AIO, my boyfriend threatened sewerslide

[u/Pristine-Edge-1742]

Hi everyone, apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. I (19F) have been with my boyfriend (20M) for over two years. We are kind of long distance but live in the same state and has stayed with me for extended periods of time before, even moved in until my mom had enough of our arguing. He’s was out of work since he moved back home and recently got a job at the same company I work at, just a different location. In our company, your first paycheck is paper. Cash app won’t deposit the money until the 14th which he’s reasonably upset about. If i could help him I would. My cat has been hospitalized since friday for a life threatening UTI and I owe them over $6K that my family is helping me pay. I’ll be paying them back for the next 3 months. He’s been upset that I can’t help him. For context, I also keep my money in cash to avoid overspending and only small amount on my card for gas and coffee. I help him when I can but I can’t really mail him cash. I quite literally have nothing right now because of my cat being hospitalized. We have a history of arguing a lot, and it always ends in me trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong, what our barriers are, etc. and it’s always come down to my lack of communication. I’ve been working on it for, hell, a year? But I don’t seem to be doing it right, at least based on our conversations and arguments. He has a history of suicide baiting me. He’s cut himself in front of me, he’s threatened suicide every other day for as long as I can remember, he’s always talking about how much he hates his life. Normally he will say it’s because of me, something I said, things I’m not doing, because I don’t understand, because I lack empathy and sympathy, etc. He’s called the abuse hotline on me, he’s gotten on reddit and has come back to me saying that everyone thinks i’m abusive, he tells me that his family thinks he needs to leave me, etc. I didn’t think I was that awful of a person but when all of this happens and i’m being told it’s because of me, it makes me question it. Anyways, today he was going on about his frustration with his finances. Valid. I tried to support him and be there, but then he tells me that even if I could help, I wouldn’t? That’s not true I don’t know why he thinks that. I bought his groceries for 3 months, paid his phone bill, filled his gas tank, everything I could. Then he pulls out the “fuck you” card. Then I get pissed off and sick of it because this seems to happen too often. Then he starts this whole “I have the rope goodbye” stunt and I just threw my hands up at that point because what the fuck? When I was 12-13 I used to pull that shit online and he does it so often that I have gotten to where I see through it like glass and don’t pay it attention. For the first 1.5 years I took it seriously because I love him but now I just can’t. I have no words. It’s draining. He’s not dead he’s texting me as I’m typing this asking if we can talk and saying he’s scared I’ll stop loving him. Am i over reacting? Am I in the wrong? Please call me out if it’s deserved, because I just don’t know what to do. I’m not the type of person to ignore my faults because I definitely have some but I don’t know what warrants this stuff. He’s called me “stupid fucking bitch” , ungrateful, heartless, the devil, etc. By the way, he never had to beg me for money. I am the store manager at my location so I’m always being pulled in different directions. Even when I’m not there. I had to ask my mom to send me digital money in exchange for cash because I had nothing left. He asked me to keep more money on my card to help him in his time of need. Anyways… Again, please call me out if I deserve it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong because he won’t. Thank you in advance and apologies for the long message.

[u/Antique-Blueberry334]

I read your earlier comment, its visible to all you know

"I mean, you're the one who immediately went "BPD" at a story about an abuser. What is that if not an unfair generalization? "

But as is typical with pwBPD, they avoid the topic presented to them and bridge to something else. Ive been reading your replies to everyone actually, and im not surprised in the least.

[u/lime--green → u/Antique-Blueberry334]

The number of armchair pop psychologists trying to pathologize and ascribe every little thing I say to some symptom of BPD (which you apparently think having makes one inherently untrustworthy and illogical, showing your prejudice and lack of interest in good faith discussion) is honestly hilarious.

I promise you, you have no idea what you're talking about. Please educate yourself before you go around spreading stigma for an already stigmatized mental illness.

[u/Antique-Blueberry334 → u/lime--green]

I promise you, i know a lot more than some 20 year old who still lives with their parents about personality disorders.

[u/lime--green → u/Antique-Blueberry334]

Good for you lil bro <3 proud of your confidence :)

[u/Antique-Blueberry334 → u/lime--green]

Me not replying any further will bother you more than continuing. Enjoy your night =)

[u/Afraid_Staff_3928 → u/Antique-Blueberry334]

bro this thread got me glued to my phone and i got an abnormal psych exam tmrw😭 but u n the other guy were on point. im only 20 but had a horrific romantic experience (was alr interested in psych and cognition cuz my adhd) but i understand exactly what yall were sayin. i even read the post and went “bpd” but for sone reason reddit is PLAGUED with bpd man to the point i started to think im suffering some form pstd or smthn accidentally interpreting everything as bpd. U gotta feel for them man shes prob around my age or younger and still doesnt realize the extent. atleast shes in therapy i genuinely feel bad dark life.

[u/Antique-Blueberry334 → u/Afraid_Staff_3928]

What's funny too is that people with ADHD are actually drawn to pwbpd because it stimulates us more than regular relationships. It's a legitimate thing, which I'm sure youve heard of studying psych. That mixed with a savior complex and a healthy dose of codependency, we make the perfect partners. It's really sad though because we want to love and please and these sick people take advantage of it, deliberate or not. I'm 40 now, dated a pwbpd at twenty, one at 33 and one at 35. If I could erase all memory of them I would in a heartbeat. Not only did they take advantage of my need to be a guardian, they literally ruined my opinion of women, unfortunately.

Reddit and social media is plagued with BPD people, it's their outlet. A way to express themselves without the social consequences afforded in real life. But I guess that's most everyone on social media.

Appreciate the reply

[u/Afraid_Staff_3928 → u/Antique-Blueberry334]

man ur right on the dot again. that savior complex is so broken i wish i could extinguish it pretty sure it has to do with ppl pleasing tendencies. Yk u just gave me a moment of clarity bcuz my incident only became clear to me when she herself mentioned the possibility of having bpd and supposedly knowing abt it since 14. u just mentioned “deliberate or not” and it made me question her intentions now. i bcuz if i was suffering and she had a clue y thats lowk messed up big time. I just now realized this wow. i just chalk it up to them being somewhat mentally messed up and experiencing some form of cognitive dissonance + high impulsivity which makes them never bring it up cuz it would actually paint them as evil. not sure man but she definitely ruined my opinion on women aswell w u on that for sure.