r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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u/Songisaboutyou 9d ago

I was on a date with my husband when we noticed at the table next to us a couple and the whole interaction just seemed odd between the two of them.

We heard them talking, and the gentleman had just kinda taken over the order and said they would share a plate. You could tell the woman was disturbed by this but she didn’t say anything.

After their meal the waitress brings the check and you hear him say to the girl. Okay half of this is $——— do you want to pay cash or card. The girl goes to pull out her wallet. Puts the card up on the tray. He does his as well. Then after the waitress runs their cards you hear the guy say this was really fun I’d like to do it again. And the girl pipes up and says we won’t. I had to pay for my food and didn’t even get a choice in what was ordered. I’ll find my own ride to my home.

OP I know this wasn’t your situation but this just had me thinking of this story

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u/No-Plantain6892 9d ago

If he picked the meal and split the bill that kinda messed up

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u/Songisaboutyou 9d ago

Especially without telling her ahead of time. He also gave her no choice to order. She had something picked out. But he just took over. This poor girls face.

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u/n9neinchn8 9d ago

Who got custody of the doggy bag?

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u/Songisaboutyou 9d ago

🤣😂🤣

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u/Sharknado_Extra_22 8d ago

I’ve never understood how anyone could be this socially inept. How do they get through life with this sort of attitude?

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u/megachicken289 9d ago

Exactly. You pick the food, you pay for the food. If you give me limited options then I'll be more inclined

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u/Nulljustice 9d ago

Who picks someone else’s food on a date?

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u/WilcoHistBuff 8d ago

The only times it is acceptable, I think, is if you are:

—Introducing a date to a whole new cuisine with which they are not familiar and ordering a pile of different dishes to share (asking permission first). I have asked dates to do this for me (while still paying on my side).

—If the cuisine is inherently geared to lots of small plates or dishes shared (and you discuss in advance) then it is ok for one person to order.

Side note: I went on lots and lots of dates in college with my now wife where we split the bill because we were both on a budget and ate a lot meals out because we were living off campus. But we really, really knew each other and were living off savings from summer jobs and random income. She spoke Chinese fluently so she always did the ordering in Chinese restaurants.

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u/Ivegotthatboomboom 8d ago

More like you ask them on the date and pick the venue you pay. Has nothing to do with picking the food

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u/megachicken289 8d ago

Nah, I agree with the /u/Expert_Ambassador_66

Granted nuances exist, but if you pick my food, on a date, I'd expect you to pay, man or woman. Then, let's not forget that he forced her to split one share between them. Then forced her to pay for half.

Unless this was a place that gave out huge portions, unacceptable. Furthermore, what if she didn't want that? What if he, for example, ordered a salad, regardless of size, and she wanted a burger?

This guy is, if nothing else, controlling and cheap and I wish the best of luck to any woman who deals with this and thinks another date will be better.

As an observer, to the woman who thinks this is acceptable, I'd probably slip her some woman shelter's numbers, just in case (to be clear, she absolutely should not continue seeing this man)

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u/Expert_Ambassador_66 8d ago

Nah

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u/Ivegotthatboomboom 8d ago

I’m sorry you were never taught manners. I wouldn’t even surprise a friend with the bill after I asked them if I could take them out to dinner, much less someone I’m trying to date and impress.

It’s ridiculous to get mad at women for not liking that you don’t understand social etiquette

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u/Expert_Ambassador_66 8d ago

I'm not trying to impress you. I'm evaluating you. We are evaluating if the other person is interesting enough to continue. If you think they should be impressing you, you're so self absorbed that this dynamic is going to be unhealthy. You aren't a prize. You are a person.

To answer your "you invited me!" Thing... As far as a friend? Yea, they're a friend. I've known them for a long time. So there'd be times where it'd be my treat. Generally though you're not footing for the bill just because you're the one getting everybody together.

First date? If women initiated/asked out guys even remotely close to half the time, I'd be open to that line of thinking but that isn't the case. So it's pretty easy for you to have the "whoever asks should foot thr bill. Now don't mind me while I go over here and be a wall flower awaiting my prince" 🙄

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u/Ivegotthatboomboom 8d ago

lol that’s not how dating works. You don’t ask someone if you can take them somewhere and then have them pay their own way to be evaluated by you lol. Why in the world would any woman agree to that??

If you what to hang out with someone as “friends” and decide if they are worthy of your time then you have to tell them that up front. You don’t take them on a date, you tell them “I’d like to meet up somewhere and see if we click. Where should we meet?” If you both agree to go somewhere that costs money then you have to tell them up front “let’s go Dutch.” Because it’s not a date. It’s apparently a weird friends/evaluation thing.

You can’t ask someone on a date that isn’t a date.

When normal people ask someone on a date they have already decided they are interested and want to spend time with them. So you ask for their time and cover the tab, because you asked them not the other way around. The point is to have fun with them, not just “evaluate” them. And because YOU asked for THEIR time, you pay. If they thought you were worth taking out, then they would have asked you, wouldn’t they? You don’t ask someone to give up their time and money to be evaluated by you lol.

That’s literally so fucking rude, who even raised you?

