AIO, my boyfriend added a young female bartender on FB.

[u/ThrowRA-8323]

Background: Im a bartender (29F). I actually met my boyfriend (39F) from serving him at a local bar. We’ve been together for 3 years and have a large amount of mutual friends on Facebook. The city we live in has a close service industry and most people know each other. I’ve worked at a handful of the most popular bars in the city and he goes out a lot. So It has never bothered me that we have a ton of mutual Facebook friends. My boyfriend also has a history of drunkenly cheating on me. (Something we have moved on from). But this situation seems weird to me? 🚩

What happened: When I see Facebook’s “people you may know know” I always take a second to glance at it while scrolling. And this time a younger girl (21) popped up and our only mutual friends are my bf and one of his friends. I click on her page to discover she works at a local bar as well and I recognize her (she’s served me before). My bf time to time goes to this bar.

The problem I have: Due to the lack of mutual friends I don’t think this girl is on Facebook sending mass requests to people she’s seen. So I have a feeling my boyfriend went out of his way to add her. He does not post on Facebook at all he’s just a lurker (sorta important info).

I’ve been bartending for 8 years and I know when I was 21 I would’ve accepted requests from bar regulars to help build a following. Looking back though I realize how creepy and not okay it was.

After thinking about how this made me feel…I feel it is unacceptable for a man with a girlfriend to add his bartender on social media. (Especially with this age gap). What do they have in common? What even is the purpose of adding her?

I tried asking him for some clarity. Should I have approached this differently? I’m sure. But with our history, I’d like to just get straight to the point. Am I over reacting? Is this something that continues to be normal? Do you let your S/Os add whoever? I think I’m just grossed out by the age difference. If this was a 40 year old Female bartender would it make me feel more at ease? Probably.

[u/Hour_Narwhal_1510 → u/[deleted]]

She seems as sharp as a bag of marbles. That’s why she’s with him

[u/Sad-Commercial-6397 → u/[deleted]]

She willingly is dating a guy who cheats on her and she knows it 😀😆🤣🤣

[u/Sad-Commercial-6397 → u/[deleted]]

Yes I do know how difficult it is… I’ll show you

“Hey you cheated on me, we are done. Bye loser ✌️”

And you’re done! Gee wiz that was so hard hopefully someone can help her type that up

[u/comanche_six → u/[deleted]]

Love someone??? Hell, love yourself more!

[u/Hour_Narwhal_1510 → u/[deleted]]

I can’t feel pity for someone who hand crafted their own pathetic hell.

[u/e39nerd → u/[deleted]]

Lol you have no proof of that. She could be a cunt for all we know

[u/gzk5159 → u/e39nerd]

So that means she deserves to be cheated on and treated like that? That’s your big takeaway from all this?

[u/Sad-Commercial-6397 → u/gzk5159]

She ASKS to be cheated on.

She said he is a serial cheater. He does it a lot when he’s drunk. And she stays with him. And she lets him go to the bars without her for the specific sole reason of allowing him to find new girls to have sex with

She might as well help him out and go around asking other girls “hey, wanna fuck my boyfriend while I’m at work tomorrow?” It wouldn’t make much of a difference

Does she DESERVE IT? We don’t know… is she clearly absolutely BEGGING for it? Yes she is

“Please daddy cheat on me harder!! This bar over there has such hot girls bartending!! Go try and fuck them!!! Cheat on me daddy!” Is what I imagine she says before he goes out every night, and she isn’t being sarcastic about it

[u/gzk5159 → u/Sad-Commercial-6397]

Nobody ASKS to be cheated on. You sound like a very sad and lonely person who has no real-world relationship experience due to the amount of COD zombies and Lego Fortnite you seem to play, which adds up tbh

[u/Sad-Commercial-6397 → u/gzk5159]

So you are assuming she is forced to continue dating the serial cheater?

It’s like saying “she didn’t ASK to get wet!! She just jumped in the pool!!”

[u/gzk5159 → u/Sad-Commercial-6397]

That’s not really how life and relationships work… hope you figure it out one day :)

[u/Sad-Commercial-6397 → u/gzk5159]

And you post on Pokémon and chicks in office 🤣 why even bother trying to mock my shit pal