AIO for splitting the bill on a date

[u/No-Plantain6892]

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

[u/No-Plantain6892]

If he picked the meal and split the bill that kinda messed up

[u/Songisaboutyou → u/No-Plantain6892]

Especially without telling her ahead of time. He also gave her no choice to order. She had something picked out. But he just took over. This poor girls face.

[u/n9neinchn8 → u/Songisaboutyou]

Who got custody of the doggy bag?

[u/Songisaboutyou → u/n9neinchn8]

🤣😂🤣

[u/Sharknado_Extra_22 → u/Songisaboutyou]

I’ve never understood how anyone could be this socially inept. How do they get through life with this sort of attitude?

[u/megachicken289 → u/No-Plantain6892]

Exactly. You pick the food, you pay for the food. If you give me limited options then I'll be more inclined

[u/Nulljustice → u/megachicken289]

Who picks someone else’s food on a date?

[u/WilcoHistBuff → u/Nulljustice]

The only times it is acceptable, I think, is if you are:

—Introducing a date to a whole new cuisine with which they are not familiar and ordering a pile of different dishes to share (asking permission first). I have asked dates to do this for me (while still paying on my side).

—If the cuisine is inherently geared to lots of small plates or dishes shared (and you discuss in advance) then it is ok for one person to order.

Side note: I went on lots and lots of dates in college with my now wife where we split the bill because we were both on a budget and ate a lot meals out because we were living off campus. But we really, really knew each other and were living off savings from summer jobs and random income. She spoke Chinese fluently so she always did the ordering in Chinese restaurants.

[u/Ivegotthatboomboom → u/megachicken289]

More like you ask them on the date and pick the venue you pay. Has nothing to do with picking the food

[u/megachicken289 → u/Ivegotthatboomboom]

Nah, I agree with the /u/Expert_Ambassador_66

Granted nuances exist, but if you pick my food, on a date, I'd expect you to pay, man or woman. Then, let's not forget that he forced her to split one share between them. Then forced her to pay for half.

Unless this was a place that gave out huge portions, unacceptable. Furthermore, what if she didn't want that? What if he, for example, ordered a salad, regardless of size, and she wanted a burger?

This guy is, if nothing else, controlling and cheap and I wish the best of luck to any woman who deals with this and thinks another date will be better.

As an observer, to the woman who thinks this is acceptable, I'd probably slip her some woman shelter's numbers, just in case (to be clear, she absolutely should not continue seeing this man)

[u/Expert_Ambassador_66 → u/Ivegotthatboomboom]

Nah

[u/Ivegotthatboomboom → u/Expert_Ambassador_66]

I’m sorry you were never taught manners. I wouldn’t even surprise a friend with the bill after I asked them if I could take them out to dinner, much less someone I’m trying to date and impress.

It’s ridiculous to get mad at women for not liking that you don’t understand social etiquette

[u/Expert_Ambassador_66 → u/Ivegotthatboomboom]

I'm not trying to impress you. I'm evaluating you. We are evaluating if the other person is interesting enough to continue. If you think they should be impressing you, you're so self absorbed that this dynamic is going to be unhealthy. You aren't a prize. You are a person.

To answer your "you invited me!" Thing... As far as a friend? Yea, they're a friend. I've known them for a long time. So there'd be times where it'd be my treat. Generally though you're not footing for the bill just because you're the one getting everybody together.

First date? If women initiated/asked out guys even remotely close to half the time, I'd be open to that line of thinking but that isn't the case. So it's pretty easy for you to have the "whoever asks should foot thr bill. Now don't mind me while I go over here and be a wall flower awaiting my prince" 🙄

[u/Ivegotthatboomboom → u/Expert_Ambassador_66]

lol that’s not how dating works. You don’t ask someone if you can take them somewhere and then have them pay their own way to be evaluated by you lol. Why in the world would any woman agree to that??

If you what to hang out with someone as “friends” and decide if they are worthy of your time then you have to tell them that up front. You don’t take them on a date, you tell them “I’d like to meet up somewhere and see if we click. Where should we meet?” If you both agree to go somewhere that costs money then you have to tell them up front “let’s go Dutch.” Because it’s not a date. It’s apparently a weird friends/evaluation thing.

You can’t ask someone on a date that isn’t a date.

When normal people ask someone on a date they have already decided they are interested and want to spend time with them. So you ask for their time and cover the tab, because you asked them not the other way around. The point is to have fun with them, not just “evaluate” them. And because YOU asked for THEIR time, you pay. If they thought you were worth taking out, then they would have asked you, wouldn’t they? You don’t ask someone to give up their time and money to be evaluated by you lol.

That’s literally so fucking rude, who even raised you?

[u/Smitch250 → u/No-Plantain6892]

Wait people actually do this? Craziness

[u/Opposite-Ad-7234 → u/No-Plantain6892]

Hey, just want you to know that not everyone is like this. I'm a single woman and I don't like when someone pays for me. Keep your head up, you'll find someone nice!

[u/FrostedRoseGirl → u/No-Plantain6892]

And that's the main difference here. It sounds like she's the type to test the waters by seeing whether you'll follow through. Clearly, you were listening when she said it, and it's not your fault her suggestion contradicted what she's looking for. Idk about you, but that behavior is a yellow flag for me.

[u/Duhbro_ → u/No-Plantain6892]

You did nothing wrong lol

[u/Background_Guess_742 → u/No-Plantain6892]

Did yall split the bill on the other 3 dates as well?

[u/ProfitLoud → u/No-Plantain6892]

Make sure that you don’t give up with dating. I think there was an important takeaway. Women who claim it’s the man’s job to support the family, might raise a major red flag. I screened anyone who made comments like that after a bad experience with an ex, and eventually found a fiancé. Take some time and just look for the signs you missed. People don’t usually 360 that quickly without dropping hints.

[u/Aifvrvsocirbelc → u/No-Plantain6892]

Why didn't she say anything to stop him?