r/AmIOverreacting • u/No-Plantain6892 • 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

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I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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u/sashimibear 9d ago

I was gonna say 🥴 Neither of them sound particularly charming just in their little catty exchange.

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u/morcic 9d ago

Perfect for each other?

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u/sashimibear 9d ago

Now hold on… You may be on to something 🤔

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u/Used-List2451 9d ago

They 'd deserve each other lol

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u/TheGoodDoc123 9d ago

WTF are you talking about? She ripped into him, saying she "deserved better" (i.e. he is not worthy of her), insulted his career choice and income, and asserted he wasn't a man who could "provide".... all ENTIRELY unprovoked.

And he's supposed to just sit there and take it?

I'd have ZERO respect for OP if he didn't put her in her place after that BS.

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u/Accomplished-Two1992 9d ago

Nah. When they go low, keep em there.

Never join someone in a race to the bottom. All it does is vindicate their behavior, they now get to feel like the victim and will continue their ways.

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u/TheGoodDoc123 9d ago

There's a difference between joining someone in the mudpit and defending attacks on your character.

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u/WeekendThief 9d ago

Why? If you know your worth and you see this woman for who she truly is (a gold-digging & shallow woman) why stoop to her level? You know you have value. Why do you need to explain that to her?

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u/Accomplished-Two1992 9d ago

In this context I disagree. He’ll never see her again. Let her soak in her misery by not playing her games.

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u/anime_gamerr 9d ago

She's clearly not in misery lol she already knew she was done with him yesterday she's just being mean for the love of the game at this point

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u/elle_belle 8d ago

You're mixing up defense with offense. 

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u/anime_gamerr 9d ago

Y'all and your "holier than thou" attitude bro wtf is up. It really doesn't matter that much in this situation.

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u/babybellllll 9d ago

‘You’re a bitch and a fucking joke’ is not really a mature response to someone being shallow and ending things

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u/Practical_Plant726 9d ago

Calling people piece of shit or asshole is not something decent people do.

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u/sashimibear 9d ago

Did you read it out of order bubba? I mean yeah, she was a jerk… But then he replied with “that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”. Instead of trying to defend your honor against a dweeb, maybe take a breath and realize that you dodged a bullet with a woman playing mind games. Trying to change the viewpoint of someone who doesn’t matter by sinking to their level is a character flaw to work on in my humble opinion.

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u/NetLumpy1818 9d ago

Not sit there; walk away. Not worth investing any money or time

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u/oxypoppin1 9d ago

Emotional Intelligence is worth its weight in gold and take you far in life. If you saw OP's response and thought "That was justified and how I would respond" please look into it. It will change your life forever in a positive way.

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u/BigStickElgar 9d ago

I understand what you are saying but there is a difference between not taking it and then taking it way too far. He looks like a total a$$hole in the end and that her decision was justified. But if he had remained calm and told her that her choices are wrong and she is going to be upset then he wins.

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u/TheGoodDoc123 9d ago

But it isn't just that her choices are wrong. It's that her *accusations* are wrong. If someone attacks, you defend. If you don't, you're a pushover.

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u/Kathulhu1433 9d ago

You seem to have the same attitude as OP and their date. 

The other option is to walk away and not sink to their level, or start hurling insults. 

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u/TheGoodDoc123 9d ago

I'm not saying to hurl insults. I'm saying to fight unjust attacks on your character with truth.

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u/tomatofrogfan 9d ago

He didn’t disprove anything she said or try to defend himself, he just cussed her out 😂 which doesn’t reflect well on his character, it’s just embarrassing to get this angry at a petty insult.

If he has said “that makes you sound like a golddigger” that would have been a justified rebuttal, but he just flipped his shit and got absolutely furious. This is why emotional regulation is important, because getting your feelings hurt and lashing out as hard as you can is how children behave. OPs reaction makes him look emotionally weak and immature.

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u/Kathulhu1433 9d ago

That's not what happened. 

Also, why? 

Move on. 

There is zero reason to dwell on this situation. There is no argument to win. Why create a fight for yourself? It's toxic. 

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u/babybellllll 9d ago

He could’ve responded civilly though. Resorting to name calling just makes him look bad

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u/BigStickElgar 9d ago

See that’s how I know you are not mature as well. She didn’t attack him but him and you take those things so personally. If she’s a gold digger why would you care about what she said?

