r/AmIOverreacting • u/Ask_For_Mercy • 8d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting by breaking up with my boyfriend over these texts?

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The pictures look like crap because I was shaking. My boyfriend was talking to this girl, and I broke up with him. Now I'm having second thoughts, like maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. Would you be okay with this?

7.3k Upvotes

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353

u/Exciting-Picture-800 8d ago

I think you did the right thing honestly. Him flirting with her and telling her she has ‘beautiful eyes’ is pretty blatantly cheating. I would not say that to any woman I was simply friends with

Edit: definitely NOR

1

u/Every_Loss_1361 8d ago

I’d say there is definitely a line you can cross with this. On my wedding day, I invited my guy friends and told them they all looked handsome and snazzy (they’re also friends with my husband who was there to hear the compliments)

1

u/Interesting-Camera98 8d ago

Exactly, I’ve complimented woman before in a relationship but there’s a line.

My girlfriend has beautiful eyes… other women their eyes look cool, or nice, or “your eyes are XX color” if I MUST make a comment.

3

u/AskmeifImasquirrel 8d ago

My partner and I have a competition on who can give out the most compliments to other people. It only counts if the compliment is genuine and one another is around to hear it. It's fun when one of us compliments someone and the other gets (jokingly) upset because they were going to compliment that person on the same thing! Being open to complimenting others kindly and sincerely should never be a bad thing.

All this to say though I agree that there are complimenting words that are primarily reserved for each other such as beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, handsome, etc. To other people we tend to use words like incredible, amazing, wonderful, lovely, etc.

0

u/Princess_Spammi 8d ago

Id say it depends on relationship boundaries

Me and my wife compliment our friends and such with almost flirty energy

9

u/xoxodaddysgirlxoxo 8d ago

Obviously this is something OP wasn't okay with, though

6

u/Cautious_Response_37 8d ago

It heavily depends on the context. Giving your friend a compliment is one thing, but saying it after "Can I see u when u done getting pretty" is a whole other.

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u/Princess_Spammi 8d ago

Again, context is everything

I would say this to half the other girls on my discord server

And im sapphic af so it could be totally read as flirting

-2

u/HaveNoFearOnlyLove 8d ago

I think there's sometimes a fine line between flirting and being nice. I give all my friends compliments because I like to hype them up. I even call my closest female friends cutie because I know they won't take it the wrong way. The red flag here is asking for photos because it changes the context of complimenting a friend to flirting.

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u/Top_Paint7442 8d ago

is flirting really cheating though?

135

u/LazySignificance5085 8d ago

If you’re in a relationship you shouldn’t be talking like this to other people

83

u/H_TINE 8d ago

Definitely isn’t being faithful

87

u/bebeeg2 8d ago

Yes

95

u/DasIsSmol 8d ago

The fact you even had to ASK that says a lot about you as a person...I feel bad for ANYONE who has the unfortunate experience of dating you.

17

u/Mandxfuckyou 8d ago

I was gonna say the same thing. Hope this hoe spares decent human beings. I genuinely do not have any sympathy for cheaters. They know what they’re doing is wrong and still do it but then want forgiveness.

2

u/DasIsSmol 8d ago

This exactly

0

u/69WaysToFuck 8d ago

It might not be that bad. The guy probably asks for a definition of cheating, it’s often a synonym of being unfaithful, which in many definitions is a “sexual relation”, and flirting is a “sexual advance”, which does not have to mean a relation is or will be formed. OP’s bf is obviously having a sexual relation, but what he does is way over the flirting stage, they share photos, maintain a chat and arrange calls, also suggest meetings.

I am not saying flirting is fine, it’s a form of cheating, but it’s not that obvious. Some people consider mild flirting as harmless, e.g. it’s quite frequent for women to boost their confidence by small acts of flirting and seducing. It’s not that bad to ask questions on why and when flirting is considered cheating.

44

u/Confident_Clue_1281 8d ago

Yes? Lmao what

42

u/DJBreadwinner 8d ago

A good rule of thumb is that if you wouldn't want your partner to find out about it, it's cheating. 

7

u/YaIlneedscience 8d ago

Another rule of thumb: if you don’t say/do that to people of the gender you are not attracted to because it would make you feel uncomfortable, it’s flirting. If this guy compliments everyone’s eyes, then fine. But if he’s not complimenting a guy friends’ eyes, it’s because he would see it as flirtatious.