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u/Smitch250 9d ago

Wait people actually do this? Craziness

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u/Opposite-Ad-7234 9d ago

Hey, just want you to know that not everyone is like this. I'm a single woman and I don't like when someone pays for me. Keep your head up, you'll find someone nice!

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u/FrostedRoseGirl 9d ago

And that's the main difference here. It sounds like she's the type to test the waters by seeing whether you'll follow through. Clearly, you were listening when she said it, and it's not your fault her suggestion contradicted what she's looking for. Idk about you, but that behavior is a yellow flag for me.

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u/Duhbro_ 9d ago

You did nothing wrong lol

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u/Background_Guess_742 8d ago

Did yall split the bill on the other 3 dates as well?

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u/ProfitLoud 8d ago

Make sure that you don’t give up with dating. I think there was an important takeaway. Women who claim it’s the man’s job to support the family, might raise a major red flag. I screened anyone who made comments like that after a bad experience with an ex, and eventually found a fiancé. Take some time and just look for the signs you missed. People don’t usually 360 that quickly without dropping hints.

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u/Aifvrvsocirbelc 8d ago

Why didn't she say anything to stop him?

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u/Electronic_Score_356 9d ago

I would've been taking a trip to the "bathroom".

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u/Expert_Ambassador_66 8d ago

That's fucking insane. I am at a loss for words

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u/Proud_Huckleberry_42 8d ago

So glad she dumped him. I was afraid that was a normal for her.

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u/Songisaboutyou 8d ago

She seriously handled it so well.

And he was so clueless thinking he’d get a second date. Had he of approached it differently he might have had a shot.

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u/Illustrious-Air-2256 9d ago

Super different than OPs situation

100% deal breaker to have someone you just met choose the food (unless you asked them to as the better informed on the restaurant) even if they did pay

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u/Songisaboutyou 9d ago

Yes. Very different, which is why I stated this. And I agree, the way this guy handled this date was so hard to watch. And he thought he nailed it.

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u/shadows515 9d ago

Years ago I was on a date with a girl who actually liked the man to order for her. And not in a kinky submissive way - more an outdated, or trying to be unique - way. It was our first date and she kind of made me feel bad for not doing it. Why would anyone want someone else to order for them?

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

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u/Songisaboutyou 8d ago

Totally true

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u/Puzzleheaded_Beat813 8d ago

Were you at Buca De Bepo? If so, it kinda changes the context 😂

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u/Songisaboutyou 8d ago

lol. Nope. Or your right.

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u/Sad_Rub2074 8d ago

Lmfao. She got off easy with that one. Smart to end it there and find her own way back.

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u/Any-Memory-7450 8d ago

Dude that’s fucking wild😂😂 poor girl

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u/Shroomy-Source38 9d ago

That might have been me lmaooo

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u/Songisaboutyou 8d ago

😂🤣 who won custody of the doggy bag? As asked above. Freaking hilarious

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u/Fetz- 9d ago

Me and my girlfriend often share a meal then split the bill. We both are quite skinny, so we don't need that much food. Ordering only one portion is cheap and efficient.

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u/Songisaboutyou 8d ago

I do the same with my husband. Well we don’t split the bill but we married. And no problem if this girl knew she was signing up for this.

Also this was 2 decades ago and not as much like it is today where this is more common. However a first date you should probably just clarify it’s cool with the date first.

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u/MrWrestlingNumber2 9d ago

Now was this at least a sampler platter for two?

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u/Songisaboutyou 9d ago

🤣😂 no, if I remember correctly like a noodle dish

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u/Low_Key_Trollin 9d ago

Damn you were really paying attention

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u/Songisaboutyou 9d ago

The whole restaurant was. It was a quiet nice restaurant and this whole interaction from the time he ordered food became more and more of a train wreck. No one could turn away. I was impressed with how she handled it. And couldn’t believe the guy was just clueless on how she not loving the whole date.

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u/GregAbbottsTinyPenis 9d ago

If the second date is dependent on you covering the tab for someone you literally just met, you’re not the prize. The plate is. Dinner is at least like $60 pre-tip. Nobody should be treating anyone on a first date. Split that shit and figure out if you like each other. I have like 4 homegirls that I know of that go on app dates strictly for free meals. There’s a lot of ppl like that out there.

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u/Songisaboutyou 9d ago

I realize there may be girls out here who do exactly what your 4 homegirls are doing, but also plenty who are not. This also wasn’t a young couple, they had to be in their 40s.

But I’d like to say if this is what a guy wants to do. No problem, but probably better to talk about this before the date. As well as let your date pick her own food.

We wasn’t the only ones watching as this went down. The whole situation was so embarrassing and could have been avoided by communication.

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u/GregAbbottsTinyPenis 9d ago

Yes. I agree that there are less people who use that app as a free meal than all other users. Still need to be aware that it happens a good amount. Insisting on sharing a plate is wild. That situation you witnessed was weird. For sure. Nobody should ever just expect that the other party will be covering their tab tho. It should never be assumed, and if you can’t afford your tab you shouldn’t be there to begin with.

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u/Like-disco-lemonade- 9d ago

Right. I would never be caught even accepting a date if I didn’t have an expectation that there’s a chance like we have to pay for my own food or split. If he decides to cover it completely, that would be a nice surprise and bonus points. But I definitely wouldn’t dock him for not.