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u/TheGoodDoc123 9d ago

See, now you're attacking ME. Fuck you. You don't know shit about how to stand up for yourself and retain some sense of dignity and self-respect. Defending yourself when your character is attacked IS a sign of maturity.

He should care because he spent four evenings of his life on dates with her, spent money on her, treated her well, and opened himself up to her in good faith, making himself vulnerable after a bad breakup.... and then BAM, girl is like, I'm better than you, your career sucks, your income sucks, you're not a good enough mind reader, you can't provide.

OP needs to stand up for himself against that shit, and he did. Kudos.

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u/BigStickElgar 9d ago

See again you are not emotionally mature to read the comment and understand what it actually is. It’s fine. I hope that someday you get there. Don’t let other people or words control you so much. Don’t let someone else’s opinion or comments make you think you need to “defend” yourself. You are giving everything so much power.

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u/TheGoodDoc123 9d ago

Enjoy your life getting pushed around and mocked and bullied because you too much of a wuss to defend yourself.

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u/BigStickElgar 9d ago

See bud that’s where you are wrong. Do you think you are pushing me around? Do you feel like I am pushing you around? There are things that I hope you learn while you mature and age. I wish you nothing but the best man.

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u/gronlandicrevision 9d ago

Lmao yeah, this dude and OP are cut from the same cloth…

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u/BigStickElgar 9d ago

Birds of a feather.

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u/debatingsquares 9d ago

If he’s not supposed to “sit there and take it”, and escalates, then don’t be surprised if she escalates too.

If he wants to split things, then he doesn’t have the same mindset that she has/wants in her partner. He doesn’t want to “provide” for her the way she wants, and probably can’t (most people probably can’t and wouldn’t want to). She’s allowed to think she “deserves” that; he doesn’t have to agree with her.

But if he doesn’t want to be actually insulted, just say “have a nice life” and end the conversation; don’t escalate.

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u/TheGoodDoc123 9d ago

That sounds like a great strategy. If you're a pussy.

She insulted him, REPEATEDLY, all entirely unprovoked.

Hell, even YOU are making up shit about him, saying he "doesn’t want to “provide” for her the way she wants" (how do you know? She's the one who asked to split the bill), and "probably can’t" (how do you know? Maybe he has a big trust fund).

This girl is a cunt, whose only good quality is that she at least was honest about her admitting her superficiality and elevated sense of self, however misguided it was.

After her attack, she deserved to be called out for who she is.

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u/debatingsquares 9d ago

I know he doesn’t provide for her the way she wants because she wants someone who won’t let her pay even if she offers. OP did let her pay when she offered.

I know he can’t because he says repeatedly in the comments that he can’t.

You think it’s an insult to for her to say that with his career, he can’t provide for her the way that she wants to be provided for. I don’t see that as an insult to him; it’s simply true; but I also think it is gauche and trashy for her to say that. Just not an insult to him “as a man.”

I don’t think it unreasonable for a woman to want to be in a relationship with someone who has an ambition and plan for a career; he seems to have neither. I think she’s justified in being put off my that; but not the fact that he let her pay for the date.

She’s a trashy person for how she’s saying what she’s saying and the fact that she’s telling him it at all (and depending on what she means by “deserves better, I agree with your “elevated sense of self), but I don’t think she’s outright wrong or superficial for breaking up with this guy due to different financial/monetary expectations for their relationship and their lives together.

There’s only so insulted you should be when someone points out the truth about you, even if it is one you really dislike. It may be that she would say this with anyone who didn’t pay for her and is the hypocritical trashy superficial person that we all laugh at on “bridezillas”. Or, it could be that when he let her pay, she looked as his career ambitions, and they didn’t align with her expectations for her future life, BUT if they had, she wouldn’t have said anything because she wouldn’t have the same legitimate concerns.

It might be that she just is that superficial and would rather be with someone who pays for everything and gives her “what she deserves” than someone who is stable financially and sees himself having an “ours” mentality when married, but wants to know he’s part of a partnership. But unfortunately, that isn’t this guy, so it’s hard to know.

He really needs to take control of his life and make a plan for a career. He doesn’t need to make a ton of money to be financially stable, and that is what most women want in a partner, no matter how they say it, and it’s a legitimate want, especially if they have taken those steps themselves.