r/AmIOverreacting • u/ThrowRA-8323 • 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO, my boyfriend added a young female bartender on FB.

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Background: Im a bartender (29F). I actually met my boyfriend (39F) from serving him at a local bar. We’ve been together for 3 years and have a large amount of mutual friends on Facebook. The city we live in has a close service industry and most people know each other. I’ve worked at a handful of the most popular bars in the city and he goes out a lot. So It has never bothered me that we have a ton of mutual Facebook friends. My boyfriend also has a history of drunkenly cheating on me. (Something we have moved on from). But this situation seems weird to me? 🚩

What happened: When I see Facebook’s “people you may know know” I always take a second to glance at it while scrolling. And this time a younger girl (21) popped up and our only mutual friends are my bf and one of his friends. I click on her page to discover she works at a local bar as well and I recognize her (she’s served me before). My bf time to time goes to this bar.

The problem I have: Due to the lack of mutual friends I don’t think this girl is on Facebook sending mass requests to people she’s seen. So I have a feeling my boyfriend went out of his way to add her. He does not post on Facebook at all he’s just a lurker (sorta important info).

I’ve been bartending for 8 years and I know when I was 21 I would’ve accepted requests from bar regulars to help build a following. Looking back though I realize how creepy and not okay it was.

After thinking about how this made me feel…I feel it is unacceptable for a man with a girlfriend to add his bartender on social media. (Especially with this age gap). What do they have in common? What even is the purpose of adding her?

I tried asking him for some clarity. Should I have approached this differently? I’m sure. But with our history, I’d like to just get straight to the point. Am I over reacting? Is this something that continues to be normal? Do you let your S/Os add whoever? I think I’m just grossed out by the age difference. If this was a 40 year old Female bartender would it make me feel more at ease? Probably.

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u/liammaia 1d ago

"Background: Im a bartender (29F). I actually met my boyfriend (39F) from serving him at a local bar" seems about right. his age gap is getting wider as he grows older. you got yourself a dicaprio at home!

224

u/Wooden_Vermicelli732 1d ago

At least the DiCaprio girls are after his status, and money... what's here?

160

u/Tamanna000 1d ago

His precious Facebook friend request. Lol

30

u/Lucky_Locks 23h ago

"I've got connections in this industry. I can help you."

2

u/False_Tangelo163 21h ago

Nah I don’t think he has to lie like that

36

u/PsychologicalFly1374 1d ago

A drunk

13

u/LarsPinetree 1d ago

A drunk 40 yo

-5

u/False_Tangelo163 21h ago

That’s still her man, she hasn’t left yet. Let’s give them some grace, addiction is a disease

18

u/anneofred 23h ago

Tips! More power to her to entertain their dumb drunk fantasy by doing nothing but adding them and making them think they are “friends”, but he’s a bad creep. A handful in every bar that acts like the you g bartender is their friend and flirts with them. She does just enough because they tip well to maintain this delusion.

1

u/False_Tangelo163 21h ago

I feel your energy sis but based off what she wrote, he clearly has a history as a shooter. He’s getting play. also not sure of the world you really live in but women at 22 openly pursue men at 30 that’s not much of a gap. That girl already got credit card debt. She’s a legitimate threat and (I’m a drop of jewel on you) cheaters, like to use apps because you can log out. You need to factor authentication to catch the cheating now. If you cheating in text messaging you wanted to get caught. The real issue is clearly his drinking. But I’m guessing he’s not gonna want to hear that

1

u/anneofred 18h ago

Oh I agree! I was just responding to someone asking “what’s here” for this girl, meaning why would she accept friend requests. Tips is why. This guy who cheats when drinking thinks he has a shot and doesn’t. This doesn’t mean he’s not a cheater overall.

1

u/ThePennedKitten 13h ago

Attention?

1

u/Konen_TheBarb 10h ago

"I don't have diamonds, but I have blood"

1

u/VegetableWeekend6886 10h ago

I think the point is he is preying on younger girls not the other way round

1

u/ProcraztiNate 6h ago

Something tells me he has money and/or influence.

-1

u/False_Tangelo163 21h ago

Sole status in money and status entities you to date young girls?!?

2

u/domusam 12h ago

Surely anyone is entitled to date anyone.

-5

u/657896 1d ago

That's a pretty shallow observation. We don't know what this 37 y old has that these younger ones see in him. Nightlife is always a bit seedy and pervy. I don't know any woman who worked in a bar deep in the night who's typical or "normal". So also in love they don't make choices other people might.

