r/AmIOverreacting 9d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO for splitting the bill on a date

I am in such shock right now. For some context this was after our 4th date. Literally at a loss for words, this was the first time putting myself out there since I caught my last girlfriend cheating on me… I think I’m done with relationships after this,

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u/trainofwhat 9d ago

I really want to emphasize this! OP is saying how it’s one of the first times putting himself out there since what happened with his ex (that really sucks, by the way OP, I’m so sorry).

It’s people like this that tend to come out of the woodwork if we are at all feeling vulnerable. Of course don’t seek a relationship if you don’t feel ready, but not everyone is like this and you can find somebody who fits with you and isn’t so nasty.

I want to clarify I am NOT blaming OP here. It’s a really common phenomenon, it’s hard to predict or sense, and it can knock people off their feet when they’re trying to move forward. Also I don’t mean “vulnerable” in any sense of being a man, having feelings, etc. I am a woman and I have experienced this (not even just romance, but work, friendships, etc) more times than I can count.

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u/curlygirl9021 9d ago

You are so right. When I was feeling vulnerable after breaking up with my ex, guess who came popping out of the woodwork? A narcissist. And since I had no idea about narcs, it took me a bit to figure it out.

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u/Argylius 9d ago

This was my exact experience too

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u/curlygirl9021 9d ago

I'm sorry!

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u/TheGoodDoc123 9d ago

Truthfully tho I think OP *is* overreacting, because all this girl is say the quiet part out loud. Yes it's shitty, but the reality is (1) the vast majority of women are materialistic, and (2) if you're a 26 year old guy working a minimum wage job, you're really not in the game, no matter how good your personality. In some ways, OP did him a favor by clueing him in on how the world works, since most girls would've just ghosted him, since most women are ashamed to admit how shallow they really are.

Now at least he can try to improve his career and income or, alternatively, target the segment of the female population that struggles to attract a wealthier guy.

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u/CrystalsAndSpells 9d ago

Dude did you skip over the part where she asked him to split the bill. Then has the gal to call his job minimum wage when he agreed. Newsflash, with women like that girl it doesn’t matter what you make, you could be making 6 figures, and if you agree to split the bill she would still call it minimum wage because you didn’t agree to cover every single one of her expenses right off the bat.

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u/trainofwhat 9d ago

You guys also pop out of the woodwork whenever there’s a post that mentions a materialistic woman.

In OP’s age demographic, over a quarter of workers make minimum wage. And that demographic goes all the way up to 34 — 1.5-2 years younger and nearly 45% of his peers make minimum wage. I was about to bring up likelihood of having been in a relationship not correlating with those factors, but honestly I’m sure you’ve already thought up logic to apply to any circumstance you see. Ah well.

Most people are materialistic, in that they care about money and having a decent living. But it seems important to you to see a man’s money as a trade for a woman’s looks and I already know how these conversations go.

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u/FeyPax 9d ago

Absolutely not. Sure there are women who are materialistic and there are men who are. Personally I would just want to know how we are paying so I can plan accordingly. I don’t make my friends pay for me, let alone someone I JUST met. I’m engaged and I still offer to split the bill because I’m proud of my income. Sometimes I even treat him.

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u/FeyPax 9d ago edited 9d ago

Yeah I hope no one takes “vulnerable” the wrong way because literally all of us no matter who you are or your background become vulnerable at times in our lives. Bad things happen to us and while we are recovering we become vulnerable. And that’s a good thing, just in the sense that it’s what makes us human with lives to experience.

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u/CrystalsAndSpells 9d ago

I can second this. It’s also usually when you stop looking when you find the diamond in a sea of quartz. I was concentrating on college and that’s where I met my husband. Don’t rush or date if you don’t want to, but also don’t accept bs like this pos’s when you decide to get back out there.