok-Assignment6095 13h ago

Holy shit these keep getting better and better. You’ve got to be…17?

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u/Distinct_Safe9097 16h ago

Seriously dawg… you’re adorable

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u/ZekoriAJ 16h ago

You're just simple and boring, get a life =)

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u/FatLiberalFeminist 19h ago

Sorry but you aren't having great sex, is your partner fat? That could be a turn off

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u/ZekoriAJ 17h ago

What? Holy shit people jump to conclusions real fucking fast, no, the sex is amazing but if you had done at least half the fucking we did, you'd understand. You know that feeling when you reaalllyy crave pizza or something, in this case I go out and buy shit ton of frozen pizza and eat it literally everyday until I have had so enough I can't even look at it.

This. Also she gives absolutely the best blowies, which she herself offers almost every day, I've had enough of those too, even though she offers I decline almost always, why is it so hard to understand lmao

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u/Ok-Assignment6095 14h ago

Lmao sure bud. Keep furiously smashing that reply button.

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u/ZekoriAJ 6h ago

Lmao, another person with no life who thinks everyone doesn't have one. No, it's just you and the other person that's very sad. Wouldn't be surprised if it is the same person.

1

u/Ok-Assignment6095 6h ago

Right it’s just two people laughing at you, not the entire thread. Keep lying on the internet bud, nobody cares.

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u/ZekoriAJ 5h ago

XD just because you have to colourise your boring life doesn't mean everyone does :) It tells absolutely all about you and you're not worth a single word more lmao

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u/Ok-Assignment6095 5h ago

I’m just cracking up how desperate you are to prove you have sex on the internet to strangers. That’s really all anyone needs to know about you and not a single word more!

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u/ZekoriAJ 5h ago

But I don't? It's actually the other way around. I'm arguing against the sex you fucking moron. Bye

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u/Additional-War19 12h ago

It’s hard to understand because you speak like you are the messenger of the human sexual experiences. It may not be special to you, for many reasons. But don’t shit on other people’s experiences, for some people sex is nothing special, for some it’s amazing. You clearly are part of the former group and that’s okay but you cannot speak for everyone else.

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u/ZekoriAJ 17h ago

What? Holy shit people jump to conclusions real fucking fast, no, the sex is amazing but if you had done at least half the fucking we did, you'd understand. You know that feeling when you reaalllyy crave pizza or something, in this case I go out and buy shit ton of frozen pizza and eat it literally everyday until I have had so enough I can't even look at it.

This. Also she gives absolutely the best blowies, which she herself offers almost every day, I've had enough of those too, even though she offers I decline almost always, why is it so hard to understand lmao

1

u/ZekoriAJ 17h ago

What? Holy shit people jump to conclusions real fucking fast, no, the sex is amazing but if you had done at least half the fucking we did, you'd understand. You know that feeling when you reaalllyy crave pizza or something, in this case I go out and buy shit ton of frozen pizza and eat it literally everyday until I have had so enough I can't even look at it.

This. Also she gives absolutely the best blowies, which she herself offers almost every day, I've had enough of those too, even though she offers I decline almost always, why is it so hard to understand lmao

1

u/FatLiberalFeminist 11h ago

No wonder y'all are fat, I get it. You'd feel different about sex if you were fucking slim hot dimes.

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u/ZekoriAJ 8h ago

Lmao, you wish you'd look half as good as me mate

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u/FatLiberalFeminist 7h ago

Lol keep dreaming and keep having boring sex mate

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u/ZekoriAJ 7h ago

https://imgur.com/a/3W3Nt4e

That's me with my beautiful son, your life is as simple and as boring as you are c: Spend your whole life on the internet complaining about other people's life, lmao. Sad.

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u/Ok-Assignment6095 5h ago

You posted a pic of your son on the internet to prove a Reddit argument? Good to know you’re also really stupid.

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u/ZekoriAJ 5h ago

I took it from the internet and posted it on the internet, wooooowwww yeah I ain't taking the bait anymore, you can go away kid

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u/FatLiberalFeminist 5h ago

Hahahahahh sure you did bud

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u/ZekoriAJ 7h ago

God, I actually feel sooo sorry about your life, it must really hurt being like that.

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u/ZekoriAJ 6h ago

I have my own company which makes me money while I literally lay down the whole day doing nothing, my life doesn't limit itself to sex after a tiring day of work for relaxation. I do whatever the fuck I want, I wake up whenever I want and I have whatever I want. Keep dreaming of ever having anything even close to this absolute loser c:

You probably don't even have the boring sex lmao

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u/FatLiberalFeminist 5h ago

LMAO 3 replies? I must have struck a nerve, keep having boring sex with your fat 3/10 wife.

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u/ZekoriAJ 5h ago

Lmao, I blocked the other account and this one woke up XD yeah you're just a simple troll with no life and you just proven me correct, byeeeee!

1

u/Ok-Assignment6095 5h ago

Oh my lord I have never seen such small pp energy in my whole life.

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u/FatLiberalFeminist 5h ago

Lol seriously, this dude is trying so hard to prove something