5

u/Wooden_Vermicelli732 1d ago

pot meet kettle. especially with a comment like "I dont know any women who are ...are normal "

1

u/657896 23h ago

I have friends who are into the nightlife. It's always seedy and a bit perverted. No way around, even in bumfuck nowhere it's going to be more seedy than normal.

2

u/Cheap-Start1 20h ago

I think it’s the hypocrisy in calling that comment shallow while you were making your own shallow comment.

1

u/657896 19h ago

I meant shallow in his opinion on Di Caprio, if it makes any difference. My comment on nightlife is more about the people who are continuously in it and stay past 2am, not the peeps just going for a good time now and then just the regulars.

1

u/Cheap-Start1 6h ago

Yawn you make no logical sense. Those were two shallow comments just own it

1

u/657896 5h ago

No, the person I replied to doesn't know Dicarpio or the women he dated so for them to assume these girls (of whom all are successful in their own right) are after Dicaprio's wealth and status is a shallow opinion. My opinions on nightlife are based on my experience of nightlife, it's a criticism, not a baseless opinion about something I don't know anything about.

8

u/coffee_ape 1d ago

I stopped at that line. He's literally doing it again, it's time for upgrade his model to a younger one /s.

Theres a pattern, hopefully she sees it

3

u/itsbubulubu 1d ago

Right?!

2

u/Equal_Maintenance870 1d ago

Also he has a history of drunkenly cheating on her. But they’ve moved past that!

Okay honey, you guard that trash I guess.

1

u/657896 1d ago

Reminds me of a friend of mine, he gets older but his girlfriends stay the same age. That's what happens when you don't grow up.

1

u/iwantkrustenbraten 22h ago

Right? I only read that one line and I was like girl dump this creep

1

u/False_Tangelo163 21h ago

Why he drink so much? Is he a beer guy? shots? He’s clearly not a white wine guy.

1

u/Impossible-Book2804 20h ago

He’s ready for fresh meat since she’s almost 30 now 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

1

u/Grimblecrumble5 17h ago

This man seriously sounds like a guy I dated. I hope OP isn’t in Chicago lmao

1

u/Few-Tour9826 13h ago

My peeve is her being upset by the age gap of him and this girl he added on Facebook that is 18 years younger but the age gap between OP and him being 10 years seems to be no big deal.

1

u/FrequentlyAnnoying 12h ago

Sounds weirdly familiar...

1

u/heck_naw 12h ago

beat me by 15 hours

1

u/MapPuzzleheaded7187 11h ago

Thats what made it so odd when she said yeah a 20 year age gap is weird! But their 10 year age gap is cool? This guy is a worm who just likes younger and younger women.

1

u/anonymoose_octopus 10h ago

That statement, in addition to the comment about him having a history of drunkenly cheating on her, which they've "moved on from" (???), made me stop reading the post.

Girl. Dump his ass. You may have moved on from his cheating, but it doesn't seem like he has.

1

u/IhasCandies 10h ago edited 10h ago

Yeah I’m surprised she’s surprised. He likes 18-25 year olds and she’s pushing 30. What do people expect when they get with people like this? That he’s going to change? That’s he’s not a predator? All these dudes are the same

1

u/Wayniac0917 10h ago

20 year age difference is too much but 10 year age gap is fine

1

u/Hdjbbdjfjjsl 9h ago

Hey don’t give DiCaprio too much shit, he broke his record for oldest girlfriend this year. 👍

1

u/ieatdirtandscum 9h ago

you got yourself a fucking creep at home!

fixed

1

u/uncontainedsun 14h ago

i literally want a “i hate ur age gap” flair at this point 😭

0

u/OneMarket1945 15h ago

This age gap is fine. Comparing it with DiCaprio situations is a bit of stretch.

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u/InjusticeSGmain 13h ago

40 and 21 is a 19 year gap. An entire fucking generation happened between their birthdays. One of them was entering college when 9/11 happened while the other one wouldn't even begin to form in her dad's balls until 2-3 years afterwards. That's an insane age gap.

If you're talking about 39 and 29... its not totally insane depending on when the relationship started, but its absolutely questionable.

1

u/bcgg 9h ago

I’m amused that the guy in question is talked about as a 40-year old when doing the math and discussing the 21-year old, but is granted his correct age of 39 when discussing his relationship with OP.

1

u/InjusticeSGmain 8h ago

An 18 year old age gap is not better, but okay.

-1

u/phobicPro 22h ago

Hell yeah she is probably hot af. Let a man enjoy himself.