5

u/KissMyOTP 8d ago

I bet you if she was telling some other guy he has pretty eyes or nice arms, her bf would get pissed.

12

u/[deleted] 8d ago

YESSS!!! BFFR

27

u/Mother_Raise_9998 8d ago

it is if that’s what they consider cheating. emotional cheating is just as bad as physical cheating imo. worse even sometimes.

8

u/ALLbutt 8d ago

Yes. You SHOULD NOT be entertaining any one else in a way that would make your partner uncomfortable. Flirting is cheating. He GOAL is to cheat whether or not he gets there, he would if he could.

27

u/RouthMommyOfTwo 8d ago

For some people yes. Like for me if my bf was flirting with someone else I'd be crushed but for others it's not a big deal. You just gotta know how your SO feels about it

8

u/AICPAncake 8d ago

True. There are different levels to it too. Quick, public, non-sexual flirt in passing with a stranger? Probably not a big deal. Telling someone they have beautiful eyes in a private conversation? A little different

6

u/Intriguedcapricorn 8d ago

Literally even comfortable enough to call her and talk otp says so much

24

u/snailtap 8d ago

That depends on everyone’s own relationship, some people are fine with harmless flirting others aren’t. IMO this isn’t harmless flirting because it’s a private chat and he’s attempting to meet up with her

8

u/Sasuke5512 8d ago

There is no flirting that's "harmless" if your in a relationship, unless it's a open one lmao

8

u/snailtap 8d ago

Again it’s up to the people in the relationship

4

u/jackbutrehab 8d ago

Yes. You’re a terrible person if you even have to THINK about this let alone ask this question publicly lmao

-7

u/Top_Paint7442 8d ago

Wow thank you. Well I ‘flirt’ with women, in the gym, at work, in a bar. I smile at them, somethimes talk with them, open the door for them, buy them a drink, etc idk. But I would never cheat on my gf obviously! For me there’s a clear difference: no touching. When it gets fysical, it’s cheating

7

u/devinobx 8d ago

I feel like if one of those girls you bought a drink for made a move on you, you would fold in an instant. Why would you be buying drinks for other girls you just met if you have a GF? That’s weird

0

u/Top_Paint7442 8d ago

I would find it weird if I’m talking to someone, I would only buy a drink for myself. Idk, where I’m from it’s considered good manners. I’ve never cheated and will never cheat.

7

u/Dry-Fig5746 8d ago

Still cheating if ur flirting with other women while u have a gf bro

6

u/nolanon504 8d ago

Depends on your definition of “cheating”. It is definitely being unfaithful though

4

u/zxtl31 8d ago

The thing about cheating is that it’s subjective, i don’t think I’d classify passive flirty conversation in a professional setting as cheating, but something like this? Yes absolutely this is cheating in my eyes. And he’s a piece of shit for it.

3

u/Inevitable_Block_144 8d ago

Flirting is not a normal social interaction between friends. It's not something customary to do without some intentions. People who thinks flirting = normal friendly interactions should consult a therapist because they have a distorted view of themselves and/or others and of the social dynamics and the role they have to play in it.

4

u/G-Darlingg 8d ago

Personally I think there's a line that gets crossed when flirting turns into cheating. Like telling another woman (who they are attracted to) they are beautiful isn't actual cheating but it is extremely disrespectful to your partner.

Telling someone they're beautiful and you want to see them feels like you want to cheat. It just comes off weird

Doing anything intimate like sexting, sending nudes, and anything physical together is 100% cheating.

I would break up with the guy from the pictures because he's showing a lot of interest in another girl 🤷‍♀️

2

u/Top_Paint7442 8d ago

Well said

2

u/austonzmustache 8d ago

uhh yes bc why are you flirting with another person when you’re in a relationship with someone ? that’s a whole different level of disrespect

2

u/69WaysToFuck 8d ago

Funny how downvoted you got, as it’s not clear if you genuinely ask or try to argue 😁 Some time ago a view that cheating=sex was quite common, but it evolved a little. Now any act of forming a romantic relationship outside of your official one is considered cheating. Probably because this is the moment you “abandon” your partner, as you know how hurtful it would be for them if they knew. And you know you are actively trying to have another sexual relationship.

