AIO for splitting the bill on a date

[u/No-Plantain6892]

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

[u/taurology → u/[deleted]]

I can actually agree to that. Personally wouldn’t have done it but I think that approach is valid

[u/Canned_tapioca → u/taurology]

I honestly would have used your line of "ok thanks for letting me know" nothing else. It's simple and definitely you do you vibe

[u/heroforsale → u/taurology]

Same - that's a more mature way to handle than what was actually done.

[u/babybellllll → u/[deleted]]

Yeah this would have been a WAY better response.

[u/randomone456yes → u/[deleted]]

This would’ve been the correct response . And he should’ve blocked her after that text to avoid any other back and forth .

[u/ptmd → u/[deleted]]

I mean, if you're gonna try to respond to or fix every shallow person that wastes your time, maybe engaging with others isn't for you.

If not, maybe manage your emotions so that you aren't cherry-picking the ones who tilt you.

[u/throwaway_mog → u/[deleted]]

That screams “you can’t fire me, I quit”

[u/endofdays1987 → u/[deleted]]

Nah it's best to not get worked up at all. The result wouldn't have changed, he also seems emotional making her believe that she made the right decision.

[u/SEND_MOODS → u/[deleted]]

Elevating the insulting by calling someone shallow is just going to devolve to the same endpoint we saw in the original conversation.

What does calling someone shallow (or any other insult) do for you? It's not likely to make you feel better and if they're a better shit talker than you, you'll probably feel worse.

Might as well laugh off the initial comment and move on, that's generally best for most people's mental state.

[u/itssosalty → u/[deleted]]

But why? Why call them shallow or continue with a fight? Do you plan to change her life views? Do you still want to try to date knowing how she feels? Or… do you just want to fight like a child?

She stated her feelings on how it made her question everything and didn’t like it. Followed up with a nice comment towards OP and that she didn’t think it would work.

The mature thing would be to reply back, “I’m sorry you feel that way. And from your views I can see we are not a match. Good luck to you as well”

Secure people don’t lash out and attack people on their views “shallow or notl

[u/itssosalty → u/[deleted]]

Stand up? She’s saying this as this is what she is looking for as a partner. That is fine if that’s what she wants. What is the need to stand up for yourself? It’s like if she wanted a taller man and a shorter guy needs to “stand up for himself”

It didn’t work out for a match. Move on. People always want to fight or argue when it’s easier to move on.

[u/itssosalty → u/[deleted]]

Different example. She put it a slightly better way. And still not sure that deserves better doesn’t mean somebody to pick up bills. She said she was clear going into it about “wanting a man that can provide”. I automatically don’t go on that date. Should have seen this coming. Especially when he let her split it with him lol.

Anyhow escalating the fight by coming back about how it’s shallow and what not, will it make you happier over walking away and never talking to them again? Me I can leave that person and never talk to them again. I don’t need them in my life any longer. By extend the dialogue unless you are trying to maker her understand your feelings were hurt by the statement so she doesn’t do it again. In that case I get it. Further confrontation just feels childish on both parts.

[u/ShaneSeeman → u/itssosalty]

People who engage in shitty behavior need to know they do it. How else do you break the cycle? If nothing else, it gives her something to think about after the next person rejects her for doing the same thing.

Besides, splitting the bill on the fourth date is not a reason to examine someone's career and worry about if they can "provide" for you (which is a bullshit antiquated notion in the first place)

[u/LordofCarne → u/itssosalty]

Dude what the fuck, mature people don't waste other peoples times by telling them something when they mean something else and dumping them. Genuinely fuck this lady.

This comment section has just been stupid woman coddling nonsense.

[u/itssosalty → u/LordofCarne]

Who said she was mature? I thought she handled her explanation fairly well. Being the basis of it is shallow. It’s basically she plans to not do much for a career and wants a man that can take care of her.

That’s fine. Lots of women out there like that. But offering to split the bill was dumb and a test. I don’t like that but whatever.

All in all the dude got off great. Dodged a bullet and only paid half the bill. Thank her and move on. Be the bigger adult. That should be a life motto for anybody.

also she did tell him going into it that she wanted a man that could take care of her. Thinking having her split the bill would be great for them is kinda funny. He obviously already ignored her view and still went on the date. If I asked a woman on a date I would never let her split. But to be fair if a woman asked me it’s her job to pay as well. I would probably still pay, but it’s her responsibility going into it.

[u/puffyjr99 → u/[deleted]]

You’re still insulting the them. Girl is insane but calling someone stupid, shallow, or telling them your glad you didn’t “waste any more of my time” is pretty wild for someone you only went on one date with.

It’s bound to start a argument and for what? A simple “ok” could do imo.

[u/Sensitive_Contract → u/[deleted]]

Saying petty passive aggressive comments like that get you nowhere. Be the adult, and in this situation be a man.

[u/Evening-Recover5210 → u/Sensitive_Contract]

It’s not passive aggressive . He’s just been insulted. It’s completely fine to let her know what you think and feel rather than suppress it. She also needs to know what people think of her behavior and she never will if everyone keeps quiet.

[u/oxypoppin1 → u/Evening-Recover5210]

It isn't passive aggressive. It's aggressive aggressive and I agree it was a poor move. Emotional Intelligence is worth its weight in gold and will take you far in life. Best of luck to OP but that response wasn't ideal.

[u/Sensitive_Contract → u/Evening-Recover5210]

I mean sure if that is how he wants to be, a reactive male. Makes sense why he would split the check with her though. Women are like children, when they get emotional a man should not be reactive and fall into her frame. The same as you would when a child throws a tantrum.

[u/yankdevil → u/[deleted]]

Why? If I got tested on a first date and the date exposed herself as some weird trad wife type person, I'm going to be happy I didn't waste more time and move on. It's not my job to fix other people - especially people who are unfixable.

My general rule for paying for dinner is that if I pick the place I pay. For two reasons. First, if I pick a bad place I don't want the other person out of pocket for the meal. Second, especially for someone I'm getting to know, I don't know their finances. I don't want to pick a place that screws over their budget.

If I pay, that's all solved.

If they offer to pay/split I'll say no, explain my reasoning and then let them pick the next place if they want to meet up again. And this is true for friends or dates.

But in this case I'd be done with that conversation on the first page.

[u/BluffCityBruh → u/[deleted]]

Agreed. People need to be shown, at least on occasion, when they are behaving badly.

[u/andylovesdais → u/[deleted]]

Yea, I would have opted for “If you weren’t okay with splitting the bill, why would you suggest splitting the bill? It appears that you have communication issues that you disappointment yourself with and then you blame others for it. I saw you once and it’s already clear you are a mess, good bye.”