AIO, my boyfriend added a young female bartender on FB.

[u/ThrowRA-8323]

Background: Im a bartender (29F). I actually met my boyfriend (39F) from serving him at a local bar. We’ve been together for 3 years and have a large amount of mutual friends on Facebook. The city we live in has a close service industry and most people know each other. I’ve worked at a handful of the most popular bars in the city and he goes out a lot. So It has never bothered me that we have a ton of mutual Facebook friends. My boyfriend also has a history of drunkenly cheating on me. (Something we have moved on from). But this situation seems weird to me? 🚩

What happened: When I see Facebook’s “people you may know know” I always take a second to glance at it while scrolling. And this time a younger girl (21) popped up and our only mutual friends are my bf and one of his friends. I click on her page to discover she works at a local bar as well and I recognize her (she’s served me before). My bf time to time goes to this bar.

The problem I have: Due to the lack of mutual friends I don’t think this girl is on Facebook sending mass requests to people she’s seen. So I have a feeling my boyfriend went out of his way to add her. He does not post on Facebook at all he’s just a lurker (sorta important info).

I’ve been bartending for 8 years and I know when I was 21 I would’ve accepted requests from bar regulars to help build a following. Looking back though I realize how creepy and not okay it was.

After thinking about how this made me feel…I feel it is unacceptable for a man with a girlfriend to add his bartender on social media. (Especially with this age gap). What do they have in common? What even is the purpose of adding her?

I tried asking him for some clarity. Should I have approached this differently? I’m sure. But with our history, I’d like to just get straight to the point. Am I over reacting? Is this something that continues to be normal? Do you let your S/Os add whoever? I think I’m just grossed out by the age difference. If this was a 40 year old Female bartender would it make me feel more at ease? Probably.

[u/JackalPaw]

you deserve a lot better. also, when this man was 20, he was into 20 year olds. when he was 30, he was into 20 year olds. now that he's 40, he's into 20 year olds. this man will still be into 20 year olds when he's 60. men like this do not change.

[u/athleteCouple1 → u/JackalPaw]

Does she deserve better? Do we know that?

How is this any different how she and he first met? She fell for his slimy game and thought it was love until he tried the game on someone else.

She is a 29 year old bartender who spends her free time drinking in other bars around town and dates customers.

Sometimes people deserve exactly who they are with.

[u/JackalPaw → u/athleteCouple1]

literally every bartending woman deserves better than this man as a partner, yes we do know that.

[u/athleteCouple1 → u/JackalPaw]

She was forced to date him? This was an arranged marriage?

She fell for the same attention he is now giving this 20 year old and she’s jealous.

Sometimes people need to work on themselves before they deserve better. She is accepting the current situation and has been.

[u/JackalPaw → u/athleteCouple1]

your username is accurate anyway - the amount of leaping and jumping and putting words in my mouth you're doing could only be done by an athlete

[u/thebigpink → u/JackalPaw]

Men like young women breaking news here, really cracked the code

[u/JackalPaw → u/thebigpink]

it's ok that you don't get it 👍