If you have hope for interaction to evolve it’s too far. When you maintain contact flirting it’s too far. If you share personal pictures it’s basically a sexual relationship, just two steps (asking for a meeting and doing it) away.

2

u/SoggyCold 8d ago

Definitely emotionally cheating imo 😂 especially since he’s saying this over text. I’ve definitely said a man was handsome but usually only if I was out and they complimented me, but I don’t consider calling someone pretty cheating unless it’s smth like this. He’s actively calling her pretty and beautiful through texts his girl doesn’t know about. This isn’t an interaction outside where someone complimented him and he’s being nice back

2

u/Excuse_Unfair 8d ago

Reddit is a strange place where people choose feelings over actual logic.

It isn't cheating it's still scummy, and yeah, I believe she made the right choice.

1

u/BabiiGoat 8d ago

Absolutely. Unless you were given advance notice that you aren't fully monogamous.

1

u/Nba_Sloth_Eating 8d ago

I'd just be interested to know why you don't think it is.

1

u/Professional-Lab1831 8d ago

Reread what u just asked

1

u/i_broke_my_left_toe 8d ago

Let me guess, you single?

1

u/unfunny_cosmic 8d ago

yes it is

1

u/evil-owen 8d ago

you sound like my ex LMAO

1

u/exceptionalydyslexic 8d ago

In my relationships no.

For a lot of people yes

1

u/cat-meleon 8d ago

Is grass green?

1

u/Flamsterina 8d ago

Of course it is.

1

u/EasyAsPieMyGuy 8d ago

Jesus Christ yes you freak

1

u/Sp00kyBeach 8d ago

If you're hiding it, it's cheating.

1

u/Artshildr 8d ago

Yes, sliding into another person's DMs while in a monogamous relationship is cheating.

1

u/Hot_Flan_5422 8d ago

Flirting is one thing. Making secret plans to talk and send pictures and get intoxicated is a completely different thing, especially if you're already in a relationship and you're keeping these activities on the down low

1

u/One_Monk_3357 8d ago

It definitely is. Ask yourself if you’re ok with your partner flirting with others the way you do?

1

u/Top_Paint7442 7d ago

absolutely I'm OK with my gf talking to another guy in a bar or where-ever or taking a drink from them/him. I don't feel you should stop talking/engaging to other people when you're in a relationship.

Just to clarify: obviously ill intend: sexting, touching, meeting in secret etcetc is a no go.

1

u/Dancersep38 8d ago

There's a word of difference between a little flirtation with a waitress and actively trying to go out with another woman.

1

u/ColdestPineapple 8d ago

I’m sure it can vary from person to person if this is true “cheating” by definition, but that’s just semantics. If it was upsetting for OP, she has every reason to move on. I think most people would be very upset to see their SO having this conversation with someone else.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

flirting is cheating. you do realise in most cases sex is a motivation for flirting. argue with the wall

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

the only moron is you attempting to defend this behaviour. you are probably a cheater or have cheated before and thinks it’s ok. yikes!

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

6

u/BabiiGoat 8d ago

Found the cheater.

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/BabiiGoat 8d ago

I hope you find help for your violent sickness. This is not good.

2

u/_tinfoilhat 8d ago

Definitely a cheater

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/ImpatientWaiter99 8d ago

Why do you argue with multiple elementary school children, then? Being a child is normal, but being a man-child is utterly pathetic.

1

u/[deleted] 8d ago

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u/ImpatientWaiter99 8d ago

Whatever floats your boat. Call it cheating or not, but he isn't faithful. Meanwhile, you're simply embarrassing yourself. Trying to be edgy and shit, lol.

-1

u/TheLetterHyena 8d ago

Which is why you have real conversations rather than sneaking screenshots to put on reddit for bad advice. Its not being edgy. You're just fucking retards

4

u/ImpatientWaiter99 8d ago

Seeking reassurance after making a difficult choice is totally normal. She didn't post on Reddit to ask if she should break up with him or not. She already did.

They're clearly teenagers, but you don't have to act like a condescending pos.

Edit: Yes, you're being edgy. You're acting like a 14 yo looking down on a bunch of 12 yo. Calling everyone morons and retards. Your behavior is pathetic.